Your advice please

[RayneeDeigh]

I'm hoping you guys will have some words of wisdom for me.

As most of you know I started my first year in a PhD program this September. My first apartment was overrun with bugs that lived in the ceiling and fell on me while I was sleeping. Needless to say, I left after a month. I moved into an apartment twice as expensive that just happened to have carpet beetles (and larvae). I've had three exterminators come and the problem isn't going away. I'm locked in a 12 month lease and the city I'm in is going through a horrible time for finding affordable housing.

Because of this (and the fact that I had a pretty serious bug phobia to begin with) I've been noticeably anxious at school. Profs are starting to notice, one confronted me about it. I've taken steps to manage that but they aren't working since obviously my living situation isn't resolving itself. My University's student mental health center is currently closed due to political issues... which is really bad timing.

I also am a poor match with my advisor who has met with me twice since September and is pretty unsupportive/unhelpful about my research ideas. The department has a reputation with its students for not being very good at dealing with these things.

My family has lost a LOT of money in this process, as they've helped me out with my increased rent, moving costs, exterminator fees, etc. My mom informed me tonight that they can no longer do this.

Nevertheless, I love Clinical Psychology and have made connections with my cohort and am learning as much as possible given my circumstances and limited energy these days.

My choices:

a) Contact the mediating board in my city, fight to get out of my lease, leave all of my bug-infested belongings in the trash and move back home, abandoning the program.

b) Try to transfer into another PhD program somewhere although I think my chances of getting in somewhere since I'd be leaving another program are pretty damn slim.

c) Keep living like this, suck it up, deal with the bugs and the program.

I honestly just cried for like 3 hours because I've been dealing with these issues for over 2 months now. Am I right to assume that leaving one program pretty much seals your fate at all others?

This is way more personal info than I usually like to put on a forum but I really need opinions because I'm not thinking clearly enough to think through the facts on my own. Thoughts?

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[nononora]

Have you read your lease terms thoroughly? There may be easy ways out, especially if the lease mentions something to the effect of guaranteeing safe and healthy living conditions. Breaking your lease should also only require a penalty of 1 to 2 months of rent. Here's a good website:

http://ohmyapt.apartmentratings.com/how-to-break-a-lease.html

Have you thought about sharing an apartment with people in your program? I'm sure you'd get some replies if you send something out on the listserv. Is switching advisors a feasible option too? I hope others have advice regarding transferring - I'm not sure what other programs think of it.

Good luck RD. I don't post much but even I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately.

 

[socialcog]

wow. As hard as your situation sounds, I strongly encourage you to stick it out. It sounds like you are committed to this field and have much to contribute to it. Your program choose you for a reason. Ask yourself, in 5 years from now...will you look back and be pleased with this decision if you decide to leave? Regret it? On the other hand, if you stick it out and complete your training...could you look back in retrospect and laugh? These are formative years, important years. Is a bug phobia going to keep you from accomplishing what you have already sacrificed so much to pursue?

I know this is extremely hard, but I sense that this is very important to you. Please consider hanging in there despite the urge to 'chuck it all'.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Have you read your lease terms thoroughly? There may be easy ways out, especially if the lease mentions something to the effect of guaranteeing safe and healthy living conditions. Breaking your lease should also only require a penalty of 1 to 2 months of rent. Here's a good website:

http://ohmyapt.apartmentratings.com/how-to-break-a-lease.html

Have you thought about sharing an apartment with people in your program? I'm sure you'd get some replies if you send something out on the listserv. Is switching advisors a feasible option too? I hope others have advice regarding transferring - I'm not sure what other programs think of it.

Good luck RD. I don't post much but even I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately.

Yep I went through the lease today and it says that I'm responsible for the rest of the 12 months if I leave early, unless they can get another renter. The people in my program (I've asked around, especially recently) are either married or own condos/townhouses. The market exploded recently and when it started, everyone rushed to buy. The only person who has room for me in her condo has said a few times that she would never consider not living alone. I'm definitely still asking around though.

I did talk to the DCT about advisor switching actually. She told me co-supervision would be the only option so I spoke with my current advisor about it and he said absolutely not.

This is definitely the most expensive mistake I've ever made (financially and emotionally). At least now I'm rid of that senior undergrad feeling of being invincible. haha.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

As for the apartment thing.....you need to DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT. I'm not a lawyer, though I went through a similar problem about 5 years ago....living in an unlivable place.

Look up "constructive eviction" in your state, it may get you out of your lease requirements. Of course, YMMV, but rental law state by state tends to have a clause.

-t

 

[thewesternsky]

First, I am so sorry. This situation really, really sucks.

I'm also sorry that there are no counselling services available to you right now... That might have been a good route to take. You might try to contact your university Ombudsman. Most schools have them, and they may be able to provide advice on both the situation with your advisor (not even considering the option of co-supervision...) and the rental thing. Here's a list of the ombudsperson websites for many of the schools in Canada:

http://www.uwo.ca/ombuds/accuoeng/links.htm

I wish I could give advice on whether or not dropping out of the program would kill your chances at other programs, but I honestly don't know. Good luck. Let us know what happens, okay?

 

[Ollie123]

You're welcome to crash on my couch, though the Florida-Canada commute would be a killer
Your school seriously does not allow people to switch advisors? I can see discouraging it but outright disallowing it seems.....insane. What do they do if faculty leave? Can you switch then? As much as it sucks, I wouldn't leave because of the apartment. ****, find a cheap hotel to stay in for awhile first.

I don't know how real estate law works up in Canada. I can tell you that if my apartment had that level of an insect problem, that landlord would not see a penny of my money until they fixed it. Do you have any friends in the legal field? There has to be a way out of that lease. Its worth noting that it saying you owe 12 months rent if you break lease doesn't mean crap if there is a clause in about living conditions - because then its THEM breaking the lease and not you.

