Comforting grieving clients

[aspiringDVM]

After helping euthanize two dogs this morning at work, I was wondering if anyone had any great advice/ words of wisdom/ really good things to say to people whose pet has just been put down. Depending on the situation, I usually reassure people that I think they did the best thing, tell them I'm so sorry for their loss, or reminisce about their pet. But I know how distraught I am whenever I lose a pet, so I'm trying to figure out better ways to provide compassion and comfort to owners, not just their animals.

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[aretoo]

I always try not to talk too much because I worry I will say something dumb. Instead I'll just offer them a tissue if they need it and listen if they want to talk.

 

[littlehooves]

Same with Aretoo, I actually spoke with a client who just lost her cat. Anyways I normally keep the talking to a minimum, offer them tissues, and when they leave I say "Take Care". If they talk I let them.

 

[twelvetigers]

I also offer kleenex when needed, but mostly stay quiet unless they are forthcoming. I mostly just nod.

 

[guppy73]

I wholeheartedly agree--listening, not always talking, is key. Others might not understand that, for the owner, the experience is like losing a family member. The owner may feel the same level of grief but have no one willing to listen, and no one else understands (i.e., "It was just a dog", etc.). Being there can really make a difference; if they want to share stories with me, I don't mind. Just letting them talk often helps them through their loss.

It's also nice to have lists of pet loss books on hand, especially if they have kids and don't know what to say to them. Dog Heaven and Cat Heaven by Cynthia Rylant are well-written, and I've talked to adults that really like them as well.

And sending a sympathy card is also a nice touch. I've been on the receiving end myself; the vet staff where I've taken my pets for years have sent me cards with personal notes from the vets, techs, and even the front desk staff. Reading those cards in the days following such a loss has always seemed to help me through such a tough time.

 

[aspiringDVM]

Oh, I agree that listening is more important. However, when people come and cry to me, they usually expect some sort of response, and I tend to be somewhat at a loss because I'm afraid of making it worse. I guess you just stick to the basics and try to make the best of a sucky situation.
My clinic does sympathy cards as well, though I'm not sure how great they are since reading them invariably makes me sniffly.

 

[aspiringDVM]

Thanks for the book suggestions, Guppy, I'll definitely check them out.

 

[littlehooves]

Just to add on- we send cards out as well, and we usually leave them out at the back for everyone to sign. If you knew the client, you can put a little note on there. Clients usually really like that, although it probably makes them cry (some of them), its a nice gesture and they appreciate it.

 

[themightyfuzz]

The clinic that I worked at would take pawprints if the owner wanted of the dog/cat and I know many of the clients loved those. The vet assistants would put the name of the pet below the print, decorate it a bit (maybe with daisies or something) and then fire and harden the pawprint. Usually a note was added from the tech/vets/assistants and I thought this was very special to the owners.

 

[gone2dogs]

It's also nice to have lists of pet loss books on hand, especially if they have kids and don't know what to say to them. Dog Heaven and Cat Heaven by Cynthia Rylant are well-written, and I've talked to adults that really like them as well.

I second those books... the whole oncology team at CSU wrote notes and signed different pages of the Dog Heaven book and sent it to me a week or so after my dog died. It was a very nice and unexpected touch, one that I will definitely remember.

 

[1CellNtheSea]

The clinic that I worked at would take pawprints if the owner wanted of the dog/cat and I know many of the clients loved those. The vet assistants would put the name of the pet below the print, decorate it a bit (maybe with daisies or something) and then fire and harden the pawprint. Usually a note was added from the tech/vets/assistants and I thought this was very special to the owners.

We also use the clay pawprints at our clinic. Clients LOVE them and we always get positive feedback. We do it for every patient, no matter how many times it takes to get it right! When we put my dog down they sent one to my family and I thought it was great, being on the receiving end. We sometimes leave the owner and pet alone for a few minutes to let them say their goodbyes (after its done) and then they leave on their own. I think they like having a moment to themselves.

 

[redsteven]

Clay pawprints? Wow, that's a fantastic idea.


How much do they cost? Is the cost incorporated into the procedure, or does the clinic absorb the cost?

 

[tpad40]

I work at a SA emergency clinic so unfort we see a lot of death and destruction. We also do the clay paws, but we only make the imprint, stamp the name, and send them home with the client to fire in their own oven. They are really cute though, I totally want to make one for my dog!

I believe the charge is 7.00 and it is offered on the euth authorization form along with aftercare. I am pretty sure the brand name is "Clay Paw". I think it is a great thing to send home, a lot of people really appreciate it!

 

[1CellNtheSea]

The clay paw prints come in this little kit put together and sold by a company that gives opportunities to adults with down's syndrome. It's a pretty awesome thing, all the way around!

The ones we use: http://veterinarywisdom.com/softcpstore.htm

Not sure where we buy them from but I just found this online. I think they're offered into the price but not sure.

