Writing a hardship essay with complicated circumstances to explain?

[Latteandaprayer]

The hardship itself isn’t hard to explain, nor is it hard to explain how I overcame it. What’s hard is the circumstances that the hardship arose in and the effects of it.

I’ll explain with my example. When I was a senior in high school, my mom was diagnosed with two herniated discs in her neck and lower back, which have made mobility hard for her. By the beginning of sophomore year of college, I became my mom’s main caregiver, meaning I essentially spend a lot of time cooking for her, helping her shower, helping her get dressed, buying her groceries, and doing her laundry. Some of those sound like normal chores, except I don’t live at home so none of those benefit me at all (I’m not doing my own laundry or cooking for myself or anything). This presented multiple hardships for both of us, which we both overcame eventually (but of course the essay will focus on me).

The reason I think the circumstances are hard to explain is because my essay may raise questions like, who will take care of her when I am in medical school? and, why didn’t we get professional/outside help from the beginning? There are reasons for both, but I’m worried it’ll take up too much space to explain them.

How do I go about writing the essay without majorly addressing these two questions? Should I forgo writing the essay even though it presented a lot of hardships for me for most of sophomore and junior years? Also importantly, I feel icky for making my mom’s hardships about me, especially because they affect her way more than me, in ways that I could never understand. Will adcoms see it the same way?

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[deleted972488]

As someone who has been the one who has been cared for, I don’t think you should feel guilty about using caregiving as an adversity essay.

I also don’t think it would take too many characters to state that the role of caregiver has been passed on to someone else for your time in medical school.

 

[Moko]

Assuming that this is for an adversity or challenge essay, focus on how you adapted to the situation and balanced your responsibilities to your mom and also your coursework. As long as you aren't using this situation to paint yourself as a saint, justify poor grades, lack of ECs, or other deficiencies, it won't be viewed negatively. Keep in mind that you don't get brownie points for taking care of your mom -- it's generally expected.

My other thoughts:
- Illnesses can and often do affect those beyond just the patient. It does seem that your involvement here is extensive, particularly with helping with your mother's activities of daily living.
- Agree with @EmbryonalCarcinoma that a short line stating that her care will be transferred to someone else is sufficient.
- Many families are forced to take on these tasks themselves due to financial limitations, filial piety, etc. I can't imagine anyone faulting you for not finding outside or professional help.
- This shouldn't be difficult to summarize. Something like: "Several years ago my mom suffered an injury that led to progressive debility, and ultimately inability to perform her activities of daily living. Since sophomore year of college, I became my mom's main caregiver and drove daily to her home to help with her bathing, cooking, laundry, and more. [insert bit about balancing academics]. Through this experience, I learned [insert lessons and insights]. Should I have the opportunity to matriculate to ***, I am thankful that so-and-so will be taking care of her in my place."

 

[Goro]

Assuming that this is for an adversity or challenge essay, focus on how you adapted to the situation and balanced your responsibilities to your mom and also your coursework. As long as you aren't using this situation to paint yourself as a saint, justify poor grades, lack of ECs, or other deficiencies, it would be viewed negatively. Keep in mind that you don't get brownie points for taking care of your mom -- it's generally expected.

My other thoughts:
- Illnesses can and often do affect those beyond just the patient. It does seem that your involvement here is extensive, particularly with helping with your mother's activities of daily living.
- Agree with @EmbryonalCarcinoma that a short line stating that her care will be transferred to someone else is sufficient.
- Many families are forced to take on these tasks themselves due to financial limitations, filial piety, etc. I can't imagine anyone faulting you for not finding outside or professional help.
- This shouldn't be difficult to summarize. Something like: "Several years ago my mom suffered an injury that led to progressive debility, and ultimately inability to perform her activities of daily living. Since sophomore year of college, I became my mom's main caregiver and drove daily to her home to help with her bathing, cooking, laundry, and more. [insert bit about balancing academics]. Through this experience, I learned [insert lessons and insights]. Should I have the opportunity to matriculate to ***, I am thankful that so-and-so will be taking care of her in my place."

Agree 1000% with my wise colleague.

 

[Latteandaprayer]

Assuming that this is for an adversity or challenge essay, focus on how you adapted to the situation and balanced your responsibilities to your mom and also your coursework. As long as you aren't using this situation to paint yourself as a saint, justify poor grades, lack of ECs, or other deficiencies, it won't be viewed negatively. Keep in mind that you don't get brownie points for taking care of your mom -- it's generally expected.

My other thoughts:
- Illnesses can and often do affect those beyond just the patient. It does seem that your involvement here is extensive, particularly with helping with your mother's activities of daily living.
- Agree with @EmbryonalCarcinoma that a short line stating that her care will be transferred to someone else is sufficient.
- Many families are forced to take on these tasks themselves due to financial limitations, filial piety, etc. I can't imagine anyone faulting you for not finding outside or professional help.
- This shouldn't be difficult to summarize. Something like: "Several years ago my mom suffered an injury that led to progressive debility, and ultimately inability to perform her activities of daily living. Since sophomore year of college, I became my mom's main caregiver and drove daily to her home to help with her bathing, cooking, laundry, and more. [insert bit about balancing academics]. Through this experience, I learned [insert lessons and insights]. Should I have the opportunity to matriculate to ***, I am thankful that so-and-so will be taking care of her in my place."

Thank you! Yes, absolutely I expect no brownie points or anything, which is why it made feel a little weird to write about it. She’s isn’t a stranger I decided to help, and it is my duty to care for her without a doubt. I do not intend on writing it as a saint or as a responsibility that I *chose* to take on at all. I just hope that comes off well.

 

[Tozanzibarbymotorcar]

My question is...why? Do you come from a low income family? Are you an only child? Is this culturally-related? I'm just going to say that in many cultures, children are expected to take care of their parents. So..for many of my classmates this is, well, normal. I think it is worthy of mentioning in an essay somewhere but to dedicate an entire hardship essay to it with just the info you have included in the OP, I'm not sure it would earn you many points when students have overcome worse. Just remember what you are up against - that is all.

 

[Tozanzibarbymotorcar]

I guess my follow-up questions would be, what impact did it have on you and is your mother in a stable position now? Bec you darn right I'd be asking if an applicant could handle med school with all the **** goin on in his/her life. It might count as a negative as you're mentioned.

 

[Moko]

I'm not sure it would earn you many points when students have overcome worse. Just remember what you are up against - that is all.

The adversity essays aren't and shouldn't be treated as pissing contests to see who has had the sh*ttiest life (and I would argue that being a caregiver - whether voluntarily or forced - while balancing academics is still more difficult than what most premeds have gone through). As long as the hardship is nontrivial, it can still be used to demonstrate the resiliency and coping mechanisms that would be helpful during medical school. It also gives tremendous insight into what other patients' families are experiencing. Ultimately, it depends on how this is written. Just my thoughts.

 

[deleted972488]

The adversity essays aren't and shouldn't be treated as pissing contests to see who has had the sh*ttiest life (and I would argue that being a caregiver - whether voluntarily or forced - while balancing academics is still more difficult than what most premeds have gone through). As long as the hardship is nontrivial, it can still be used to demonstrate the resiliency and coping mechanisms that would be helpful during medical school. It also gives tremendous insight into what other patients' families are experiencing. Ultimately, it depends on how this is written. Just my thoughts.

I second this. I'm one of those students who have "overcome worse" but the point of these essays isn't to score pity points. I would even argue that being a caregiver is in some ways harder than being a patient. But, again, it's not about who has had it worse. It's about resiliency and being able to handle stress.

 

[Tozanzibarbymotorcar]

The adversity essays aren't and shouldn't be treated as pissing contests to see who has had the sh*ttiest life (and I would argue that being a caregiver - whether voluntarily or forced - while balancing academics is still more difficult than what most premeds have gone through). As long as the hardship is nontrivial, it can still be used to demonstrate the resiliency and coping mechanisms that would be helpful during medical school. It also gives tremendous insight into what other patients' families are experiencing. Ultimately, it depends on how this is written. Just my thoughts.

No...but some people have experiences which has made their road to medical school a little bumpier than others. Nobody said anything about a pissing contest - seriously. I thought I had a ****ty life until I met people at my school who lost parents and support networks and had to work their way through high school and undergrad with no money and everything stacked against them. People have to be realistic when writing these things is all I'm saying. If you are writing about a hardship for the sake of writing about a hardship without any context, etc, you are bound to fail.

And about being a caregiver - I agree that being a caregiver is not easy. Thing is that a good number of med students have worked as caregivers whether that be in the hospital or nursing home, etc. So what makes your experience unique (not alluding to OP)?

 

[Tozanzibarbymotorcar]

I second this. I'm one of those students who have "overcome worse" but the point of these essays isn't to score pity points. I would even argue that being a caregiver is in some ways harder than being a patient. But, again, it's not about who has had it worse. It's about resiliency and being able to handle stress.

When you get into med school and serve on an admissions committee - come back and share your experience.