Keep looking. Look outside the program too, in other department areas, etc.

Agree on talking with an ombudsman. I say keep at it. This was a ROUGH transition, but who knows what's around the corner. I truly do believe most of these problems are correctable (or should be anyways). I hate to say it since it sounds like you're going through a rough time, but if you can make it through this it will probably work out alot better than leaving school.

 

[JockNerd]

Knowing a little but more about the situation, I think your brief description doesn't quite capture the scope and magnitude of the problems.

I can see how the bug thing just totally tops things off. If you can't even come back to you place to relax, and the department is the ninth circle of hell, there's no place you can use as sanctuary.

For me, staying in the program would depend on how well I thought my needs were being served by the program and adviser. I want to be a prof, so pubs are vital. If the prof wasn't respecting my research agenda, I would have a much easier time taking off and applying elsewhere next year. Even if I decided to stick it out, there's no way I would stay longer than one year.

How did you try to get rid of the bugs? Rental agencies are annoying to deal with. I sent in a dozen requests to get my carpets cleaned after I moved into my last place, and they weren't doing it. After a few months, I went down in person, made a little scene (I was reasonable, but I was talking loudly about the issues and their lack of action in front of other tenants and applicants), refused to leave until I got written confirmation that the problem would be taken care of within two days, and the next day someone was there with a carpet cleaner. I also never again had to wait again for any repairs to my suite. My suggestion would be to go to the office and not leave until they fill out a work order for an extermination team (NOT just spraying). Cry in the front office if you feel like it, it'll only help your case If they don't do it, they're in violation of Health laws. Call Health Canada TODAY and find out what they want you to do before they send an inspector (and tell the rental agency that you called Health Canada, too).

I know you love psych, and it really seems to me that your constant living situation problems might be what's pushing you over the edge of what you can tolerate. Am I right about that? If you had a nice clean place, would you want to stay despite the stupid people?

 

[JockNerd]

I don't know how real estate law works up in Canada. I can tell you that if my apartment had that level of an insect problem, that landlord would not see a penny of my money until they fixed it.

You can't withhold rent from landlords as a penalty for failing to live up to the lease conditions in Canada. If the Residential Tenancies Branch (the government-based landlord overseer) determines that the landlord wasn't living up to their end of things for some time period (this is why YOU MUST DOCUMENT THINGS!), you would be entitled to a full or partial refund for that time period.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Knowing a little but more about the situation, I think your brief description doesn't quite capture the scope and magnitude of the problems.

I know huh? haha. But I didn't really want to air my department's (and my own) dirty laundry here. One day though, these past two and a half months are gonna make one hell of a story to tell people.

How did you try to get rid of the bugs? Rental agencies are annoying to deal with. I sent in a dozen requests to get my carpets cleaned after I moved into my last place, and they weren't doing it. After a few months, I went down in person, made a little scene (I was reasonable, but I was talking loudly about the issues and their lack of action in front of other tenants and applicants), refused to leave until I got written confirmation that the problem would be taken care of within two days, and the next day someone was there with a carpet cleaner. I also never again had to wait again for any repairs to my suite. My suggestion would be to go to the office and not leave until they fill out a work order for an extermination team (NOT just spraying). Cry in the front office if you feel like it, it'll only help your case If they don't do it, they're in violation of Health laws. Call Health Canada TODAY and find out what they want you to do before they send an inspector (and tell the rental agency that you called Health Canada, too).

So far the exterminators have sprayed. But obviously they're missing something. They seem to mostly come out of the baseboards in the kitchen/diningroom/bathroom so I think the baseboards need to be ripped out completely. What really bothers me is that now I can't go home for the holidays because I have to stay here and see if the bugs get worse when the pesticides wear off. I am going to the Office of the Rentalsman on my lunch break today. We'll see how that goes.

I know you love psych, and it really seems to me that your constant living situation problems might be what's pushing you over the edge of what you can tolerate. Am I right about that? If you had a nice clean place, would you want to stay despite the stupid people?

Yeah I think you're right, my living situation is definitely the biggest problem for me right now. I also think it goes the other way - if the department wasn't going to hell in a handbasket, I think I'd be able to deal with my living situation better.

Thanks for everyone's advice. My university of course was one of the few that wasn't on that list of Ombudsmen. I have considered speaking with the department head but since the last time I spoke to a prof about the problems it completely backfired, I'm a bit hesitant.

I think the next week is going to make or break it. I just had my place spayed again yesterday so everyone cross your fingers.

 

[psychanon]

First, I'm really sorry. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time.

Second, I think that you should approach this situation as two separate decisions/ challenges. One is what to do about the living situation, and the other is what to do about your program. They really are separate problems, and while it's nice to think I'm going to sail away from all these bugs and annoying advisers at once, each of these problems may have separate optimal solutions, so try not to get them intermeshed.

For the bug thing. I know nothing about the residential laws of Canada, but I have trouble believing that a country that provides universal health care would fail to offer protections from people trapped living in unhealthy conditions. What if your landlord refused to turn the heat on, or flooded the place and refused to clean up? Would you still be stuck in your lease? Not having any options for recourse opens the door for landlord abuse, and I can't believe you have no options. Can you take them to court? Or (often equally effective), can you threaten to take them to court? How did you get out of your first apartment? Alternatively, can you ask one of your cohort if you can just live with them temporarily, even just on their couch, until the exterminator completely takes care of the bugs?

