When do you plan to start a family? Would you sacrifice to become a doctor?

[EngOp]

When do you guys plan to start a family? at what age?
would you sacrifice having a family to become a doctor?
I'm interested in the medical field but i hear that doctors don't have a ''normal'' family life. That doesn't sound too good, How do you all feel about this?

How difficult is it for people who get married during or before med school?

Edit: Also, lets say while your in medical school, and your wife is a nurse. Is it possible that you can marry her and live off her income until then? I assume that she would be able to buy a home, car, pay the bills, etc- with her salary.

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[jm192]

Doctors have families, and they see and spend time with them.

I wouldn't give up a family to be a doctor. I would put it off for a long time.

That's really a question you have to answer yourself though man. That's a personal preference sort of thing.

Having money coming in during medical school would be huge

 

[Vadoff]

I'm not that interested in finding a wife or having kids.
So meh.

 

[Electronegative]

Family is overrated

 

[EngOp]

Doctors have families, and they see and spend time with them.

I wouldn't give up a family to be a doctor. I would put it off for a long time.

That's really a question you have to answer yourself though man. That's a personal preference sort of thing.

Having money coming in during medical school would be huge

Mind if i ask how long?
also do you have any fears that it may be too late?
When your about 30 years old and very busy.

 

[EngOp]

Family is overrated

Overrated? are you joking?

I'm not that interested in finding a wife or having kids.
So meh.

Are you serious?

 

[Janieve]

My options, family-wise, are pretty limited. I'm gonna have to foster and/or adopt if I want kids. That requires steady income and a stable situation.

So it'll be after medical school for sure, and assuming I ever find myself in a committed relationship, it'll have to be whenever my partner and I are ready for it. Whether that means fiscally, emotionally, or mentally I don't know yet. I'm too young to think seriously about this stuff.

Ask me in four years.

 

[isasmommy]

I depends on if you are a woman or man sometimes...I'm a mother to a one year old and my husband and I decided to have her when we were in undergrad because we didn't want to wait till I was done with medical school/residency to have her. However, getting pregnant and having a baby is harder on the woman than the man so it seems to be easier if you are the dad.

My husband hopes to be able to support me financially through medical school and hopefully make a contribution to the debt but we are ok with having that debt wait to be paidoff till I am done with school. It really depends on what you feel, your significant other, and your biological clock...

Being married really should be about if you are ready for that commitment more than any timing otherwise...if you are ready your're ready and medical school or not won't necessarily change that. I would think that having a wife help out with the finances would help not hurt. I'm not sure exactly how credit of a spouse affects financial aid but if she were to have good credit then that may also help your ability to get loans.

Hope that helps. If you have any other questions feel free to pm me.

 

[Electronegative]

Not joking. Everyone has different opinions and experiences about family, for me I just want to live by myself do what I want, when I want, and travel around the world without having to worry about kids and wife.

 

[Janieve]

Not joking. Everyone has different opinions and experiences about family, for me I just want to live by myself do what I want and when I want without having to worry about kids and wife.

I'm pretty much in the same boat. I'm just glad I don't have to worry about unexpected pregnancies. If I ever decide to have a family, it'll be somewhat on my own terms.

As for the marriage thing? I don't see it happening. I can see myself in a committed relationship, even for life, but every time someone mentions "matrimony", I feel a little bit more worthless. "Oh, look at her. She doesn't want to get married. What's wrong with her?!"

FYI: Not everyone wants "I do" as part of their "Happily Ever After".

 

[Kaustikos]

I'm pretty much in the same boat. I'm just glad I don't have to worry about unexpected pregnancies. If I ever decide to have a family, it'll be somewhat on my own terms.

As for the marriage thing? I don't see it happening. I can see myself in a committed relationship, even for life, but every time someone mentions "matrimony", I feel a little bit more worthless. "Oh, look at her. She doesn't want to get married. What's wrong with her?!"

FYI: Not everyone wants "I do" as part of their "Happily Ever After".

Agreed. I was in a 6 year relation that I terminated at the end of my SMP. I knew I couldn't handle a relationship and med school and didn't want to delay her plans any further (family, etc). God forbid a child - it'd probably end up in an insane asylum because of me. I'm not saying I couldn't handle the SMP + research. I'm saying I don't have time to care about other people when I'm doing that. That's the thing you have to remember - after all that studying, you're going to want to pass out or relax. Do you really want to talk? And I'm not saying this like talking is bad, but it's the last thing you want to do - THINK.

