What to do with crush?

This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.

ololona

Full Member
5+ Year Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2018
Messages
38
Reaction score
13
It has been two months since class started. At our school, we sit in round tables for lectures with our CBL group and, I have a huge crush on a guy who sits next to me. We started studying together for lectures, anatomy and OMM. He has become like a celebrity at school with his excellent grades, extracurricular activities and personality. However, it seems like he has been trying to avoid me since we finished the first block. In the beginning, it seemed like he was interested in me too. Now, he does not talk to me or text me as much as before. We don't study together anymore. I can't stop thinking about him all day! It's affecting my studies. I have never had a boyfriend before and, he is the first person that I have a crush on who has been so close to me in terms of distance.

What to do? Tell him? Do something to forget him? I don't want to ruin our relationship since I am stuck with him for a year for my group.

Members don't see this ad.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
Move on immediately!

You don’t have time to waste thinking about this dude. You got to get to studying on your own.

The only person you should think about dating is Step1!
 
  • Like
Reactions: 21 users
Oh honey.
If you’re stuck doing something with him I’d just drop it and move on. If you’ve never been in a relationship I can promise the first semester of your first year isn’t when you want to try to navigate that for the first time. Stay focused. Get school figured out first.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 10 users
Members don't see this ad :)
It has been two months since class started. At our school, we sit in round tables for lectures with our CBL group and, I have a huge crush on a guy who sits next to me. We started studying together for lectures, anatomy and OMM. He has become like a celebrity at school with his excellent grades, extracurricular activities and personality. However, it seems like he has been trying to avoid me since we finished the first block. In the beginning, it seemed like he was interested in me too. Now, he does not talk to me or text me as much as before. We don't study together anymore. I can't stop thinking about him all day! It's affecting my studies. I have never had a boyfriend before and, he is the first person that I have a crush on who has been so close to me in terms of distance.

What to do? Tell him? Do something to forget him? I don't want to ruin our relationship since I am stuck with him for a year for my group.
Dear Abby by Abigail Van Buren
 
  • Like
Reactions: 6 users
Move on immediately!

You don’t have time to waste thinking about this dude. You got to get to studying on your own.

The only person you should think about dating is Step1!
I gave a like for this alone. But I don't actually agree, just find it entertaining. OP should clearly tell the guy about her feelings and then move on if not reciprocated. People are too scared of talking nowadays. Talk is cheap, free and easy. Let me put it this way, which do you think is harder: telling a guy you like him or telling a family that grandma isn't gonna make it and its time to discuss withdraw care. Your nearly guaranteed to do the later one at some point, so get used to talking :p
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: 3 users
I gave a like for this alone. But I don't actually agree, just find it entertaining. OP should cearly tell the guy about her feelings and then move on if not reciprocated. People are too scared of talking nowadays. Talk is cheap, free and easy. Let me put it this way, which do you think is harder: telling a guy you like him or telling a family that grandma isn't gonna make it and its time to discuss withdraw care. Your nearly guaranteed to do the later one at some point, so get used to talking :p

Thanks for the like! However, the guy is making it clear he isn’t interested.

And this isn’t the time at all for her to be getting in a relationship. Much less her first ever. Really, this isn’t the time for anyone to be starting a new relationship!

This is the time to focus on crushing material and kicking Boards A$$!
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
And this isn’t the time at all for her to be getting in a relationship. Much less her first ever. Really, this isn’t the time for anyone to be starting a new relationship!

This is the time to focus on crushing material and kicking Boards A$$!

Yeah... no. Medical school isn't life. No one should be putting their life on hold because of medical school, it's really not hard to have a life and be a good medical student.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3 users
Med school is a lot like high school and undergrad in many ways. Or even your first big job. Because you meet people that you like and you think you'll study with them, commiserate with them, and maybe even be friends with them forever. And by second year, they're just someone else in your class you politely nod to or say hi to while passing in the hall.

I started a little study group at the beginning of first year with two people in my class that I thought I had a lot in common with. By the end of first semester, we merely just said hi in the halls and this year we don't really interact at all. That's just kind of the way it goes.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
Wait, what I meant to say is:
1) make sure you practice OMM with him and trick him into performing an IT spread on you.
2) see if sparks fly
3) ??
4) profit.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 7 users
Honestly I bet you he's not ignoring you but probably just trying to get to know more people in the class now that there's a new block. I saw that happen with a bunch of people. Don't take it personally.

