Hi everyone, who can relate to me. I am a first year medical student. My very first semester in medical school has been no less than a torture. I have had a rough time in may classes including Anatomy and Histology. Going through the rough time, I kept in touch with my advisor and the dean. They suggested tutoring and group study. I did all of that, however my grades have not improved. I just took my 4 Anatomy, Molecular biology, and histology exam today. Over the weekend, while getting ready for the exam, I had sever panic attacks. It felt like my heart was beating inside my head. I wish I was dead. Needless to say, my exam didn't go that well. To make matters worse, I have a wife and 3 kids. I am 42 years old. After the exams I went to the deans office again and told him my situation. He suggested that I might have to repeat and start fresh next year. Well, thats not perfect but better than being expelled out. However, now my wife is having a nervous break down. She is a pharmacist and refused 2 jobs about 2 weeks ago. She is extremely upset, and rightfully so. I have nothing in my defense but to say that I am going to work even harder, change the way I study, and pull through it. These days have been the toughest days of my life. I was wondering, if anyone else is or has gone through a similar situation? If yes, what did you do to ease the pain. I know you can never say the pain is gone until you actually do it again and make it right. All input is appreciated.
Going through the roughest time of my life.
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I am so sorry to hear about what you're going through. Have you figured out what was giving you a hard time as far as a med school is concerned? family commitment? test anxiety?
Well to an extent, all of the above. I had been out of school for 12 years before I started Med school. In my first anatomy test I got a D. For my second test, I had family visiting me and that took more time away. Needless to say I did worse and got an F. For the third block exam I got a B and an A in the lab. The one I just took today, was a train wreck. I was a nervous reck over the weekend and had many panic attacks. What my wife is going through is real, I would be the same way if I was her. I don't know what to do and how to relief her from her panic situation. I love her and my family so much. If I have to start over, I would have to change my studying habits 100%, be in study group from the first day, and spend more time in labs. A part of what I did wrong was, when I was struggling, I didn't talk to anyone. I thought I was a dumbest student in the class. I felt ashamed. Now, I know I need to change that and ask for help. I hope its not too late.
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Great job on A and B you got on your 3rd block exam and it shows that you can do it! It seems to me that you have already figured out what was giving you setbacks...... D is still a pass, so I won't fuss..... I am not sure what policy your school has about repeating a year but if I were you, I would make changes with my study habits now and keep going... If your anxiety is still out of control, I would see a physician to sort it out...
Thanks for the encouragement. My school policy is anything less than a 70% is a fail. I have been having a hard time in Molecular biology and Histology too. I did get a 77% in my second Molecular biology test and my last test in Histology was 72%. So have been passing. I know I can do this, and I know thing would have to change. The dean told be today, if I failed then I would have to repeat the semester. This was an awful new, well not as awful as I would be kicked out of med school. But now that its sinking in we realize that I lost the time and the money spend for one semester. We would have to work for next six month and then I will get the money again once I start school again. I was so stressed out this last Friday; my wife helped me and picked me up then. She is to the lowest point right now and I can pain in her. I just don't know what to do. I wish there was a magic wand and all of this wold go away. Its going to be so tough with my 3 kids in school. Nothing seems to be going my way. Only thing I know it that I can't give up or quit. I hope it works.
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I hear you 100%.... Out of curiosity, why did you decide to go to med school after all these years?
Always wanted to. Life always happened. I am not a born American, but I can say I am a by heart American. I moved here when I was twenty. No one in my family had finished college. I had no idea what to do for going to med school. Anyhow, you get the picture.
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I do and also know what it's like to have to figure things out on Ur own... Wish you the best!
Thanks man. This is killing time right now, I really am at the lowest I could be. It can only be up the hill from here. I just don't wanna loose my family over it. I know I have hurt them badly and put them in a bad situation.
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I think you should seek help from your school's mental health professionals. It sounds to me like you may have some degree of depression. Depression comes out in stressful situations and it is extremely under-diagnosed especially in medical students. I think it is worth at least talking with someone about it
Just my 2 cents.
Just my 2 cents.
Thanks for you words. I will definitely talk to someone about that.
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I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. I am a 1st year and I had to quickly learn how to adjust to the load of material. After a tough exam, I had to figure out how to study smarter, not necessary "harder". Please don't let yourself think that the only way out is to beat your head through it harder - start to learn the system, how professors test, who you can go to for questions, how to align study time, who to study with, how to make study guides, how to focus on objectives, etc etc. I did all those things after getting below the cutoff on the 1st exam. Since, I have been above the average.
