- Joined
- May 31, 2014
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Just throwing some thoughts down on paper (or my iPhone, i guess).
I've been struggling with nerves as I am matriculating this fall. School starts in two weeks and though I'm extremely excited, I'm also impossibly nervous. This feels like the biggest precipice I've ever stood on, and I'm going to either make a perfect double-front flip into a dive or I'm going to belly flop flat on my face.
This, at least for me, stems from a feeling of unworthiness. This has been a long road, starting back in high school when I first decided that medicine would be a "fun" thing to pursue for a career. Then came college and a couple gap years and all of a sudden, now we are here. I'm about to start treating patients and learning the intricacies of this craft - but who am I to do so?? One of the most common responses I (and we) get when people ask what I do (cancer research) or what my plans are (medical school) is the "oohs" and "aahs" and the surfacey adoration. People my age, after learning this and the fact that I'm married, say "wow you make me feel like crap! You have your life so together!" Parents of my friends have remarked "man, I wish my son/daughter would've been as committed as you are to your studies." And people older than me say "oh you must be so smart!" But this all begs the question - am I? Am I worthy of all of this? Do I have a right to wield the 10-blade, to make decisions based on vital signs and various tests, and to give people advice and prescriptions and instructions on how to fix what ails them?
I'm just an ordinary 24 year old. There really isn't anything special about me. My grades weren't off the charts, my volunteer experience was nearly nonexistent, and my MCAT score was mediocre. Yet I find myself matriculating into one of the top-10 medical schools in the nation. Why? What have I done to deserve being here?
Through my quarrels with these feelings, I still don't have an answer. We are all unworthy, in my opinion, to be in charge of another's life. However, for whatever reason and through whatever path, we have ended up here. We've been given this calling - and now it's time to rise to the challenge. Be worthy. Be confident. If any of you have had any of these thoughts....discuss and get them of your chest, and let's let that be it.
Let's say it, leave it here, and then go become worthy.
Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
I've been struggling with nerves as I am matriculating this fall. School starts in two weeks and though I'm extremely excited, I'm also impossibly nervous. This feels like the biggest precipice I've ever stood on, and I'm going to either make a perfect double-front flip into a dive or I'm going to belly flop flat on my face.
This, at least for me, stems from a feeling of unworthiness. This has been a long road, starting back in high school when I first decided that medicine would be a "fun" thing to pursue for a career. Then came college and a couple gap years and all of a sudden, now we are here. I'm about to start treating patients and learning the intricacies of this craft - but who am I to do so?? One of the most common responses I (and we) get when people ask what I do (cancer research) or what my plans are (medical school) is the "oohs" and "aahs" and the surfacey adoration. People my age, after learning this and the fact that I'm married, say "wow you make me feel like crap! You have your life so together!" Parents of my friends have remarked "man, I wish my son/daughter would've been as committed as you are to your studies." And people older than me say "oh you must be so smart!" But this all begs the question - am I? Am I worthy of all of this? Do I have a right to wield the 10-blade, to make decisions based on vital signs and various tests, and to give people advice and prescriptions and instructions on how to fix what ails them?
I'm just an ordinary 24 year old. There really isn't anything special about me. My grades weren't off the charts, my volunteer experience was nearly nonexistent, and my MCAT score was mediocre. Yet I find myself matriculating into one of the top-10 medical schools in the nation. Why? What have I done to deserve being here?
Through my quarrels with these feelings, I still don't have an answer. We are all unworthy, in my opinion, to be in charge of another's life. However, for whatever reason and through whatever path, we have ended up here. We've been given this calling - and now it's time to rise to the challenge. Be worthy. Be confident. If any of you have had any of these thoughts....discuss and get them of your chest, and let's let that be it.
Let's say it, leave it here, and then go become worthy.
Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile