Where do you find support to begin?

[Ishiguro]

Guess I'll start with a quick intro. I'm 26 and I just supported my long-term boyfriend through his medical admissions process-- success! He's going to a certain great school in Baltimore. I'm meanwhile headed to an Ivy school for an MA (2 years) concentrating largely on human rights issues. I majored in the Humanities at a top liberal art college and got about a 3.8-- but the only thing close to science that I took was some psych and enough Calculus for Phi Beta Kappa. I've had some interesting life and work experiences in the past four years, much in the developing world, some somewhat health-related.

I have been in this awful holding pattern the past year, anxious to leave my going-nowhere NGO job and get the credentials I need to make an impact in the world. Now that I'm going to a great grad program, I'm ambivalent. Excited enough about the program, but I have this nagging feeling, this hunch that all along I've been much more excited about my boyfriend's future than my own. I wake up in panic most mornings, thinking about my age. I'm not satisfied. This must be the elusive quarterlife crisis.

Deep breath. I've talked my way out of science and math classes for years, believing I'm rotten at them. (Who knows?) But in watching my boyfriend begin his medical school journey, I think that medicine might just be the right way for me to realize the good I want to do in the world. I crave the tangibility of it, and I can't bear to spend another day in a cubicle, writing a grant for funding for a dubious development project.

I am thinking that I'll tack the freshman biology sequence onto my schedule this semester and next, to see if I can hack it in a subject that came easy to me in high school (ha, long ago) and then either take a year off to do the pre-reqs, returning to the MA program in the application year, or hack away at the pre-reqs in the summer and next year while finishing the MA on time. Focus my MA on human rights and health in the meantime, a subject I've passionately observed. Looks like I start in 2011 if I'm successful.

I'm tempted to do this quietly-- I feel like such a flake, and I don't want to tell my parents (who are so anxious already that I took four years off before grad school), or my grad adviser (who got me full funding for my MA), or even the boyfriend, who has suffered plenty of my second-guessing and indecision already. (We're now putting our over-four-year relationship into long-distance territory, anyway.)

What did or will you do? Take the plunge publicly, or ease into it without the support but also without the risk of everyone knowing you've changed course once again? I'm sure many of us are afflicted by fear of failure.

I feel like I should blog the journey or something-- have any of you done that? Your stories, by the way, are totally inspiring.

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[student1799]

"Where do you get support to begin?" Here. (And you must have figured that out, because you came here.)

As for the rest of your questions, I'm going to say a lot of things that sound like enormous cliches, but that doesn't stop them from being true.

Stop being afraid of your dreams. In fact, stop being afraid, period. Unless you let go of your fear, you won't be free to daydream and imagine what it is you REALLY want--whether medicine or something else. And until you know what you want, you can't go after it successfully.

Get rid of your math and science phobia (which is really just fear). This is a particular problem for women, because society feeds us a load of B.S. when we're young to try and make us believe that this is too hard, we're not good enough, etc. I'm not saying that you're guaranteed to be a genius at this stuff, but you don't need to be. If you're smart enough to graduate from a top school and get a full ride for an MA program, you're smart enough to do this.

Believe in yourself. I know there are plenty of men who have low self-confidence, but even more women who do. I'm 45, and I often found myself giving pep talks to much younger women in my premed classes, to encourage them to keep going and not give up. Of course you have to work hard, but you also have to BELIEVE that you can succeed. As Al Franken's character used to say on Saturday Night Live: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and darn it, people like me."

Be stubborn. You are going to have some setbacks, and some days when you think that becoming a doctor was the stupidest idea you ever had. It's OK to feel that way occasionally, but learn to pick yourself up and get back to the fight. I always tell myself that they're never going to kill me, because I'm too goddamn stubborn. (Ask my husband--he knows me very well.) Stubbornness is a valuable quality in a nontrad, because it helps us deal with the many obstacles we face. Being relentless won't guarantee success, but it certainly increases your odds.


As far as "taking the plunge" (telling others about your plans), I wouldn't do it until you're ready, but once you are, I think it would be a good idea. Once you've publicly declared your goals, I think you'll be less likely to back out, and you may get support from some unexpected places (including total strangers that you'll meet on your travels). But make sure you have figured out the state of your own mind before you make any declarations.

