Worth going to a school you like less to be close to home?

[fldoctorgirl]

This is currently a hypothetical situation, but I would like to get some opinions on it since deposits are required so quickly post-acceptance. This is long, so bear with me.

I have been very fortunate to have had several interviews and acceptances so far. Here is the dilemma....
I have been accepted to 3 schools thus far, but have already withdrawn from 2. I am waiting to hear back from 2 more interviews. The school that I currently hold acceptance to (and one of the ones that I am waiting to hear back from, my top choice) are far from home-- like, only go home a few times a year, ~3 hour plane ride far. The other school I'm waiting to hear back from is 10 minutes from my current home (with my family).

When it comes to the schools themselves, I much prefer the farther ones than the one close to my home. This is for a variety of reasons including curriculum, board prep/scores, required rotations, OMM curriculum, student body, etc.

If I went to the school that is near where I live, I would obviously be able to live at home. This has both pros and cons. I live with both of my parents and my younger siblings currently, so it can be pretty busy and loud. My family is very involved with each other and so it is expected that I be a part of family events and spend time with my family; this has become so ingrained within me that even as an undergrad, if I have to miss something to study, I feel guilty about it. However, I am close to my family and do enjoy them (most of the time), so it would be nice to be able to have them close-by as a support system.

Further, my parents do expect certain things from me while I am living in their home...they're not unreasonably strict, but I can't exactly come and go as I please either. There are things I am expected to do/be a part of, like weekly family dinner, a curfew, help out around the house/with my siblings, etc. My parents are pretty understanding of how tough school is, but I still think they would have these expectations of me if I lived at home.

Additionally, my SO (who is going to be starting law school next year) has a large family with whom I am very close with as well. He has been accepted to a school in our area as well, and his siblings are currently getting married and having kids etc, so it would be nice not to miss out on all of that.

As far as the actual location of where I live....I don't really like it that much (and neither does my SO). It's super congested, traffic is terrible, it's hot all the time, etc. Both of us really like the idea of going someplace new (we have it worked out where we could go to schools that are close to each other). He actually prefers the OOS schools (he has a pretty large scholarship to one). So, no matter where I choose to go, I will have him around for support.

Cost isn't really too much of a factor: if I get accepted to my top-choice OOS school, the tuition is ~12k cheaper than the school by my house, so that would pretty much cover the COL. The OOS school I currently hold acceptance to is still a bit cheaper than the one where I live, so it is not that big of a deal.

Basically, I'm super conflicted: on the one hand, I really love my family (this includes my SO's family) and fear missing out. Also, I have consistently seen it stressed on here and from med students that I've spoken to how important a solid support system is. I do feel that my SO could provide that support system for me. On the other hand, I truly feel that I am ready for a change of environment and definitely like the OOS schools themselves way better. I am 90% leaning towards the OOS schools, but every now and again I start to get anxious about the whole situation.

So.....is it worth it to pick a school you like less, in a location you like less, to be close to family?

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[0dee]

I'd pick the in state school just for the simple fact that you'll save tons of money by not paying rent and utilities. You'll have your support system with you including your SO. Plus, you can have your "new experience" once you're in residency. Additionally, both FL schools are not that far below any other top DO schools so there isn't that much of a difference in pecking order here.

 

[stickgirl390]

I am of the opinion that if you get the chance to move, you should always take it. If you don’t like being far from home, then you can move back for residency. That being said, it is very much a personal choice that won’t become easier with SDN advice. Four years ago I moved away from my hometown: 18hr drive to go visit. Best decision I’ve ever made, and I am very close to my family and my SO’s family like you are. But my SO moved with me, so that helped me adjust.

Based on what I’ve seen you posting, I think you should go to the OOS school you love. You seem to already be excited about it. Ultimately only you know what is best for your situation.

(And I personally wouldn’t factor tuition and living costs into this decision if it was only a 12k difference. You’ll be able to pay it off when you’re finally in practice.)

 

[de Ribas]

This is currently a hypothetical situation, but I would like to get some opinions on it since deposits are required so quickly post-acceptance. This is long, so bear with me.

I have been very fortunate to have had several interviews and acceptances so far. Here is the dilemma....
I have been accepted to 3 schools thus far, but have already withdrawn from 2. I am waiting to hear back from 2 more interviews. The school that I currently hold acceptance to (and one of the ones that I am waiting to hear back from, my top choice) are far from home-- like, only go home a few times a year, ~3 hour plane ride far. The other school I'm waiting to hear back from is 10 minutes from my current home (with my family).

When it comes to the schools themselves, I much prefer the farther ones than the one close to my home. This is for a variety of reasons including curriculum, board prep/scores, required rotations, OMM curriculum, student body, etc.

