Why I am skipping residency

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Basically. Within medicine there are many levels and lengths of training. An ER doc and a neurosurgeon have big differences in this length. Both specialties are needed.

Don't look down on those who choose paths that require less training.

maybe i didn't place my emphasis right. the underqualified aspect is much more concerning to me than the gp part
 
NP is going to be 4 years for a BSN. AT LEAST 2 of which is clinicals.
Then usually at least 2 years of actually working.
Then 1-2 years for the masters or doctorate of nursing, which I'm told is very hands on.
So at least 5-6 years of clinically working.

Graduating intern has 3rd year of med school which is pretty darn useless for real world practice, 4th year - half of which is spent on easy electives or time of for interviews and 1 year of internship where they are finally actually doing work on their own and understanding a lot of the clinical issues (med dosing, imaging details, etc).
Saying a finishing intern has 3 years of clinical experience is GENEROUS.

The nurse has DIFFERENT clinical training. But she has more. Its why nurses know more than a 4th year med student and most interns. Not about the concepts in medicine or the diseases, but about the actual practice of medicine - basic stabilization, first steps in treatment, medication dosing, etc.

We can just agree to disagree. Sure NPs have spent more time seeing patients, but less than half the time treating patients as an intern. Ill stop debating this though. No sense hijacking the post over a useless argument.

Truth is malpractice will cripple those without residency. The "man" requires it.
 
The nurse has DIFFERENT clinical training. But she has more. Its why nurses know more than a 4th year med student and most interns. Not about the concepts in medicine or the diseases, but about the actual practice of medicine - basic stabilization, first steps in treatment, medication dosing, etc.

I'm sure Tiger Woods has more "clinical" experience with vaginal exams than your average gyn intern. That doesn't mean I would suggest my gf get her pelvic exam from him.

I would ask her to get an autograph though. That guy is money.
 
Residents are exploited. They are worked HARD and paid a fraction of what the hospital receives to let them practice there.

Ridiculous.

After I graduate med-school I'm going to do an intern year and immediately start my own doc-in-a-box-type practice.
I'm going to get a small business loan to rent a small office in an area with few doctors and start seeing patients.

I will take cash only. I will not have to hire people to deal with collections or fight with insurance companies.
That is a tragic waste of time/money.

I will not hire a receptionist. That's a waste of money. I will use an online scheduling service.

Boo-yah.

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Actually most NPs would have more clinical experience than a doc who did med school plus an intern year. By quite a bit.

I'm truly sorry but I have to laugh at you a little here, you must not be very familiar with NP education. If you want to count RN school clinical experience...well that's highly variable (780 hours for the UC schools). But as for NP's the mean number of clinical hours is about 670. Good luck with that. About 1800 hours is a year of full time nursing, how many times over did you eclipse that intern year alone?

For your record at least at my school we have more experience in SCHOOL alone then a RN w/ 2 years experience->FNP. Intern year well...yep...more experience by far.
 
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I'm truly sorry but I have to laugh at you a little here, you must not be very familiar with NP education. If you want to count RN school clinical experience...well that's highly variable. But as for NP's the mean number of clinical hours is about 670. We'll round up to 700 for fun. For my third year rotations range from about 320 hours to over 640 (but that's against the rules so we'll set the number there). I'll even take the average of those two numbers even though its skewed to the higher one. I will have over 4x more clinical hours during third year alone then their entire curriculum. Then add in 4th year and intern year. Sorry just no. Feel free you are a resident please tell me how many hours you worked intern year. Divide that by 1872 (which is the high end for number of hours a full time nurse works a year). How many times over did it eclipse that?

Regardless, you will see coming out of intern year that you are not going to be comfortable that you are competent to be anyone's primary doctor. It's one thing when someone comes to you with a minor ailment. But when they come in with a host of complicated problems, and you have no superiors to consult with, is when you will be F'ed. Not doing the right thing will get you sued, and the jury is already going to be biased against you when they hear you skimped on residency.
 
I love, love, L😍VE this idea, Party. I have a similar plan that's been cooking for a few months now. I've decided to open my own botox clinic. I'm not a sucker and won't pay $700 for a tiny vial of medical-grade botox, so I'm going to create my own. I have several dented cans of honey brewing but I need a few patients to test this out on. For every patient you send me, I'll send you $30. Just give me your full name, social security number and bank routing and account number and we'll be in business!

