Withdrawing after midway through first year -- Please Help

[s_vnny]

---

Members don't see this ad.

I was recently diagnosed with Dyslexia and I have been pretty much depressed since right before I took the MCAT senior year of college. Five years later the depression has only gotten worse and I just can't seem to make a picture of the material in my head (I feel it is because of the dyslexia as well as some pretty bad anxiety/depression). Furthermore, my school is offering me only one more year to get my act together or get out - and my anxiety is worse because of it. I am in the process of making the decision. Does anyone have advice? I know I can register with the office of disabilities and have them "force" the medical school to accomodate me but I dont know if it is worth more pain for me to go through more hell. If you think medical school is hard, try doing it with a learning disability. On the other hand I have absolutely wonderful people skills.

Does anyone have any suggestions into what I can do now? My undergraduate life consisted of getting into medical school so I have a science major.

Is it possible to have my loans waived because of this, I read in the rules that acquiring a disability qualifies for a waiver??

Please, anyone, give me your thoughts (positive or negative)

 

[ColoMD]

I think it can be hard to get loans waived for a learning disability. Under most of the federal student loan statutes, "disability" is defined as a debilitating and permanent condition which will prevent you from earning an income thereby rendering you unable to repay loans. Definitely something to look into, but just know that it might be difficult.

And this is just for federal student loans. Private loans are often not even cancelled in the event of death, meaning they have to be paid off using life insurance/other assets.

Good luck to you though.

 

[GoodMonkey]

i would highly highly recommend seeking the help of a psychiatrist, or other mental-health care provider. treating the depression may help with many, many things, and there are great options out there for depression treatment. after you get that under control, then deal with the learning disorder end of things. it seems like you're staring up at a huge mountain, i know, but if this is something you really want to do, take it a bit at a time and i'm sure it's surmountable.

if you aren't already under the care of an experienced professional, i definitely recommend doing so ASAP.

good luck. 🙂

 

[babyruth]

Just curious because I don't know a whole lot about dyslexia, but why have they diagnosed you so late in your life? Have you always had problems or have they just accumulated?

 

[Eiko]

Please don't give up... I believe you can do it.

Do you realize how far you have come? I don't know if you know this or not, but there are a lot of people that are proud of you for how far you have come. I personnally am in awe of what you have already accomplished.

It's hard to stop and get a mental picture when the school's giving you the fire hydrin approach. It's tough to keep going when you get knocked down by a bunch of "failures", but you can do it.

You could try going to the disabilities office at your medical school and requesting extra help and expansion of deadlines. Stop and take breathers, use your hands to feel the information... touch goes a long way in developing mental pictures... if biochem is evil for you (it is for me 😀 ) then have you thought of playing around with molecule models to music. Invite your other sense other than just your eyes into your learning. Get out and try the practical side of medicine, using it to cross-conceptualize the rest of your studies.

I believe you can do it if you hang in there. It may be hard, it may be tiring, stressful, you name it... but think of all the hope you'll be giving to others with dyslexia.

Then again, this is only my opinion, you can take it or leave it. But I do suggest you think over what amazing feets you have accomplished so far when deciding what to do next.

 

[phoenixsupra]

Find a good psychiatrist and get your depression treated.

So you are dyslexic. You'll have to work harder than most to do ok. But if you got in to medschool you can pass. Relax, stick with it. You'll be able to say "yeah, I got through medschool....and I'm dyslexic" and watch people's amazement. Even if you graduate at the bottom of your class you'll have achieved no mean feat and you'll be an inspiration for kids with dyslexia everywhere. Good luck. 🙂

 

[s_vnny]

Thank you to everyone that has posted a response so far. I really appreciate the positive encouragement. However, my main fear is this - what if I decide to go at it one more time and fail and then get kicked out with nothing to show for it except 100K in debt and a loss of 3 years off my life with a constant reminder for the rest of my life in paying off the debt from this. The medical school I am in is a very good school not just any school but it is the only school I got into other than my state school. I have been insecure about my academic life my whole life. I always had to study in isolation (not even studying in the library.... I have to go to a cubicle with no one around and absolutely no noise) I have found a good psychiatrist, therapist, academic counselor, and educational tester. They are all helping me a lot. However, my administration thinks I just don't want to be here. I met with the dean the other day and he said that I might have dyslexia or I might not, but I don't have anymore room for error in medical school. And he also said that no schools in the US would probably take me as a transfer student (although its up to them) unless I finish my second year and pass the boards. I am at the point now that I am trying to get healthy (physically and mentally) and then I think I will see what is the best thing to do. I am meeting again with the dean at the beginning of next week because he wanted to see what the other deans thought. Also, I don't have many friends from college and I have never had time to date anyone because I have always been so focused on school. I have had a lot of girls interested but it always came down to me not having time to do both (I presume because of my dyslexia). Just try to imagine my position please and tell me what you would do in my shoes. I am going to see if medication helps. I am giving the process time but in my current state I am very scared about my future and very depressed because medical school was the only thing I had going for me (other than a very loving family). Thanks everyone for listening and thanks for the advice.

