What stands out in an admissions essay?

[thegrind33]

I have been working on my essays for some time now, I think they are solid stuff, but I always wondered if there was a common theme among great essays. For all you adcoms, what tends to grab your eye and draw you in? Should I throw in a quote relevant to the topic? Should I focus more on experiences or emotions? And what do you notice about poorly written essays? And do adcoms correlate essay writing ability with anything? Thanks.

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[Lucca]

Please don’t throw in a cheesy quote.

Good essays answer the question. Bad essays don’t answer the question and make one question whether or not an actual human being wrote it.

 

[OddNath]

After having read dozens, I’d say around 80% of essays don’t really stand out, and this is ok! These essays are fairly well written, describe experiences in a clear way, and don’t have glaring typos/errors.

The top 10% have very compelling stories about meaningful experiences. Some of these people may just be talented writers. It generally doesn’t change much in the process, though.

The bottom 10%...oh boy. I read one that started with “My name is ....” Don’t do that. As long as you’re not in this category, your essay probably won’t make or break you.

 

[SpoiledMilk]

As rays of the dawning sky pierced the blackness of the night, screams of agony from the expectant mother reverberated through the hallow halls of the L&D wing of Memorial Hospital as her labor pains continuously racked her supine-ridden body in waves and waves of torment. “Get it out! Get it out now!” she screamed incessantly. The father-to-be had fainted earlier from the sights, sounds, and smells of new life and was regulated to being a wall-flower. I stood back and watched with fascination the intricate dance of the doctor and her assistants as they worked in choreographed movements to bring a newborn life into this harsh and unforgiving world. Then and there, I knew that I wanted in on the action!!

This example is NOT how you want to start your PS…

 

[KaioKaizen]

Just wondering, is it good to end a PS with a closing statement? Been getting mixed reviews about this.

 

[Oso]

As rays of the dawning sky pierced the blackness of the night, screams of agony from the expectant mother reverberated through the hallow halls of the L&D wing of Memorial Hospital as her labor pains continuously racked her supine-ridden body in waves and waves of torment. “Get it out! Get it out now!” she screamed incessantly. The father-to-be had fainted earlier from the sights, sounds, and smells of new life and was regulated to being a wall-flower. I stood back and watched with fascination the intricate dance of the doctor and her assistants as they worked in choreographed movements to bring a newborn life into this harsh and unforgiving world. Then and there, I knew that I wanted in on the action!!

This example is NOT how you want to start your PS…

Aside from a PS, this was quite wonderful...

I vote we continue to add to this story. Here's my contribution:

"Put me back! I never asked for this!" screeched the newborn, as it violently tried to shimmy back up the umbilical cord and return to its warm and solitary safe haven.

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In terms of actually contributing to this thread:
- talk about why you want to be a doctor
- why you think you are qualified/will be a good doctor, based on your qualities and life experiences
- briefly discuss any specific interests you have
- PROOFREAD
- no cheesy quotes, no melodramatic narratives, no humor
- PROOFREAD AGAIN

 

[LoveBeingHuman:)]

After having read dozens, I’d say around 80% of essays don’t really stand out, and this is ok! These essays are fairly well written, describe experiences in a clear way, and don’t have glaring typos/errors.

The top 10% have very compelling stories about meaningful experiences. Some of these people may just be talented writers. It generally doesn’t change much in the process, though.

The bottom 10%...oh boy. I read one that started with “My name is ....” Don’t do that. As long as you’re not in this category, your essay probably won’t make or break you.

I’ve often heard this type of breakdown. However I would assume that the huge middle chuck has its own gradient.

 

[ItsAMeMario007]

Aside from a PS, this was quite wonderful...

I vote we continue to add to this story. Here's my contribution:

"Put me back! I never asked for this!" screeched the newborn, as it violently tried to shimmy back up the umbilical cord and return to its warm and solitary safe haven.

The father-to-be, slowly recovering from his earlier debacle, fainted yet again after seeing the feisty newborn fight off the physician's gentle hands while rushing up the cord.

 

[LoveBeingHuman:)]

The father-to-be, slowly recovering from his earlier debacle, fainted yet again after seeing the feisty newborn fight off the physician's gentle hands while rushing up the cord.

With cortisol rushing through her veins, the nurse started to cleanse the newborn from the placental contents. Like a gazelle running through the grass, I immedietly took the cumpolsary initiative by handing her a towel.

 

[SpoiledMilk]

With cortisol rushing through her veins, the nurse started to cleanse the newborn from the placental contents. Like a gazelle running through the grass, I immedietly took the cumpolsary initiative by handing her a towel.

As I watched the nurse carefully cradle the cleaned newborn, I fell into a dream-like state as it’s first cries harmonized my very being; I felt at one with the universe. Then in a flash, I was transported back to the reality of the delivery room by the shriek of the woman as she screamed at her recovering husband, “You did this to me! Don’t ever come near me again!”