If I went to the school that is near where I live, I would obviously be able to live at home. This has both pros and cons. I live with both of my parents and my younger siblings currently, so it can be pretty busy and loud. My family is very involved with each other and so it is expected that I be a part of family events and spend time with my family; this has become so ingrained within me that even as an undergrad, if I have to miss something to study, I feel guilty about it. However, I am close to my family and do enjoy them (most of the time), so it would be nice to be able to have them close-by as a support system.

Further, my parents do expect certain things from me while I am living in their home...they're not unreasonably strict, but I can't exactly come and go as I please either. There are things I am expected to do/be a part of, like weekly family dinner, a curfew, help out around the house/with my siblings, etc. My parents are pretty understanding of how tough school is, but I still think they would have these expectations of me if I lived at home.

Additionally, my SO (who is going to be starting law school next year) has a large family with whom I am very close with as well. He has been accepted to a school in our area as well, and his siblings are currently getting married and having kids etc, so it would be nice not to miss out on all of that.

As far as the actual location of where I live....I don't really like it that much (and neither does my SO). It's super congested, traffic is terrible, it's hot all the time, etc. Both of us really like the idea of going someplace new (we have it worked out where we could go to schools that are close to each other). He actually prefers the OOS schools (he has a pretty large scholarship to one). So, no matter where I choose to go, I will have him around for support.

Cost isn't really too much of a factor: if I get accepted to my top-choice OOS school, the tuition is ~12k cheaper than the school by my house, so that would pretty much cover the COL. The OOS school I currently hold acceptance to is still a bit cheaper than the one where I live, so it is not that big of a deal.

Basically, I'm super conflicted: on the one hand, I really love my family (this includes my SO's family) and fear missing out. Also, I have consistently seen it stressed on here and from med students that I've spoken to how important a solid support system is. I do feel that my SO could provide that support system for me. On the other hand, I truly feel that I am ready for a change of environment and definitely like the OOS schools themselves way better. I am 90% leaning towards the OOS schools, but every now and again I start to get anxious about the whole situation.

So.....is it worth it to pick a school you like less, in a location you like less, to be close to family?

Just from reading this post, I can see that you would be better to go to top choice OOS school.
The reasons that you have mentioned for not staying IS are important. I am sure that it will be harder to study and participate at most family events if you stay close to your family.

I have experienced these family expectations during my undergrad years. Often, family thinks that you are just avoiding them when actually you need you study for tommorow's exam. It is hard if your family gathers often, goes out and have people come over.

I would suggest OOS school if you get that acceptance.

 

[DO2015CA]

Even if you stay you need to move out of your parents house. I know you love them and all but the first 2 years of medical school are rough and you don’t have time to be babysitting your younger siblings, doing chores on your parents timeframe, or going to a bunch of family events. It sucks but you have to fit your life around your school/study schedule not the other way around.

 

[JMilo]

I have experienced these family expectations during my undergrad years. Often, family thinks that you are just avoiding them when actually you need you study for tommorow's exam. It is hard if your family gathers often, goes out and have people come over.

This is true, though when I moved away for UG, my family was kind of hurt that I didn't want to go to a college close to home where I had been accepted.

OP, I would just suggest that everything can change. If a large reason why you are staying is because of your SO, I would rethink. Both of your lives are going to drastically change over the next years. I'm not saying you are going to break up by any means, but if you did, would you regret staying IS?

 

[workaholic181]

I'm in a similar situation OP and will likely pick the place close to home. I would only choose the far away school if it is head and shoulders above the other in terms of board scores and residency placement.

I also live for free in a housing situation that's not super ideal in terms of being a med student, but ultimately you're gonna save so much money from not having a rent these years. Like, tens of thousands of dollars over 4 years plus interest assuming you're taking out loans. That will give you a ton of flexibility when picking specialty and residency and such.

Can't go wrong either way but those have been my thoughts in an analogous situation. Good luck with whatever you decide OP.

 

[IWillMakeIt1]

If having a support system is important to you, you love ur family so much, and you hope to do ur residency in the state then I would stay close by. However, I do agree with other users. I think you should move out!

 

[fldoctorgirl]

I'd pick the in state school just for the simple fact that you'll save tons of money by not paying rent and utilities. You'll have your support system with you including your SO. Plus, you can have your "new experience" once you're in residency. Additionally, both FL schools are not that far below any other top DO schools so there isn't that much of a difference in pecking order here.

The thing is, though, that I wouldn't actually be saving that much money, if any at all. The school by my house has a considerably higher tuition currently, and rumor has it (from current students that I am friends with) that the tuition is going up significantly next year. That difference in tuition would pretty much cover my cost of living, so total money spent would probably be just about the same.

Even if you stay you need to move out of your parents house. I know you love them and all but the first 2 years of medical school are rough and you don’t have time to be babysitting your younger siblings, doing chores on your parents timeframe, or going to a bunch of family events. It sucks but you have to fit your life around your school/study schedule not the other way around.