For the program thing. It's not impossible to transfer to another program-- I've known a few people who have done it-- but it has to be for the right reasons. One would be that your research interests changed, or that the match wasn't as strong as you had originally believed. Another would be if the overall scope of the program didn't fit your goals-- maybe you decided you wanted a purely research degree, or perhaps a more clinical one. Maybe you want to work with a certain population that isn't available there. So the key question is-- why do you want to leave? Is it only the personalities and the location, or are there things that would get in the way of your career later on? This is a good time to re-evaluate what you really do and do not want out of your career.

In any case (and this may be the kicker, and the reason for the importance of diplomacy in this situation), if you apply for another doctoral program, you'll need a positive letter of recommendation from your adviser. Do you think you can get that?

I also find it hard to believe that they'd rather have you drop out of the program than switch advisers. Maybe there's more flexibility there than is originally apparent.

Good luck.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Look at it this way....even though there are some bugs shacking up with you, you also have us!

I forgot you were in Canada...so my constructive eviction stuff is a state-side thing, though they probably have a similar statute in Canada.

As for your program, I would DEFINITELY keep persuing a solution at your program. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. If in the end it doesn't work out, you can look to transfer.

-t

 

[GiantSteps]

Raynster,

First, separate your problems and deal with each separately. Don't allow the bug problem to cloud or bias your views toward you school or your school problems to make you give up on your apartment. You may need a lawyer.

Second, if you find the bug situation too overwhelming and financially burdensome to continue with school, before making a decision to leave permanently, check to see about the possibility of taking an approved leave of absence.

Third, I thought he Ombudsman idea was good but if your school does not have that position, there must still be a Dean of Students for the graduate school. Also, check with the head of the department as you said you might.

Fourth, you are still very new in your program so I seriously doubt that leaving it would prevent you from going to another school. You do not even have nay completed credits yet so you might not even have to list the school if you applied elsewhere. I suppose, if you are going to leave, it would be better to leave now than later, since then you would have completed credits.

So far the exterminators have sprayed. But obviously they're missing something. They seem to mostly come out of the baseboards in the kitchen/diningroom/bathroom so I think the baseboards need to be ripped out completely. What really bothers me is that now I can't go home for the holidays because I have to stay here and see if the bugs get worse when the pesticides wear off. I am going to the Office of the Rentalsman on my lunch break today. We'll see how that goes.

Send the bugs to the NY Yankees! They miss the bugs which caused them to lose the playoffs in Cleveland! In fact, it turned out that the bug repelent they used actually attracted more bugs.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Ah, the update.

So the Office of the Rentalsman called me back this morning and told me my rights. Within the hour I drafted up a letter outlining what's been happening and what I want done (the Office of the Rentalsman told me to outline a date when I want the problem to be resolved by). I went down to management and spoke with them. They were friendly enough but tried to suggest that since the tenants before me never reported bug problems (though I did find out they had mice issues), I must have caused the problem. I rejected that idea and eventually convinced her, and since their exterminator is there today to spray a different suite, she's going to talk to him and get him to come in early next week. I told her I want a full inspection, not just spraying. So now all I have to do is find alternate living arrangements for my kitten which shouldn't be too bad. The Office of the Rentalsman told me that if the problem isn't cleared up by the date I indicated, I file a complaint and get out of my lease. Finding an apartment in an already housing-shortaged city could be a problem but in a worst-case scenario I can crash with a friend and ask my mom to take my kitten for a semester while I get on my feet.

As for school, who knows. What I didn't mention before is that after I spoke with the DCT about my situation, rumours started flying around the department about me. It's a tense situation, that's for sure. However, most of the staff is retiring this year (another source of problems between profs and students at present) so maybe next year when there's a new DCT the students will be more of a priority and less of a topic for gossip. I'm just shocked at how different everyone seemed during the application process. I've been told to expect the situation to get worse with my advisor next year, since without fail he accepts 3 students every year. I'm going to think about it tonight (and sleep on it since I'm exhausted) and see if I wake up still wanting to get the heck out of here.

Thanks you guys for your support. I wanted to mention these issues much earlier but I thought I'd try to keep it to myself as long as possible. But last night I just hit a wall and decided that I definitely needed some outside opinions.

 

[JockNerd]

Ah, the update.

So the Office of the Rentalsman called me back this morning and told me my rights. Within the hour I drafted up a letter outlining what's been happening and what I want done (the Office of the Rentalsman told me to outline a date when I want the problem to be resolved by). I went down to management and spoke with them. They were friendly enough but tried to suggest that since the tenants before me never reported bug problems (though I did find out they had mice issues), I must have caused the problem. I rejected that idea and eventually convinced her, and since their exterminator is there today to spray a different suite, she's going to talk to him and get him to come in early next week. I told her I want a full inspection, not just spraying. So now all I have to do is find alternate living arrangements for my kitten which shouldn't be too bad. The Office of the Rentalsman told me that if the problem isn't cleared up by the date I indicated, I file a complaint and get out of my lease. Finding an apartment in an already housing-shortaged city could be a problem but in a worst-case scenario I can crash with a friend and ask my mom to take my kitten for a semester while I get on my feet.

Nice. This is exactly how you deal with rental agencies. They can try to push you, but if you let them know what you know (tell them you've contacted inspectors, etc.) they'll back off. They're used to people being afraid of eviction and it's rare for someone to bite back. You can probably get a new appliance out of them now if you wanted, too.

I'm really happy that's on its way to resolution! I think once your cognitive capacities aren't being pushed to the limit anymore by the bad living situation, you'll be able to handle the stupid school situation in a way that works for you.

 

[psychwanabe]

RD: As everyone has said I am so sorry that your situation is so difficult. The first year is tough enough without all the other problems you are having to deal with. I had noticed that you weren't posting much and wondered what was going on with you: I just assumed you were too swamped to check SDN much anymore. I hope you can take some comfort in the fact that there are so many of us out here thinking about you.

