Worries

[Flaming_mad]

Well hey! Im a british medical student and have been reading through quite a few of the forums; I found this particular one about 'Spouses and Partners' particularly helpful because my own relationship and the effect my medical career is going to have on it has been troubling me a lot recently.

Ive been with my boyfriend- also a medic but the year above me- for nearly 2 years (2 years in Nov). I love him very much and he makes me very happy
Obviously with the course we are both doing i cant help but think of the future. This next academic year Im going to be over 300 miles away from him (i have one more year studying in scotland) before I can join him down in England- Manchester for our clinical years. So this next year will certainly be trying! But I think we'll work through it.

What troubles me is even when I am in Manchester I wont be at the same hospital as he- and in the following years when we are in the hospital literally all the time as part of our training we will never have time at all to see each other. (my hospital placement could be miles away from him).

Ive approaced the subject of maybe moving in together- at least then we could come home to each other. But he gets so nervous when I mention anything about the future- he doesnt see us living together anytime soon at all. And it really gets to me; I mean Im going to need someone there (as will he)- for emotional support and such like and Im worried that being far apart and not being able to see much of each other is really going to put a strain on each of us- make us both very miserable, and thus lead to the inevitable. At a time when we are both very vulnerable and stressed with out careers!

I mean if I were to take things to the extreme; is it a good idea two people remaining together, when at an early stage they know they want different things from the relationship?I am very worried by all of this!

Any advice would be much appreciated

Dr Eventually

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[Wifty]

First off, I am jealous you get to spend all that time in Scotland!!

Second, I don't really have any advice. It might help if he wanted to move in together.....and that might still happen since you have some time before you are at that stage anyways.

I would say just take it one day at a time. Concentrate on being a good student first since it sounds like that is where his concentration is right now. Again, that doesn't mean it won't change.....but for now, trust that he knows what he needs to do to get thru this time. And use this time to do what you need to do.

Things/relationships tend to work themselves out but there is no use worrying about it right now since you both have to be in different places.

I wish you luck.....none of this is easy I know and everyone wants to do the right thing in their relationships but sometimes the best route is to be more laid back and let it progress as it will.

With smiles,
Wifty who used to live in Dunoon Scotland and then Glasgow.

 

[akaretchie]

I think that long distance relationship is very difficult. I have seen my friends break up with their significant others because they felt neglected. And in regards to moving in, there's pros and cons about it. You get to know their quirks and their good side. But overall, it just comes down to what is right for you guys. As soon as you finish rotation and the feelings are still there between you and your boyfriend, then it's meant to be. Then you can move ahead to seal your relationship. I know school alone is stressing. It's hard enough to reserve time for your special someone. But if he's worth it, I'm sure you'll find the time!!

 

[Flaming_mad]

Hey,

Thanks for both those replies. Im back up in Scotland now and my boyfriend is at Manchester. So far I have to say it isnt going to well- and those feelings of neglet you mentioned....well yup.
Its really really hard and its only been a few days- a week almost. He doesnt seem to make time at all. And Im sitting around waiting for him to call- or even if Im busy my mind is elsewhere wondering how he is, and why he doesnt call.
I understand hes busy during the day- but in the evenings he doesnt make time to 'talk'; surely if its a LDR time should be made for talking as it would have been made for meeting up? Am I wrong to expect that?
Its not like hes studying in the evening either; he goes out with his friends late and stuff and when he comes back its a quick call to tell me he's off to bed. I send him emails; I get no reply.
If this is a sign of how its going to carry on I dont think I can keep with it; I feel pretty crap already.

Any advice?

 

[akaretchie]

I have a close friend going though the same stuff as you. My only suggestion is to do your own things to get your mind off him not calling. In this way, you are not just sitting and waiting. At least your life is still going on. Before you know it, he'll be the one trying to want to reconnect more often. Give it some time, he'll eventually come around!!! Good luck!!!