 

[SweetRain]

I'm pretty much in the same boat. I'm just glad I don't have to worry about unexpected pregnancies. If I ever decide to have a family, it'll be somewhat on my own terms.

As for the marriage thing? I don't see it happening. I can see myself in a committed relationship, even for life, but every time someone mentions "matrimony", I feel a little bit more worthless. "Oh, look at her. She doesn't want to get married. What's wrong with her?!"

FYI: Not everyone wants "I do" as part of their "Happily Ever After".

I'm glad someone agrees with me. People judge me when I tell them I want to become a pediatrician but don't want kids.

Don't people ever realize it's not the same thing???

 

[Telekinesis]

When do you guys plan to start a family? at what age?
would you sacrifice having a family to become a doctor?
I'm interested in the medical field but i hear that doctors don't have a ''normal'' family life. That doesn't sound too good, How do you all feel about this?

How difficult is it for people who get married during or before med school?

Edit: Also, lets say while your in medical school, and your wife is a nurse. Is it possible that you can marry her and live off her income until then? I assume that she would be able to buy a home, car, pay the bills, etc- with her salary.

Define normal. IMHO most Americans don't live a "normal" life.

 

[EngOp]

Define normal. IMHO most Americans don't live a "normal" life.

For example, imo normal would be that you work about 40 hours a week and have time to spend with your family. But i hear that some doctors work more than that and are on-call. So that would mean less family time.

 

[EngOp]

I depends on if you are a woman or man sometimes...I'm a mother to a one year old and my husband and I decided to have her when we were in undergrad because we didn't want to wait till I was done with medical school/residency to have her. However, getting pregnant and having a baby is harder on the woman than the man so it seems to be easier if you are the dad.

My husband hopes to be able to support me financially through medical school and hopefully make a contribution to the debt but we are ok with having that debt wait to be paidoff till I am done with school. It really depends on what you feel, your significant other, and your biological clock...

Being married really should be about if you are ready for that commitment more than any timing otherwise...if you are ready your're ready and medical school or not won't necessarily change that. I would think that having a wife help out with the finances would help not hurt. I'm not sure exactly how credit of a spouse affects financial aid but if she were to have good credit then that may also help your ability to get loans.

Hope that helps. If you have any other questions feel free to pm me.

Thanks for your input, your post is very detailed and helpful.
I think that you made the right choice on having your child before med school .

 

[jm192]

Mind if i ask how long?
also do you have any fears that it may be too late?
When your about 30 years old and very busy.

After Medical school at the earliest. I'd like to be bringing home decent money. I know residents don't live a glamorous life or anything, but I'd like to think it's enough to get married on. Kids after residency. Which makes me think...if the wife wants kids...may have to wait until after residency.

In the 30 year old range. Sure, you'll be busy at 30, but I feel like this whole journey is a one big lesson on improving your time management skills.

I don't know how old you are friend, but my advice is take life as it comes.

 

[rxnfiend]

I've been thinking about this lately too and I am stuck between whether to have kids while in residency or soon after. I feel like after residency I might be too old (30-34ish) to just be starting a family. That's what my father did as a doctor and he is now 54 with my younger sister just leaving off to college. I am not sure I want to be 54 and still have children at home, you know? But who knows, you can't really plan these things and they are very dependent on your other half so just go with the flow.

 

[CALLR001]

When do you guys plan to start a family? at what age?
would you sacrifice having a family to become a doctor?
I'm interested in the medical field but i hear that doctors don't have a ''normal'' family life. That doesn't sound too good, How do you all feel about this?

How difficult is it for people who get married during or before med school?

Edit: Also, lets say while your in medical school, and your wife is a nurse. Is it possible that you can marry her and live off her income until then? I assume that she would be able to buy a home, car, pay the bills, etc- with her salary.

I just started med school and my wife is a RN. Her salary is sufficient to provide for our needs. However, I am still taking out a considerable amount of loan money to cover tuition and I am attending a public school. By the way families are awesome!. I have been married for four years and have a baby girl. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

 

[EngOp]

After Medical school at the earliest. I'd like to be bringing home decent money. I know residents don't live a glamorous life or anything, but I'd like to think it's enough to get married on. Kids after residency. Which makes me think...if the wife wants kids...may have to wait until after residency.

In the 30 year old range. Sure, you'll be busy at 30, but I feel like this whole journey is a one big lesson on improving your time management skills.