I think a lot of the advice that you are getting is right on target and just what I would say. In making that vital decision about leaving the program, I would ask "If your apartment was great, could you live with the problems in your program?" Perhaps, since so many faculty are retiring, things will start to improve as you speculated. Maybe it's just a matter of wills and sticking it out, but I agree with whomever said that it's your career we're talking about and if you aren't going to get the research and pubs you want where you are it might be time to explore other options.

So far the exterminators have sprayed. But obviously they're missing something. They seem to mostly come out of the baseboards in the kitchen/diningroom/bathroom so I think the baseboards need to be ripped out completely. What really bothers me is that now I can't go home for the holidays because I have to stay here and see if the bugs get worse when the pesticides wear off. I am going to the Office of the Rentalsman on my lunch break today. We'll see how that goes.

I would say it's highly likely that the bugs are fleeing your apartment after it's sprayed and hanging out in the walls and in the apartments around you. Then when it's safe, they come back. I had this issue in Texas (where cockroaches abound) and we had them spray and spray to no avail. It turned out that the neighbors had a bad bug problem and since they weren't also spraying, the bugs just migrated and didn't die. It might be worth discussing these issues with your neighbors.

I will be thinking good thoughts for you.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

You guys are sweet.

As an aside (apparently I'm turning this thread into a place to just bitch about life, so feel free to join in) University strikes are the MOST INCONVENIENT THING EVER. I'm on medication that needs to be monitored by doctors but the student health centre is closed, the student counseling centre is closed, there's no food on campus, and no parking services so cars are parked everywhere. It's ridiculous. My kitten is sick and the vet sent his urine tests to the vet college here but of course they're closed because of the strike so the test is probably just sitting there even though I paid $300 for it.

But one good thing did come of it. My assessment prof didn't want to cross the picket line so we had class at his private practice and got to read some really awesome reports.

I wonder what good carpet beetles are for the world. I'm not optimistic that mine will ever go away and that means I'll have to move and quarantine all my clothes. Tonight I'm going to start washing my summer clothing in hot water and packing them in airtight bins. If I don't end up with OCD after this mess it'll be a miracle!

 

[psychwanabe]

If I don't end up with OCD after this mess it'll be a miracle!

"The effects of long-term exposure to bugs on first year graduate student adjustment: A case study"

...turning lemons into publications!

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

<---hates bugs, which is why Texas is forever banned on my "Places to Live" list.

As an aside, I've always thought your name was Rayne Deigh...as in a real first and last name, only today did I read it and realize it also sounds like, "Rainy Day". It makes me wonder........what else have I missed?!!



-t

 

[psychwanabe]

Oh! I know the answer to this! Sometime last year RD and Giantsteps (I think) were talking about music and she said she chose her name from the song "Rainy Day" and spelled it all special-like.

Am I right RD? I think I should win a prize for knowing this.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

<---hates bugs, which is why Texas is forever banned on my "Places to Live" list.

As an aside, I've always thought your name was Rayne Deigh...as in a real first and last name, only today did I read it and realize it also sounds like, "Rainy Day". It makes me wonder........what else have I missed?!!



-t

Hahaha. It takes a lot of people a long time to figure it out, don't worry. It's originally just a bastardization of a song that I love but lately I'm thinking I jinxed myself having such a depressing screenname.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Oh! I know the answer to this! Sometime last year RD and Giantsteps (I think) were talking about music and she said she chose her name from the song "Rainy Day" and spelled it all special-like.

Am I right RD? I think I should win a prize for knowing this.

Holy crap. You DO get the prize!

We should have SDN trivia nights.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Hahaha. It takes a lot of people a long time to figure it out, don't worry. It's originally just a bastardization of a song that I love but lately I'm thinking I jinxed myself having such a depressing screenname.

I think what threw me was Rainn Wilson is a real name, so Rayne/Raynee could be a girl version, especially with all of those "Summer", "Autumn", "Mercedes", etc fad names out there.

Btw....Rainn Wilson is 41?!! I thought he was like 30-31. Whoops.

-t

 

[paramour]

Everyone has already given you excellent advice regarding the horrific living conditions as well as the dept situation, so I can't really add anything that's not been suggested. In addition to the university omsbudsmen, you might want to check out whether your university has a student legal services division for assistance w/ the rental/eviction issue. They may come in handy later, although it seems you have mostly everything sorted out on that front now.

Rumors are a nasty thing, and I'm finding inner-departmental ones doubly so. I am unfortunately also experiencing some personal, perhaps eventually legal, difficulties (which is how I know about student legal services!). This, combined with some fairly stressful, um, "administrative"(?) issues that have been ongoing since before the semester even started, alongside other more minor hassles w/ the dept, have seriously been testing my mental reserves this first semester. I shall be greatly impressed with myself if I actually make it through the end of the semester, much less the end of this first year.

But, I can at least look at the bright side of things and be extremely glad that I do not have pest issues (er, of the insect/rodent variety) completely ruining my living habitat. Coming from the south, and then living in some less than desirable residences growing up, I never, ever want to see another one of those bastadishes again!

G'luck! I remember how stressful it was to even get to this point. It really sucketh when you finally get what you thought you wanted, only to recognize it's not quite going the way you thought/hoped it would be for whatever reason. (And my brain is currently somewhat addled (perhaps an earwig nested in there during the wee hours of the morn & started feasting away?), so apologies in advance for the rambling, discombulated semi-coherent ramblings.)

Cheers!