 

[deleted972488]

some people have experiences which has made their road to medical school a little bumpier than others

True, but there's nothing OP can do about this. Care-giving very well may be the most challenging thing OP has gone through. And, again, I can understand why it is challenging. I'm not sure what your suggesting OP does if they don't have anything else to write about...

 

[Tozanzibarbymotorcar]

True, but there's nothing OP can do about this. Care-giving very well may be the most challenging thing OP has gone through. And, again, I can understand why it is challenging. I'm not sure what your suggesting OP does if they don't have anything else to write about...

If the hardship essay is not mandatory - as it is at some schools - then perhaps placing his/her experience in another essay would be useful. Thing is we don't know what else is going on. I'm just saying...if all OP has to talk about is what he/she mentioned above and there isn't anything else I would consider not writing the hardship essay about that. It would be nice Segway into a personal statement where OP decided to get into medicine as a result of taking care of his/her mother, etc where he/she succeeded in school and standardized exams even with the extra load of caring for his mother. I'm sure people will disagree but this is how I see it.

 

[Tozanzibarbymotorcar]

(and I would argue that being a caregiver - whether voluntarily or forced - while balancing academics is still more difficult than what most premeds have gone through).

Have you served on an admissions committee? You vastly underestimate what many premeds go through.

 

[Moko]

No...but some people have experiences which has made their road to medical school a little bumpier than others. Nobody said anything about a pissing contest so CTFD - seriously. I thought I had a ****ty life until I met people at my school who lost parents and support networks and had to work their way through high school and undergrad with no money and everything stacked against them. People have to be realistic when writing these things is all I'm saying. If you are writing about a hardship for the sake of writing about a hardship without any context, etc, you are bound to fail.

And about being a caregiver - I agree that being a caregiver is not easy. Thing is that a good number of med students have worked as caregivers whether that be in the hospital or nursing home, etc. So what makes your experience unique (not alluding to OP)?

I agree that many people have gone through much worse things than the OP. As mentioned before though, we are not directly comparing the OP's experience with other people's, as was implied when you suggested "I'm not sure it would earn you many points when students have overcome worse. Just remember what you are up against".

What we care about is what the applicant learned from those experiences, and how those experiences may help educate their future classmates. These adversity essays are often required in secondaries, so folks need to write something with substance. As far as I can tell, the OP is not asking about using this for the optional economic hardship questions, etc, which in that case, I agree that this would not be a good topic for. There's also no need to be so confrontational. This board is here to help folks. Just my thoughts.

Have you served on an admissions committee? You vastly underestimate what many premeds go through.

Yes

 

[LizzyM]

Have you served on an admissions committee? You vastly underestimate what many premeds go through.

I have served on an admissions committee. I've also been in the home of a friend who was severely disabled in middle age and who had an offspring who left school to be at home full-time to help with everything. It is not easy to care for a parent's very personal needs; perhaps more difficult than being paid to care for a patient. I know that a person makes tremendous sacrifices to care for a family member who lives in a separate household. There are members of my own family who are doing this right now and it does take a toll.

Without knowing the specific prompt, it is hard to say whether OP should address this in an essay and what details to provide. That said, I did like Moko's suggestion.

 

[Tozanzibarbymotorcar]

I'm confused where it was said that caregiving is not hard lol.

I think we can agree on many of what has been said. I'm just saying..when writing these "optional" hardship essays, one should not do so for the sake of writing about a hardship with no context. I tell everyone to keep in mind that they are not the only one with hardships. I know of a few who had to escape terrorism, etc, in their own countries. I have personally gone through hardships but ultimately mine does not compare. Like mentioned above, it is about context and what was learned.

And, what was I thinking when I asked if Moko was on an admissions committee. This is SDN, everyone has been on a committee. Everyone! Of course.

 

[deleted972488]

optional economic hardship questions

I have only come across one of these, but I was wondering about what information it provides and if it's appropriate for me to answer it.

 

[Moko]

I have only come across one of these, but I was wondering about what information it provides and if it's appropriate for me to answer it.

It may help give more context and insight into an applicants' story, activities, experiences, etc. In general, with optional essays, it's usually better to not write anything unless there actually is something substantial. The bar to include something for an optional essay should be a lot higher than for a required essay. It's definitely hurt many applicants.

I think we can agree on many of what has been said.

Agreed

 

[deleted972488]

It may help give more context and insight into an applicants' story, activities, experiences, etc. In general, with optional essays, it's usually better to not write anything unless there actually is something substantial. The bar to include something for an optional essay should be a lot higher than for a required essay. It's definitely hurt many applicants.

