Hard to get married after 30?

thulerandrea said:
It's not so important to get married in standard 20 or so years. It's extremely important to get married to the right person. Wish you'll find your marrow!
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Agree... 1000%!!:thumbup:
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This thread reminds me of the lecture we got from one of the high-risk OB guys about maternal age and pregnancy complications. He started putting up graphs regarding successful conception / delivery vs maternal age and talking about how patients were automatically transferred to the high risk OB service at 35 about 5 minutes into the presentation. I'm still shocked that he didn't spontaneously burst into flames at the looks my female classmates (med students staring down the barrel of residency) were shooting him.

So my 2c, I'm younger than most of you old farts on here (24), but I'll say that as a guy, my perspective has radically shifted re: dating in med school. I was a serial monogamist in college (relationships required relatively little work, were fun and had... ancillary benefits). I have a lot less free time now which exponentially increases the level of effort required to keep a relationship going; as such, I don't really date unless I think there's long-term potential. Unfortunately, that means I've been single for 8 months, despite a fair number of dates.

I'll disagree with what someone said earlier about not caring about your spouse's job as a guy. Even now, I can't imagine I'd be seriously involved with someone who didn't have some sort of career they were working on, and I imagine that will only become more important as I get older. It's not so much that I care about their career or earning potential as what it says about their personality if they aren't progressing toward any sort of career at this point in their life.
 
I certainly hope it isn't hard to get married after 30 :scared:

I'm 29 and just starting vet school this fall. I won't be ready to get married until after I'm done. At least that's what I think since I'll be focusing on studying. Any of you get married while in vet. school?
 
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I don't understand why people think they can't get married while in school. If marrying a serious SO would somehow become something too hard to handle while in school, then you aren't marrying the right person. Marriage should not be something difficult that somehow detracts from your studies.

FWIW, almost a third or more my vet school class was engaged or married by the end of it.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
I don't understand why people think they can't get married while in school. If marrying a serious SO would somehow become something too hard to handle while in school, then you aren't marrying the right person. Marriage should not be something difficult that somehow detracts from your studies.

FWIW, almost a third or more my vet school class was engaged or married by the end of it.
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But were most of these people involved with someone before vet. school? I'm not with anyone, so it seems like it will be much harder. Trying to fit in dating and studying.
 
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PetMySausage said:
*fingers crossed*
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I am dating while in vet school... not seriously yet, but I sure as hell am not going to put that part of my life on hold while I am in vet school. I am 30, so if I waited until I got out that would limit me even more. There is definitely time to date while in vet school.
 
devyn said:
I am dating while in vet school... not seriously yet, but I sure as hell am not going to put that part of my life on hold while I am in vet school. I am 30, so if I waited until I got out that would limit me even more. There is definitely time to date while in vet school.
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Glad to hear it from those ahead of me who are already knee deep in it.
 
Seems a lot of my friends from college are taking their time to get married, have kids, all that good stuff compared to prior generations. I don't know if that is a function of them wanting to stay age 21 throughout their 20's or what. I'm 30 now and still going to weddings every summer...
 
Hey I am in my mid 20s and I would not mind getting married to THE right girl who is in her 30s. Bonus if she can pay off some of my student loans haha. Kidding aside, as long as both parties respect and love each other equally it should not be a problem.
 
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WhtsThFrequency said:
I don't understand why people think they can't get married while in school. If marrying a serious SO would somehow become something too hard to handle while in school, then you aren't marrying the right person. Marriage should not be something difficult that somehow detracts from your studies.

FWIW, almost a third or more my vet school class was engaged or married by the end of it.
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*fınds that cool gal ın dental school*

Her: So after dental school...?
Me: Gotta repay that Navy scholarshıp...
Her: Oh. So does that mean...?
Me: Yeah, means beıng ın the Navy.
Her: Oh. Okay. It's gettıng kında late, see you ın class?
Me: :cry::bang:
 
Kahr said:
*fınds that cool gal ın dental school*

Her: So after dental school...?
Me: Gotta repay that Navy scholarshıp...
Her: Oh. So does that mean...?
Me: Yeah, means beıng ın the Navy.
Her: Oh. Okay. It's gettıng kında late, see you ın class?
Me: :cry::bang:
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there's ways you can positively spin it.
 