Totally agree with @AnatomyGrey12 that you shouldn't put your life on hold because your a med student. It's ridiculous to state OP needs to put off dating for the first time because she's a med student... Cmon.

At the same time I usually don't think it's a great idea to date someone in your class, but it happens all the time. If I were you and it was seriously affecting my studies I'd just ask him to grab coffee sometime.. Some kind of activity not necessarily under the guise of studying. If it doesn't workout, just move on with your life. Your success is the most important thing. But that doesn't mean school has to dominate your life and prevent you from seeking relationships either.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 users
I haven't been able to read any of the comments yet after a long day!
 
Move on immediately!

You don’t have time to waste thinking about this dude. You got to get to studying on your own.

The only person you should think about dating is Step1!
Your comment actually made me at ease and will probably help me move on. Thank you!
 
Members don't see this ad :)
Med school is a lot like high school and undergrad in many ways. Or even your first big job. Because you meet people that you like and you think you'll study with them, commiserate with them, and maybe even be friends with them forever. And by second year, they're just someone else in your class you politely nod to or say hi to while passing in the hall.

I started a little study group at the beginning of first year with two people in my class that I thought I had a lot in common with. By the end of first semester, we merely just said hi in the halls and this year we don't really interact at all. That's just kind of the way it goes.
I completely get it! This is what is happening!
 
It has been two months since class started. At our school, we sit in round tables for lectures with our CBL group and, I have a huge crush on a guy who sits next to me. We started studying together for lectures, anatomy and OMM. He has become like a celebrity at school with his excellent grades, extracurricular activities and personality. However, it seems like he has been trying to avoid me since we finished the first block. In the beginning, it seemed like he was interested in me too. Now, he does not talk to me or text me as much as before. We don't study together anymore. I can't stop thinking about him all day! It's affecting my studies. I have never had a boyfriend before and, he is the first person that I have a crush on who has been so close to me in terms of distance.

What to do? Tell him? Do something to forget him? I don't want to ruin our relationship since I am stuck with him for a year for my group.
Tinder/Bumble/bars
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
Honestly I bet you he's not ignoring you but probably just trying to get to know more people in the class now that there's a new block. I saw that happen with a bunch of people. Don't take it personally.

Totally agree with @AnatomyGrey12 that you shouldn't put your life on hold because your a med student. It's ridiculous to state OP needs to put off dating for the first time because she's a med student... Cmon.

At the same time I usually don't think it's a great idea to date someone in your class, but it happens all the time. If I were you and it was seriously affecting my studies I'd just ask him to grab coffee sometime.. Some kind of activity not necessarily under the guise of studying. If it doesn't workout, just move on with your life. Your success is the most important thing. But that doesn't mean school has to dominate your life and prevent you from seeking relationships either.

I see and agree!
 
I see and agree!

Is there any reason you can't put the effort out there to see if he's actually interested in you? Maybe he's afraid of dating a classmate because he's worried it'll mess with his grades or something. You could show him that you're mature and won't let that **** get in the way even if it doesn't work out.

Or idk be a turbonerd and ignore your romantic life because you're too obsessed with grades. C'mon guys, lots of people meet in med school. So what if it's your first relationship? When are you going to be at a better point for that? Residency when you're slaughtered with work? As an attending 7-10 years from now?

I think as long as you're not creating drama and being respectful that school comes first, it shouldn't be an issue. I foresee people disagreeing with me though.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 users
Is there any reason you can't put the effort out there to see if he's actually interested in you? Maybe he's afraid of dating a classmate because he's worried it'll mess with his grades or something. You could show him that you're mature and won't let that **** get in the way even if it doesn't work out.

Or idk be a turbonerd and ignore your romantic life because you're too obsessed with grades. C'mon guys, lots of people meet in med school. So what if it's your first relationship? When are you going to be at a better point for that? Residency when you're slaughtered with work? As an attending 7-10 years from now?

I think as long as you're not creating drama and being respectful that school comes first, it shouldn't be an issue. I foresee people disagreeing with me though.
I am scared! There are some differences between us!
 
I am scared! There are some differences between us!

My girlfriend and I are pretty different. She likes calm/sad music, I like screaming heavy metal. I love intensely difficult video games, her not so much. I have an intense sweet tooth, but she’d rather just have another helping of dinner.

We’ve been together for 7 years come November.

What’s really important is making sure you agree on core beliefs (religion, politics, etc) and being accepting of the other differences. I love ramen, but I’m not going to force my girlfriend to eat it. That stuff you just have to be yourself. You don’t change yourself for them nor expect them to change for you. They’re like a best friend you wake up and live every day with.