This would perhaps be the best situation, but wouldn't make that much sense financially (as the school close to home is already significantly more expensive than the OOS school). Cost of living in this area is also pretty high, so if I did this I would essentially be paying more money to go to a school I like less just to be close to family. I value my family highly, but I'm not sure it is worth that cost (both financially and in terms of my happiness with where I chose to go to school).

This is true, though when I moved away for UG, my family was kind of hurt that I didn't want to go to a college close to home where I had been accepted.

OP, I would just suggest that everything can change. If a large reason why you are staying is because of your SO, I would rethink. Both of your lives are going to drastically change over the next years. I'm not saying you are going to break up by any means, but if you did, would you regret staying IS?

Actually, my SO wants to leave and would be more in favor of going away. He does have an acceptance to a great school nearby, though, so I know he would be okay with staying if it was what I decided. I am not basing this off of him, though; we have already discussed how if I received an MD acceptance, I would definitely go there no matter how close it was to him.

I'm in a similar situation OP and will likely pick the place close to home. I would only choose the far away school if it is head and shoulders above the other in terms of board scores and residency placement.

I also live for free in a housing situation that's not super ideal in terms of being a med student, but ultimately you're gonna save so much money from not having a rent these years. Like, tens of thousands of dollars over 4 years plus interest assuming you're taking out loans. That will give you a ton of flexibility when picking specialty and residency and such.

Can't go wrong either way but those have been my thoughts in an analogous situation. Good luck with whatever you decide OP.

Thank you for the well wishes! Again, though, in my situation I really wouldn't be saving any substantial money by living at home. Also, I think that I would feel kind of guilty for continuing to live off of my parents for so long. We're not exactly poor but we're not rich either, and I have younger siblings that my parents still need to take care of. I kind of want to release them of the burden of paying for my entire life haha-- I'm very fortunate and blessed that they supported me throughout undergrad without requiring me to get a job, but I kind of feel ready to do things on my own, you know?

If having a support system is important to you, you love ur family so much, and you hope to do ur residency in the state then I would stay close by. However, I do agree with other users. I think you should move out!

Another interesting point: I really don't wish to stay in my current home state longterm. The only factor drawing me here is obviously my family, but other than that both me and my SO don't really like living here. So, I'm not exactly sure if I would be interested in matching in this area. Either way, I've seen students from both OOS schools match into programs closer to home, so I'm not super concerned.

 

[le_purrde]

I was going to say that your home institution sounds better (outside support is probably critical to doing well in school).

But... all of your posts are defending reasons for going to the other school. It's clear you know where you want to go. Go to that school IMO.

 

[IWillMakeIt1]

The thing is, though, that I wouldn't actually be saving that much money, if any at all. The school by my house has a considerably higher tuition currently, and rumor has it (from current students that I am friends with) that the tuition is going up significantly next year. That difference in tuition would pretty much cover my cost of living, so total money spent would probably be just about the same.
THEN its

This would perhaps be the best situation, but wouldn't make that much sense financially (as the school close to home is already significantly more expensive than the OOS school). Cost of living in this area is also pretty high, so if I did this I would essentially be paying more money to go to a school I like less just to be close to family. I value my family highly, but I'm not sure it is worth that cost (both financially and in terms of my happiness with where I chose to go to school).


Actually, my SO wants to leave and would be more in favor of going away. He does have an acceptance to a great school nearby, though, so I know he would be okay with staying if it was what I decided. I am not basing this off of him, though; we have already discussed how if I received an MD acceptance, I would definitely go there no matter how close it was to him.


Thank you for the well wishes! Again, though, in my situation I really wouldn't be saving any substantial money by living at home. Also, I think that I would feel kind of guilty for continuing to live off of my parents for so long. We're not exactly poor but we're not rich either, and I have younger siblings that my parents still need to take care of. I kind of want to release them of the burden of paying for my entire life haha-- I'm very fortunate and blessed that they supported me throughout undergrad without requiring me to get a job, but I kind of feel ready to do things on my own, you know?


Another interesting point: I really don't wish to stay in my current home state longterm. The only factor drawing me here is obviously my family, but other than that both me and my SO don't really like living here. So, I'm not exactly sure if I would be interested in matching in this area. Either way, I've seen students from both OOS schools match into programs closer to home, so I'm not super concerned.

Then it’s obvious where you want to go. I don’t need see the issue here 🙂

 

[fldoctorgirl]

I was going to say that your home institution sounds better (outside support is probably critical to doing well in school).

But... all of your posts are defending reasons for going to the other school. It's clear you know where you want to go. Go to that school IMO.

Then it’s obvious where you want to go. I don’t need see the issue here 🙂

I agree with you guys. I know deep in my heart that the OOS schools are a better fit for me. The only reason for picking the IS school would be being close to family. The other schools "win" in every other factor.

I guess I was more just looking to get feedback on whether or not choosing the OOS schools is a mistake, maybe from someone who has experience with living away from family. To add context, I went to undergrad about an hour away from where I live and so I would come home every weekend to be with my family. I have never really lived away from home, so I guess I am just having second thoughts because it is such a big change? I know where I want to go, but I keep second guessing myself.

