When's a good time to marry?

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trev5150 said:
Marriages are all about sex and breakfast.
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If that's all you think marriage is about, then I understand why you'd think they're bound to fail. For those that feel that way, I agree they should just avoid it altogether.

For those that actually look at their SO as more than just a means for regular "sex and breakfast", production of offspring, or just financial security, marriage (or more specifically lifelong partnership) works. You're also completely ignoring that while natural biological drives certainly play a role, people are developed enough to understand that delayed gratification through restraining themselves and having self-control oftentimes leads to greater happiness and life satisfaction than succumbing to the hedonistic or reactionary desires of the id.
 
Stagg737 said:
If that's all you think marriage is about, then I understand why you'd think they're bound to fail. For those that feel that way, I agree they should just avoid it altogether.

For those that actually look at their SO as more than just a means for regular "sex and breakfast", production of offspring, or just financial security, marriage (or more specifically lifelong partnership) works. You're also completely ignoring that while natural biological drives certainly play a role, people are developed enough to understand that delayed gratification through restraining themselves and having self-control oftentimes leads to greater happiness and life satisfaction than succumbing to the hedonistic or reactionary desires of the id.
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What makes a person happy is very different for everyone. There are many arranged marriages that happen for the sole purpose of producing children, and they work just fine; in fact, I have read somewhere that those marriages actually have better stability because they are viewed as partnerships. If what makes you and your partner happy is a steady source of sex and breakfast, so be it and more power to ya.


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OrthoTraumaMD said:
What makes a person happy is very different for everyone. There are many arranged marriages that happen for the sole purpose of producing children, and they work just fine; in fact, I have read somewhere that those marriages actually have better stability because they are viewed as partnerships. If what makes you and your partner happy is a steady source of sex and breakfast, so be it and more power to ya.


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Now we're venturing into an entirely different cultural aspect that I don't really feel like diving into at any great length. The only comment I'll make there is that there is a significant difference between marriages in cultures where the family unit is highly prioritized over the individual (like most cultures with arranged marriage) and marriages in cultures where individuality is prized over everything else (which is the direction the US has been moving in). I'm not saying there's anything wrong with " a steady sex and breakfast" making people happy. I'm just saying that if that's all a marriage, or really any relationship, is built on then it's not really much of a foundation for a lasting relationship of any kind.
 
Stagg737 said:
Now we're venturing into an entirely different cultural aspect that I don't really feel like diving into at any great length. The only comment I'll make there is that there is a significant difference between marriages in cultures where the family unit is highly prioritized over the individual (like most cultures with arranged marriage) and marriages in cultures where individuality is prized over everything else (which is the direction the US has been moving in). I'm not saying there's anything wrong with " a steady sex and breakfast" making people happy. I'm just saying that if that's all a marriage, or really any relationship, is built on then it's not really much of a foundation for a lasting relationship of any kind.
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I think there is also additional variance in how socially acceptable divorces are amongst communities, in addition to how able one partner may feel in supporting themselves and/or children if a divorce were to be granted. And so divorce rate may not be a reliable proxy for marital contentment, given that additional social pressures are at play.

MD-2021 said:
A lot of people here seem to have never made it out of their emo phase...
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Or have come to reasonable conclusions based on observations of their and others' relationships
 
Unless kids are in your future, there is no reason to Marry.
 
My wife and I got married in the summer between M1 and M2.

Right now we are constantly discussing when we'd like to have children. And I think what I've learned is that there is really never a "perfect" time to make any major life decision. It will never feel like the "good" time to do it. We are med students with type A personalities so we always want to find the best way to do everything as good as possible. But life isn't an exam.

Marry if you love each other. The rest will fall into place.
 
Last edited:
From an economic standpoint marriage is almost never recommended.

If you're one of those rare cases where your wife doesn't work at all, or makes less than the standard deduction, then you may marry for tax reasons, but that's very few cases.
 
Crayola227 said:
Unless one of you is sterilized, and even then maybe depending, never say never. Few methods are 100%. You never really know what you'll do with a pregnancy until it happens. Each time, even if you've been pregnant before and didn't keep it.

People change over time. I've seen man or woman change their mind on this later in life, and it tear people apart.