Just to be as hard-headed as possible about this, you should consider the possibility that you're interested in medicine because that's what your boyfriend is doing. It may be a signal not so much that you want to do what he's doing, as that you DON'T want to do what you're about to do. I'm not necessarily saying that's the case, but you really have to think long and hard about your motivations before you plunge into something this demanding.

Good luck with your thought process, and enjoy your dreams--no matter what they turn out to be.

 

[Ishiguro]

Just to be as hard-headed as possible about this, you should consider the possibility that you're interested in medicine because that's what your boyfriend is doing. It may be a signal not so much that you want to do what he's doing, as that you DON'T want to do what you're about to do. I'm not necessarily saying that's the case, but you really have to think long and hard about your motivations before you plunge into something this demanding.

Yup, this is a big fear, complicated by the fact that I've had a hard time figuring out what I want at all, ever since about two years ago when I returned from a grueling stint in Nigeria and felt like my world had been turned upside down.

I can't do this without at least a couple people in my "real life" knowing-- much as I shy away from asking for support, it's so necessary. Better talk to the boyfriend and the best friends.

I'm going to spend the weekend getting started as a volunteer at the free clinic run by the university here. I'm really excited about it, actually. So, hooray.

Thanks so much for your reply.

 

[sunny1]

I started quietly - taking a few of the prerequisites as I was able outside of work. This was mainly to do the same thing as you: make sure I could get decent grades in science classes, since I'd taken so few of them previously.

Then as confidence in my abilities rose, I shared my ambitions with a few choice people in my life or at work. That number has grown since of course, but there are still some people (like my boss, who is actually heavily involved with my local med school) I choose not to tell until I have a full sense of the competitiveness of my application. (I just took the MCAT yesterday.)

So you're completely normal and in a very good position I think! I would add on the prerequisite classes to your MA coursework and start plugging away.

 

[sindadel]

I wanted to wait until after I was accepted to tell anyone. Haha. "BTW, I'm starting med school in the fall." My husband said it would be weird to take organic chem without mentioning why. So I told everyone at the beginning.

It's actually been really nice. Almost everyone I've told has been very supportive, and I've appreciated the extra help while studying for the MCAT, taking classes etc. It's also caused me a great deal of stress of course, because I can't just quietly abandon the idea with no one the wiser.

But if I don't get accepted, or I honestly decide that it's not worth it to go to med school, I trust that my friends and family will be able to handle that too.

 

[nsx]

I think it's awesome that you want to make a tangible difference, but you might find it valuable to pinpoint exactly why you're choosing medicine. You may find another career or another life change is more suitable, or you may have solidified your reasons. Hopefully your upcoming clinical volunteering aids this process.

With that said, dudette, none of us is getting any younger. I think once you've identified concrete reasons why medicine attracts you, you'll find it easier to make a plan to reach your goal. Good luck

 

[GreenShirt]

You're interested in healthcare and you want to make an impact on the world, have you considered getting an MPH and working for national or international organization? I suggest this because medicine is very much focused on helping people one individual at a time (and most of the time you're not going to make the progress you wish with people). You would have to get involved in politics or national/international organizations as doctor to influence the kind of change you're talking about.

Medicine seems like a very glamorous thing from the outside, but the reality is far from it. Getting some science and clinical experience will just be dipping your toe in the pond. Of course, you have to start somewhere...so I think it's a good idea to try out a few science courses and get some shadowing experience as you have proposed. Good luck!

 

[Ishiguro]

I definitely agree that medicine might not be the best way for me to fulfill my desire to make a tangible difference in the world. I'm going to take biology and volunteer at a clinic this year as a means to both prepare for the possibility of medicine, and also to keep open the MPH possibility. I'll be focusing my studies during this MA on health and human rights, particularly in conflict areas-- something I'm definitely fascinated by. A lot of people in my program do joint degrees with public health, so I think I'm in a good place to be exploring these topics. I would have volunteered anyway (having done so at an HIV clinic in my previous city), so this all feels like a natural progression so far.

Thank you so much for your thoughts, everyone. I've also decided not to talk about potentially entering an MD with my family until I've done some biology and spent some time doing the clinical volunteering. I have a feeling that my career will lean toward public health and possibly epidemiology if not medicine, so there's no need to talk about it yet.