 

[fldoctorgirl]

I do appreciate everyone's kind words 🙂 I half expected people to start calling me a baby for liking my family haha

 

[le_purrde]

I agree with you guys. I know deep in my heart that the OOS schools are a better fit for me. The only reason for picking the IS school would be being close to family. The other schools "win" in every other factor.

I guess I was more just looking to get feedback on whether or not choosing the OOS schools is a mistake, maybe from someone who has experience with living away from family. To add context, I went to undergrad about an hour away from where I live and so I would come home every weekend to be with my family. I have never really lived away from home, so I guess I am just having second thoughts because it is such a big change? I know where I want to go, but I keep second guessing myself.

I can understand that, I was similar in college and second-guessed going away. I went to a school that I didn't like as much to be closer and I regret it now, personally. I went to a school where I get a lesser education, majored in something not as interesting because of fewer options, etc. That decision weighed on me for years. The worst part is that I was so busy in college and working that I didn't even see my family all that much anyways, which is the real kicker.

I think if this OOS school is this much better, sacrificing a few years of seeing your family less (but not to the degree of never seeing them) is probably the right choice. Medicine is unfortunately a career of sacrifices given its demands, and so it'll come down to how well you can compromise on things. I would say rather than compromising on where you go to school, as you're clearly set on one over the other, go into this knowing you'll make a concerted effort in making time to see them when you can. The rigors of medical school will preclude you from spending a ton of time with family/friends in general, and I suspect the time at school will fly by. I vote to sacrifice a little bit of time away to get a better learning experience, but that's just my $0.02.

 

[fldoctorgirl]

I can understand that, I was similar in college and second-guessed going away. I went to a school that I didn't like as much to be closer and I regret it now, personally. I went to a school where I get a lesser education, majored in something not as interesting because of fewer options, etc. That decision weighed on me for years. The worst part is that I was so busy in college and working that I didn't even see my family all that much anyways, which is the real kicker.

I think if this OOS school is this much better, sacrificing a few years of seeing your family less (but not to the degree of never seeing them) is probably the right choice. Medicine is unfortunately a career of sacrifices given its demands, and so it'll come down to how well you can compromise on things. I would say rather than compromising on where you go to school, as you're clearly set on one over the other, go into this knowing you'll make a concerted effort in making time to see them when you can. The rigors of medical school will preclude you from spending a ton of time with family/friends in general, and I suspect the time at school will fly by. I vote to sacrifice a little bit of time away to get a better learning experience, but that's just my $0.02.

Thank you! This was super helpful.

 

[cjcarter]

Don’t underestimate the importance of having a support system close by in medical school. It’s probably one of the most important aspects of staying sane when things pile up. It would be a long and miserable 4 years had I went a cheaper OOS school. N=1, though.

 

[el_duderino]

I'd say pick the cheapest one that has a reputation that's reasonably close to the best school you got into.

 

[IWillMakeIt1]

I can understand that, I was similar in college and second-guessed going away. I went to a school that I didn't like as much to be closer and I regret it now, personally. I went to a school where I get a lesser education, majored in something not as interesting because of fewer options, etc. That decision weighed on me for years. The worst part is that I was so busy in college and working that I didn't even see my family all that much anyways, which is the real kicker.

I think if this OOS school is this much better, sacrificing a few years of seeing your family less (but not to the degree of never seeing them) is probably the right choice. Medicine is unfortunately a career of sacrifices given its demands, and so it'll come down to how well you can compromise on things. I would say rather than compromising on where you go to school, as you're clearly set on one over the other, go into this knowing you'll make a concerted effort in making time to see them when you can. The rigors of medical school will preclude you from spending a ton of time with family/friends in general, and I suspect the time at school will fly by. I vote to sacrifice a little bit of time away to get a better learning experience, but that's just my $0.02.

I was actually in the same situation. I got accepted to 2 DO schools, one OOS and the other is IS. Deep inside I know that the OOS school is much better in terms of curriculum, and match rate. Tuition wasn’t an issue for me. I have lived w my parents during undergrad and family is very important to me. I put my deposit down for the IS school. I felt that no matter what, I would need that support system. To be honest, I love my parents. But I will be living away from home. @fldoctorgirl

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

Go to the school that you feel is the best fit for you. I personally would never make a decision based on family, but I have always been pretty independent. Honestly no matter what don’t be expecting to see your family that much.

