MD and PhD? How much do doctors have to work?

[Ladynerd]

Hi, everyone! I'm a math major who just finished her first year of college. A couple months ago, I posted a thread about how my parents wanted me to pursue medicine but I wanted to pursue math (http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/my-parents-want-me-to-be-a-doctor-but-i-dont.1124017/). I know that I'll never be content with my life if I don't get a PhD in math and add my tiny little "brick" to the building that is human knowledge. So at this point, I've decided that I'm definitely going to pursue a math PhD (if not, an MD-PhD) right after graduating. But I also want to make my parents happy, especially since they've sacrificed so much for me. So maybe after getting a PhD I could get an MD, do residency, and then work as a radiologist or pathologist (because radiology and pathology don't involve interacting with the patients). I'd only work as few hours as I would need to support myself (I don't want children and I want to marry someone with a job). Then I could return home and research math independently. I would see my job as a chore, but my research as what I live for.

So what is med school like? How brutal is residency? And most importantly, what is the minimum number of hours per day I would have to work to support myself as a doctor?

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[DrHart]

Gonna stop you right there. Don't do it unless you put your heart in it. If you go to medical school because "your parents want you" and foresee a job in radiology/pathology as "a chore," don't waste the time or money doing something that doesn't make you happy.
I feel like your hearts in the right place you just need to find a way to tell your parents that you want to do what you want. You know what sounds better than part time work you hate, with only a few hours a day that you can research? Being able to do research all day every day. If you love math enough to get a PhD in it, I don't think going to medical school would be the wisest choice. Just my opinion!

 

[Ladynerd]

The problem is that I have told my parents and they still want me to become a doctor. In fact, ever since I told them I want to become a mathematician, they've been trying even harder to convince me. They keep telling me that I'll LOVE medicine once I get into it, that radiology residency isn't that bad, and that once I become a doctor I can work as little or as much as I want and I'll be rich! I feel like they're exaggerating, so I decided to post this to get other people's opinions.

 

[sliceofbread136]

Your parents are misinformed and your plan sounds awful.

 

[Nysor_bttw]

Since you like math, here's a series of equations:

You + highschool = dependent on parents
You + college = burgeoning independence
College = time to make your own decisions
you + time to make your own decisions = Burgeoning independence
Burgeoning independence(you) = Life in mathematics
You + time to make your own decisions = life in mathematics
Life in mathematics = happiness

On the real though, children are themselves a sacrifice. It is endearing to want to please your parents, and you should do what you can to, but there must be a line. You are not a possession, you are your own human being. Your life is yours alone, go forth and live it. (Thanks Richard.)

 

[W19]

The problem is that I have told my parents and they still want me to become a doctor. In fact, ever since I told them I want to become a mathematician, they've been trying even harder to convince me. They keep telling me that I'll LOVE medicine once I get into it, that radiology residency isn't that bad, and that once I become a doctor I can work as little or as much as I want and I'll be rich! I feel like they're exaggerating, so I decided to post this to get other people's opinions.

Oh god! Don't do it...

 

[Lawpy]

The problem is that I have told my parents and they still want me to become a doctor. In fact, ever since I told them I want to become a mathematician, they've been trying even harder to convince me. They keep telling me that I'll LOVE medicine once I get into it, that radiology residency isn't that bad, and that once I become a doctor I can work as little or as much as I want and I'll be rich! I feel like they're exaggerating, so I decided to post this to get other people's opinions.

Your parents shouldnt go too far into residency since math and physics are everywhere in medicine.

Since you love math, you should try to look for research opportunities in bioinformatics and computational biology. You'll probably encounter a lot of stuff from analyzing differential equations to funky statistical analyses of large data. Try that and decide if you still like medicine and want to pursue an MD/PhD.

 

[jl lin]

"How much do doctors have to work?"