Genius.
 
Regardless, you will see coming out of intern year that you are not going to be comfortable that you are competent to be anyone's primary doctor. It's one thing when someone comes to you with a minor ailment. But when they come in with a host of complicated problems, and you have no superiors to consult with, is when you will be F'ed. Not doing the right thing will get you sued, and the jury is already going to be biased against you when they hear you skimped on residency.

Oh I agree to an extent but it just rackles me a bit when people apparently undervalue their education or overvalue others, anyway I'll admit I was just trolling a bit but I didn't expect THAT response. I was making a superficial "in theory" observation anyway.
 
Even though you're probably trolling, I don't mind this "outside the box" thinking in medicine. In my opinion, it's this type of attitude you need to find that niche or angle to really succeed and make the type of money most pre-meds think is associated with clinical medicine.

Having said that ... the issues everyone else brought up will cripple this type of practice - malpractice, attracting patients, etc.

Now, from what I've personally seen (take that as you will) it's not impossible to just do an intern year so you can technically be a "licensed physician" in various states and then go on to do interesting things in medicine. You can look into easy admin degrees and do some type of management, admin, look into simply buying medical real estate, opening up a chain of clinics, etc, etc, etc.

Furthermore, there is always finding that actual niche in clinical medicine. Several of the wealthiest physicians I know are guys who only did an intern year and then moved on because they found a nice little spot in cosmetics and have been pumping that well for the last 20 years. One guy went to a highly respected med school, did an intern year, went back and got an MBA, and for the last 20 years has been making serious money in Newport Beach in his lavish "Mesotherapy Vein Clinic." Obviously this market is now saturated, but 25 years ago he thought outside the box, saw an opportunity, showed a bit of foresight, took a risk and succeeded. The other two I know are in hair transplant surgery and actually eclipse the first doc financially.

Is it likely? No. Is it risky? Yes. Are you going to get a response posting this type of stuff in a thread where people have worked very hard to do it the legit (and smart) way and sacrifice additional years to become orthopods, dermatologists, ENTs, etc, etc??? No.

Either way ... if you are legit ... good luck.
 
You could always move to Cali or Colorado and become a weed doctor. I'm sure most people would be willing to pay out of pocket for your services there.
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As a weed doc, you get to have your office on Venice Beach. Your only employee is the chick with dreads yelling all day "The Doctor is in, $75 for a license"
 
just wanted to applaud the use of onomatopoeias earlier in the thread...
 
People with chronic medical problems usually have to have insurance to pay for their huge medical bills.

My typical patient would be someone who just sliced their hand open with an exacto knife or got an upper respiratory infection with no other PMH.

I'll feed the troll...

1st sentence: You will learn this isn't true in your first week of residency.

2nd sentence: Would you know how to evaluate for subtle neurovascular injury to the hand? Maybe this is a skill learned in residency???

Would you just send away every "difficult case" because you didn't have the knowledge gained through experience? If this is your actual plan, your motives and morals are questionable, at best.
 
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we stay fly...no lie...u know it...TROLLIN😎
 
NP is going to be 4 years for a BSN. AT LEAST 2 of which is clinicals.
Then usually at least 2 years of actually working.
Then 1-2 years for the masters or doctorate of nursing, which I'm told is very hands on.
So at least 5-6 years of clinically working.
Not at all required. You might as well include med students with years of experience in EMS or something.

Saying a finishing intern has 3 years of clinical experience is GENEROUS.

The nurse has DIFFERENT clinical training. But she has more. Its why nurses know more than a 4th year med student and most interns.
Yeah, honestly, after my intern year, there aren't many nurses that have a better knowledge base than me. Now, I have met some brilliant NPs, but RN or BSN? No. Also, given how many more hours I worked in my intern year than the average nurse in their clinical rotations, it counts as at least 3 years of nursing training. Not to mention that a lot of BSN level nursing clinicals are just bullsh-t fluff, much like an M4 elective.
 
Not at all required. You might as well include med students with years of experience in EMS or something.
Years ago when I was considering nursing I spoke to several NPs and programs that offered masters of nursing degrees. All said that years working was required. You did not go get a BSN and then go straight into a masters program. Maybe its changed since then but at the time I was told at least 2 years of work experience prior to applying for the masters was required.