 

[phoenixsupra]

Think of it like walking a tightrope. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and don't look down. Really, stay focused on success. Energy spent on doubt is energy you can use to do well. Good luck. 🙂

 

[hondo55]

Have you asked to see if you can get a LEAVE OF ABSENCE??? This might be good for you to get things straightened out before you leave straight up. This might give you time to work things out and start anew with a fresh start. Have you asked your school about this??? What do you mean that they are giving you a year to get your act together?? Are they already offering you the leave of absence??? This might be an option that you should consider.

Keep strong and steadfast, you can do this. Try to find time for FUN too!

 

[phoenixsupra]

What he said^^^^^But don't even think of not coming back. 🙂

 

[s_vnny]

hi everyone, thanks for the posts!! I started 2 years ago and didnt make it last year and started again this year. My first failed attempt I thought was because of feeling like I missed out on life. So I spent that summer trying to get things out of my system. Near the end of that summer, I started to get help professionally. I only have recently found some good professionals that have located some of my bigger issues. The formal neuropsychological testing will not be done for another 2 weeks actually do get the actual diagnosis of dyslexia. I just went up to the dean and said I had to pull out again. He told me to come back on monday because he wanted to talk to the other deans. I think a leave of absence is a good idea. I can sit in on some classes in the meantime while I get help that I need. However, it was clear from my meeting last week with the main dean that there is a time limit on how long students can stay. so that is what I meant by the one more year thing. So I guess bascially, its up to me if I want to take a leave of absence, but essentially according to them, it can't be longer than till the end of this summer. and then I have to come back and go straight through the rest of medical school (which just adds to my already anxious state). I talked to my uncle today who is a psychiatrist. He told me to read Driven to Distraction wwhich talks about ADD on top of dyslexia (which is what I think I have). And he told me to be rigorous in getting the help I need. I am thinking right now if I can just somehow get through the first 2 years here, I can then transfer out of here, maybe even abroad because I dont want to be at a place where the administration is not helping me. And also at a place where every class knows me because I started with them. Its embarrasing and only adds to my problems. I would get out of here now, but I already paid for the year and there is no way I can get that money back. The other options I am considering is to swtich careers. but I am so scared that I will then life with this decision for the rest of my life and might regret it forever since I have always wanted to be a doctor.

 

[phoenixsupra]

That all makes a lot of sense. You've got to stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Everyone in medschool is pushing themselves to cracking point in one way or another. Even if that means just having a life and passing. Which is no mean feat. You are not like everyone else. You have a dissability. Unfortunately it's an invisible dissability, but it's a dissability none the less. Students who are wheelchairbound have similar upsets about being different. Sure, you have a limitation but you are obviously making up for it with extra work and sheer will power. Seriously, when you get through with this you'll have achieved something great. I don't have any doubt that you can do it. It sucks to be different. But it feels great to overcome adversity. Change careers by all means if you want. But do it in two years time when you have earned your md. You will be proud of that for the rest of your life. 🙂

 

[amelie]

it's embarassing...what will people think?

the truth is, some people might talk about it for a few minutes...if they talk about it at all...and then you're off their radar. why? because they're too busy with their own things...

and the likelihood is...if they do talk, they will be saying how it stinks for you...or how they're a little fearful of the same situation for themselves.

i am repeating ms-I...and while i wish i weren't, it's not the worst thing in the world. *(^^*&n happens. that's life. it's humbling to repeat the year...but humility isn't such a bad quality to walk away with at the end of med school.

it sounds like you're facing repeating ms-I for the third time? if that's the case, then yeah, you need to get your stuff together. but it can be done...i would encourage you to start thinking of administration as part of your team instead of your opponent. i know that might not be the case, but it might make you appear less defensive and win them over a little. maybe think about coming up with a specific plan of action so that the dean can see you're really serious about this...and working to overcome whatever obstacles stand in front of you.

anyway, i wish you the best of luck.

