Your advice please

[JockNerd]

(Sorry RD, I didn't realize you were in Canada)

OT:

Yeah, RD, I'm sorry you're in Canada too, hahaha. It's 70' here.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[WaitingKills]

OT:

Yeah, RD, I'm sorry you're in Canada too, hahaha. It's 70' here.

Do you know how much I want to swear at you right now JN! All I have to say is that I'm glad Im in BC where it's 'warmer'. Lol, my brother lives on the prairies and has been texting me pictures all day of the snow. It must really suck where you are right now RD.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Do you know how much I want to swear at you right now JN! All I have to say is that I'm glad Im in BC where it's 'warmer'. Lol, my brother lives on the prairies and has been texting me pictures all day of the snow. It must really suck where you are right now RD.

It was a brisk 62 or so a couple days ago (thankfully it warmed up to about 76 or so by mid-morning). BRRRRR!!!!

-t

 

[WaitingKills]

It was a brisk 62 or so a couple days ago (thankfully it warmed up to about 76 or so by mid-morning). BRRRRR!!!!

-t

You both suck monkeys! It's only 7 degrees (45F) here . I want to be on a tropical beach...and forget about this stupid GRE. Maybe I'll go down to Florida and stalk you both and throw snowballs at you!

 

[RayneeDeigh]

I can picture her in one of those over-sized fabric bug suits, sorta flailing around in a bed or something, with her antenna's and whatnot all over the place.

Have you been spying on me? "Whatnot" cracked me up.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Yeah, RD, I'm sorry you're in Canada too, hahaha. It's 70' here.

Shut up shut up shut up! I was thinking about you today while I walked to the parkade in gale-force winds and snow.

Do you know how much I want to swear at you right now JN! All I have to say is that I'm glad Im in BC where it's 'warmer'. Lol, my brother lives on the prairies and has been texting me pictures all day of the snow. It must really suck where you are right now RD.

I think it's gonna melt *crosses fingers* but of course it'll be back in a few days.


Anyway for the update, my dad completely screwed up talking to management and he agreed to their terms. So I gave him a pep talk yesterday and explained how much money I've paid already trying to take care of this situation and he's going to call back today and maybe not be such a pushover.

A prof stopped me in the hallway yesterday and asked how my situation is (I don't recall telling him so my advisor must have since they work closely together). He said the sweetest thing about how first year is tough already without bug problems and he just totally understood. He's the one I wanted co-supervision with. So I emailed him to thank him for taking the time to talk to me 'cause it made all the difference in the world, compared to the responses I've been getting from other profs who notice that I'm stressed.

WaitingKills, I hope you're rocking the GRE right now.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Shut up shut up shut up! I was thinking about you today while I walked to the parkade in gale-force winds and snow.

I haven't gone outside yet today (stupid internship essays), but I'm hoping it is a nice day. I'm trying to get my stuff done before the sun goes down, so I can actually enjoy my hammock before it gets too cold.

Anyway for the update, my dad completely screwed up talking to management and he agreed to their terms. So I gave him a pep talk yesterday and explained how much money I've paid already trying to take care of this situation and he's going to call back today and maybe not be such a pushover.

It will be some good practice for you to lodge your foot in their backside. I rather enjoy 'problem solving' like this, I can't say the same for the person on the other side.....but it is good practice in using your honed communication skills and ability to influence. Never yell, always have the facts, and be consistent. I only buy stuff from a handful of places, but they all seem to have me on, "the list".....so when I call, they cave before I even say anything. I tend to hold onto numbers and names, so I can trade on my previous history to get things done....it is like in business, but without the comfy chairs and slush fund accounts.

A prof stopped me in the hallway yesterday and asked how my situation is (I don't recall telling him so my advisor must have since they work closely together). He said the sweetest thing about how first year is tough already without bug problems and he just totally understood. He's the one I wanted co-supervision with. So I emailed him to thank him for taking the time to talk to me 'cause it made all the difference in the world, compared to the responses I've been getting from other profs who notice that I'm stressed.

It is great when small efforts like that can really make a difference. I've had profs (people I don't work with, but may have had during the program) check in with me and offer support. I try and do the same, because in the end...we are all just people trying to get through life. Of course, they are finished, licensed, and established.....so I feel a little more stress than they do!

-t

 

[WaitingKills]

Hey Raynee and everyone else for that matter.

All I have to say is keep on fighting girl. It's the only way you are going to get the issues resolved. Once you give up or back down, they've got you and your screwed. I'm really glad that prof stopped and talked with you.