Answer: A Whole Hell of a LOT, from start to retirement. Reality: Physicians have to be workhorses, whether in private practice or something else. Consultants? Maybe not so much; but they usually have to do a whole hell of a lot of work to become a physician and get enough experience to be an effective consultant.

Trying to talk you off the ledge. . . . Don't jump!

 

[Ladynerd]

I guess I should have mentioned that my parents are doctors, so they know what they're talking about. That being said, they work all the time. My mom works hard because she's a resident (and is older than the other residents). My dad works in internal medicine and he says he only chooses to work hard to pay off my and my brother's tuition (we both go to very expensive schools). I understand where they're coming from, though. They want me to be secure. PhD's aren't exactly known for their luxurious lifestyles, whereas doctors get paid a ton of money and my parents will be able to guide me along the way. As I said before, though, I think they're exaggerating about how great it is to be a doctor.

And lawper, my parents don't want me to go into research, not even medical research. They just want me to be a medical doctor.

I definitely want a math PhD, and everyone has told me that it's my life and I need to do what I want, but I really wish there was some way I could make my parents happy while doing so. You know, some sort of compromise.

 

[Rogert]

I guess I should have mentioned that my parents are doctors, so they know what they're talking about. That being said, they work all the time. My mom works hard because she's a resident (and is older than the other residents). My dad works in internal medicine and he says he only chooses to work hard to pay off my and my brother's tuition (we both go to very expensive schools). I understand where they're coming from, though. They want me to be secure. PhD's aren't exactly known for their luxurious lifestyles, whereas doctors get paid a ton of money and my parents will be able to guide me along the way. As I said before, though, I think they're exaggerating about how great it is to be a doctor.

And lawper, my parents don't want me to go into research, not even medical research. They just want me to be a medical doctor.

I definitely want a math PhD, and everyone has told me that it's my life and I need to do what I want, but I really wish there was some way I could make my parents happy while doing so. You know, some sort of compromise.

It honestly sounds like your parents don't have your best interests t heart. That or they have no idea what your best interests actually are.

 

[Lawpy]

And lawper, my parents don't want me to go into research, not even medical research. They just want me to be a medical doctor.

I was referring to your undergrad research, which is highly recommended, if not required, for MD schools. Just do some research in bioinformatics or computational biology to see if you really enjoy medicine and all its math aspects. You can decide on an MD, MD/PhD, or PhD after that.

 

[IslandStyle808]

The problem is that I have told my parents and they still want me to become a doctor. In fact, ever since I told them I want to become a mathematician, they've been trying even harder to convince me. They keep telling me that I'll LOVE medicine once I get into it, that radiology residency isn't that bad, and that once I become a doctor I can work as little or as much as I want and I'll be rich! I feel like they're exaggerating, so I decided to post this to get other people's opinions.

What they said about radiology is extremely wrong. I suggest you read the radiology forums and get an idea of the real hours of radiology. There are stories of radiologist with cush jobs, but they are not the norm. Plus the market for radiology is still bad and the same with pathology.

I have seen the salaries of mathematicians with a PhD degree and they are hitting 100K on average. This is still higher than most PhDs are making in other fields. You would still have a decent life as a mathematician.

This is one aspect of your life where once you are in it, you can't get out. You don't want to be disgruntled with your choice. It will be 8-9 years of your life lost if you take the jump with the wrong mentality.

 

[medicalCPA]

Your parents have no idea what they're talking about, even though they're doctors. While they've sacrificed a lot for you, all that sacrifice will go to waste if you end up resenting them for making you abandon the career you wanted and ending up in a career you dislike. You don't even know where a career as a mathematician will take you. If it's money you want, and you're motivated enough, you will get plenty of it as a PhD.

Live your own life, not your parents', and live it the best way YOU know how, because that is (ironically) the way you will make them happy. And if they persist in being disappointed in you when you're successful, you'll be old enough by then to tell them to stuff it.

 

[whitemagic]

I'm not saying that the OP should go into medicine (its clear that she shouldn't) but I would like to play devils advocate for a second here.