I don't know how old you are friend, but my advice is take life as it comes.

Take life as it comes? somehow i feel that this is a great advice. Thanks.

 

[sizillyd]

Degree first. A woman can leave you, a degree can't.

I don't plan on starting a family for a while. I'd like to travel and enjoy the world before I have another huge responsibility to take care of.

 

[EngOp]

I just started med school and my wife is a RN. Her salary is sufficient to provide for our needs. However, I am still taking out a considerable amount of loan money to cover tuition and I am attending a public school. By the way families are awesome!. I have been married for four years and have a baby girl. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Awesome lol, i'm very glad to hear that!

 

[paper love]

I think families are great, but not for everyone. I have 3 kids and hope to have a 4th soon. I'm hoping to time med school when the 4th is ready for preschool. I'm glad I've had the opportunity to start a family.

My husband is an MD. We got married at the end of his residency and had kids later.

To each his own. I agree with the above post that says to take life as it comes. You might even find yourself changing your mind several times. It'll work out in the end.

By the way.....my husband only works 36 hrs a week and is home everyday by 4:30. There are great jobs out there.

 

[SOcash]

To be honest at this point in my life I'm not really a fan of kids, but since my suffix is 'III' I'd feel bad if I didn't have a son who was 'IV.' It's definitely something I could delay until my late 30's or beyond though.

 

[ILikeDrugs]

I'm more of an adopter type of person. There are plenty of perfectly good babies/kids out there to raise. The world doesn't need anymore fresh babies to be pumped out. If anything, I would have just one come from my own genes. Maybe when I'm ~45 I'll adopt.

 

[muhali3]

.....my husband only works 36 hrs a week and is home everyday by 4:30. There are great jobs out there.

This statement provokes the question: What specialty does he practice and what is his income? As we all know that hours worked is very specialty and income-dependent, and not all doctors can get jobs like that and be able to pay off med school loans. I'm guessing he's either a hospitalist or dermatologist...or he's something else and took a huge pay cut to get those hours.

 

[paper love]

This statement provokes the question: What specialty does he practice and what is his income? As we all know that hours worked is very specialty and income-dependent, and not all doctors can get jobs like that and be able to pay off med school loans. I'm guessing he's either a hospitalist or dermatologist...or he's something else and took a huge pay cut to get those hours.

He is an internist in primary care. Med school loans paid through a 3 year stay in an underserved area after residency. For a doctor, his income is "low", but the lifestyle is fabulous, especially with 3 small kids. The salary is plenty to support us, however.

 

[VikingLegacy]

Which doctors? I'm shadowing a family practitioner who has a large, happy family and he spends lots of time with them.

If you make it into a private practice, the question is not "family vs. career," it's "making infinity+1 dollars vs. stopping to smell the roses," or at least that's what my personal impression has been.

As for me and family, it's ASAP. There is only one reason in life I would ever trade any of my precious time on earth for the filthy substance known as money, and that is to help my family. I want money to pay off some family debts and help consolidate us all into one area in the country first. Secondly, I want to be able to afford raising LOTS AND LOTS of children. Something on the order of 6+. Then, lastly, I want to do my best to provide for their future existence in the world. Other than that, I could die penniless and it wouldn't bother me in the least, and by extension I probably would spend almost all of my time on volunteer medical work instead of even pretending to have a for-profit medical career - food, water and shelter and I'm good to go.

 

[muhali3]

He is an internist in primary care. Med school loans paid through a 3 year stay in an underserved area after residency. For a doctor, his income is "low", but the lifestyle is fabulous, especially with 3 small kids. The salary is plenty to support us, however.

Seems nice. I bet more people would go into primary care if they could do something like that. I know I'd be willing to take a significant pay-cut as long as I could work <50 hours/week with no call.

 

[Lacipart]

All the specialties have different hours. For example Emergency Medicine has you work at the hospital for 3 days (you sleep there) but then you have 4 days totally free. This could very well supplement a spouse that works half days, you would have plenty of time to spend with your kids during the constant 4 day weekends.

Some radiologists are able to work at home and do their imaging work on their home computer. Like I said, all specialties are different and many are family friendly.