And may I just say to JN and T4C...THANK YOU!

Your comments on how wonderful the weather is down where you both lived actually helped me with a question on the GRE today. Lol, while replying to your temp's, I checked out the conversion to know how hot you guys were actually talking about (we're celcius up here). Today on the exam, one of the questions was a conversion from F to C just below the degrees you were talking about. Yay, I felt like a rockstar

RD. I wouldn't say that I rocked the exam, but I got 120 better than I did the last time I took it. Not as high as I would have liked but I'm above the minimum cut off so I'm happy about that .

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

And may I just say to JN and T4C...THANK YOU!

Today on the exam, one of the questions was a conversion from F to C just below the degrees you were talking about. Yay, I felt like a rockstar

RD. I wouldn't say that I rocked the exam, but I got 120 better than I did the last time I took it. Not as high as I would have liked but I'm above the minimum cut off so I'm happy about that .

Congrats! Glad I could help.

Glad to hear you did better (120!). Knowing you got past the cut-off is nice.....so you know you'll get a full look, and let the chips fall where they may.

-t

 

[psychwanabe]

That's hillarious... now we all have to consider what type of insect RayneeDeigh would be.

Something that liked to live in socks, of course!

 

[WaitingKills]

hey Raynee, what's up? Give us an update

 

[RayneeDeigh]

hey Raynee, what's up? Give us an update

Funny you should ask, I just had to kill some of the larvae in my kitchen.

My place has now been sprayed four times, none of which apparently worked since the larvae I'm seeing are pretty big, not babies that just hatched.

My dad's staying with me for the weekend but he's kind of a ***** and keeps saying he doesn't understand why this is a problem for me.

But I'm sleepy so my kitten and I are going to bed, where there are no bugs (I hope).

 

[GiantSteps]

My dad's staying with me for the weekend but he's kind of a ***** and keeps saying he doesn't understand why this is a problem for me.

Raynster, goes easy on your pops. Just because he does not dye his hair, get tattoos, and write ad nauseam on SDN, does not make him a *****. Show your parents some respect. Someday, you will be a parent (God help us ) and you would want the same respect bugs or no bugs.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Raynster, goes easy on your pops. Just because he does not dye his hair, get tattoos, and write ad nauseam on SDN, does not make him a *****. Show your parents some respect. Someday, you will be a parent (God help us ) and you would want the same respect bugs or no bugs.

No, trust me. He's a *****.

And hey, I don't post here that much anymore so gimme a break!

I don't want children. The only kind of child I want is a flamboyantly gay son, and no matter how many ABBA records I buy him I'm sure I'd still end up with a jock.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Jocks = Good people!!

You should embrace a jock....we are people too!

-t

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

hey Raynee, what's up? Give us an update

Update??

-t

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Update??

-t

I just told JockNerd last night that things were getting better.

I jinxed myself and today was pretty bad. The bugs are back with a vengeance and my program got absolutely ridiculous.

So I'm gonna pack it in early, give up sleep this week so I can get all my work done, go home on the 11th and give myself 3 weeks to decide whether or not I'm ever coming back.

But thanks for asking! lol

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

I just told JockNerd last night that things were getting better.l

Ahh...I should have known...I mean, that is the kind of stuff a mod should know, right?!!



-t

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Ahh...I should have known...I mean, that is the kind of stuff a mod should know, right?!!



-t

Oh, it was on MSN don't worry. You're not losing your touch.

 

[Ollie123]

And on that note, it appears I am now having similar issues (with people, not with insects).

Nowhere near as bad as what it sounds like you're dealing with RD, but it still sucks. No idea where this stuff is coming from though, but apparently I've been a topic of discussion a few times, and not in a good way.

On the plus side, it seems fairly contained so far, so unless it gets worse I'm just inclined to say f it, I'm here to do work not participate in a middle-school-esque social competition, and focus on the good folks I've met and start trying to meet folks outside the program.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

What the hell is wrong with these programs? You would think that psych PhD students/faculty would be too busy to gossip.

Well Ollie, I think you're lovely so to hell with them.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

What the hell is wrong with these programs? You would think that psych PhD students/faculty would be too busy to gossip.

Well Ollie, I think you're lovely so to hell with them.

Oh trust me...people will FIND TIME to gossip. It really can be childish. I pretty much only speak to a few people in my program now, though that is in part to me never be on campus anymore.

