Fair enough. Do you expect that you'll continue on in medicine after graduation/residency/after your student loans are paid off?
I don't know at this point. On the one hand, it's tempting to think about non-clinical jobs, like working for a pharmaceutical company or medical device company. The problem with that is twofold: first, just based on the job listings I've looked at, most employers looking to hire doctors are looking for experienced doctors, people who have actually completed a residency and practiced medicine. Of course, the best jobs are never advertised, and it's possible there are opportunities for me out there and I just don't know where to look for them yet. Second, it would involve going back to the corporate world, which I didn't like, one of the reasons I went into medicine in the first place. I didn't feel I could hack it in the corporate world. Then again, I know more now than I did then, I'm more realistic about life in general, and it might be possible to just swallow my pride, grin and bear it.
On the other hand, there are a few medical specialties that do interest me somewhat. I kind of liked my psychiatry clerkship, and I could potentially see myself doing pathology too (the latter has a reputation on SDN for having a horrible job marked, but I recently asked a pathologist about that and he said it's only true if you're looking to stay in a big city, if you're willing to move anywhere you'll be fine, so I don't know.) The problem with practicing medicine is how much more work remains for me before I can begin having a normal life again. I haven't even passed Step 1 or done most of my 3rd year clerkships yet, and frankly, when I think about all we've been told we need to do on the wards and for ERAS (come in early, stay late, know your patients backwards and forwards, be enthusiastic and try to get involved, always ask for more work, do your AI's early, get 5 letters of recommendation, etc.) it almost makes my stomach churn. All that political BS, the schmoozing and "networking," was what I hated about the corporate world. What I liked about medicine was the idea that you study, you pass the tests, and presto, you have a great job. I thought I left all that bull**** behind. I don't want to beg some ******* attending for more work I don't want, to come in early and stay late and act all enthusiastic so I can get 5 letters of recommendation (at this point I can't even imagine getting
one, let alone 5), when I don't even ****ing want to be a doctor at all. So I'm not sure I could handle even the residency application process, let alone residency itself.
So....I'm curious without the desire to study human bodies and help people, what stats did you have to get into medical school? High GPA and MCAT?
That is actually a great question, because I've been playing up the idea that the reason I went into medicine is simply that I thought it would have certain positive ramifications for my personal life. What I haven't really mentioned, though, is that while that was what sparked my interest, I actually did manage to become fairly interested in medicine for a time. I mean, I knew you can't fake your way through AMCAS, secondaries, interviews, not to mention all of medical school and ERAS. I knew I had to really want to do this in order to succeed at it. So, what I did is I set about convincing myself that I reallly did want to be a doctor. I kept telling myself I really was interested, to the point where it did stick for a while. When I went on interviews and discussed my desire to enter medicine, I wasn't lying through my teeth; I really did want to be there. I started off strong in medical school; at the beginning I really did find what we were learning to be interesting. I was excited to be making progress and actually could see myself in residency someday. The interest was genuine while it lasted, but it wasn't enough to be self-sustaining when my personal life, the true original motivation, didn't come together the way I had hoped. It started to wane around the beginning of second year, and now I feel like a total fish out of water.
So, yes, I did have a pretty good post-bacc GPA (though my original undergrad GPA was nothing to write home about) and a great MCAT score, but I was genuinely interested for a while. I didn't have to "fake" my way through application essays and interviews; I really meant it at the time.