 

[Avoidthetiger]

I've been thinking about this lately too and I am stuck between whether to have kids while in residency or soon after. I feel like after residency I might be too old (30-34ish) to just be starting a family. That's what my father did as a doctor and he is now 54 with my younger sister just leaving off to college. I am not sure I want to be 54 and still have children at home, you know? But who knows, you can't really plan these things and they are very dependent on your other half so just go with the flow.

haha, love this comment. If I do have kids, it will be in the 33-40 range (either from me or adopted). I will no where be ready to have kids in the next 10 years. I guess it's how you grew up though. Both my parents were in their mid 50s by the time my youngest sibling left for college, and my mom is still ready to have (via adoption) another kid. 40-60 sound like the best time to have kids... not your 30s.

 

[muhali3]

haha, love this comment. If I do have kids, it will be in the 33-40 range (either from me or adopted). I will no where be ready to have kids in the next 10 years. I guess it's how you grew up though. Both my parents were in their mid 50s by the time my youngest sibling left for college, and my mom is still ready to have (via adoption) another kid. 40-60 sound like the best time to have kids... not your 30s.

This might work if you're a man, but as a woman fertility rates become extremely low after mid-30s and the risk of genetic abnormalities/miscarriage also becomes quite significant.

 

[Avoidthetiger]

This might work if you're a man, but as a woman fertility rates become extremely low after mid-30s and the risk of genetic abnormalities/miscarriage also becomes quite significant.

1. Why adoption was mentioned
2. Family genetics are on my side here -- lots of people have had kids in there 30s/40s in my family. No problems yet (knock on wood)

 

[DaisyBuchanan]

It just happens that the time med school takes in our lives is the time most people start families. Both my parents were doctors, and I don't think having kids early on in their careers was easy for them, but they made it work. My mom had my older sister during her residency (FYI she drank a lot of coffee, as residents tend to do, and my sister turned out a-ok.) So don't worry! If you want a family, a family you shall have.

 

[riverjib]

When do you guys plan to start a family? at what age?
would you sacrifice having a family to become a doctor?
I'm interested in the medical field but i hear that doctors don't have a ''normal'' family life. That doesn't sound too good, How do you all feel about this?

How difficult is it for people who get married during or before med school?

Edit: Also, lets say while your in medical school, and your wife is a nurse. Is it possible that you can marry her and live off her income until then? I assume that she would be able to buy a home, car, pay the bills, etc- with her salary.

Depends on what specialty you choose. I'm going into medicine at age 30+, and I won't have a "wife" to support me. My family will be fine. Sounds like you're basing your expectations on 1952.

 

[JJMrK]

Go with the flow, IMO.

 

[Narmerguy]

Go with the flow, IMO.

Not a bad approach imo. I remember what someone told me once about this and it stuck with me: You'll never be "ready" for half the things you accomplish in life. Sometimes you just have to do it and make an honest effort to give it your all.

 

[eablackwell]

I put my med school dreams on hold for a family once already. It ended in an ectopic pregnancy, 2 surgeries (I swear I'm like the queen of surgeries, I've had over 25), and a year where my happiness was hung up on whether or not I got a positive pregnancy test. After getting a false positive (yes, I know they're CRAZY rare), I decided I wasn't going to let that run my life, so here I am, back on the med school track.

My husband and I decided to wait until after med school and residency, so around 38ish, but we'll likely adopt or use a surrogate.

 

[delhies]

HA! I'm too jaded to have a relationship right now. Plus, I'm 23. No point at this age with the immaturity of girls my age.

I don't need the drama in my life.

I think throughout med school it's best to have friends with benefits or f-buddies. Who wants all the extra strings while having to deal with all the stuff you have deal with while going through school and residency?

That's my two cents. Of course, I just use females for what's in between their legs at this point in my life anyway.

 

[NickNaylor]

Don't plan to have kids until after residency or towards the end. Definitely want to be married before I graduate from med school though.

 

[Geekchick921]

I depends on if you are a woman or man sometimes...I'm a mother to a one year old and my husband and I decided to have her when we were in undergrad because we didn't want to wait till I was done with medical school/residency to have her. However, getting pregnant and having a baby is harder on the woman than the man so it seems to be easier if you are the dad.

My husband hopes to be able to support me financially through medical school and hopefully make a contribution to the debt but we are ok with having that debt wait to be paidoff till I am done with school. It really depends on what you feel, your significant other, and your biological clock...

Being married really should be about if you are ready for that commitment more than any timing otherwise...if you are ready your're ready and medical school or not won't necessarily change that. I would think that having a wife help out with the finances would help not hurt. I'm not sure exactly how credit of a spouse affects financial aid but if she were to have good credit then that may also help your ability to get loans.