Being the son of an immigrant, its not as easy to just "tell your parents to **** off because its your life" as you may believe. My parents came from a third world country to one where they did not know the traditions, customs, or even language. My mom could never finish school because my dad was working 80 hours a week delivering pizzas so he could afford to feed us. We were dirt poor, yet 90% of my parents' income went to investing in our education. In my culture, you revere and respect your parents as though they are God, not because what they're your parents and you have to do as they say, but because you understand how much they have sacrificed for you. It's really not as simple as "hey you're an adult now make your own decisions." Just offering some perspective on what the OP may be dealing with.

 

[medicalCPA]

I'm not saying that the OP should go into medicine (its clear that she shouldn't) but I would like to play devils advocate for a second here.

Being the son of an immigrant, its not as easy to just "tell your parents to **** off because its your life" as you may believe. My parents came from a third world country to one where they did not know the traditions, customs, or even language. My mom could never finish school because my dad was working 80 hours a week delivering pizzas so he could afford to feed us. We were dirt poor, yet 90% of my parents' income went to investing in our education. In my culture, you revere and respect your parents as though they are God, not because what they're your parents and you have to do as they say, but because you understand how much they have sacrificed for you. It's really not as simple as "hey you're an adult now make your own decisions." Just offering some perspective on what the OP may be dealing with.

I'm from a third-world country as well, and my parents sacrificed for me to be here. However, when it came to matters concerning my personal happiness, I realized that although they might have sacrificed for me, my life is mine, not theirs, to live, and I could not put my life and happiness on hold to make them happy. This is the career OP will spend the rest of her life doing, and if she's miserable at it, her parents will not have to live with that misery every day. She, however, will.

 

[Rogert]

I'm not saying that the OP should go into medicine (its clear that she shouldn't) but I would like to play devils advocate for a second here.

Being the son of an immigrant, its not as easy to just "tell your parents to **** off because its your life" as you may believe. My parents came from a third world country to one where they did not know the traditions, customs, or even language. My mom could never finish school because my dad was working 80 hours a week delivering pizzas so he could afford to feed us. We were dirt poor, yet 90% of my parents' income went to investing in our education. In my culture, you revere and respect your parents as though they are God, not because what they're your parents and you have to do as they say, but because you understand how much they have sacrificed for you. It's really not as simple as "hey you're an adult now make your own decisions." Just offering some perspective on what the OP may be dealing with.

Nope. My immigrant parents did the same thing, but it was both of them working full time. It really is that easy. Culture is not an excuse for irrational decision making, especially one as impactful as this.

 

[Ladynerd]

Thank you, xypher! You pretty much hit the nail on the head. My parents are South Asian, and they had to work extremely hard to get to where they are now: no debt, a nice home, and three children. They are definitely not selfish; they just want their little girl to have a secure life like theirs and they truly believe being a doctor is the only way that can happen.

I guess all I can do for now is take the pre-med requirements while still pursuing a math major. I'm also planning on shadowing a doctor this summer and doing math REU's the summers before junior and senior years. And maybe in the next couple years, my parents will understand...

 

[Donald Juan]

Thank you, xypher! You pretty much hit the nail on the head. My parents are South Asian, and they had to work extremely hard to get to where they are now: no debt, a nice home, and three children. They are definitely not selfish; they just want their little girl to have a secure life like theirs and they truly believe being a doctor is the only way that can happen.

I guess all I can do for now is take the pre-med requirements while still pursuing a math major. I'm also planning on shadowing a doctor this summer and doing math REU's the summers before junior and senior years. And maybe in the next couple years, my parents will understand...

They won't understand unless you make them understand. I always hear from people with controlling parents that "you just can't tell your parents no." So, I guess you have no choice and this thread is a waste of time. You must live a life of unhappiness. You will never be happy with your career and you'll be miserable for 60+ hours a week until you die. You will not have spare time outside of your "cush" doctor job to pursue any real research, and by the time you get to where you could semi-retire you'll be so far behind the math curve you won't be able to catch up. You will make no mark on societies breadth of knowledge. You'll try to overcompensate by making your own children do what you want them to do (not what they want), but they will be far too Americanized and they will just tell you to piss off.