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Rumors are a nasty thing, and I'm finding inter-departmental ones doubly so. I am unfortunately also experiencing some personal, perhaps eventually legal, difficulties (which is how I know about student legal services!). This, combined with some fairly stressful, um, "administrative"(?) issues that have been ongoing since before the semester even started, alongside other more minor hassles w/ the dept, have seriously been testing my mental reserves this first semester. I shall be greatly impressed with myself if I actually make it through the end of the semester, much less the end of this first year.

Oh no, not you too! It seems that our parallel lives have come back to bite us.

It's quite a shock because when everyone applies they think of psych departments as wonderful experts about everything in the world and then you get here and you realize that they're people with their own neuroses and they take it out on students just like any other flawed person would.

It's funny because I noticed you weren't around much either and I wondered how you were doing. Let's hope we can both make it to the holidays.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

It's funny because I noticed you weren't around much either and I wondered how you were doing.

<---you can always use the blog feature to keep people updated on daily life stuff. I know I've been slacking, but once I get my apps out, I"ll just back on and blog more regularly.

-t

 

[paramour]

Oh no, not you too! It seems that our parallel lives have come back to bite us.

It's quite a shock because when everyone applies they think of psych departments as wonderful experts about everything in the world and then you get here and you realize that they're people with their own neuroses and they take it out on students just like any other flawed person would.

It's funny because I noticed you weren't around much either and I wondered how you were doing. Let's hope we can both make it to the holidays.

This may sound completely selfish & wrong of me, but I'm honestly glad that I'm not the only one experiencing such an utterly craptastic life right now. Even if you have one-upped me with bugs. *shudders*

My dept ... well, yes, psych depts are definitely full of their own issues, regardless of those who think they're intellectual meccas, wonderlands of truth, justice, & the American/Canadian way.

Or something like that. Told you I'm losing it.

Oddly enough, I'm not looking forward to the holidays. Other than the bit where I no longer have to worry about the academic part for a few weeks. But, yes, let's hope that we at least last 'til then before collapsing. Especially without the comfort of one's kitty! I sorely miss mine. Oddly enough, more so than people.

<---you can always use the blog feature to keep people updated on daily life stuff. I know I've been slacking, but once I get my apps out, I"ll just back on and blog more regularly.

-t

Excellent idea! Except I even stopped updating my personal blog 1-1.5 months ago. I recently had a person or two b*tch about it, but lately I've needed to be semi-careful of what's out there. Sooo I just sort of quit. Let's add paranoia to my neuroses, shall we?

 

[Ollie123]

Glad to hear it sounds like the bug issue is at least on its way to being resolved.

Honestly, I think the best thing you can do right now is to piecemeal this. When you've got all this crap going on it is VERY easy to get overwhelmed. So make a list. Get the bug problem sorted out first, since you need a base of operations for getting the other things done. That, and after a stressful day with your advisor, it would help to be able to go home, and watch some TV instead of running around squishing bugs.

I'm sorry to hear about the rumor issues people are having. I think every dept has it to some extent, though some are obviously more vindictive than others. My solution is to just not get involved, because unless it directly involves me, I really don't care who is doing what. So far, though I'm convinced there there is at least one person here who absolutely does not like me (though the why of it I haven't figured out yet), it hasn't caused any actual problems. Of course, I've also been staying home more weekends than not, so take what I say with a grain of salt

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Well I THOUGHT the bug issue was on its way to being resolved. I stopped in to see the management again to see what had been done while I was at school. She said that an exterminator is coming Thursday but he's just going to spray, they don't want to investigate first or entertain the idea that they could be coming from the hallway or another apartment. I asked what happens if the treatment doesn't work and she said "we just keep spraying, at no cost to you". Actually there IS a cost since I have to find a place for my cat which gets expensive. And I sure as hell cannot live here and have them spray every 2 bloody weeks.

So it's time to get nasty about this. I need to move apparently. There's an apartment that would work really well for me but move-in date is December 1st and I doubt my case would be finished by then. I wonder if it's dumb to rent another place hoping to get out of your lease at another.

I hate being an adult.

Anyway Paramour if you ever want to vent about department craziness just let me know. I have unlimited long distance and I'll keep your secrets.

 

[perfektspace]

Regarding your apartment infestation I had a similar problem and was able to get out of my lease with no penalty. If you are in Canada I don't know how well this applies and it may be no help at all but...

In the US they can't keep you in a living space that is a danger to your health or penalize you for requesting the lease be terminated under such circumstances. If you haven't already "played your hand" I would bull**** them and tell them you have a history of lung problems that could be exacerbated by the insect dropping, carcasses. The second you mention that I'm betting they will be thinking lawsuit. That combined with a carefully worded threat to have them inspected and reported to the Attorney Generals office (or the Canadian Equivalent) should be enough to get you out of it.

There is no reason why you should pay any penalties for their lack of management. If they insist on this don't budge. I would demand every cent back and work the best deal you can get. Have a friend present if that helps. Most apartment managers don't want a tenant who is going to be miserable and constantly complaining. You can rationally put all this on the table without being a jerk and get your point across very clearly. I think you have a good case. Oh and take lots of pictures and make sure they know you have documentation.

Apartment managers hate confrontation. It makes them squirm. You are going to get brushed off over and over until you make the situation very clear to them. That was my experience at least. If you decide to stay you risk dealing with this for a long time. I wouldn't take their word that it's going to be fixed. Get out.

Best of luck. I can sympathize with your plight.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Apartment managers hate confrontation. It makes them squirm. You are going to get brushed off over and over until you make the situation very clear to them. That was my experience at least. If you decide to stay you risk dealing with this for a long time. I wouldn't take their word that it's going to be fixed. Get out.

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Be clear, learn your rights, and make them put their 'fixes' it in writing. I took a low-life rental company to court and wiped the floor with them because I did everything by the book.