 

[redsteven]

The clay paw prints come in this little kit put together and sold by a company that gives opportunities to adults with down's syndrome. It's a pretty awesome thing, all the way around!

The ones we use: http://veterinarywisdom.com/softcpstore.htm

Not sure where we buy them from but I just found this online. I think they're offered into the price but not sure.

Wow. Really wish I had one of those from the cat I lost in September.

Thanks for the link.

 

[themightyfuzz]

It's included in the cost of euthanasia.

You don't need a specific clay like the one pictured...just any clay that can be fired does just as well. We just have a case of it or so sitting around and when a volunteer/assistant has a minute, we roll out larger pieces and divide them to approximate paw sized amount and store them in between pieces of wax paper, so when the euthanasia comes around, we have several paw sizes available to pick from.

We actually fire ours in a little tiny toaster oven and it works very well.

 

[CatVet2Be]

I try my best to read what type of person the client is. There are some who are doing their best to hold it together and appreciate limited words and gestures. To those I just say how sorry I am for their loss and to let us know if there's anything we can do. Others who need more support appreciate a hug, kind words about their choice, and I try to reassure them that it's obvious how much their pet is loved. I'll also compliment something about their animal "she's got such a sweet face", she must have been such a beautiful dog in her prime", "she's obviously very, very loved" etc... Our clinic doesn't offer clay paws but for clients I have a special relationship with I've gone out to a local craft shop and bought modeling clay and made one for them. The most important thing I've found is that is just to be sincere and not try to force it.

 

[stick91]

One thing that I like about the clinic where I work is that we have a "quiet room" where most of the euthanasias are done. Instead of a normal exam room it is set-up like a mini living room. There are a couple lamps instead of harsh overhead lighting, its carpeted and there is a arm chair and couch with pillows in there. We have special blankets that we put on the floor or on the table for the pet and the clients can have as much time as they need before or after to be alone with their pet. We also turn off the lights in our back hallway to alert people that a euthanasia is going on so that they can be respectful and not overly loud and boisterous. We also do the clay paw prints or ink prints, tie them up with ribbon and put them in a box with pretty tissue paper, clients seem to appreciate that. Right now it is a small fee to do this but they are talking of just incorporating it into the euthanasia fee.

 

[twelvetigers]

It's included in the cost of euthanasia.

You don't need a specific clay like the one pictured...just any clay that can be fired does just as well. We just have a case of it or so sitting around and when a volunteer/assistant has a minute, we roll out larger pieces and divide them to approximate paw sized amount and store them in between pieces of wax paper, so when the euthanasia comes around, we have several paw sizes available to pick from.

We actually fire ours in a little tiny toaster oven and it works very well.

We do just the same. I've been delegated as the 'pet name and date writer' because I can make it look pretty fancy, even though I'm just using a nail.

We also take a picture of the pet before we euth it to include with the sympathy card, but I'm not sure I like that idea as much. The pet usually looks pretty pathetic by that point and I'm not sure if that's how the owner would like to remember it... but whatever.

Most of our clients are fine with us taking the animal to the back and doing it there, and then bringing it back to them when it's done.

 

[redsteven]

We do just the same. I've been delegated as the 'pet name and date writer' because I can make it look pretty fancy, even though I'm just using a nail.

I have enough trouble not making text look horrible when I write it with a pen/pencil.

We also take a picture of the pet before we euth it to include with the sympathy card, but I'm not sure I like that idea as much. The pet usually looks pretty pathetic by that point and I'm not sure if that's how the owner would like to remember it... but whatever.

yeah : \

 

[Allthingsequine]

The clinic I used to work for made a clay paw print for every euthanasia, unless the client specifically declined it. I used to keep pet ducks, and when I had to euthanize one of them they even made a print from her foot, which I did not expect and greatly appreciated. Anyway, we bought inexpensive craft clay, and when someone had a minute we rolled it into balls and then flattened them under a metal clipboard. We then stored the clay circles in ziploc bags so they would be ready when we needed them. To avoid the difficulties of neatly writing names, we bought some fancy letter stamps and used those to stamp in the clay. If the owner so desired, we also cut a lock of the pet's hair and tied it up with a pretty ribbon and gave it to them along with the pawprint. We also included a sympathy card which was signed by all of the staff.

 

[robeezy08]

The clinic that I worked at would take pawprints if the owner wanted of the dog/cat and I know many of the clients loved those. The vet assistants would put the name of the pet below the print, decorate it a bit (maybe with daisies or something) and then fire and harden the pawprint. Usually a note was added from the tech/vets/assistants and I thought this was very special to the owners.

My old hospital does that too and one of the techs was a true artist and had painted self portraits of the pet onto the paw print, really beautiful. When I had to euth my dog last year, I brought the clay in myself and made the paw print. Haven't gotten around to painting it though