 

[fldoctorgirl]

Case in point: I am studying for my finals right now, and my mom just decided I have to go help her out with an errand so I have to abandon studying until later. Maybe staying at home really wouldn't be the best thing for me

 

[Yhorm the Giant]

Similar but not identical situation. A difference is I'm married and possible kids in near future during y1/y2 (I'm crazy I know). So the location thing ended up being huge, bigger than would normally be a factor I think. Luckily my school of choice I felt an AMAZING fit with and love y1/y2 curriculum. So feeling right and location between my family and in laws, a few hours each direction, was helpful. I may have liked to put more emphasis on y3/y4, but every persons situation is soooo different, you definitely are the only one who knows exactly how heavy of a factor being close to family is. You can say it is a big deal, and people with either over estimate or under estimate just how much. Honestly, based off of your original post it seemed like staying would be the better option, then reading your comments makes it sound like leaving will be the better option. So fortunately either way has HUGE benefits for you, so I would suggest a weighted pros and cons list and add up the points on each side for each school....and then flip a coin ;p

 

[de Ribas]

Case in point: I am studying for my finals right now, and my mom just decided I have to go help her out with an errand so I have to abandon studying until later. Maybe staying at home really wouldn't be the best thing for me

That's what I meant in my post above.
I would suggest to go to OOS school and your family will understand your decision. You will come visit them on your time off and I am sure those visits will be great.

Is another option possible if you state in the state, but live separately?

 

[el_duderino]

Case in point: I am studying for my finals right now, and my mom just decided I have to go help her out with an errand so I have to abandon studying until later. Maybe staying at home really wouldn't be the best thing for me

Yeah time to leave home.

 

[DokterMom]

I agree with you guys. I know deep in my heart that the OOS schools are a better fit for me. The only reason for picking the IS school would be being close to family. The other schools "win" in every other factor.

I guess I was more just looking to get feedback on whether or not choosing the OOS schools is a mistake, maybe from someone who has experience with living away from family. To add context, I went to undergrad about an hour away from where I live and so I would come home every weekend to be with my family. I have never really lived away from home, so I guess I am just having second thoughts because it is such a big change? I know where I want to go, but I keep second guessing myself.

A support system can be a wonderful thing -- but only if it's a truly positive support system. If your family (reasonably) expects you to participate in regular family life, then that's as much a logistical time drain as it is an emotional support. Free dinner and laundry is great, but if dinner is served at 6:30 and you're in the middle of studying for an anatomy exam, having to 'break' at a specific time may not actually be helpful. And if 'grab and go' in your room is perceived as a slight, then the guilt is additional overhead burden that you just don't need. Celebrating little sister's birthday with a five-minute phone call is a lot more manageable than 'having to' attend the whole party if you can't really spare the time on that day. Then there's also the issue of having to reassure your parents when they see how stressed you actually are. Sometimes chicken soup and getting more sleep simply aren't viable options.

Sounds like you know you want to go. Just do it --

 

[fldoctorgirl]

That's what I meant in my post above.
I would suggest to go to OOS school and your family will understand your decision. You will come visit them on your time off and I am sure those visits will be great.

Is another option possible if you state in the state, but live separately?

Technically possible; I have applied to all of my IS schools and most of them are a nice distance away (anywhere from a 3 to a 6 hour drive..so close enough to visit more frequently but far enough away to keep my distance).

As far as going to this particular school and living separately....it just wouldn't make much sense financially.

A support system can be a wonderful thing -- but only if it's a truly positive support system. If your family (reasonably) expects you to participate in regular family life, then that's as much a logistical time drain as it is an emotional support. Free dinner and laundry is great, but if dinner is served at 6:30 and you're in the middle of studying for an anatomy exam, having to 'break' at a specific time may not actually be helpful. And if 'grab and go' in your room is perceived as a slight, then the guilt is additional overhead burden that you just don't need. Celebrating little sister's birthday with a five-minute phone call is a lot more manageable than 'having to' attend the whole party if you can't really spare the time on that day. Then there's also the issue of having to reassure your parents when they see how stressed you actually are. Sometimes chicken soup and getting more sleep simply aren't viable options.

Sounds like you know you want to go. Just do it --

I think you're right. Getting to type out all my thoughts as responses to these posts is showing me that I am fighting more to defend my choice to leave than trying to find reasons to stay. I think I know what is best...there will, obviously, always be pros and cons to both options, but I think leaving is the better choice for me.

 

[DokterMom]

Technically possible; I have applied to all of my IS schools and most of them are a nice distance away (anywhere from a 3 to a 6 hour drive..so close enough to visit more frequently but far enough away to keep my distance).

As far as going to this particular school and living separately....it just wouldn't make much sense financially.


I think you're right. Getting to type out all my thoughts as responses to these posts is showing me that I am fighting more to defend my choice to leave than trying to find reasons to stay. I think I know what is best...there will, obviously, always be pros and cons to both options, but I think leaving is the better choice for me.

Oddly, sometimes the best way to stay close is with a little distance...

If you're 3,000 miles away, there is just no way you can be expected to make it to every family celebration. It's clear, obvious and definitive. 10 minutes a day 3-5x per week on Skype or Facebook can keep you connected emotionally and leave you looking like a hero if you are diligent about remembering special occasions and sending your good wishes and fond regrets.