-t

 

[RayneeDeigh]

I forgot to mention that the management person who had my letter from this morning threw it away when she booked the exterminator. Luckily I kept a copy of course.

So when you say document everything, what do I need to be doing? I've taken pictures of the bugs, I have receipts for the exterminators. Anything else?

My dad called the head management office for the company (it's a nation-wide rental business) and the guy there said that for carpet beetles they should always book the exterminator for the entire building, meaning every unit in there. So now the head management and building management are disagreeing and they may just eat each other.

Luckily my kitten is back with me tonight and I haven't seen a bug in a couple hours. It's a good night!

 

[pingouin]

I forgot to mention that the management person who had my letter from this morning threw it away when she booked the exterminator. Luckily I kept a copy of course.

So when you say document everything, what do I need to be doing? I've taken pictures of the bugs, I have receipts for the exterminators. Anything else?
My dad called the head management office for the company (it's a nation-wide rental business) and the guy there said that for carpet beetles they should always book the exterminator for the entire building, meaning every unit in there. So now the head management and building management are disagreeing and they may just eat each other.

Luckily my kitten is back with me tonight and I haven't seen a bug in a couple hours. It's a good night!

That's a great start. I'd keep a notebook of everyone you've spoken with. Reconstruct what's already been done as best you can, but from here forward, I would make sure to get the name, phone number, company name, and job title of everyone you speak with. Note the date and time you spoke with them. Document whatever they tell you they plan on doing or say they can't do. If they give you anything in writing, keep it (and maybe even make a copy just in case..).

Good luck with everything. Many years ago I was in a 4-family flat that had a German cockroach infestation right after I moved in, and I remember how nasty that felt. Took a couple of times to get the landlord to actually fix the problem, but that pales in comparison to what you're dealing with.

 

[perfektspace]

At a certain point it might be wise to send any documents to the management via certified mail, delivery confirmation etc. That way they can't deny they have received any information related to your complaint. If they are throwing things away that should tell you something.

Maybe I just had good luck getting out of my lease but it seemed like they couldn't wait to get rid of me when I threw down the "I might get really sick if I have to live here" card. The downside is that you have to be prepared to leave ASAP. Oftentimes a university will have a department that helps students deal with A-hole landlords. My UG had one and it was a nice resource for forms and paperwork when I was trying to get my security deposit back.

As a last resort you could firebomb their cars.

 

[razzled]

I had the WORST landlord problems a couple years ago...we have toilet water leaking into our kitchen for months. So, we consulted student legal services and witheld rent until the problem was resolved, which by the way, anyone can do with any landlord. All you need to do is document the problem, record your attempts to have the landlord take care of it, and withold the amount of rent you think it's worth (this is where student legal services is helpful). After we moved out, we sued the landlord and got an extra 3,000...

The point is that landlords in student areas think they can take advantage of their tenants because they are less experienced and younger. But that's not true. If you have a problem that's unresolved with your apartment, withold your rent and it will be fixed. The last thing the landlord wants to do is lose money.

 

[JockNerd]

[...]So, we consulted student legal services and witheld rent until the problem was resolved, which by the way, anyone can do with any landlord.[...]

Again, RD is in Canada, and you can't withhold rent in Canada (well, it's determined by the province, but they all have the same law in that regard).

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

I'm not a lawyer, but generally withholding rent is a BAD IDEA. You can document the issue, and maybe put the funds in escrow.....but the whole withholding is a 'two wrongs don't make a right' in the eyes of most courts.

-t

 

[Ollie123]

Generally that's true, but in some cases its the only way to make a point. I could be wrong, but I believe the exceptions are when the conditions are not just bad, but unlivable - and if toilet water leaking into the kitchen doesn't qualify as unlivable, I don't know what would. Maybe it would get me in trouble, but there is no conceivable way I would give any landlord a cent of money until something like that was corrected and to hell with the legal system. They bitch about it and I contact every newspaper and news channel in the city, contact the housing authority and hang flyers around town announcing what they're doing and we'll see who gets the last laugh there Then again...maybe I just have anger management issues when dealing with corporate america. So it might not be in your best interest to do what I do.

Again, not a lawyer either, but I'd be hard pressed to imagine a court holding someone responsible for not paying for a service that wasn't provided. Except the airline industry for some reason. They are basically allowed to do whatever they want, and there is nothing you can do about it.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

You guys are great. You have no idea how useful it is to come home after a hellish day and read that I actually have support somewhere.

I've done some observing of my huge lab group at meetings lately and it seems that the most successful people (i.e., the advisor's favourites) are the ones who kiss his ass. I'm used to profs who like it if you give them a bit of a run for their money, but mine just seems to like having his ego stroked. So that's what I'm going to need to learn how to do. I would prefer to be valued based on my work and skill, but that's life I suppose!

As for the bugs, still working on it. Since my dad's on the lease too I've asked him to speak with management for me since it's clear I'm not going to get anywhere with them.

I'm trying to just focus on school this week. I'm currently handling a really difficult client case so hopefully the learning experience will distract me from my crazy apartment situation.

 

[Aura5]

I'm a newish person still trying to get somewhere. But, hearing about vindictive proffessors in departments, rumor spreading and gossip - what the heck? What are the problems about? I've never been in that situation so I don't really get it. I mean, I understand not wanting to list specific problems and tensions. But I guess I'm a little taken aback and confused at what people would have to be vindictive about in an academic setting. Naive I'm sure! I mean yes, psychology people still having problems and neuroses of their own makes sense, but I don't get the other stuff.