My two cents anyway.
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You're tearing me apart, Lisa!
 
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os baculum said:
My wife and I got married in the summer between M1 and M2.

Right now we are constantly discussing when we'd like to have children. And I think what I've learned is that there is really never a "perfect" time to make any major life decision. It will never feel like the "good" time to do it. We are med students with type A personalities so we always want to find the best way to do everything as good as possible. But life isn't an exam.

Marry if you love each other. The rest will fall into place.

Of course... all this coming from a guy who's on a full ride, and who's wife is an OT and pays for all of our living expenses....so... grains of salt guys. Grains of salt.
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One of the radiologists I work with met his wife in med school, had a kid during med school, had another kid during residency, and the last kid during fellowship. He said the same thing. There is never a good time.
 
Getting married in a couple of months between graduating med school and starting residency. Has been great from a planning perspective since I have lots of time during M4 to help with planning. Logistically, I think the M1/2 summer and anytime during M4 are really good options.

I have nothing to add to the past 67 posts of weirdness on this thread so far besides the fact that asking reddit or SDN for marriage advice is setting yourself up to get a certain kind of advice (aka DON'T DO IT IT'S A TRAP SHE JUST WANTS YOUR MONEY). I would talk to your irl friends, or even better talk to your SO about this.
 
Married 16 years. Together for 20. 3 kids. Graduate from med school in 3 months. I will make substantially more than him post-residency. Who cares? We don’t.

We are very happy and not “together for the kids.”


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I got married in 3rd year during one of my last electives. I had 5 core rotations after said elective and it was a tough time. But I will say this, it was totally worth it. I love my wife very much and we wouldn’t have gotten this far if it weren’t for Christ being the focal point of our marriage.

I believe any marriage worth its weight is founded on Him. If you can set Christ as the forefront of your relationship, there will never be a bad time to marry. Oh, how His blessings flow. Marriage is just one of them.
 
Atlas1496 said:
I got married in 3rd year during one of my last electives. I had 5 core rotations after said elective and it was a tough time. But I will say this, it was totally worth it. I love my wife very much and we wouldn’t have gotten this far if it weren’t for Christ being the focal point of our marriage.

I believe any marriage worth its weight is founded on Him. If you can set Christ as the forefront of your relationship, there will never be a bad time to marry. Oh, how His blessings flow. Marriage is just one of them.
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I like keeping Satan at the forefront of mine. Its kept things interesting to say the least. Our goat budget is out of control though so ymmv.
 
cye0216 said:
So when do you think is a good time considering academic timing..?
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Chillbo Baggins said:
Between first and second year if you're ready at that point. 4th year's a viable option but could actually be tricky with interviews and match. Winter break of first year is solid and you get off-season pricing. After step works if you don't mind planning and studying at the same time.
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os baculum said:
My wife and I got married in the summer between M1 and M2.

Right now we are constantly discussing when we'd like to have children. And I think what I've learned is that there is really never a "perfect" time to make any major life decision. It will never feel like the "good" time to do it. We are med students with type A personalities so we always want to find the best way to do everything as good as possible. But life isn't an exam.

Marry if you love each other. The rest will fall into place.
Click to expand...

Evidence Based said:
Getting married in a couple of months between graduating med school and starting residency. Has been great from a planning perspective since I have lots of time during M4 to help with planning. Logistically, I think the M1/2 summer and anytime during M4 are really good options.

I have nothing to add to the past 67 posts of weirdness on this thread so far besides the fact that asking reddit or SDN for marriage advice is setting yourself up to get a certain kind of advice (aka DON'T DO IT IT'S A TRAP SHE JUST WANTS YOUR MONEY). I would talk to your irl friends, or even better talk to your SO about this.
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I’m a first year and I’m getting married ~3 weeks after this semester ends, on Memorial Day weekend. I support the “summer between M1 and M2” although technically when we go back at the end of June after the break it’s like “Summer B of M1 year” for a month. But either way it’s our summer and we’re off ~7 weeks.
 
Marry your best friend. They will suffer dearly through your training, esp if they are not themselves in medicine. Marriage should be the one of the best aspects of your life, and should put the BS you deal with in perspective. That said, a bad one can be the most toxic, life and career affecting thing you ever endure.
 
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