But if you were only an hour away, you'd be pulled in so many different directions you couldn't possibly do them all, leading to hurt feelings and guilt trips.

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

Case in point: I am studying for my finals right now, and my mom just decided I have to go help her out with an errand so I have to abandon studying until later. Maybe staying at home really wouldn't be the best thing for me

Yep it’s time to leave home. You won’t be able to do this is medical school.

 

[DO2015CA]

Case in point: I am studying for my finals right now, and my mom just decided I have to go help her out with an errand so I have to abandon studying until later. Maybe staying at home really wouldn't be the best thing for me

Yes absolutely this cannot happen. It’s your 2 years to be selfish. Your mom will need to go on errands by herself.

 

[fldoctorgirl]

@Goro I spy you liking posts in defense of both options 😉 What is your highly-valued opinion, if you don't mind me asking?

Oddly, sometimes the best way to stay close is with a little distance...

If you're 3,000 miles away, there is just no way you can be expected to make it to every family celebration. It's clear, obvious and definitive. 10 minutes a day 3-5x per week on Skype or Facebook can keep you connected emotionally and leave you looking like a hero if you are diligent about remembering special occasions and sending your good wishes and fond regrets.

But if you were only an hour away, you'd be pulled in so many different directions you couldn't possibly do them all, leading to hurt feelings and guilt trips.

This is actually something I have thought about extensively: the quantity vs. the quality of the time I will spend with my family while I am in medical school. Thank you for your comments...they've really helped me think things through 🙂

 

[de Ribas]

@Goro I spy you liking posts in defense of both options

He just wants you to go to his school. jk

 

[Goro]

@Goro I spy you liking posts in defense of both options 😉 What is your highly-valued opinion, if you don't mind me asking?


This is actually something I have thought about extensively: the quantity vs. the quality of the time I will spend with my family while I am in medical school. Thank you for your comments...they've really helped me think things through 🙂

Let me Ponder this, I am Christmas shopping with my daughter right now

 

[fldoctorgirl]

Let me Ponder this, I am Christmas shopping with my daughter right now

Make sure you get something for the cat! 😉

 

[DJ Khaled's Pet Tiger]

This is currently a hypothetical situation, but I would like to get some opinions on it since deposits are required so quickly post-acceptance. This is long, so bear with me.

I have been very fortunate to have had several interviews and acceptances so far. Here is the dilemma....
I have been accepted to 3 schools thus far, but have already withdrawn from 2. I am waiting to hear back from 2 more interviews. The school that I currently hold acceptance to (and one of the ones that I am waiting to hear back from, my top choice) are far from home-- like, only go home a few times a year, ~3 hour plane ride far. The other school I'm waiting to hear back from is 10 minutes from my current home (with my family).

When it comes to the schools themselves, I much prefer the farther ones than the one close to my home. This is for a variety of reasons including curriculum, board prep/scores, required rotations, OMM curriculum, student body, etc.

If I went to the school that is near where I live, I would obviously be able to live at home. This has both pros and cons. I live with both of my parents and my younger siblings currently, so it can be pretty busy and loud. My family is very involved with each other and so it is expected that I be a part of family events and spend time with my family; this has become so ingrained within me that even as an undergrad, if I have to miss something to study, I feel guilty about it. However, I am close to my family and do enjoy them (most of the time), so it would be nice to be able to have them close-by as a support system.

Further, my parents do expect certain things from me while I am living in their home...they're not unreasonably strict, but I can't exactly come and go as I please either. There are things I am expected to do/be a part of, like weekly family dinner, a curfew, help out around the house/with my siblings, etc. My parents are pretty understanding of how tough school is, but I still think they would have these expectations of me if I lived at home.

Additionally, my SO (who is going to be starting law school next year) has a large family with whom I am very close with as well. He has been accepted to a school in our area as well, and his siblings are currently getting married and having kids etc, so it would be nice not to miss out on all of that.

As far as the actual location of where I live....I don't really like it that much (and neither does my SO). It's super congested, traffic is terrible, it's hot all the time, etc. Both of us really like the idea of going someplace new (we have it worked out where we could go to schools that are close to each other). He actually prefers the OOS schools (he has a pretty large scholarship to one). So, no matter where I choose to go, I will have him around for support.

Cost isn't really too much of a factor: if I get accepted to my top-choice OOS school, the tuition is ~12k cheaper than the school by my house, so that would pretty much cover the COL. The OOS school I currently hold acceptance to is still a bit cheaper than the one where I live, so it is not that big of a deal.

Basically, I'm super conflicted: on the one hand, I really love my family (this includes my SO's family) and fear missing out. Also, I have consistently seen it stressed on here and from med students that I've spoken to how important a solid support system is. I do feel that my SO could provide that support system for me. On the other hand, I truly feel that I am ready for a change of environment and definitely like the OOS schools themselves way better. I am 90% leaning towards the OOS schools, but every now and again I start to get anxious about the whole situation.