Kahr said:
How would you spın ıt? :oops:
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r u kidding me?
put on ur uniform and smile or
put on ur uniform and say : "bet u wanna take it off huh?" or
put on ur uniform and ask her :"does this uniform make u gain 5lbs or is it just her, then smirk like a douche bag "
tell her ur in the navy and then ask :"do u wanna see a seaman?" then pull down ur pants
or show her all the places u will be visiting around the world to "fullfill ur duty"
there are plenty of stuffs u could do with that scenario. good luck:smuggrin:
 
Gpan said:
r u kidding me?
put on ur uniform and smile or
put on ur uniform and say : "bet u wanna take it off huh?" or
put on ur uniform and ask her :"does this uniform make u gain 5lbs or is it just her, then smirk like a douche bag "
tell her ur in the navy and then ask :"do u wanna see a seaman?" then pull down ur pants
or show her all the places u will be visiting around the world to "fullfill ur duty"
there are plenty of stuffs u could do with that scenario. good luck:smuggrin:
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:wtf:
 
Kahr said:
How would you spın ıt? :oops:
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It's not like you're necessarily going overseas. I know plenty of folks in the military, they are in the US for residency.

You have 4 (?) years of dental + residency if you decide to go that route. Sure, you may move around a fair amount, but you may not. Plus, being military affords one the opportunity to see the world. People like traveling and seeing the world.

Don't look too far into the future that you lose sight of the here and now and the near future. You never know, she may end up joining you. She may end up being okay with the lifestyle. Don't shut doors before they have the opportunity to open.
 
Kahr said:
How would you spın ıt? :oops:
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You just have to find the right girl - she was obviously not it. Not all girls are opposed to dating/marrying a guy in the Navy or having to travel, etc

WhtsThFrequency said:
I think I lost a brain cell or two just reading the above post....
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seriously - holy hell!

Gpan said:
I would love to use the V card. Apparently it's a chick magnet :smuggrin:
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yeah...uh huh....keep telling yourself that :smack:
 
devyn said:
You just have to find the right girl - she was obviously not it. Not all girls are opposed to dating/marrying a guy in the Navy or having to travel, etc



seriously - holy hell!



yeah...uh huh....keep telling yourself that :smack:
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oh it works ;)
 
Gpan said:
r u kidding me?
put on ur uniform and smile or
put on ur uniform and say : "bet u wanna take it off huh?" or
put on ur uniform and ask her :"does this uniform make u gain 5lbs or is it just her, then smirk like a douche bag "
tell her ur in the navy and then ask :"do u wanna see a seaman?" then pull down ur pants
or show her all the places u will be visiting around the world to "fullfill ur duty"
there are plenty of stuffs u could do with that scenario. good luck:smuggrin:
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:laugh::thumbdown:


IMO, Educated girls are far less into military men than college drop-out groupies. I doubt any of this would work on a dental student. I think a lot of girls don't want to deal with the lack of control you have on your life. Girls have been very turned off when I have told them I'm thinking army surgery
 
As for the military thing... I think it depends on where you grew up.

In some parts of the country (the South especially), it is just more commonplace. In the Northeast, few women would be interested in a military guy.
 
Just out of curiosity, for those who replied or are reading, if you were in my situation and started dating someone while in school, at what point would you mention the military obligation to come? First date? After a month? All assuming it hasn't come up in normal conversation.


Doctor4Life1769 said:
It's not like you're necessarily going overseas. I know plenty of folks in the military, they are in the US for residency.

You have 4 (?) years of dental + residency if you decide to go that route. Sure, you may move around a fair amount, but you may not. Plus, being military affords one the opportunity to see the world. People like traveling and seeing the world.

Don't look too far into the future that you lose sight of the here and now and the near future. You never know, she may end up joining you. She may end up being okay with the lifestyle. Don't shut doors before they have the opportunity to open.
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I will try to remain optimistic, just that when I think about women heading toward a professional career/residency, it's difficult to see them being flexible. Of course this is assuming it's a girl at school, I'm not exactly looking for a waitress or something, but I suppose if it happens it happens. I will take the relationship(s) as they come, and try not to think to hard on the long term, I guess I'm starting to get that way because of the damnable aging.

devyn said:
You just have to find the right girl - she was obviously not it. Not all girls are opposed to dating/marrying a guy in the Navy or having to travel, etc
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I know you're right about that, I guess I have to just keep trying in hopes of connecting with that one. Since you're a girl and all and in professional school, how would you react to a guy you were dating if he ended up being in my situation?

Holy FranZ said:
:laugh::thumbdown:


IMO, Educated girls are far less into military men than college drop-out groupies. I doubt any of this would work on a dental student. I think a lot of girls don't want to deal with the lack of control you have on your life. Girls have been very turned off when I have told them I'm thinking army surgery
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What are you thinking now in regards to military and medicine/surgery?

PrincetonDogMom said:
As for the military thing... I think it depends on where you grew up.

In some parts of the country (the South especially), it is just more commonplace. In the Northeast, few women would be interested in a military guy.
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Well I'll be going to school in Arizona, no idea if that has any impact on this situation, given the school itself is private, so it might be less populated by locals than a state school.
 