-t

 

[deleted176373]

Oh trust me...people will FIND TIME to gossip. It really can be childish. I pretty much only speak two a few people in my program now, though that is in part to me never be on campus anymore.

-t

LOL, ok I was fortunate in a way. I live 2.2 miles from my classrooms. I spend little time on campus to avoid precisely this situation. My classmates are not so fortunate, most (if not all of my cohort, save one) have a minimum time of 30 mins to get to campus. As a result, they tend to stick around.

I am not so bold as to credit myself with forward thinking in this case, but I think that the extra few hundred a month I pay to live this close to school is well worth it... You can't buy time.

Mark

 

[Ollie123]

Thanks Raynee
Like I said, I think its under control, so really it just boils down to there being a few people I apparently just will not be getting along with. Which isn't ideal, but is fine.

If it continues I may talk to the DCT without dropping anyone else's name, just so I have it on record that there IS trouble early on in case the **** does hit the fan later, so to speak, but we're nowhere near that right now thank god. I really do think a lot of it comes from misunderstandings, but I'm noticing a pattern to them, and I just can't be 100% certain if it is me, them, or a combination. So I'm not nearly as concerned about what certain individuals think about me as I am with the possibility that my behavior might be sort of "off" in some way I'm not aware of (I'm a computer nerd at heart and have always been a tad socially awkward). I'm fine with people disliking me, I just hope I'm not being unconsciously rude or snooty or something that could come through in my professional life.

I have the time to gossip if I want to, just not the desire (except apparently with you guys!).

 

[JockNerd]

I'm still doing fantastic.

 

[paramour]

I'm still doing fantastic.

Well, aren't we special?

If you'd like, I'm sure that we could concoct some nice, juicy rumors to spread about for you.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

If it continues I may talk to the DCT without dropping anyone else's name

Oh I tried that... it served to spread the gossip more but that's about it. My DCT scares me... the lack of empathy is astounding. Everyone in my cohort has at least one thing they wanna talk to the DCT about but we're all holding off.

I'm still doing fantastic.

Oh you shut up. If you keep bragging I'm gonna show up on your doorstep and demand you take me in as a refugee.

 

[CheetahGirl]

Wow, Raynee!

I didn't know you were going through so much!

I don't know what to say other than "this too shall pass." Enjoy your holidays and hopefully next semester will be much better...maybe your advisor will go sabbatical and you will automatically be reassigned.

We are still enjoying the two-headed sock puppet you made for us. Remember those good 'ole days when life was simplier and the future was a fog, at least the fog has cleared and you know your direction. It's all about roughing it through the intermittent storms, now.

Best,
Cheetah

 

[biogirl215]

I was thinking about this today and wondering if the situation had improved/declined...

 

[RayneeDeigh]

I was thinking about this today and wondering if the situation had improved/declined...

Aww thanks for the concern!

I'm still living with bugs but the tiny kitten I adopted in October has turned into a large bug-eating machine so I just send him into rooms before I go in and that seems to be working for me. The bugs have started climbing which they weren't supposed to be able to do... so I don't put anything on my counters and I make sure my feet are always off the ground. lol. When I do laundry I put all my clothes into huge bug-proof tubs. I've never been so organized in my life! haha. I've been on a waitlist for a gorgeous apartment for 3 months now but vacancy is less than 1% in the city where I go to school so it might be a few more months before someone moves out of the building. I'll be paying over $1000 in rent every month but that's what I pay now to live with bugs so it seems like a better deal.

I wouldn't say I'm liking my program but I'm adjusting. I try to avoid the people I can't work with and just ignore the bad attitudes of the people I absolutely have to see. My advisor tried to "dump" me last month which was kind of frustrating... but there's no one else to supervise my research so we'll have to suck it up.

We're required to complete a summer practicum so I tried really hard to get one in my home city instead of where I go to school. Luckily something fell together through the hard work of some contacts I have so I'll get to move back home for 4 months. That should give me time to recharge and regroup before heading back to hell. My practicum supervisor used to work for my research advisor and seems to have the same opinion of him that I do so at least I know I'm not just crazy.

This semester is definitely way better than the last one. Once I get out of my apartment (provided I successfully leave the bugs behind and don't just transport them) I'll be all set.

Moral of the story: exposure therapy does work but it's sure a painful process.