So.....is it worth it to pick a school you like less, in a location you like less, to be close to family?

I think a lot of it depends on your own needs/responsibilities. Med school isn’t necessarily college where it’s “the best years of your life.” Just get as great of a support system as possible and you should be golden (barring any ridiculous problems with the school in question)

 

[de Ribas]

Just get as great of a support system as possible and you should be golden

What is a typical good support system for a medical student? Is family a good support system for most or is it the opposite?

 

[DJ Khaled's Pet Tiger]

What is a typical good support system for a medical student? Is family a good support system for most or is it the opposite?

That's a great question/point. I think it depends both on A) the case (case by case basis) and B) cultural background. If your family - especially your parents - are going to "helicopter parent" you while in medical school, then it probably would be extra stress to live nearby. Alternatively, if you grew up in a broken home then this could also be a situation where moving away would be beneficial. However, if you are in a situation like mine - I'm married and my spouse's very supportive family will be 20 minutes from my medical school - then it makes a lot of sense to pick a medical school based on location.

To the OP: if you feel living close by would be beneficial, try setting some ground rules and see how that goes. Do it respectfully of course, but try having a conversation about what med school entails, and what your needs are.

 

[strider144]

I haven't read all the way through this thread, but despite having moved 1000 miles from FL as soon as I could, I do think there's merit to staying near home. My school has a large % IS, and the support they get is really nice, even just things like parents helping out with food / grocery shopping during exam weeks. Having an outside support system is seriously a big deal, and it means they can go home and destress and spend time with their loved ones when they need a break from the med school grind. I seriously wish I had that.

Moving can be exciting, but the reality is that you'll be in med school, so you won't get to make the most out of your new location since you'll be busy all the time. You'll be a few short years from going far far away for residency. Also, this is pessimistic but true: your chosen school will disappoint sometimes. There will be unnecessary frustrations and you will wonder if you're in the right place. What I've learned from talking to people at all the different med schools around here is that everyone feels like that sometimes, and it's going to feel that much harder if you feel like you gave up your family support to go there.

Honestly, there's not a wrong answer, and if you are thinking of staying near home I do think you need to have a serious conversation with your family about how med school might change the way you navigate things. There are challenges to staying with family, too, but if the schools are comparable... it's not unreasonable to stay put. Family support has value. Recognizing that is a perfectly legitimate, mature thing to do.

 

[Kr#36]

I think this is something you've gotta decide for yourself. Me personally: the depth of your family's involvement in your life would drive me off of a bridge. I couldn't deal with them giving me rules as an adult, expecting me to eat dinner with them routinely, or expecting things of me on their schedule. I moved across the country and love traveling back to visit, but a couple times per year is enough. You could have the exact opposite feeling, and neither of us is "right," which is my point.

 

[Goro]

@Goro I spy you liking posts in defense of both options 😉 What is your highly-valued opinion, if you don't mind me asking?


This is actually something I have thought about extensively: the quantity vs. the quality of the time I will spend with my family while I am in medical school. Thank you for your comments...they've really helped me think things through 🙂

Based upon what you've written, I think that it will be better for you if you go to your top choice school. The family demands will torpedo your medical education. Many families simply don't understand that a medical student has to be somewhat selfish. Someone else can take care of your siblings and cousins. And you can't always rush home every time Uncle Joe gets sick,.

 

[fldoctorgirl]

Based upon what you've written, I think that it will be better for you if you go to your top choice school. The family demands will torpedo your medical education. Many families simply don't understand that a medical student has to be somewhat selfish. Someone else can take care of your siblings and cousins. And you can't always rush home every time Uncle Joe gets sick,.

I think you're right. Being away will definitely suck at times, but I think the pros will outweigh the homesickness every now and then. Thank you for your input 🙂

 

[Coltuna]

A support system can be a wonderful thing -- but only if it's a truly positive support system.

This x1000. I'll be starting medical school when you do, but I'm in a similar situation. I contemplated going to a MUCH more expensive school 2 hours away from me vs the one 8 hours away with comparable board scores and everythig else. When I thought about losing support, it made me nervous; however, I also thought back on all the times that I was expected to work on the farm, resolve a family dispute, etc. while I was studying for my MCAT this past year and realized that having to move away is actually a blessing.

 

[Veggie_Girl]

I have only skimmed the posts above and it seems that your choice is the OOS school that is far away from home. So, I am just going to give you a bit of my story in case it helps with your decision. I went to undergrad and grad school being no more than 1.5 hours drive from home. I am really close to my family, especially my sister, and my SO is from the same hometown as me and we are really close to his family as well. Although I was accepted to a school closer to home, I decided to move to a school a 2 days drive or plane ride away from home. I really fell in love with the far away school and I too struggled with the decision to move far away. My SO moved with me and it has been amazing having him here as my support through school -- I think with your SO with you, you will have the support system you need through school.