Kahr said:
I know you're right about that, I guess I have to just keep trying in hopes of connecting with that one. Since you're a girl and all and in professional school, how would you react to a guy you were dating if he ended up being in my situation?
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If I liked you enough, it wouldn't mean anything. It would depend on how things were going up to the point when you brought it up. If it were going well, and "being in the navy" didn't mean that you were being deployed tomorrow, then I'd shrug it off.
 
Kahr said:
I know you're right about that, I guess I have to just keep trying in hopes of connecting with that one. Since you're a girl and all and in professional school, how would you react to a guy you were dating if he ended up being in my situation?
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I think it would depend on if we connected and if I felt there was something more there. I would not totally dismiss him because of it if I felt there was potential for a future, but then I think that is why it is maybe not ideal for you to bring it up right on the first moment you meet a girl because then that is one strike against you in most girls' minds. At this point in my life I am pretty unsettled - I have no idea where I will be living after vet school and I kind of like the freedom to that. The world is my oyster. I like having the freedom to choose where I can live and not be tied down to going back to the states, but I am sure that may be a turn off to some guys I meet as they have no idea where I will want to move in 4 years.
 
Agreed. I'm always being asked where I want to settle down, and I honestly don't have a clue. This uncertainty doesn't help but then again, I personally don't care. I know a lot of wimmin here would like to stay here, and quite personally, I have no plans on being here beyond my tenure on residency. I usually don't phrase things that way and just say "I'm up in the air, and it depends on what opportunities I have while I am here." Personally, I don't think I'd settle in the area I am currently located for a girl, because I will undoubtedly be moving for fellowship.
 
Doctor4Life1769 said:
Agreed. I'm always being asked where I want to settle down, and I honestly don't have a clue. This uncertainty doesn't help but then again, I personally don't care. I know a lot of wimmin here would like to stay here, and quite personally, I have no plans on being here beyond my tenure on residency. I usually don't phrase things that way and just say "I'm up in the air, and it depends on what opportunities I have while I am here." Personally, I don't think I'd settle in the area I am currently located for a girl, because I will undoubtedly be moving for fellowship.
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But I think for the right girl a compromise would be made. I've moved 3 times in the past 7 years and that will be 4 times next year. I met my husband when he was 2nd year. I am 100% supportive of what he needs to do. I also think that people outside of the medical profession don't understand the stress of the relationship since your spouse ultimately has no control over their life for 7 years (or more) of training. Which is why you see so many medical professional couples. I also see people who said they would never move (or live) in ________ and yet they meet the right person and end up staying. Life changes and you have to roll with it. Flexibility is key to a relationship during training. On both sides.

And getting married after 30? 30 is the new 25. Most medical residents are getting married around 30-35 depending on their training. It can happen. Hell I went to Vegas because we were both poor students and I didn't want to plan a big wedding. Point was we got married. We didn't care how. Did we have a honeymoon? No. Do I care? Not really. But I know I'm not the typical female in that regard.
 
Kaustikos said:
masturbation doesn't count. stop trying to kid anyone around here that your bullshit is actually legit.
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:laugh: because you guys and your opinions are soooo important to me.
 
It all deals with your mindset. Just date and try to see through the for of hormones and chemicals that are there right out of the gate. Be friends with the person. Try to find the major faults that they have, ie do they keep a house messier than you like it? Do their friends come first? Are they considerate? Are you attracted to "bad boys" try to be objective. People say that love is an emotion and you either feel it or not. I can tell you that I got married when I was 30. Had I been married before that I don't think I had the maturity level to make it last. My wife and I struggles over the last few years and we didn't "feel it" anymore. Then I made a decision that changed my life. My previous life goals were to #1 be the best father I possibly could be. And to be the Best Medical student I could be so I could take care of my family. I made a decision that changed our marriage. My new life goal is #1 be the best Husband in the world. And to be the Best Medical student I could be so I could take care of my family. The change was subtle but It changed everything I did in my life. So while love is and emotion and can be easy, In order for a marriage to last through the thick and thin. Love is a decision. Find someone that can make that decision in the hard times and marry them.
 
water23 said:
So I'm a 29 year old medical student and very single...sort of worried that I'm not going to get married because prospects slim down considerably after the age of 30, right? Am I doomed? :confused:
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You're totally doomed. Better quit med school and join a nunnery.
 
:luck:
mshheaddoc said:
But I think for the right girl a compromise would be made. I've moved 3 times in the past 7 years and that will be 4 times next year. I met my husband when he was 2nd year. I am 100% supportive of what he needs to do. I also think that people outside of the medical profession don't understand the stress of the relationship since your spouse ultimately has no control over their life for 7 years (or more) of training. Which is why you see so many medical professional couples. I also see people who said they would never move (or live) in ________ and yet they meet the right person and end up staying. Life changes and you have to roll with it. Flexibility is key to a relationship during training. On both sides.

