When to marry your SO?

[BorntobeDO?]

---

Members don't see this ad.

As someone who spent literally almost nothing on my wedding, I can't say I regret it too much. My wife does occasionally, but we didn't have any money at the time so it really wasn't a hard choice. I do think its harder for women to give up on the fantasy of a dream wedding (its some peoples favorite daydream).But as students, you don't have money. And if you try and wait for financial security, you may never get married.

I agree that long engagements tend to end in quick breakups, its a rare couple that goes 7 years engaged before one of them decides its getting old. I can still remember multiple nurses I went to school with in undergrad (and remember the average age was 26, so they weren't all super young), who came in engaged, and had a plan to get married 'after school.'

Only one of them actually made it, and she/her fiancee were pretty loaded from what I could see. All the others called it off, or ended up breaking up to go out with a new guy they had grown close to in school.

Also going into tons of debt on a wedding is just dumb to me, but lots of people will claim it was 'worth it.' Seems like those weddings often are better than the marriages.

 

[It's lupus!]

As someone who spent literally almost nothing on my wedding, I can't say I regret it too much. My wife does occasionally, but we didn't have any money at the time so it really wasn't a hard choice. I do think its harder for women to give up on the fantasy of a dream wedding (its some peoples favorite daydream). But as students, you don't have money. And if you try and wait for financial security, you may never get married. Going into tons of debt on a wedding is just dumb to me, but lots of people will claim it was 'worth it.' Seems like those weddings often are better than the marriages.

Yes! Placing too many expectations on a wedding makes everyone and especially that person miserable. Going in with few expectations allows you to be flexible and enjoy the night without few disappointments. At the end of the day idealizing a wedding makes for something you can't live up to and leaves nothing but anger, frustration, and disappoinment about a night, that is just that, one night of a lifelong commitment.

Sent from my Pixel XL using SDN mobile

 

[It's lupus!]

***with few disappointments

Sent from my Pixel XL using SDN mobile

 

[DokterMom]

As someone who spent literally almost nothing on my wedding, I can't say I regret it too much. My wife does occasionally, but we didn't have any money at the time so it really wasn't a hard choice. I do think its harder for women to give up on the fantasy of a dream wedding (its some peoples favorite daydream).But as students, you don't have money. And if you try and wait for financial security, you may never get married.

I agree that long engagements tend to end in quick breakups, its a rare couple that goes 7 years engaged before one of them decides its getting old. I can still remember multiple nurses I went to school with in undergrad (and remember the average age was 26, so they weren't all super young), who came in engaged, and had a plan to get married 'after school.'

Only one of them actually made it, and she/her fiancee were pretty loaded from what I could see. All the others called it off, or ended up breaking up to go out with a new guy they had grown close to in school.

Also going into tons of debt on a wedding is just dumb to me, but lots of people will claim it was 'worth it.' Seems like those weddings often are better than the marriages.

Well said. You absolutely DO have to mentally distinguish between getting married and having a wedding because they're two separate things that too often get conflated. Worst case, some people get confused and think they want to get married when really it's having a wedding that they yearn for. Those are some very costly mistakes...

It's very possible to get married in a manner that's very simple, very meaningful, very beautiful and very inexpensive. There are many locales in between the cathedral + country club and city hall. Many nice restaurants have private dining rooms that let you set the whole thing up with one phone call. Historic homes, private homes, city parks and/or gardens, scenic overviews...

On the ring front, if you can't afford or don't want a big expensive diamond, just don't go there! A simple gold band is lovely and classic. Or choose a colored gemstone, use a family ring if you have one, or start with a CZ. If you want, add a diamond or 'upgrade' later when you can easily afford it -- if it even matters at that point.

 

[NITRAS]

Going into debt for it is just a bad idea. You can do a lot with your money, especially if you crafty and look at Pintrist.

The numbers are a little hazy, the wedding/receptions was between $4000-$7000, which came from the parents. Lots of home made things. We got married in early January on winter break for my MS2 year (incidentally, I have the same anniversary as my parents and my older brother). I bought a $4000 ring with student loans, which was a dumb idea in retrospect. Had I don't it again, I would have bought a bit cheaper ring or just a wedding bands and upgraded later. First thing we did when my loans were paid off was buy a "custom" wedding bad that fits the engagement ring.

You can do a lot with a little money, but it does take work and planning. I know my wife worked a lot getting stuff ready.

Also remember that diamonds have some of the highest markups of any jewelry. Find a diamond dealer or an estate sale who does gems, and you can get a better deal (like an old diamond in a new ring).

 

[QueenJames]

Thanks! I think it worked. Might be an idea for you when the time comes.

Well.. mommy and daddy may go the arranged marriage route for me.

But if the chick I end up with isn't a spoiled little brown princess (which a majority of desi chicks are... nit all.. but a majority)... she'll get the world.

I'm a lover.

But that also means I'm easily taken advantage of and ain't nobody got time for dat!

 

[McDreamy123]

As another poster said - Prenup.

Not joking.

Dunno why people don't always get prenups.

Because a prenup only protects against assets that the holder of prenup had PRIOR to the marriage. Thus prenups are for people that are already very wealthy or had an inheritance etc before the marriage... they were already established. However, even with prenup everything made after the marriage the wife is entitled to half almost always. States can vary a bit on this. Most med students are broke and living on student loans... would be laughable to get a prenup in this spot.

 

[fldoctorgirl]

I'm fairly young compared to most med students, so even though my SO and I have been together for several years now, we're not planning on getting married at least until I finish school. But, I agree that a good time schedule-wise would probably be either right before or right after graduation (during M4).

As far as rings go...there's nothing wrong with a girl wanting a 'nice' ring. Obviously, you can tell when someone only wants something to show it off to others, and hopefully by the time you're ready to get engaged you would know whether the person you're with is like that or not. But, there's nothing necessarily wrong with a girl liking a pretty, more 'expensive' ring-- as long as she isn't forcing the guy to go way over his budget to get what she wants.

Same for fancy weddings: if you want it, and you can afford it, go for it. Definitely don't go into debt for one night, though.

 

[Peach Newport]

Well apparently... Prenups are pretty much meaningless in court and can be overturned and are done so regularly.

But I'ma still vie for one if I ever find the need to.

Nah. As someone who has some experience in the matter (and has talked this through with divorce lawyers multiple times), Prenups are taken pretty damn seriously. They’re not bulletproof, but they are strong documents.

There are always exceptions, but 9 times out of 10, the problems is that the dude doesn’t have a prenup where one would have saved him.

 

[Black Coffee 24/7]

My wedding costs $300 — $200 for the fine champagne bottles to my in-laws and $100 to get the paperwork done. No rings or banquets. We have 2 kids, and are shooting for one more. We will be hitting our 10 year anniversary in 3-4 months.