Good luck with your problems, RD and paramour...I imagine it would truly suck to finally get into something that was so hard to get, only to have it be disappointing and stressful. But hang in there. Whatever happens, don't let this crap keep you from your ultimate goal, whatever it will take to get there. (without totally burning out of course )

 

[psychwanabe]

You guys are great. You have no idea how useful it is to come home after a hellish day and read that I actually have support somewhere.

I've done some observing of my huge lab group at meetings lately and it seems that the most successful people (i.e., the advisor's favourites) are the ones who kiss his ass. I'm used to profs who like it if you give them a bit of a run for their money, but mine just seems to like having his ego stroked. So that's what I'm going to need to learn how to do. I would prefer to be valued based on my work and skill, but that's life I suppose!

As for the bugs, still working on it. Since my dad's on the lease too I've asked him to speak with management for me since it's clear I'm not going to get anywhere with them.

I'm trying to just focus on school this week. I'm currently handling a really difficult client case so hopefully the learning experience will distract me from my crazy apartment situation.

RD: I remember last spring when a bunch of us were waitlisted and often times the only solace I felt was when I logged on to SDN. I totally get how you feel. I'm so glad you posted today because I was wondering how things were going with you.

As to your situation with your advisor: it sounds like you and I are similar in that I, too am NOT good at ass-kissing and I am a blunt person who prefers to deal with people who do not spend a lot of time on bull#$%. I had a situation in UG in which I had to learn how to "play the game" of politics with a prof who's nose got out of joint if I was not paying proper homage. It took some work but I was able to deal with it and get along okay...it was not a great relationship by any stretch though.

Hopefully hard work will help some. I hope you have a better week!

I'm a newish person still trying to get somewhere. But, hearing about vindictive proffessors in departments, rumor spreading and gossip - what the heck? What are the problems about? I've never been in that situation so I don't really get it. I mean, I understand not wanting to list specific problems and tensions. But I guess I'm a little taken aback and confused at what people would have to be vindictive about in an academic setting. Naive I'm sure! I mean yes, psychology people still having problems and neuroses of their own makes sense, but I don't get the other stuff.

Ummm...I would say that there is almost nothing but politics in academia. It's a small, closed-in atmosphere in which gossiping and back-biting are all too normal. Sometimes it has to do with a professor who is so caught up in their own ego that they don't pay attention to their students, and sometimes it's students being highly competitive and/or not getting along.

A LOT of this depends on the department. My UG program was awful. My graduate program (to my knowledge, so far) is pretty fabulous. I've not seen the competitve attitude, not a lot of gossiping (we're humans, there will always be some), and not a lot of general nastiness. The more entrenched you get in your department, the more you will see it.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

.....suggest you make an attempt to salvage that relationship. Tell them something to the effect of, "I want to be successful in this program. I want to do well with you. How do I become successful here?" Present it as if you want to learn.

That is some quality advice.

-t

 

[WaitingKills]

Wow Raynee it sounds like life really sucks for you at the moment! I am so sorry...

On the issue of the rental. As other people have said, document EVERYTHING! Attempted phone calls (date, time, who), completed phone calls (who, date, time, summary), letters, in person meetings, calls your dad makes on your behalf...EVERYTHING. I don't know if your uni has a law dept, but if they do the senior law students usually have a centre/phone number for free legal advise. If not call legal aid. If you want to be really crafty, look in the phone book for lawyers in your area who specialize in issues like this and explain your situation. Sometimes, if it's just a matter of a letter to hmmm, intimidate, so you can get out of your lease, they will do it for free. (I just got my hands on a lawyer who is doing pro bono work for me with that horrible company we all detest because of how they are screwing me around).

If all else fails, you can get out of your lease with NO penalty if someone is willing to rent your place. So if you move out on the 30th and they move in on the 1st, you are out of your lease scott free. I had an issue a few years ago that I had to break a lease (when I had my car accident and had to move home - my landlords were bastards) the only expense I had was that I had to pay for the advertising of the house; a loss of $30. While it would suck for someone else to have to live there, in such a hot rental market, you shouldn't really have a problem. In the mean time, put a deposit or something down on the place that you want to rent in December, because regardless I think it would be good to get out of there!

As for your dept... that totally blows. Lol and to think I'm applying there! Anyway, sounds a lot like the issues I had with my uni overseas. I ended up doing my thesis on my own with no supervision (my supervisor didn't even know the measures I was using or what was in my participant package!) and had massive problems all around. I don't have any great advice (my problems started in the last year of my degree so I was lucky) but I would suggest sticking it out till at least the end of the year. At least if you transfer then, it will show a bit of committment and a long enough duration to show that you tried to work things out.

Ok, as for co-supervision, what is your supervisors issue with that? Is he a control freak? My co-supervisor is the only thing that saved my ass and continues to be (with my publications). If you can by any chance get a co-supervisor on board, do it! I think your philosophy of a*ss kissing is a good one as well... if that's what it takes, do it. Keep in mind, that the further you get in your degree the less time you are spending on campus.

K, I'm off to study more... I'm supposed to do the GRE on Wed so we'll see if it happens this time lol.

Hey, if you ever need to talk pm me and I'll give you my number. You can b*tch about your dept and I'll b*tch about prometric and ETS.

I hope it gets better kiddo. If things get too horrible and you have no where to go and need out of the city for a few days, my brother and sister in law live in that major city 2 hours south of you (dont want to say the name because then it'll give away your uni) and they are always into having house guests.

 

[zeldazelda]

Building on Jon Snow's advice about how you might turn the dept situation around, is there someone who understands your advisor/professor who you think could help you get a better grasp on the situation?

Someone (like a more advanced grad student that works well with him) that you could approach along the lines of "Hey, I really screwed up. I got off to a bad start with prof xyz. I really respect his work and want to fix the relationship. Do you have any ideas on how best to do that?"