 

[NeuResurgens]

Your parents need to understand that a.) asking you to dedicate your life to something you dislike is not a reasonable expectation, no matter how good of parents they were and b.) a lot more than their proudness of you is at risk by forcing this issue.

Do not go into medicine. Get your PhD in math.

 

[Ladynerd]

They won't understand unless you make them understand.

How do I make them understand?

 

[Rogert]

How do I make them understand?

Be successful in your own goals

 

[WedgeDawg]

I think some people are overlooking the fact that cultural differences do exist and, as has been said, it is difficult sometimes to go against your parents (even as a 20-something) and still maintain any semblance of a friendly relationship with them. This is not something everyone from a culture will experience and has a lot to do with the upbringing of the parents and the cultural values instilled in them during their own formative periods. This is why some South Asians (like myself) have parents who are more open to certain things while others have a worldview that people who may not fully understand what the culture is like may think of as narrow or myopic.

The whole discussion of "best interests at heart" is a difficult one and definitely an issue that has to be looked at from different perspectives. People who grew up in American culture have a different idea of personal independence than someone who grew up in India, and these ideas are passed down to how parents interact with their children. Again, it's not a clear cut issue, and people suggesting that everyone should tell their parents to f*** off if they're pushing their children in a direction they don't necessarily want to go may not be taking this into account. From someone looking in from the outside, it can seem very backwards (and by many standards, it certainly is).

That being said, if you have a problem like this and are asking a group of people who come from predominantly American backgrounds (at least within their own generation or at least part of their own upbringing), you should expect to hear advice like what is being given as these posters are trying to give you the best advice they can as well.

It really comes down to 1) whether or not you're able to communicate to your parents that what they think is in your best interests may not actually be, 2) whether you're willing to risk less-than-ideal relationships with them to pursue your own life, and 3) how much you value your career goals vs. your relationship with your parents.

This is not an issue with a clear cut answer, but also not one where posting on an internet forum with a mostly Americanized demographic is going to net you any substantially relevant advice.

It's not black and white and treating it as such will likely lead to suboptimal decisions.

You really need to think about the things that I listed two paragraphs ago and figure out where you stand. People here will tell you that if your heart is not in it, medicine will make you miserable, and this is probably the best information you will get here. It is now up to you to decide what you value and move forward. No can make the decision to pursue medicine and be miserable vs. not pursue medicine and risk your relationship with your parents. That is up to you and you alone.

 

[whitemagic]

@WedgeDawg, thank you for perfectly articulating all my thoughts into words. Fully agreed.

As for the OP, as said above, the truest piece of advice has already been given to you. Which is "if your heart is not in it, medicine will make you miserable." Bottom line.

 

[Lil Mick]

Very true. If your heart is in math, pursue math. There are a lot of ways to use it to help people and even connect it to medicine. PM me if you want to talk over some of it.

 

[jl lin]

Thank you, xypher! You pretty much hit the nail on the head. My parents are South Asian, and they had to work extremely hard to get to where they are now: no debt, a nice home, and three children. They are definitely not selfish; they just want their little girl to have a secure life like theirs and they truly believe being a doctor is the only way that can happen.

I guess all I can do for now is take the pre-med requirements while still pursuing a math major. I'm also planning on shadowing a doctor this summer and doing math REU's the summers before junior and senior years. And maybe in the next couple years, my parents will understand...