And getting married after 30? 30 is the new 25. Most medical residents are getting married around 30-35 depending on their training. It can happen. Hell I went to Vegas because we were both poor students and I didn't want to plan a big wedding. Point was we got married. We didn't care how. Did we have a honeymoon? No. Do I care? Not really. But I know I'm not the typical female in that regard.
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There is only one problem- your fertility will drop like crazy after 35. Make sure to have a baby (if you want them) before 35 if you can. Take it from someone who knows:luck:
 
Yes. To this point, either marry someone who doesn't want kids, doesn't mind adopting (many men are seriously anti-adoption), or don't go for a surgical residency.

cheruka said:
:luck:

There is only one problem- your fertility will drop like crazy after 35. Make sure to have a baby (if you want them) before 35 if you can. Take it from someone who knows:luck:
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I know tons of people who had kids, all healthy, after 35, most were after 40... and then there's always surrogates, adoption, IVF, etc...
 
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Prncssbuttercup said:
I know tons of people who had kids, all healthy, after 35, most were after 40... and then there's always surrogates, adoption, IVF, etc...
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I told you, take it from someone who knows:) Been to the IVF clinic and done that. Realize the IVF process is very stressful, time consuming and expensive. You don't want to go there if you can help it.:luck:
 
Well, can I just say, don't try looking for it online. I've done the Okcupid crap, and although I have had 2 srs relationships off that, it was never as really srs as ones I met IRL. However, is it great for trysts of the casual nature ;)
 
fluoropHore said:
Well, can I just say, don't try looking for it online. I've done the Okcupid crap, and although I have had 2 srs relationships off that, it was never as really srs as ones I met IRL. However, is it great for trysts of the casual nature ;)
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I dunno, I disagree. For working professionals who simply don't have the time to go out a lot (or who have only small circles of friends/few group activities, which almost inevitably happens when you're not in school anymore) online dating can be really beneficial. I've had several long-term relationships that began online. I met my fiance online. It depends a LOT on the city you're in, though. And as a girl you have to slog through all the scum to find the normal people.
 
Prncssbuttercup said:
I know tons of people who had kids, all healthy, after 35, most were after 40... and then there's always surrogates, adoption, IVF, etc...
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All incredibly expensive and time-consuming, though.

You may know tons of people who had healthy kids over 40, but for every one you know there is likely someone who knows someone who had a kid with genetic problems. I myself had a 1 in 100 chance of being born with Down syndrome given my mom's age. Her pregnancy was also really, really difficult. Sure, you can have a healthy kid at 40 or so, but the risks are quite high.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
I dunno, I disagree. For working professionals who simply don't have the time to go out a lot (or who have only small circles of friends/few group activities, which almost inevitably happens when you're not in school anymore) online dating can be really beneficial. I've had several long-term relationships that began online. I met my fiance online. It depends a LOT on the city you're in, though. And as a girl you have to slog through all the scum to find the normal people.
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That is true. I guess I was mostly speaking to my experience, in my demographic (female, mid-20s's, urban area) where it's hard to see through the thick brush of dick pics. It's a tired narrative, but I think online dating lends itself too easily in propagating the "The Game(TM)"..er um chase that is getting sex. ...Really I thought I'd have more options, but the anonymity means the guys I actually *want* to talk to can disappear randomly and the ones I don't want to, bug the hell out of me. And so it goes...
 
Any updates? So did the OP ever get married?
 
Kahr said:
How is an online dating site any different than a forum? For that matter, how is a forum any different than a coffee shop or a supermarket? Hell, a forum is better, at least here we know we share some definite common ground.

I won't comment on the point of people bragging about their qualities online. However, I will say that SDN seems like an amazing place to find a love interest, I already know so many of the women here are incredibly smart, driven, make or will make a great (and independent) living, share similar interests, and given many of their photos (despite often only being up for minutes) I know they're often good to great looking.

Only difference between Cheb and a lot of people here, is that she's being completely candid and confident. I'm sure given the opportunity, lots of folks that interact well on SDN would give a real life relationship a chance even if they don't broadcast it openly. Anyway, I'll stop contributing to this thread hijack. ;)
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We need more profiles and avatars with photos :naughty:
 
Anyone who's single after 30... chances are very good they're pretty "used up" in every sense.
 
devyn said:
How old are you?
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You should go look at his posts in the "Urrrgh Single ?" thread.

I started to respond then just shook my head and backed off. :laugh:
 
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