Yeah, honestly, after my intern year, there aren't many nurses that have a better knowledge base than me. Now, I have met some brilliant NPs, but RN or BSN? No. Also, given how many more hours I worked in my intern year than the average nurse in their clinical rotations, it counts as at least 3 years of nursing training. Not to mention that a lot of BSN level nursing clinicals are just bullsh-t fluff, much like an M4 elective.

Well the original argument was NP would have more clinical training. I just didn't say it explicitly in the last paragraph, but I meant nurse practitioners. My last sentence was that a basic nurse would know more than most 4th year med students/beginning interns (really didn't express it well) - which I still think is true.

Anyway the original topic was someone said that an intern would have better clinical training than an NP. I don't think thats true.
 
Years ago when I was considering nursing I spoke to several NPs and programs that offered masters of nursing degrees. All said that years working was required. You did not go get a BSN and then go straight into a masters program.

The times, they are a-changin!
 
Years ago when I was considering nursing I spoke to several NPs and programs that offered masters of nursing degrees. All said that years working was required. You did not go get a BSN and then go straight into a masters program. Maybe its changed since then but at the time I was told at least 2 years of work experience prior to applying for the masters was required.
It depends on the school, it's not a national standard for an NP degree. There is such a thing as a 'direct entry' NP degree which gets you from any random non-medical undergraduate degree to being an NP in 3 years.

Also for nurses going the BSN to NP path, is less than 2 years of the BSN degree is clinicals in many programs. There are nursing programs for college grads which take a single year. In other words all of nursing training takes about as long as our preclinical work.

And finally even for schools that require clinical experience, you need to consider the quality of that experience. Obviously the orgional idea for these degrees centered around midlevel practicioners who saw a lot of pathology: EM, ICU, and floor nurses for NP degrees, and experienced military Corpsmen and Medics for the PA degree. However as the number of these programs have expanded a lower and lower quality of clinical experience is being accepted, and honestly now I'm not sure the direct entry NP programs are even missing out on much. Does 2 years of outpatient Pediatric nursing really make you more qualified to be an NP? Do circulators in the OR really have any real knowledge to bring to a PA degree? It seems like, unless you limit the degrees to certain (very rare) clinical experiences you're not really getting that much from the extra years spent working.
 
Not at all required. You might as well include med students with years of experience in EMS or something.


Yeah, honestly, after my intern year, there aren't many nurses that have a better knowledge base than me. Now, I have met some brilliant NPs, but RN or BSN? No. Also, given how many more hours I worked in my intern year than the average nurse in their clinical rotations, it counts as at least 3 years of nursing training. Not to mention that a lot of BSN level nursing clinicals are just bullsh-t fluff, much like an M4 elective.

Yeah I know a lot of PAs and NPs who are absolutely brilliant clinicians and are going to be amazing in their practices. The lower/midlevel nurses are a lot more variable IMO. The ones who do 2 year associate degrees... well let's just say at my hospital they often don't want to do the work they're paid for.
 
Residents are exploited. They are worked HARD and paid a fraction of what the hospital receives to let them practice there.

Ridiculous.

After I graduate med-school I'm going to do an intern year and immediately start my own doc-in-a-box-type practice.
I'm going to get a small business loan to rent a small office in an area with few doctors and start seeing patients.

I will take cash only. I will not have to hire people to deal with collections or fight with insurance companies.
That is a tragic waste of time/money.

I will not hire a receptionist. That's a waste of money. I will use an online scheduling service.

Boo-yah.

Go for it.

What could possibly go wrong?
 
Residents are exploited. They are worked HARD and paid a fraction of what the hospital receives to let them practice there.

Ridiculous.

After I graduate med-school I'm going to do an intern year and immediately start my own doc-in-a-box-type practice.
I'm going to get a small business loan to rent a small office in an area with few doctors and start seeing patients.

I will take cash only. I will not have to hire people to deal with collections or fight with insurance companies.
That is a tragic waste of time/money.

I will not hire a receptionist. That's a waste of money. I will use an online scheduling service.

Boo-yah.
The worst part of residency is the intern year. And good luck with paying malpractice.
 
1) Because the cost of your insurance as and independent practicioner without a residency will eat up the majority of your income.

2) Because starting a 'doc in a box' is probably still going to require a loan, and you're going to have a hard time getting one

3) Because, like it or not, Intern years are no longer designed to produce independent practicioners. You'll be underqualified, and hopedully you won't want to practice feeling out of your depth.