If your post is absolutely genuine, I just don't know what to say. If you are not really into what you will be doing/are doing, it WILL REFLECT in your WORK. A physician's work, even a radiologist or pathologist EFFECTS PEOPLE'S LIVES. For that reason alone, it broaches upon an ethical dilemma in my mind, b/c it's NOT fair to the patients, the other professionals with whom you will work, or the institution for which you work. It's just a BAD deal all the way around. Go volunteer you azz off in a crazy, busy, smelly ED somewhere. Really put the hours in there. Do that as you are completing your mathematics requirements. AFTER THAT and ONLY after that--and having a feeling for true interest, care, and productivity in medicine--should you pursue coursework toward medicine.

I find your reasoning is quite illogical for a mathematician. Sorry, but I am just sharing how I feel here. I am even sad and a bit annoyed that you would attempt to take up a medical school seat with your line of reasoning.

 

[jl lin]

Everyone has some degree of family pressure. Everyone has some degree of debt to their family for sacrifices they've made.

There's no monopoly on this in immigrant communities. Filial respect and honoring your parents aren't a new idea brought in from overseas.

Put on the big boy pants and live your own life. Or don't. Whatever.

I'm just annoyed with adults who speak like children, bemoaning that their desires don't match their parents' expectations. Make a decision and get on with it.

Yes Tired. Way to hit the nail on the head!

 

[allantois]

Some of our fellow SNDers need training in cultural competence.

 

[jl lin]

Some of our fellow SNDers need training in cultural competence.

Not sure about this comment. I am aware of cultural competence. This has to do with someone pursing something in which they are truly not interested, potentially taking up a seat from someone that is interested in medicine, and leading to the potential of doing something without the full motivation to do so in a way that will positively and productively help patients and society--not to mention having to work with a person like this in an already pretty stressful line of work.

 

[Rogert]

Some of our fellow SNDers need training in cultural competence.

Like I said above, culture is not an excuse for bad decision making.

 

[WedgeDawg]

Like I said above, culture is not an excuse for bad decision making.

Perhaps not, but it can create a catch-22 situation that puts someone squarely between two bad options. Is that really free choice then?

 

[Rogert]

Perhaps not, but it can create a catch-22 situation that puts someone squarely between two bad options. Is that really free choice then?

Disagree with your premise because there is a good option in this instance. There is no catch-22 here unless you make one. And frankly, if one the "choices" is "obey someone regardless of any rational or logical reasoning because of who they are," then that choice is literally slavery.

 

[Rogert]

Disagree with your premise because there is a good option in this instance. There is no catch-22 here unless you make one. And frankly, if one the "choices" is "obey someone regardless of any rational or logical reasoning because of who they are," then that choice is literally slavery.

And because I realize that is an inflammatory statement, here is the definition I'm working with (from dictionary.com):
slavery: 1.the state or condition of being a slave; a civil relationship whereby one person has absolute power over another and controls his life, liberty, and fortune

A more precise definition might be thralldom, but fewer people know that word. For reference:
thrall: 2. a person who is morally or mentally enslaved by some power, influence, or the like

How different are these from the "choice" presented?

 

[WedgeDawg]

Disagree with your premise because there is a good option in this instance. There is no catch-22 here unless you make one. And frankly, if one the "choices" is "obey someone regardless of any rational or logical reasoning because of who they are," then that choice is literally slavery.

We can debate this all you want and I'm glad that it's not something you have had to experience, but us arguing about this dilemma isn't going to make the OP's decision any easier. I understand where you're coming from and I'm not disagreeing that it's incredibly unfortunate, but all we can do is present our opinions and suggestions. Ultimately it comes down to whether the OP values their relationship with their parents or their career more. OP now has to weigh those and make a choice or work towards reconciling them in order to keep both.

 

[WingedOx]

Perhaps not, but it can create a catch-22 situation that puts someone squarely between two bad options. Is that really free choice then?

Given the number of South Asian kids I know with no employment prospects after going to foreign schools because they had their parents scream "DOCTOR!" at them throughout college without any regard for the student's motivation or preparedness... sorry, but there IS a right and wrong answer here. Both answers involve hardship, but one answer is completely wrong.