By the way, what Jon is suggesting and what I'm suggesting works best if you can truly suck it up and just take on the entire blame for the situation. Most situations are two-sided but if you want to fix things it is irrelevant. You, as the junior person in the relationship and the one for whom it matters the most, have to accept full responsibility. If it works, he may eventually admit he was part of it but it is actually not that important (although it may seem so now).

I have had a lot of bosses over the years and some I've liked and some I haven't. I learned a lot from some of the ones I didn't particularly like, I just had to figure out how to work with them.

Just remember you are there chasing your dream. To paraphrase Viktor Frankl, "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."

 

[RayneeDeigh]

WaitingKills, you are the sweetest person ever.

Today's the day that the management office is finally back open after the long weekend and my dad has explicit orders (from me) to call them at 9am. I'll be in class by then and will be gone until 6pm but I'll let everyone know what happens when I'm home tonight. I'm really nervous.

But the good news is that my latest spraying that I had done last Thursday seems like it worked a bit better than the previous two. The bug population has been cut in half I'd say. It's a small improvement, but I'll take it!

Oh and WaitingKills, I think the problems in the department are mostly centered around my lab (which is so big that it takes up half the department so a lot of people are involved). But the person you're applying to is really awesome and is in fact one of the few people I really enjoy seeing in the halls. In fact my cohort had a problem with some technology in our lab the other day and he showed up with tools to fix it right away the next morning.

Plus I realized yesterday that a lot of the less-than-lovely students will be away next year for various reasons. Once I realized this along with profs retiring, it seems that the department may get much better. My advisor will still be a problem but we'll see how far ass-kissing can get me.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Building on Jon Snow's advice about how you might turn the dept situation around, is there someone who understands your advisor/professor who you think could help you get a better grasp on the situation?

Someone (like a more advanced grad student that works well with him) that you could approach along the lines of "Hey, I really screwed up. I got off to a bad start with prof xyz. I really respect his work and want to fix the relationship. Do you have any ideas on how best to do that?"

By the way, what Jon is suggesting and what I'm suggesting works best if you can truly suck it up and just take on the entire blame for the situation. Most situations are two-sided but if you want to fix things it is irrelevant. You, as the junior person in the relationship and the one for whom it matters the most, have to accept full responsibility. If it works, he may eventually admit he was part of it but it is actually not that important (although it may seem so now).

I have had a lot of bosses over the years and some I've liked and some I haven't. I learned a lot from some of the ones I didn't particularly like, I just had to figure out how to work with them.

Just remember you are there chasing your dream. To paraphrase Viktor Frankl, "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."

Yep I've talked to most of his senior students since we're all in the same lab together. They've all had mostly the same experience (though it certainly seems to me that the women are more frustrated than the men). They see him as a pretty unhelpful advisor with an inappropriately mean-spirited sense of humour at times. There's one girl who really loves him but I'm pretty sure she has a personality disorder or two or five anyway.

There's one senior student who has been REALLY helpful to me (reviewing grant proposals since my advisor wasn't helping) and without her I probably would have quit in my first week anyway. But I think it's pretty sad that I have to rely on senior students to show me the ropes when my advisor's being paid to do it.

Luckily, I never see him. Two meetings in two and a half months. That's gonna suck come research time though...

 

[GiantSteps]

The bug population has been cut in half I'd say. It's a small improvement, but I'll take it!

I am waiting for the end of this saga which may very well be the same as the beginning of another story: "As 'RayneeDeigh' awoke from a night of uneasy dreaming, 'she' found herself transformed in 'her' bed into a gigantic insect.", (based on the Metamorphis by Franz Kafka). I bet then your advisor would let you switch!

 

[WaitingKills]

I am waiting for the end of this saga which may very well be the same as the beginning of another story: "As 'RayneeDeigh' awoke from a night of uneasy dreaming, 'she' found herself transformed in 'her' bed into a gigantic insect.", (based on the Metamorphis by Franz Kafka). I bet then your advisor would let you switch!

That's hillarious... now we all have to consider what type of insect RayneeDeigh would be .


Raynee, thanks for letting me know that the prof I'm applying to is one of the good ones. Totally made me feel better. Let us know what happens today with the management office. I'm glad the number of bugs look like they've gone away, but keep on it because if there are still some around they will magically reproduce again.

Glad that you are able to see some light in this (with the nasty students/prof's going away next year). Try to keep focused on that throughout this whole messs and hopefully it'll be easier to get through.

Ahhh, this is when you say 'why can't life just be bloody easy for once' lol.

Hang in there kiddo.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

That's hillarious... now we all have to consider what type of insect RayneeDeigh would be .

I can picture her in one of those over-sized fabric bug suits, sorta flailing around in a bed or something, with her antenna's and whatnot all over the place.

I hope you get it figured out, if not....maybe you can form an alliance with the bugs and convince them to invade your neighbor's place instead.

-t

 

[razzled]

I'm not a lawyer, but generally withholding rent is a BAD IDEA. You can document the issue, and maybe put the funds in escrow.....but the whole withholding is a 'two wrongs don't make a right' in the eyes of most courts.


I think it all really depends on 1. your local laws regarding tenant rights (Sorry RD, I didn't realize you were in Canada) and 2. the nature of your issue. While 2 wrongs don't make a right, and every court will toast to that, a lease is a contract between you and your landlord; if they aren't upholding their end, you are not obligated to uphold yours. Witheld rent will always be returned once the issue is resolved, of course. In my case, the issue was never resolved and as a result, we were rewarded the witheld rent. Witholding rent is an option and don't be afraid to know your rights and take advantage of them when you need to!