4) Because anyone with money would demand a real doctor, and the only way anyone poorwould pay cash for your services is if they didn't live within a hundred miles of an ER because otherwise they'd go there for 'free' care.

Ways to be a doctor with just an intern year:

1) move to the ass end of nowhere rural flyover red state country, where doctors are so scarce they make it impossible to sue you OR

2) work for the military as a GMO OR

3) practice uber s***** medicine. Should be illegal medicine like pill mills, or CAM, or whatever.

Or you can suck it up and get through it. Yes they're taking advantage of you. For three years,for 80 hours a week (really less), and they're compensating you with a low but definitely middle class income. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face, suck it up and get through it.
Not if the proposed GME funding cuts are passed.
 
The nurse has DIFFERENT clinical training. But she has more. Its why nurses know more than a 4th year med student and most interns. Not about the concepts in medicine or the diseases, but about the actual practice of medicine - basic stabilization, first steps in treatment, medication dosing, etc.

I think you've got it backwards. The average nurse has LESS clinical training, but with a DIFFERENT clinical focus, than a 4th year med student or intern.

It is that different focus that makes them seem less useless than a 4th year or a July intern - they know much more "practical" stuff about patient treatment and med dosing than we do.

Now...after having finished my intern year...I can tell you that I am (no bragging intended, this is just the natural product of rigorous training) well ahead of any nurse in terms of clinical decision making and understanding of patient pathology.

Still though, if you threw me into an ICU and told me to start hanging drips...the patient would be in trouble. That's why we rely on good nurses to help us do our jobs. But it doesn't mean that they have MORE training than we do.
 
I think you've got it backwards. The average nurse has LESS clinical training, but with a DIFFERENT clinical focus, than a 4th year med student or intern.

It is that different focus that makes them seem less useless than a 4th year or a July intern - they know much more "practical" stuff about patient treatment and med dosing than we do.

Now...after having finished my intern year...I can tell you that I am (no bragging intended, this is just the natural product of rigorous training) well ahead of any nurse in terms of clinical decision making and understanding of patient pathology.

Still though, if you threw me into an ICU and told me to start hanging drips...the patient would be in trouble. That's why we rely on good nurses to help us do our jobs. But it doesn't mean that they have MORE training than we do.
That post was about NURSE PRACTIONERS. I edited it to make it more clear because people keep saying the same thing. Someone said the intern with no residency would have more clinical experience than your average NP. I disagree.
 
That post was about NURSE PRACTIONERS. I edited it to make it more clear because people keep saying the same thing. Someone said the intern with no residency would have more clinical experience than your average NP. I disagree.

And I would still disagree. At least with the NPs and PAs I work with - at this point they come to me with questions; not the other way around. They are better at paperwork and logistics than I am (i.e. they can do a more thorough and/or quicker patient discharge than I can), but when it comes to clinical decision making and problem solving...I'd take any of my co-PGY2's over any of our mid-levels.
 
And I would still disagree. At least with the NPs and PAs I work with - at this point they come to me with questions; not the other way around. They are better at paperwork and logistics than I am (i.e. they can do a more thorough and/or quicker patient discharge than I can), but when it comes to clinical decision making and problem solving...I'd take any of my co-PGY2's over any of our mid-levels.
Mostly agree. A neurology PA/NP is going to have a better grasp on strokes than me, but when it comes to a lot of other things (and especially my own field), I think I've already pulled out ahead of most mid-levels. Even on some of my sub-specialty surgical rotations, I knew more (sometimes a frightening amount more) than the PAs, about topics I thought they would be pretty familiar with.
 
Residents are exploited. They are worked HARD and paid a fraction of what the hospital receives to let them practice there.

Ridiculous.

After I graduate med-school I'm going to do an intern year and immediately start my own doc-in-a-box-type practice.
I'm going to get a small business loan to rent a small office in an area with few doctors and start seeing patients.

I will take cash only. I will not have to hire people to deal with collections or fight with insurance companies.
That is a tragic waste of time/money.

I will not hire a receptionist. That's a waste of money. I will use an online scheduling service.

Boo-yah.

969638-cool_story__bro_super.jpg
 
Residents are exploited. They are worked HARD and paid a fraction of what the hospital receives to let them practice there.

Ridiculous.