I know a couple math PhDs working for Google right now (recruited straight out of grad school)... Can't say I'm not jealous of them despite the fact I like my job

 

[WedgeDawg]

Given the number of South Asian kids I know with no employment prospects after going to foreign schools because they had their parents scream "DOCTOR!" at them throughout college without any regard for the student's motivation or preparedness... sorry, but there IS a right and wrong answer here. Both answers involve hardship, but one answer is completely wrong.

I know a couple math PhDs working for Google right now (recruited straight out of grad school)... Can't say I'm not jealous of them despite the fact I like my job

I don't disagree with you. I'm just saying it's not a black and white issue. I would also argue that this might be different because we aren't talking about OP going to Ross or something, we're operating under the assumption that OP can get into a US school and can get a job, even if they hate it (which is a less extreme example).

My comments were mostly directed at people saying "f*** your parents do what you want you're an adult" by trying to articulate that it's more complex than that. Obviously the best solution is for OP to help his/her parents understand that this may not be the right path for him her. Barring that, OP may end up having to choose between his parents and his career and for many people that may not be an easy decision.

Again, I'm not disagreeing with you, just trying to present another perspective on the issue.

 

[jl lin]

Perhaps not, but it can create a catch-22 situation that puts someone squarely between two bad options. Is that really free choice then?

Yes. Free choice is still there. We are responsible for our feelings. Others are responsible for their own feelings. That may seem to be a tough concept for some people to grasp or accept. It's still powerfully relevant. The onus of responsibility is on EACH individual. If we CHOOSE to negate or ignore this responsibility, we then have CHOSEN to be a victim of other people's power. This supersedes power of cultural influences. Our feelings--our responsibility. Other people's feelings, their responsibility. It's basic, but until we learn it, we hit a major stall pattern in our lives, and we abdicate our own ability to make sound/wise decisions. The ability to apply sound decision-making is a core aspect of practice in medicine, and other fields as well; but it has extremely powerful implications in the role of the physicians; hence the notion, "Physician, heal thyself."

 

[GummyBeh]

Honestly... do what makes you happy. Tacky to say... but seriously we as individuals only have one life.

I'm almost your mirror reflection, it was always: go study engineering or something practical. Not huge fans of the biological sciences, and the notion of medicine and sick people was icky to them.

 

[ComputerGuy365]

You're not a minor anymore. You have to start making decisions for yourself. You have to do what makes you happy. Medicine is a hard career, no point spending 8+ years of training to be unhappy, just to please your parents.

 

[W19]

Is there a way that OP can combine math/physics with medicine... how about rad oncology?

 

[medicalCPA]

My comments were mostly directed at people saying "f*** your parents do what you want you're an adult" by trying to articulate that it's more complex than that. Obviously the best solution is for OP to help his/her parents understand that this may not be the right path for him her. Barring that, OP may end up having to choose between his parents and his career and for many people that may not be an easy decision.

Again, I'm not disagreeing with you, just trying to present another perspective on the issue.

Where do you see this? Because I haven't seen anyone swearing at OP's parents.

I do not agree with your premise. While people, including parents, have ideas about how to live your life, you are the only one who will have to live with the consequences of your actions. This lesson transcends cultural origins, and it is a difficult lesson I had to experience to truly learn. This is why the advice currently given to the OP asks her to consider her happiness before her parents' opinions on her career path.

 

[WedgeDawg]

Where do you see this? Because I haven't seen anyone swearing at OP's parents.

Not literally, no, but the sentiment is there.

I do not agree with your premise. While people, including parents, have ideas about how to live your life, you are the only one who will have to live with the consequences of your actions. This lesson transcends cultural origins, and it is a difficult lesson I had to experience to truly learn. This is why the advice currently given to the OP asks her to consider her happiness before her parents' opinions on her career path.

For the record, I agree with you and many posters above, I'm just adding perspective as to why some might find it more difficult than others to do this and why it might be a little more complicated than some people are implying. That's all.