I don’t want you to back down just because you’re scared. I was super scared in the beginning. It might work out or crash fast when you realize you’re not right for each other, but that’s a hell of a lot better than pretending he doesn’t exist. Medical school puts you on a track that’s basically out of your control. You still have to find a way to live your life around it. Go get’m.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 users
It has been two months since class started. At our school, we sit in round tables for lectures with our CBL group and, I have a huge crush on a guy who sits next to me. We started studying together for lectures, anatomy and OMM. He has become like a celebrity at school with his excellent grades, extracurricular activities and personality. However, it seems like he has been trying to avoid me since we finished the first block. In the beginning, it seemed like he was interested in me too. Now, he does not talk to me or text me as much as before. We don't study together anymore. I can't stop thinking about him all day! It's affecting my studies. I have never had a boyfriend before and, he is the first person that I have a crush on who has been so close to me in terms of distance.

What to do? Tell him? Do something to forget him? I don't want to ruin our relationship since I am stuck with him for a year for my group.

v1.bTsxMTE2ODg3MTtqOzE3ODU5OzEyMDA7ODAwOzEyMDA
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2 users
They have this movie.......How to lose a Guy in 10 Days. Take a peek. Also, how the hell are you in med school and never had a bf before? Didn't realize SDN was a dating advice site too.
 
  • Dislike
Reactions: 1 user
Move on. I know it's hard, but you really need to finish first 2 years. Starting from MS3 it will be a bit easier. You won't risk failing classes and then you can try and do whatever you want. Don't complicate things for yourself. Advises to talk to him, flirt, etc - will end up bad for you, since you are on the wrong end of relationship. You never had boyfriend, he's not into you, you are in med.school - that is a disaster recipe. I'm sensing you already creating a bit of drama - hence my advise to move on.
 
I think it is important to look at reality on top of all of this. The first thing that comes to mind when you describe a class celebrity with all the things you mentioned is one image. The first thing that comes to mind when you say you’ve made it through high school, college, and to med school having never had a boyfriend is another image. Based on those two images in my head, those people aren’t in a relationship.

I know that sounds a little callous but ask yourself if he would realistically be in a relationship with you. I would give anything to be in a relationship with Kate Beckinsale, and my wife knows I would drop her if Kate offered, but she hasn’t been looking my way and pursue it cross into a completely different realm.

But I do agree with some points above. My daughter had her first boyfriend a couple years ago and I knew it was harmless but I told my daughter that I was very impressed by her boyfriend because he put himself out there and asked her for the relationship. It is ballsy. It you think you have a chance, maybe try talking to him.

I also agree that starting a relationship in med school is going to be very difficult. Med school is hard, relationships are hard. Tread lightly.
 
They have this movie.......How to lose a Guy in 10 Days. Take a peek. Also, how the hell are you in med school and never had a bf before? Didn't realize SDN was a dating advice site too.

I think it is important to look at reality on top of all of this. The first thing that comes to mind when you describe a class celebrity with all the things you mentioned is one image. The first thing that comes to mind when you say you’ve made it through high school, college, and to med school having never had a boyfriend is another image. Based on those two images in my head, those people aren’t in a relationship.

I know that sounds a little callous but ask yourself if he would realistically be in a relationship with you. I would give anything to be in a relationship with Kate Beckinsale, and my wife knows I would drop her if Kate offered, but she hasn’t been looking my way and pursue it cross into a completely different realm.

But I do agree with some points above. My daughter had her first boyfriend a couple years ago and I knew it was harmless but I told my daughter that I was very impressed by her boyfriend because he put himself out there and asked her for the relationship. It is ballsy. It you think you have a chance, maybe try talking to him.

I also agree that starting a relationship in med school is going to be very difficult. Med school is hard, relationships are hard. Tread lightly.

Firstly, don’t crap on someone because they haven’t been in a relationship yet. People have different circumstances and not everyone has that fall into place for them. Don’t backpedal on that statement either because you’re definitely implying something negative.

It’s an Internet forum too. Relationships are part of the life process and one dating thread won’t derail the sanctity of SDN.

Frky I’m also in agreement that I don’t necessarily know this person has a real chance, but I also can’t believe people are so neurotic they think people can’t have a relationship in the first two years because “muh boardzzz”. Obviously those should come first but this medical training process is going to take a decade out of us. You can’t just put all of life on hold so you can emerge as a medical robot on the other side.