 

[erg923]

Been listening to your story for sometime now. I really feel bad about both your situations. However, I have to say, the program you attend really bothers me. What in the world is going on there? My Ph.D. program is pretty warm and cuddly (students and faculty), but still, even with all the work, your program sounds so much more "pressured," for lack of a better word I guess. Second, I cant imagine having a mentor that tries to "dump" you, I mean, how horrible! How do you think this will effect your ability to grow as a researcher in your lab?

I'm not dumping on your program or anything, I am just so sad to hear that you have to walk around the halls actually avoiding people, like it's high school or something. I cant imagine trying to grow and prosper in a situation like that. But hats off to you, I don't think I would know what to do in a situation like that. My program is just so different, and I guess I assumed being in the field we are in, faculty know what would make students feel accepted and what would make them feel ostracized or disenfranchised. Happy grad students equal productive grad students I would think, not vice-versa. And we all know that faculty want the most productive grad students they can get right? So why would they not set up and maintain an environment that fosters this? After all, its for their benefit too, and they get to reap the rewards (i.e., pubs). I just don't get it? I really hope your fellow students are being supportive? I don't know what I would do without the support or my fellow students (sharing reading, doing study guides, giving us bootlegged copies of SPSS...LOL) Our once a week happy- hour meeting really saves us some weeks...

 

[cara susanna]

Wow, this thread is making me nervous! I hope everything works out for you guys.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Been listening to your story for sometime now. I really feel bad about both your situations. However, I have to say, the program you attend really bothers me. What in the world is going on there? My Ph.D. program is pretty warm and cuddly (students and faculty), but still, even with all the work, your program sounds so much more "pressured," for lack of a better word I guess. Second, I cant imagine having a mentor that tries to "dump" you, I mean, how horrible! How do you think this will effect your ability to grow as a researcher in your lab?

I'm not dumping on your program or anything, I am just so sad to hear that you have to walk around the halls actually avoiding people, like it's high school or something. I cant imagine trying to grow and prosper in a situation like that. But hats off to you, I don't think I would know what to do in a situation like that. My program is just so different, and I guess I assumed being in the field we are in, faculty know what would make students feel accepted and what would make them feel ostracized or disenfranchised. Happy grad students equal productive grad students I would think, not vice-versa. And we all know that faculty want the most productive grad students they can get right? So why would they not set up and maintain an environment that fosters this? After all, its for their benefit too, and they get to reap the rewards (i.e., pubs). I just don't get it? I really hope your fellow students are being supportive? I don't know what I would do without the support or my fellow students (sharing reading, doing study guides, giving us bootlegged copies of SPSS...LOL) Our once a week happy- hour meeting really saves us some weeks...

Those are all questions I've been asking myself for months. The environment I was in for undergrad was SO warm and really fostered new ideas and as a result I was extremely productive there. At my grad program I haven't even been able to come up with a research idea that nobody's hated and I have to propose my thesis idea in June.

My fellow students are in some ways part of the problem and in others part of my solution. Some of them are really difficult to be around because they'll go out of their way to do annoying things (one of my TAs last semester had a nice habit of screaming "what the F*CK were you thinking?!?!" when watching tapes of my interviews. She also used to ask me why on earth I chose to come to grad school). Other students are kind of annoying but fairly benign, and I've even made a couple very close friendships in the midst of all the madness.

I definitely envy people who are still in supportive environments. I was at a conference with my old lab a few weeks ago and being with them again made me miss it so badly.

Wow, this thread is making me nervous! I hope everything works out for you guys.

Aw don't be nervous. Most people don't have transition experiences like I did. Just... make sure your apartment doesn't have bugs, and make sure you interview your school as much as they interview you.

 

[Ollie123]

Seriously?

I didn't realize peoples social skills were THAT bad. That's just plain inappropriate. I'm impressed you didn't backhand her. There are different degrees of nurturing but I think your school is the only one I've heard of that seems to expressly WANT its students to fail. I think you need a new DCT or area head to come in and kick some asses out the door, tenured or not.

 

[biogirl215]

Thanks for replying! I'm, uh, glad things aren't as bad as they could be, at least, though I'm sorry they haven't improved (larvae=yeech!) significantly.

Just out of curosity, had you found out about your program's issues before accepting the offer, would you still have accepted the offer or would you have waited and reapplied to programs the next cycle? (My apologies if this question is overintrusive!)?

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Just out of curosity, had you found out about your program's issues before accepting the offer, would you still have accepted the offer or would you have waited and reapplied to programs the next cycle? (My apologies if this question is overintrusive!)?

An excellent question, I actually was thinking about this last night after re-reading this thread.