You'll honestly make it worse if you just rely on pure effort, it will stress you out and make your life even more difficult and stressful than it is. I'd make some quick adjustments and ssee the semester out, and then decide if this is right for you. Don't change midstream, work through til christmas and then decide.
You'll honestly make it worse if you just rely on pure effort, it will stress you out and make your life even more difficult and stressful than it is. I'd make some quick adjustments and ssee the semester out, and then decide if this is right for you. Don't change midstream, work through til christmas and then decide.
That's the plan. I am continuing till the winter break and hopefully won't have to repeat. The hope is that at best I would have to remediate and be able to continue. I have read the previous response before you too. With an understanding that he is coming from the heart and being hones, I just wanted to say that if anyone heard me talking they won't be able to hear any accent from me. I realize that it won't be easy; heck its going to be hard as hell. I am ready for it and will do whatever it takes to become a physician. Thanks for the good words.
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You may need to see a psych and get those anxiety attacks under control. Nontrads with kids tend to have a harder time in the 1st semester, compared to a typical student without family responsibilities. Continue to seek help and make adjustments in study techniques (there is no "correct" or "best" technique - do whatever works for you - everyone is different). Don't dwell on your grades right now, and don't compare yourself to others. Don't neglect your family, but be firm when it comes to study time. It is a long, hard road. I wish you the best of luck.
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Medical school is not done on auto-pilot, the first two years are the absolute worst. They are the "text-book" years where you are trying to drink from a fire-hydrant. It's normal to study 8 hours (without classes) every single day, so these two years are really going to be "all study."
About the panic attacks, I think this all stress that you are putting on yourself. You already have the chance to start fresh, so why worry? Sure you are older, but you have chosen this difficult path and at the end of the road you will be a doctor. The hard part will be mostly the first two years because they are less forgiving. Try to relieve stress from you and your family. Even if you do fail, it seems like your wife has a good career. It wouldn't be the end of the world (though it might seem that way).
That being said, you got into medical school for a reason, but you have to accept that the next two years you are only going to study for the vast majority of time. If you and your family can do this, then truck on. Keep the metaphor of trying to drink from a fire-hydrant in your mind -- it's normal. Many other students are suffering and your brain is only just getting used to all of this again.
About the panic attacks, I think this all stress that you are putting on yourself. You already have the chance to start fresh, so why worry? Sure you are older, but you have chosen this difficult path and at the end of the road you will be a doctor. The hard part will be mostly the first two years because they are less forgiving. Try to relieve stress from you and your family. Even if you do fail, it seems like your wife has a good career. It wouldn't be the end of the world (though it might seem that way).
That being said, you got into medical school for a reason, but you have to accept that the next two years you are only going to study for the vast majority of time. If you and your family can do this, then truck on. Keep the metaphor of trying to drink from a fire-hydrant in your mind -- it's normal. Many other students are suffering and your brain is only just getting used to all of this again.
Thank you all, I am hoping that the worse weekend of my life is over. I have thought about it and I still see myself on the path of moving forward. I am going to make some changes and do what ever it takes. Sure, I and my wife fought and we both about took every arsenal in the world out on each other (I did listen to her for 60% of the time, hey after all I put us through it), but at time I fired back. This road is not easy and it's never going to be. But I am ready to ride it all the way. What ever it takes. Thanks all for kind words.
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this is spot on, and why I find it unconscionable that certain schools still insist on mandatory class attendance.
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I concur with this and user3, but my colleagues and I have noted a trend amongst our worst performing students is that they seldom come to class. On the other hand, we also recognize that there many different learning styles, and the 'sage on the stage" isn't necessarily the best of them. I've had students who I only meet at exam time, and they still manage to do well.
My young colleague also refers to a policy which makes me seldom recommend LECOM, as I believe that you're all adults and can make your own decisions as to how you learn best.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled SDN thread.
My young colleague also refers to a policy which makes me seldom recommend LECOM, as I believe that you're all adults and can make your own decisions as to how you learn best.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled SDN thread.
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I don't know how it was for some of you, but of the few of the classes I had with mandatory attendance, they were either very little weight in credits and/or had terrible lecture quality, and thus had historically bad attendance. It was a sick joke to force us to go, rather than looking inward but such is life.
For you OP, I think a big factor that would help is having a group but also a single person to help keep you on track, basically like a sponsor. I still talk to my best two friends from med school as they were tremendously smarter and harder working than me and kept me going at these darker moments. Groups help but I think you should look into something more personal, if you can.