Hope that helps. If you have any other questions feel free to pm me.

This is pretty much me. My husband and I decided to start our family before I would start medical school. Now at least if we have more while I'm in school or residency (which we intend to) we have already had some experience. I know every child is different, but it won't be a whole new ball game for us.

I just started med school and my wife is a RN. Her salary is sufficient to provide for our needs. However, I am still taking out a considerable amount of loan money to cover tuition and I am attending a public school. By the way families are awesome!. I have been married for four years and have a baby girl. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Yup, my husband is a production artist for a marketting company and he makes decent money, enough to support us, but I am definitey going to take out some living expenses loans to take the edge off. I'm not going to stress myself out during school by worrying about living paycheck to paycheck.

This might work if you're a man, but as a woman fertility rates become extremely low after mid-30s and the risk of genetic abnormalities/miscarriage also becomes quite significant.

I was going to make this point as well. Your fertility is never a given, even in your 20s, and after 35 (for the woman) the risks increase significantly.

 

[frutiaspice]

I think I would like to get married either during med school or my residency and then have kids after the residency but I'm still an undergrad so who knows what will happen?

 

[gravitywave]

Seems nice. I bet more people would go into primary care if they could do something like that. I know I'd be willing to take a significant pay-cut as long as I could work <50 hours/week with no call.

http://nhsc.bhpr.hrsa.gov/

it's moderately competitive though, and the penalties if you don't go through with the service commitment are steep.

or, you could just bust your ass in med school and match into derm. no pay-cut!

 

[gravitywave]

hilarious all the people on this thread that are such pre-med type A planners: "oh, i'll definitely want to be married by age x, no later than graduating med school for sure!" it happens when it happens, guys and gals. it's not really a schedule you can hold yourself to if things aren't in place by then, ya know?

and to the person who said above that they'd like to do peds but wasn't sure about kids: right on. i'm in the same boat. haters gonna hate tho.

 

[NickNaylor]

hilarious all the people on this thread that are such pre-med type A planners: "oh, i'll definitely want to be married by age x, no later than graduating med school for sure!" it happens when it happens, guys and gals. it's not really a schedule you can hold yourself to if things aren't in place by then, ya know?

and to the person who said above that they'd like to do peds but wasn't sure about kids: right on. i'm in the same boat. haters gonna hate tho.

If you're already involved with someone, then yes, it is a fairly easy thing to plan. If someone isn't in a relationship and is saying that they want to be married in five years, then I'd agree with you there.

 

[gravitywave]

If you're already involved with someone, then yes, it is a fairly easy thing to plan. If someone isn't in a relationship and is saying that they want to be married in five years, then I'd agree with you there.

easy to plan, yes. easy to execute on said plan, no.

 

[Kaustikos]

If you're already involved with someone, then yes, it is a fairly easy thing to plan. If someone isn't in a relationship and is saying that they want to be married in five years, then I'd agree with you there.

Plan? Yes. Execute?

 

[LizzyM]

Not a bad approach imo. I remember what someone told me once about this and it stuck with me: You'll never be "ready" for half the things you accomplish in life. Sometimes you just have to do it and make an honest effort to give it your all.

Right. An MBA married to a physician (and parents x 3) told my husband and me "there is no good time to have a baby. You have to just do it." My husband and I took that to heart and had two; and one was born 38 weeks after that conversation.

 

[Vadoff]

Overrated? are you joking?



Are you serious?

Dead serious. I'm just not that interested right now, and don't care if it's 30, 35, 40, 45, 50+ until I settle down. I'd prefer to eventually, but not settling down at all has crossed my mind as a real possibility.

It depends if you're a guy or a girl too. If you're the latter, it could be much harder to settle down when your looks start to fade.

 

[familyaerospace]

I had my daughter during undergrad when I was 21 and am a step-parent to three other kids. I already postponed some of my education already due to kids. If I ever decide to have more, I think I'm going to adopt some older kids. I'm not good with young kids.

 

[Perth Domer]

I always figured I'd get married during residency or shortly after. The bright side to being male is I have no biological clock to worry about.

One doc I shadowed strongly suggested I wait at least mostly through residency. He said in his residency everyone except he and another guy went through a divorce. He married a PA who understood his time commitments, and the other guy was a commited bachelor.

Who knows maybe I meet the girl of my dreams sooner and I don't keep to my plan. I've never been one for rigid planning, just general long term goals.