 

[s_vnny]

Thank you again everyone for the motivation and also to those who sent me messages to my studentdoctor mailbox. I sincerely appreciate it. Since I am still waiting for results from professionals and also direction/help from my deans, I will keep posting things for the next couple of weeks/months. I hope some anti-depressants might help a little also. Good luck to all of you also struggling with medical school.

 

[daktar]

I agree with what everyone has said. I get the feeling your depression in linked to your knowing your dyslexic and thus not being confident about your abilities; fearing that you're not good enough or smart enough to make through med.

Just to let you know that it can be done, I know an ER doc who is dyslexic. He had a Phd and was teaching med school anatomy when he decided to apply to med school. Had to take the MCAT three times before he scored well enough to get in. His science scores were ok, but he just couldn't do well enough on the Verbal. Made a 4 the first two times, applied and wasn't accepted (mainly coz of his verbal scores). On the third try he managed a 6 on the verbal. He got in. He said he had to develop his own style for studying. He almost exclusively used mnemonics thoughout med school. He was married with kids when he started school too and he made it through. Dude is now the director of a Trauma 1 ER. To this day he has a list of mnemonics he keeps in his pocket to remember stuff when he's working. So don't give up!

 

[ethanolabsolute]

S Vnny, I don't wanna sound like a douchebag, but I have something I am curious about. Is someone proofreading your posts? I have a friend who goes to college with me who is dyslexic. There is no way in a million years this kid could ever write those posts by himself. I have proofread his English papers for him before. They are a mess, my 10 year old sister easily writes better than he does. The point Im making is that, ur dyslexia may be mild or non-existent. The fact that u were not diagnosed until so late in your life is rather odd as well. As I read ur post, it sounds like depression may the bigger problem. Anyways, just figured Id throw that out there.

 

[Discobolus]

You will find people struggling with depression in medical school and taking a leave of absence is a pretty common theme on these boards. I dare say they mirror what I've observed while in school. I also have a feeling that depression is the major culprit here and not dyslexia. It happens to lots of people so please don't feel you are the only one. I'm sure you are already doing a lot of this but my advice is:

1. See a GOOD psychiatrist regularly
2. If they put you on meds take them. If you are seeing side effects from the meds tell your psychiatrist and switch to something else. Keep working until you find something that works for you. SSRIs are not for everyone, some people can't tolerate them but will do great on something like Wellbutrin
3. Take a leave of absence and find yourself and your motivation during that time period.
4. If you've had problems with sleeping, eating, and exercising habits use the leave of absence to correct those and take the new healthier habits with you into medical school.
5. Engage in regular stress relief activities. I reccommend learning how to meditate.
6. You will find that a lot of clarity can be found by yourself on a walking trail in the woods.
7. During your leave of absence shadow various doctors to remember why you are doing this in the first place (not to sit in a lecture hall, read books, and take a multiple-choice exam every week).
8. If you are a religious person, pray and talk to a minister.

A lot of this would be good advice to all medical students. I think that if you take a leave and get yourself healthy mentally you will surprise yourself with how well you will do in school when you come back.

 

[Bevo]

haven't read all the posts but ....
1. dyslexia shouldn't keep you from becoming a doctor. got a friend who is dyslexic and made it through the first 2 years of med school. and english isn't even his first language (spanish is).
so its very possible.
2. its a learning disability, any school should be able to accomodate you're needs. longer/untimed tests, etc.
3. depression sucks, most med students get depressed during med school.
4. if you really feel like dropping out, take a leave of absence first and get these issues taken care of and when the absence period is done and you still dont want to go into medicine, then drop out then.
dropping out now would be a pretty stupid thing to do. might be something you regret later too.
makes 'sense' now, but will it down the road?

 

[hondo55]

s vnny-

Can you restate your history with medical school for us?? You mention that you started 2 years ago and took a leave of absence last year. So, did you actually finish med I and are now restarting med 2???

Or did you first enter last fall???

Also I wanted to know what you mean about already having paid for the year.. If you pay by semesters or quarters, maybe you can still take a leave of absence now and then you would not have to pay for the winter/spring. At my school we do not pay all at once...

Don't worry what other people think. You are in medical school for YOU, not for what others think. Things happen and changes have to be made. You have to live your life my your desires and not what others would think about restarting. Many people have had to take time away and schools work with these students. There is no embarrassment with this.

If you think you really need to get these issues cleared up away from school, then do it. If you want to tackle both at once than do that. It sounds like being a doctor is something you have always wanted to do.