For you OP, I think a big factor that would help is having a group but also a single person to help keep you on track, basically like a sponsor. I still talk to my best two friends from med school as they were tremendously smarter and harder working than me and kept me going at these darker moments. Groups help but I think you should look into something more personal, if you can.
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To be fair to my school and all, while we have mandatory attendance, there really is only one pathway that has classes all day long, and that's LDP. In PBL or DSP you'll be spending the majority of your time at home and very little actually in class, especially after anatomy.
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I just wanted to offer some support. I'm also a non-trad and an M1. I'd say about half my classmates came through MBS programs where they basically did the first year of medical school last year and are doing it for the second time. Of those who don't have grad degrees, a quarter were bio/biochem/engineering majors. Then there are the rest of us, like me, who have just a basic premed background. On top of that I haven't been in school for three years. The first few weeks were really hard. I had to get back into the groove of studying AND study harder than I ever have in my life. I am usually one standard deviation below the average on the big exams for anatomy, physio, biochem (usually passing, a few times not) . My best classes are OMM, histology and the assorted classes we have to take first year like physical diagnosis, clinical reasoning, etc. I am acing those. Everything else? Cs or barely/almost passing.
The one thing I did early on was reach out for help. Like many of my classmates who torpedoed our first physio exam, I got free tutoring from the school. I emailed my peer mentors who are M2s and begged for advice. I thought I was doomed. I cried. I thought about dropping out. My poor boyfriend who moved all the way to school with me and quit his job consoled me with this truth: I just need to get through this one semester and see how it all shakes out. Medicine might not end up working out for me. Or it might. But I can't give up because of a couple bad exams. If I don't work hard to correct this, I'll never know. And sitting in a funk and thinking doomsday thoughts isn't going to help anyway. So I might as well suck it up, hit the books, reevaluate my strategies, study more and study even harder, and give it my absolute best. And if my best isn't good enough, at least I know I tried. In the mean time, I get tutoring, go to study tables, study every night, sleep less, and keep myself sane by getting exercise and cooking healthy foods to destress for an hour or two every day. That's what works for me to keep me focused. Anything that is stressful I put off during exam times. School is the priority right now.
You can do this. Change it up, put more time in. PM me to vent if you want to. I am in the same spot (minus the kids).
The one thing I did early on was reach out for help. Like many of my classmates who torpedoed our first physio exam, I got free tutoring from the school. I emailed my peer mentors who are M2s and begged for advice. I thought I was doomed. I cried. I thought about dropping out. My poor boyfriend who moved all the way to school with me and quit his job consoled me with this truth: I just need to get through this one semester and see how it all shakes out. Medicine might not end up working out for me. Or it might. But I can't give up because of a couple bad exams. If I don't work hard to correct this, I'll never know. And sitting in a funk and thinking doomsday thoughts isn't going to help anyway. So I might as well suck it up, hit the books, reevaluate my strategies, study more and study even harder, and give it my absolute best. And if my best isn't good enough, at least I know I tried. In the mean time, I get tutoring, go to study tables, study every night, sleep less, and keep myself sane by getting exercise and cooking healthy foods to destress for an hour or two every day. That's what works for me to keep me focused. Anything that is stressful I put off during exam times. School is the priority right now.
You can do this. Change it up, put more time in. PM me to vent if you want to. I am in the same spot (minus the kids).
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Hey there,
your class schedule/test block is making me think you attend the same school as I do. If it makes you feel better, usually if you fail Anatomy (and pass everything else), they'll make you take anatomy over the summer and that's it. When you talked to the dean, he said something different?
I'm older than you (in school) and I've been where you are. I worked myself up 2 tests ago and had severe panic attacks, which effected my test performance. I tried to keep calm and really focused on breathing and not freaking out and I did okay and passed. Just keep your eye on the goal and the bigger picture (your health and family is what matters, repeating 1 year in med school is not the end of the world but if God forbid, something happens to you or your family because of the stress--you'll be devastated). Just take deep breaths and keep at it. PM me if you like (I think you're at DCOM...) and I can help you if you want!
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It's a hard adjustment for some. I freaked out a lot my 1st year. In the end I had to just take it day by day, and re-evaluate on a yearly basis. Ideally, you become a doctor and everyone's happy. Worst case scenario, you do not, you cut your losses, and you leave without a sizeable debt. Your ego is crushed, but you can't say you didn't try and your wife and kids aren't eating their own feces to pay back your student loans. Always re-evaluate on a year to year basis. I remember some students who spent up to 4 years doing pre-clinical before washing out. Do not become one of them. Those people are f'ed for life.
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Good luck, OP.