It is definitely hard moving so far away from home when you have never been far before!! We had to fly back for my SO sister's wedding and missing out on certain family events has been really difficult (like the first time I wasn't with my sister on her birthday), BUT you are so busy in medical school!!! As bad as it sounds, medical school is about sacrifice, and part of it is sacrificing time with family and friends to study -- studying almost every single day! It has almost been better not to have the temptations or obligations that come with being so close to home. Even as great as my family is with knowing that I need to study, they can be distracting and I too would feel guilty having to study all the time when they are right there. Also, it doesn't mean that you don't still have that family support. I talk with my family/friends from home at least twice a week on the phone and they don't feel as far away. Plus, you will make friends in school and you become a sort of family supporting each other through the challenges of school!

Basically, you will definitely have days where you miss home like crazy, but you will be so busy in school and have so many new friends that it will be OK. Sorry, such a long post, but having gone through the same decision I hope it helps!

 

[fldoctorgirl]

I have only skimmed the posts above and it seems that your choice is the OOS school that is far away from home. So, I am just going to give you a bit of my story in case it helps with your decision. I went to undergrad and grad school being no more than 1.5 hours drive from home. I am really close to my family, especially my sister, and my SO is from the same hometown as me and we are really close to his family as well. Although I was accepted to a school closer to home, I decided to move to a school a 2 days drive or plane ride away from home. I really fell in love with the far away school and I too struggled with the decision to move far away. My SO moved with me and it has been amazing having him here as my support through school -- I think with your SO with you, you will have the support system you need through school.

It is definitely hard moving so far away from home when you have never been far before!! We had to fly back for my SO sister's wedding and missing out on certain family events has been really difficult (like the first time I wasn't with my sister on her birthday), BUT you are so busy in medical school!!! As bad as it sounds, medical school is about sacrifice, and part of it is sacrificing time with family and friends to study -- studying almost every single day! It has almost been better not to have the temptations or obligations that come with being so close to home. Even as great as my family is with knowing that I need to study, they can be distracting and I too would feel guilty having to study all the time when they are right there. Also, it doesn't mean that you don't still have that family support. I talk with my family/friends from home at least twice a week on the phone and they don't feel as far away. Plus, you will make friends in school and you become a sort of family supporting each other through the challenges of school!

Basically, you will definitely have days where you miss home like crazy, but you will be so busy in school and have so many new friends that it will be OK. Sorry, such a long post, but having gone through the same decision I hope it helps!

Thank you so much for sharing. This was exactly the type of response I was looking for when I posted this thread. Reading this made me feel a lot better about things.

It seems that our situations are almost exactly the same, so I am glad to hear that you are happy overall with your decision to move away. I think it is more than likely going to be the decision that I make as well 🙂

 

[Veggie_Girl]

Thank you so much for sharing. This was exactly the type of response I was looking for when I posted this thread. Reading this made me feel a lot better about things.

It seems that our situations are almost exactly the same, so I am glad to hear that you are happy overall with your decision to move away. I think it is more than likely going to be the decision that I make as well 🙂

I am really glad that I could help in some way! Congrats on the acceptances!!

 

[fldoctorgirl]

I am really glad that I could help in some way! Congrats on the acceptances!!

Thank you!! 🙂

 

[futurexray]

They are family. Why can't you sit down and lay out some ground rules. Once a week family dinner is great but the rest of the time might need to be grab and go. When I have my door closed and note that says Studying please do not disturb me. Compromise is the key.

 

[ciestar]

I think you're right. Being away will definitely suck at times, but I think the pros will outweigh the homesickness every now and then. Thank you for your input 🙂

It certainly does. I am only three hours from home, but I had to miss my niece’s third birthday (due to school, mostly, I have only seen this little girl a handful of times in her life) party today because I have six exams coming up in a little over a week. However, you must realize it isn’t forever!

From what you’ve said, your parents have expectations if you live at home. Most families (even my husband....) cannot really grasp the level of work/sacrifice you must make as a med student. It sucks sometimes, but you have a goal and cannot screw it up because you had to spend a certain amount of time doing chores or babysitting (or anything of the like). Also, a curfew sometimes doesn’t work as a med student. Late nights at the library are a real thing, too.

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

Late nights at the library are a real thing, too.

Twice this semester I didn’t even go home. I just slept under my little desk thing for 2 hours and then got up and kept studying until my test. Thank goodness my wife understands.

I just want to reiterate OP how much you will need to have the freedom to be able to study when and where you want/need. I doesn’t sound like that will be possible if you stay stay at home.

 

[fldoctorgirl]

Twice this semester I didn’t even go home. I just slept under my little desk thing for 2 hours and then got up and kept studying until my test. Thank goodness my wife understands.

I just want to reiterate OP how much you will need to have the freedom to be able to study when and where you want/need. I doesn’t sound like that will be possible if you stay stay at home.

I agree. Thanks for all of your advice (on this and many other SDN threads) 🙂