When I found out I was accepted, I actually cried because I just had this "feeling" that it wasn't right but I didn't have many options. I typed out a whole declining the acceptance email at one point but two of my closest friends thought I was nuts for turning down a fully-funded spot so it sat in my drafted emails folder and was eventually deleted. After speaking with a senior student in the program, he told me that morale had been "low in the past" but that it was much better. So I chose to believe all the good stuff and assume that the bad would work itself out or wouldn't matter that much. I chose to disclose my misgivings to the guy who is now my advisor and he made a strong case filled with examples of things he could promise would happen if I accepted. For instance... he told me that if I went to San Francisco for APA he would be there and take me on a tour of some facilities relevant to my research. I got to California and was shocked to find out from one of his students that he hadn't bothered to show up. One by one they turned out to ALL be empty promises and had I known that I probably would have sent my email declining the offer. A year probably would have made a huge difference and I have a feeling I would have benefited from applying in the next cycle.

That said, I've spent this semester trying not to regret my decision and make the best of it. I'm proud of myself for sticking it out and I think if I can survive the next 3.5 years I can probably do anything life throws at me. If I hadn't come to the program I wouldn't have met two really cool people that I'm now friends with, and I wouldn't have learned what I'm made of. As for the apartment... when I'm 40 I'm sure the fact that I moved into two bug-filled apartments at the age of 22 will seem hilarious.

But I definitely would encourage people applying this cycle to go with their gut. If the news of your acceptance makes you cry because you're depressed rather than ecstatic, that's probably a good indication that you should take some time off.

 

[erg923]

Well Raynee, that is just outrageous! Did you report this TA? Does this person actually think this is appropriate behavior for a person in a professional role/environment? Are these people forgetting or just ignorant about the basic foundations of psychology and leaning theory. I mean our TA's take us out for drinks and stuff around here...lol.

I'm not necessarily buddy-buddy with all the people in my program, but certainly everyone is supportive. I mean we are all on the same side. So people are really going out of their way not to be supportive and annoy you? Wow! Are these these people in your lab, or the kind of people that treat grad school like its some kind of twisted competition...lol. I've heard there are places like that. I'm glad to hear you have made some good friends though. I agree that this can help the situation significantly. I'm not really into to forensics, but it sounds like you researching some neat stuff there. I hope your lab isn't to stiffing of your ideas while you are there. What a waste that could be for them to not use all their potential. Don't you agree!

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Well Raynee, that is just outrageous! Did you report this TA? Does this person actually think this is appropriate behavior for a person in a professional role/environment? Are these people forgetting or just ignorant about the basic foundations of psychology and leaning theory. I mean our TA's take us out for drinks and stuff around here...lol.

I'm not necessarily buddy-buddy with all the people in my program, but certainly everyone is supportive. I mean we are all on the same side. So people are really going out of their way not to be supportive and annoy you? Wow! Are these these people in your lab, or the kind of people that treat grad school like its some kind of twisted competition...lol. I've heard there are places like that. I'm glad to hear you have made some good friends though. I agree that this can help the situation significantly. I'm not really into to forensics, but it sounds like you researching some neat stuff there. I hope your lab isn't to stiffing of your ideas while you are there. What a waste that could be for them to not use all their potential. Don't you agree!

No I wouldn't report her... there's no point complaining about someone who's more senior than me. I tried that early on in the year and it turned into a debate about whether or not I was too "anxious" to continue seeing clients. I've found it's best to just shut up when stuff happens which goes against my justice-loving nature... but it's better than creating more problems for myself I guess.

The people are mostly in my lab. I must admit that my lab is the largest piece of the problem because there's a very negative attitude in there (I attribute this to the advisor). There's a few of us in the lab who try to be nice people but that means that the rest of the lab doesn't like us, haha. People outside the lab are generally less overtly miserable, though there's a fair amount of backstabby-ness (a technical term of course).

It's the end of our spring break so I'm heading back there tomorrow. Cross your fingers, I got my apartment sprayed again while I've been gone so maybe I'll get a nice little break from larvae.

 

[erg923]

So let me get this straight....in your program the typical high levels of anxiety experienced by every graduate student when they first see clients is unacceptable. However, people who lack empathy, compassion, and are all around negative people are perfectly fit to see clients...HAHA! And your adviser, a CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST, actually encourages these attitudes?

Well anyway, I 'll stop harping on your program issues now. I just think its amazing you can march on despite this environment. So again, hats off
Keep us updated. Im crossing my fingers for no bugs....