That said, why do people go to medical school at 42 years old?
You will finish at almost 50, and then pay back loans at almost 60.
What is the point of doing this?
There are other much more practical and higher ROI careers in health care for a 42-year-old. Consider them before you go any deeper. If the total cost were 50K then perhaps I would be singing a different tune. The degree to which people romanticize this career never ceases to amaze me. I say that as someone who himself has fallen victim to the same romanticization of medicine.
At your age and with a family I would encourage practicality over anything else. There is no way in hell I would be doing this at 42 with a family. PA, CRNA, NP, etc..., is what I would consider.
Good luck.
That said, why do people go to medical school at 42 years old?
You will finish at almost 50, and then pay back loans at almost 60.
What is the point of doing this?
There are other much more practical and higher ROI careers in health care for a 42-year-old. Consider them before you go any deeper. If the total cost were 50K then perhaps I would be singing a different tune. The degree to which people romanticize this career never ceases to amaze me. I say that as someone who himself has fallen victim to the same romanticization of medicine.
At your age and with a family I would encourage practicality over anything else. There is no way in hell I would be doing this at 42 with a family. PA, CRNA, NP, etc..., is what I would consider.
Good luck.
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You don't keel over and die at age 50, you know. People DO work until their 70s these days. Starting med school at 42 means graduating at 46 and doing, say, a FM residency, getting to practice by age 49. UNDER 50 years old when you're working your dream job for 20 years or so. As for loans, we do have loan forgiveness programs.
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Working into my 70s is not a goal of mine but I guess "To each, their own".
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When you get older, you will realize that life doesn't end (or slow down) at age 50 or 60. Yes, there are some who can retire early and simply enjoy their savings, but most non-physicians can't do that. The OP will most likely be working well into his 60s, regardless of job. So if that's the case, why not study to do something you enjoy?
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How anyone can do well by going to class is beyond me. I lose track of my train of thought then waste the entire lecture. I am unable to take any efficient notes and end up having to listen to things all over again. I think unless you're the type to fall behind on schedule, going to class is a terrible choice
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I know of a few people that are able to manage watching lectures from home but they are incredibly disciplined and usually have a good reason to do so. Most people tend to do it (at least those that I know) because they want to sleep in and marathon watch lectures the week before the test. So this might be the reason why I've also noticed that most people that do poorly are those that don't come to class.
I don't know how I feel about mandatory attendance though. I'm a class attender but there's definitely professors that are as stimulating as watching paint dry and I'd much rather skim over the powerpoints on my own than have them read to me at a snail's pace
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I've ask my students who come to class this, and they all tell me that they have to hear it to help it sink in. They could do so at home, naturally, but home presents more distractions.
What is the point of this post, considering OP is already going through a tough time? Are you that oblivious?
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Maybe it's better to cut one's losses and consider one of the options that I mentioned. That's my point.
If your Dean gives you a second chance, take full advantage of it, try to correct the problems that held you back. If you have emotional issues, get professional help, find a counselor who deals with family issues.
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bumping for an update from OP
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interesting. didn't this thread also pop up about your school not long ago?
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/dismissal-from-m1.1091431/
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Is it the same school? I didn't see the school name anywhere so just wondering
That whole scenario sounds oddly suspect...based on the date of the posting, I'm assuming that person was in my class...if that's the case, then I have no clue wth happened because I didn't hear anything about 6 people failing. Remediation exam questions, from what I understand, are very very similar in content to the actual block exam. They would most likely be remediating physiology or MFM II / Pharmacology if it was the end of the year and I know a few people that took the remediation and did fine so I'm not sure if there was really a conspiracy to make people fail.
Yes, they may kick you out if you're barely passing your other classes but usually if you're showing honest effort and messed up , they'll allow you to repeat. I'm not saying that the person in the other thread is lying, but people (including myself) tend to victimize themselves in situations like these. It's always "i ONLY failed by 1 pt" or "I only failed 1 class and...barely". I was told this by 1-2 people last year...turned out, they failed 3 out of the 4 classes miserably. But they had already told everyone that the admins were unfair and out to get them. so I don't know.
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I am 43 years old and will graduate from medical school in six months. Anyone who goes down this path at this age isn't being practical. It's about having the fulfilling career you always wanted or didn't recognize until later in life. It's about making a difference and knowing that at the end of your life you will look back with no regrets.
OP, I had a really difficult time academically during first year but I eventually got the hang of things and have been doing well. Being older and far removed from undergrad seems to present unique adjustment issues for middle aged MS1s. Feel free to PM me.
