Dear applicant,
Thank you so much for your interest in our school. If we had as much interest in you as you did in our program we would have sent out seventy-five of these letters for each and every e-mail and phone call you made trying to find out the status of your application. We would like to inform you that your application has gone to good use. Our first year students have taken on "Medical Origami" as a way to help them study for the boards. It is a new program where students use such hurrendous applications like yours to make skeletons, organs, or other body parts. Rest assured that your application was given every oppertunity for admission and has been accepted as a liver.
We wish you many failures in all future endevors. If any program of medicine accepts you, they should be warned that you are bound to kill paitents. Therefore our Committee in an attempt to save humanity from you has called other Committees to make sure you are not accepted there either.
Thank you,
Adcom of COM