After I graduate med-school I'm going to do an intern year and immediately start my own doc-in-a-box-type practice.
I'm going to get a small business loan to rent a small office in an area with few doctors and start seeing patients.

I will take cash only. I will not have to hire people to deal with collections or fight with insurance companies.
That is a tragic waste of time/money.

I will not hire a receptionist. That's a waste of money. I will use an online scheduling service.

Boo-yah.

There is one big flaw in your plan, unless you finish a residency, you cannot take cannot take the State Board Exam, and you cannot get a License, if you don't get a License, then you cannot practice Medicine. If you get cause in your little "Doc in a Box", you will be put in jail for a long time. but otherwise, yeah, sure go ahead...
 
There is one big flaw in your plan, unless you finish a residency, you cannot take cannot take the State Board Exam, and you cannot get a License, if you don't get a License, then you cannot practice Medicine. If you get cause in your little "Doc in a Box", you will be put in jail for a long time. but otherwise, yeah, sure go ahead...

You are 14. Please stop. You have no idea what you are talking about. Please remove MD from behind your name, it is insulting.
 
There is one big flaw in your plan, unless you finish a residency, you cannot take cannot take the State Board Exam, and you cannot get a License, if you don't get a License, then you cannot practice Medicine. If you get cause in your little "Doc in a Box", you will be put in jail for a long time. but otherwise, yeah, sure go ahead...

You have this a little confused. The State Board Exam is different from your Specialty Boards.

You can practice medicine as soon as you have an "unrestricted license." By having an unrestricted license, you are able to practice independently, as well as apply for a DEA#, which would allow you to write for narcotics and other controlled substances.

You can apply for an unrestricted license as soon as you have passed Step 3 and fulfilled the number of residency years that the state board requires. Most states require 2 years of residency at a minimum before you can apply for an unrestricted license, but some states still require only 1.

At the end of residency, you are eligible to sit for your "specialty boards." These are specialty specific exams that are administered by your specialty group. For example, if you finished a pediatrics residency, you can sit for the boards that are given by the American Board of Pediatrics. If you are a surgeon, you can sit for the boards given by the American Board of Surgery.

By completing a residency, you are "Board eligible"; by successfully passing your specialty boards, you are "Board certified."

You do not need to be either board eligible nor board certified to practice medicine independently. However, most reputable places, even in very rural areas, would prefer to have Board Eligible/Board Certified ("BE/BC") physicians staffing their clinics. It's also harder to get decent malpractice insurance without being BE/BC.

P.S. I have to agree with danzman, writing "M.D." behind your name when you are at least 12 years away from that point is....a little insulting to those of us who have worked incredibly hard to earn that title.
 
I would like to chime in on a few issues. First of all, I don't think this is a troll post. The OP is wise beyond his/her years and all of the those who criticize the idea will realize this soon as you enter practice and learn the ways of this industry.

Many states will grant a medical license after 1 year of post-graduate training. Many hospitals, clinics, and even the government will gladly hire docs with only one year of training.

Banks will loan him money. In fact, he/she is much more likely to secure a start-up loan with his proposed model of practice than if he/she were proposing a traditional medical office practice.

Malpractice insurance is not required to practice medicine. Many physicians choose not to carry insurance. There are some physicians that see malpractice insurance as nothing but a huge target on their back. These physicians use other means to protect their assets.

Cash-only practices are exploding in number right now. It is probably the only model that will allow primary care physicians to have economically viable practices in the long-term. Patients are coming around to the idea that medical insurance should function the same way as any other insurance (i.e., You don't file an auto insurance claim when you get your oil changed or tires rotated so why would you file an medical insurance claim for a physical or a visit for a sinus infection). They are buying high-deductible plans linked to health savings accounts. The patients will come and lay down cash and the OP will keep more of it because he doesn't have to spend the money filing claims and chasing reimbursement.

Patients want to be seen quickly and conveniently. The days of waiting 2 weeks to see your doctor or waiting 2 hours in the waiting room are over. Urgent care clinics like the one proposed by the OP are hurting traditional PCP office practice and they make a ton of money. Why do you think huge retailers like Walmart are opening clinics in their stores?

It's not crazy. It's the future.
 
There is one big flaw in your plan, unless you finish a residency, you cannot take cannot take the State Board Exam, and you cannot get a License, if you don't get a License, then you cannot practice Medicine. If you get cause in your little "Doc in a Box", you will be put in jail for a long time. but otherwise, yeah, sure go ahead...

I thought it was Mega Douche.

Seriously go away...good old SDN. Where the kids who haven't started high school come to share their knowledge.
 
I thought it was Mega Douche.

Seriously go away...good old SDN. Where the kids who haven't started high school come to share their knowledge.

Ok, I get it, what I said was not right, so can the insults please stop?
 
Ok, I get it, what I said was not right, so can the insults please stop?

They'll stop when you get out of the pre-allo and allo boards and go make some friends. You have nothing that can come close to a contribution here. If you'd like to post some memes have fun. Otherwise time to go bye bye and go watch some youtube videos of justin bieber 8th grader.
 
Ok, I get it, what I said was not right, so can the insults please stop?

Bro, you've only just started/are about to start high school. I hope you can understand why your presence here raises some eyebrows, namely, what the heck you're doing on a forum where the minimum lowest starting point for threads is at high school. (hSDN).
 
Many states will grant a medical license after 1 year of post-graduate training. Many hospitals, clinics, and even the government will gladly hire docs with only one year of training.

I find this statement confusing.

In the general residency forum, there are always a number of posters who post that they have been fired after one year of residency, or completed a prelim without a categorical to move on to. And the question is always - well, what now?

Most of them have come back later and posted that they have had difficulty finding employment in reputable clinics, even in Minute Clinics or urgent care. There are, of course, pill mills that will take anyone with a DEA#.

The government might be a different story; I'm not that familiar with the requirements to be a GMO.

Most of the job listings for hospitals that I have seen in primary care journals/Practice Link specify BE/BC. So where are the jobs that don't require BE/BC that you're seeing? 😕
 
Getting a medical license after internship isn't automatic. Sure, you will meet the minimum requirement in many states, but the medical board may still refuse you a license. Medical boards also often look at other factors such as letters of recommendation from practicing physicians.

The military route may be an option
 
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NP is going to be 4 years for a BSN. AT LEAST 2 of which is clinicals.
Then usually at least 2 years of actually working.
Then 1-2 years for the masters or doctorate of nursing, which I'm told is very hands on.
So at least 5-6 years of clinically working.

Graduating intern has 3rd year of med school which is pretty darn useless for real world practice, 4th year - half of which is spent on easy electives or time of for interviews and 1 year of internship where they are finally actually doing work on their own and understanding a lot of the clinical issues (med dosing, imaging details, etc).
Saying a finishing intern has 3 years of clinical experience is GENEROUS.

The NP has DIFFERENT clinical training. But she has more. Its why many nurses know more than a 4th year med student and most interns when they first start out. Not about the concepts in medicine or the diseases, but about the actual practice of medicine - basic stabilization, first steps in treatment, medication dosing, etc. But overall the NP would have more clinical experience than an MD with ONLY an intern year.


A lot of NPs know more than some graduating residents...... maybe not surgical specialities but primary care ones.
 
Last time I went to visit my parents I got sick and went to my dad's doctor. She doesn't take insurance at all, and there are no appointment times. You signed in as you came in, and there was a really cool waiting room (not typical doctor style). It cost me $100.00, and I was out of there in 45 minutes. This place intrigued me, and I put numbers to it. From the sign in sheet, her office saw 10-12 patients per hour. If that pace is continual, it is over 2 million in gross income. She had on staff 1 PA, 3 nurses, and a receptionist. She has to be making an unbelievably good income, and from talks she had with my dad she makes more than most docs.

Still, OP, she completed her residency in internal medicine, went to Baylor med school, and practiced a few years for someone else. It is also worth pointing out that she practices in a very well to do community where I am sure the $100.00 doesn't detract from many. OP, while the business plan may be ingenious, there aren't short cuts even to great plans. Finish your residency.
 
I am also considering doing this, but I was thinking of going into orthopaedic surgery without doing a residency.

Well I'm looking to pass gas out of the back of a used ice-cream truck, do you want to become partners? Drive by TKA's and THA's all day long baby! But before we get ahead of ourselves, we need to think of some cool music to play over the PA system. Something that's catchy, but professional.
 
I'm just gonna do some good old fashioned leechings and bonesetting, lower overhead that way. And sell Miracle Elixir on the side. Also hot shaves will be available.
 
Then you immediately get desperate and just start writing everyone marijuana prescriptions. Then you are THAT doctor.
 
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