OP I think the least you can do is ask to go for coffee. He says no? “Ok no problem, see you around.” And just drop it and move on. No drama, no weirdness, just act normal. That’s how adults handle rejection. Things are as big as people make them.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3 users
I would give anything to be in a relationship with Kate Beckinsale, and my wife knows I would drop her if Kate offered, but she hasn’t been looking my way and pursue it cross into a completely different realm.

Yep, for me it’s Sandra Bullock. Yes I know she is old, and no I don’t care.
 
This may sound cold and aloof but honestly don’t get involved and just let it go. I have made this mistake at jobs, in lecture and in my labs, don’t do it. There are plenty of guys out there (despite the 80/20 rule). As a doctor you will make more sacrifices than arguably any other field and I think this is one of them.

Not saying you can’t have a life and relationships, that would be ridiculous; but don’t **** where you eat...
 
Last edited:
Stay localized and go right into the barrier!! Direct vs indirect; bind and ease. It's not rocket science it's a common sense approach to medicine.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
Frky I’m also in agreement that I don’t necessarily know this person has a real chance, but I also can’t believe people are so neurotic they think people can’t have a relationship in the first two years because “muh boardzzz”.

People advise it not because of "muh boardzzz", but because she will 99.99% get hurt and then comes a pandora box with depression (hopefully no suicide thoughts), failed exams, remediations and red flags for her file that will not be possible to erase alas. Statistically most failiures are on MS1 year, then MS2. Very rarely someone fails MS3 rotations - hence why people advise to move on until MS3 and then she can try and do whatever she want. She put her life on hold for so long - 2 more years will not kill her. While failing med.school might do just that.

OP I think the least you can do is ask to go for coffee. He says no? “Ok no problem, see you around.” And just drop it and move on. No drama, no weirdness, just act normal. That’s how adults handle rejection. Things are as big as people make them.

Agree with that approach. However, you judge her by your standards, while she is obviously different. I'm afraid that it will end with drama for her. If it's a first crush - it's not going to end like you say "Ok, no problem, see you around".
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
People advise it not because of "muh boardzzz", but because she will 99.99% get hurt and then comes a pandora box with depression (hopefully no suicide thoughts), failed exams, remediations and red flags for her file that will not be possible to erase alas. Statistically most failiures are on MS1 year, then MS2. Very rarely someone fails MS3 rotations - hence why people advise to move on until MS3 and then she can try and do whatever she want. She put her life on hold for so long - 2 more years will not kill her. While failing med.school might do just that.



Agree with that approach. However, you judge her by your standards, while she is obviously different. I'm afraid that it will end with drama for her. If it's a first crush - it's not going to end like you say "Ok, no problem, see you around".

I want to disagree with you, but you make some valid points.

@ololona , if you do pursue this, you need to be 100% on point with not getting so caught up in it that it wrecks you if it goes wrong. No one else can control that but you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
Firstly, don’t crap on someone because they haven’t been in a relationship yet. People have different circumstances and not everyone has that fall into place for them. Don’t backpedal on that statement either because you’re definitely implying something negative.

It’s an Internet forum too. Relationships are part of the life process and one dating thread won’t derail the sanctity of SDN.
I'm not crapping on anyone. But if someone is going to go to med school and worry about what's going on with their potential first bf,......I don't know if they're mature enough for med school. I'm not saying that if you've never been in a relationship, that you're not mature and can't handle med school. I'm just saying that the puppy love situation from OP won't last and it's seems like too much for OP to handle along with med school. I'm not saying OP can't handle it, but from the post, it comes off that way.

And sure, everyone has their own experiences, but come on.....everyone has had a crush and if you want to go to med school you have to put yourself out there. You're telling me that they can't put themselves out there to date someone? If it's a social insecurity thing.....once again.....how can they make it as a physician?

I'm definitely not backpedaling because I meant what I said.
 
I am doing excellent in medical school!
 
Wait, what I meant to say is:
1) make sure you practice OMM with him and trick him into performing an IT spread on you.
2) see if sparks fly
3) ??
4) profit.
hell, its why OMM exists in the first place ;)
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 users
Sounds like med school Chad doesn't want a becky like you. Learn to move on.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
I have nothing to add to this thread other than this which I cannot stop thinking about as I read your title.

 
I say tell him just for the sake of being able to get over it when you've got a solid answer, don't take any 'maybe's'. Then you can move on to your true love; Step 1
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3 users
Top