I guess what I'm asking is when the prompt asks "Have you or anyone in your family experienced economic hardship?" is having to pay a ton of money in medical bills substantial?

 

[Moko]

I guess what I'm asking is when the prompt asks "Have you or anyone in your family experienced economic hardship?" is having to pay a ton of money in medical bills substantial?

Depends on the details, but in the overwhelming majority of cases, I would say 'no'. What people choose to include or leave out in their application is a reflection of their judgment. Medical bills are definitely a huge issue and the most common cause of bankruptcies in the US. Having said that, writing about this is much more likely to hurt than help for most applicants. This prompt is more for those who have grown up in objective poverty, with limited resources, or something to that effect. Just my thoughts

 

[deleted972488]

This prompt is more for those who have grown up in objective poverty, with limited resources, or something to that effect.

Interesting. I would have thought something like that would have already been addressed in the disadvantaged statement on the primary application. Thanks for the help!

 

[Latteandaprayer]

My question is...why? Do you come from a low income family? Are you an only child? Is this culturally-related? I'm just going to say that in many cultures, children are expected to take care of their parents. So..for many of my classmates this is, well, normal. I think it is worthy of mentioning in an essay somewhere but to dedicate an entire hardship essay to it with just the info you have included in the OP, I'm not sure it would earn you many points when students have overcome worse. Just remember what you are up against - that is all.

Low income and culturally related. My sister, who is actually 17 years older than me, was unable to immigrate to the US when we did, but finally received her visa just a few months ago. She will be immigrating to the US within a year, and she is going to be my mom’s main caregiver.

In terms of what hardships, well it took up a lot of my time and energy, both physically and emotionally to an extent. It was very hard for me to adjust to taking care of her, because I didn’t really have to before at all. To add that on top of school, research and ECs was a lot.

 

[Tozanzibarbymotorcar]

Low income and culturally related. My sister, who is actually 17 years older than me, was unable to immigrate to the US when we did, but finally received her visa just a few months ago. She will be immigrating to the US within a year, and she is going to be my mom’s main caregiver.

In terms of what hardships, well it took up a lot of my time and energy, both physically and emotionally to an extent. It was very hard for me to adjust to taking care of her, because I didn’t really have to before at all. To add that on top of school, research and ECs was a lot.

I would definitely make sure to write all that! Congratulations to your sister btw..

 

[Goro]

Have you served on an admissions committee? You vastly underestimate what many premeds go through.

FYI, Moko is an Adcom member at an ionospheric school, AND a clinician.

 

[Tozanzibarbymotorcar]

FYI, Moko is an Adcom member at an ionospheric school, AND a clinician.

That’s great! So are lots of people on here!

 

[and 99 others]

That’s great! So are lots of people on here!

You realize you are the one who asked, right? It's kind of silly to pose the question and imply that being on an admissions member is requisite to being able to provide informed advice, and then immediately dismiss it when you're told that the person you questioned is, in fact, on an admissions committee, at a competitive school, no less.

 

[Tozanzibarbymotorcar]

You realize you are the one who asked, right? It's kind of silly to pose the question and imply that being on an admissions member is requisite to being able to provide informed advice, and then immediately dismiss it when you're told that the person you questioned is, in fact, on an admissions committee, at a competitive school, no less.

Ok great! let’s not detract from the OP anymore than we have. Have a nice day!

 

[gyngyn]

Derailment and confrontational comments are not acceptable, nor is the persistent inability to remain civil.

 

[LizzyM]

I guess what I'm asking is when the prompt asks "Have you or anyone in your family experienced economic hardship?" is having to pay a ton of money in medical bills substantial?

Define "ton". There are families who will pay a ton for the medical and other expenses associated with having a child with a disability or chronic condition. Not to the point of being destitute but where the standard of living year after year after year is much lower than one might expect given their eduation and employment. Maybe providing what one child needed meant that the other child(ren) got by but didn't get extras (music lessons, camp, sports league).

I would think that bankrupcy due to medical bills of any kind would also qualify as an economic hardship.

 

[deleted972488]

Define "ton". There are families who will pay a ton for the medical and other expenses associated with having a child with a disability or chronic condition. Not to the point of being destitute but where the standard of living year after year after year is much lower than one might expect given their eduation and employment. Maybe providing what one child needed meant that the other child(ren) got by but didn't get extras (music lessons, camp, sports league).

I would think that bankrupcy due to medical bills of any kind would also qualify as an economic hardship.

I have not experienced financial hardships to the degree of needing to file for bankruptcy, so I will answer “no” to the prompt in question.