 

[RedPanda55]

As I watched the nurse carefully cradle the cleaned newborn, I fell into a dream-like state as it’s first cries harmonized my very being; I felt at one with the universe. Then in a flash, I was transported back to the reality of the delivery room by the shriek of the woman as she screamed at her recovering husband, “You did this to me! Don’t ever come near me again!”

It was then and there that I realized... I never want to have children. Therefore, I knew that medicine was my calling.

 

[OddNath]

Just wondering, is it good to end a PS with a closing statement? Been getting mixed reviews about this.

I think they all pretty much have the same structure:

Opening line/hook (sometimes this is 1-2 lines prior to the first paragraph— I usually do this to grab attention, but not everyone does)
Intro paragraph
Experience 1
Experience 2
Experience 3 (maybe, depending on how it’s set up)
Summary/conclusion

It’s just like writing any other personal essay.

 

[FlavivirusProtease]

As rays of the dawning sky pierced the blackness of the night, screams of agony from the expectant mother reverberated through the hallow halls of the L&D wing of Memorial Hospital as her labor pains continuously racked her supine-ridden body in waves and waves of torment. “Get it out! Get it out now!” she screamed incessantly. The father-to-be had fainted earlier from the sights, sounds, and smells of new life and was regulated to being a wall-flower. I stood back and watched with fascination the intricate dance of the doctor and her assistants as they worked in choreographed movements to bring a newborn life into this harsh and unforgiving world. Then and there, I knew that I wanted in on the action!!

This example is NOT how you want to start your PS…

Aside from a PS, this was quite wonderful...

There's actually a bunch of typos/gramatical errors in it. I'm about 99% sure they're there for comedic effect. I've bolded them in my quote.

Edit: Yes, I'm fun at parties.

 

[Goro]

I have been working on my essays for some time now, I think they are solid stuff, but I always wondered if there was a common theme among great essays. For all you adcoms, what tends to grab your eye and draw you in? Should I throw in a quote relevant to the topic? Should I focus more on experiences or emotions? And what do you notice about poorly written essays? And do adcoms correlate essay writing ability with anything? Thanks.

Read these:
https://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/youre-doing-it-wrong-part-1-your-personal-statement.1247362/

https://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/youre-doing-it-wrong-part-2-your-experiences.1247838/#post-18746176

 

[LoveBeingHuman:)]

Edit: Yes, I'm fun at parties.

Doubt it. You're not even fun here. I mean seriously, there was no reason to do that.

 

[FlavivirusProtease]

Doubt it. You're not even fun here. I mean seriously, there was no reason to do that.

I was seriously just trying to figure out if that’s a second layer to the joke or not.

 

[SpoiledMilk]

bruh. i appweciate youse correcding my gramar, bute yo’ve neber writen somting quickly ande postit it online? dis is sdn, note a collage engrish coarse…

 

[dr_kateb]

After having read dozens, I’d say around 80% of essays don’t really stand out, and this is ok! These essays are fairly well written, describe experiences in a clear way, and don’t have glaring typos/errors.

The top 10% have very compelling stories about meaningful experiences. Some of these people may just be talented writers. It generally doesn’t change much in the process, though.

The bottom 10%...oh boy. I read one that started with “My name is ....” Don’t do that. As long as you’re not in this category, your essay probably won’t make or break you.

 

[mydogmolly]

and was regulated to being a wall-flower

lol. regulated.

 

[Med Ed]

As rays of the dawning sky pierced the blackness of the night, screams of agony from the expectant mother reverberated through the hallow halls of the L&D wing of Memorial Hospital as her labor pains continuously racked her supine-ridden body in waves and waves of torment. “Get it out! Get it out now!” she screamed incessantly. The father-to-be had fainted earlier from the sights, sounds, and smells of new life and was regulated to being a wall-flower. I stood back and watched with fascination the intricate dance of the doctor and her assistants as they worked in choreographed movements to bring a newborn life into this harsh and unforgiving world. Then and there, I knew that I wanted in on the action!!

I know this is satire, but it is perilously close to the truth.

 

[Med Ed]

Opening line/hook (sometimes this is 1-2 lines prior to the first paragraph— I usually do this to grab attention, but not everyone does)

Hooks are mistakes. The experience of sitting down to read a novel, novella, or short story is very different from sitting down to read dozens of PS's in succession, many of which are trying to grab for undeserved attention.

Want to stand out? Try clear, concise, and direct.

 

[OddNath]

Hooks are mistakes. The experience of sitting down to read a novel, novella, or short story is very different from sitting down to read dozens of PS's in succession, many of which are trying to grab for undeserved attention.

Want to stand out? Try clear, concise, and direct.

I’ve been on both sides of this, and received quite a bit of positive feedback regarding my personal statements. It’s definitely true that there shouldn’t be some overly dramatic line at the beginning just to drum up attention. I agree that’s annoying.

But, breaking up the first paragraph can make it easier to read. When I’m slogging through reading dozens of essays, I find that this structure can make my reading go faster.

Anyhow, I guess there can be a fair amount of variability in style. And, once again, for anyone that’s not in the bottom 10%, it probably won’t change much.