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

The problem is that I have told my parents and they still want me to become a doctor. In fact, ever since I told them I want to become a mathematician, they've been trying even harder to convince me. They keep telling me that I'll LOVE medicine once I get into it, that radiology residency isn't that bad, and that once I become a doctor I can work as little or as much as I want and I'll be rich! I feel like they're exaggerating, so I decided to post this to get other people's opinions.

You need to do some growing up. Upsetting your parents from time to time for what is in your best interest is part of growing up.

 

[athlete421]

If you don't do what YOU want to do...YOU will never be happy. You're lucky in the sense that you know exactly what you want to do. so pursue it. Medicine is such a long, hard road and it's not something you should do in order to please someone else. You're parents will come to accept this at some point, and they'll eventually support you. You have to go your own way and don't look back. Give this mathematician thing your 100%.

 

[Ladynerd]

I find your reasoning is quite illogical for a mathematician. Sorry, but I am just sharing how I feel here. I am even sad and a bit annoyed that you would attempt to take up a medical school seat with your line of reasoning.

There's no need to apologize; you're right. My line of reasoning is not logical; it's just the only way I can please my parents, which, as much as I hate to admit, may not be the best thing to do in this case. The logical thing to do would be to pursue math, seeing as there's really no way to compromise and make both myself and my parents happy. It's just going to be hard to go against my parents' wishes on such a big decision. At the end of the day, I know my reasoning is BS and I shouldn't go to med school, but I lack the strength to "be an independent adult" and assert myself.

 

[LizzyM]

@Ladynerd, Sweetie, you are a freshman. You don't have the strength to be an independent adult but you aren't going to apply to medical school or anything else for at least 2 more years. Keep working hard, keep an open mind, take the GRE this time next year to see where you stand.

Also, look for articles like this one and use them to engage your parents in a discussion about what you'd like to do with your life:
http://sciencecareers.sciencemag.or...ues/articles/2014_06_13/science.opms.r1400143

 

[ramifications]

OP, my parents are THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE. They want me to pursue PhD in clinical sciences because I can get on that train faster, be done faster, and live a cush life. They are till this day wondering how I chose medicine and where they got stuck with a kid that likes to spend money on such extenous education. It's so easy to give into their belief that the other side is greener and on top of that medicine is not an easy field where you get the sense of satisfaction like you would find in TV serials. Despite that, it is what I wanted to be since middle school and I get very frustrated when parents aren't as supportive as you would like them to be.

When you see a vision, surround yourself with people that see that vision with you. Whatever path you choose, be brilliant as my parent says. Don't let your parents suck you in while you forget to give yourself the chance to explore math. You should be applying to prestigious programs on the side to see how good of a math major you are. If your GRE scores comes back stellar and your grades sustain, your chances of admittance into top graduate schools would probably ring a bell to your parents that success can be found in more than one field or degree of study. It'll be hard but don't get bogged down. They are your parents and they think the best for you. If you network with math professors and they seem to show that an equally better path awaits you, hitch on that train. Money at one point has its limit. A career in research is really lucrative if you angle your graduate studies right. Heck if you were to go to engineering, your fame and publication are limitless.

 

[jl lin]

We can debate this all you want and I'm glad that it's not something you have had to experience, but us arguing about this dilemma isn't going to make the OP's decision any easier. I understand where you're coming from and I'm not disagreeing that it's incredibly unfortunate, but all we can do is present our opinions and suggestions. Ultimately it comes down to whether the OP values their relationship with their parents or their career more. OP now has to weigh those and rmake a choice or work towards reconciling them in order to keep both.

I guess I am a bit confused. How is the OP's choice to pursue something that they are inherently good at and are highly motivated to pursue something that necessarily will destroy the relationship with her parents? I mean at the very least she can say, "Well, I am pursuing this now, and in the future, if I gain an interest and motivation toward medicine, I will pursue it at that time. I love and respect you mom and dad, and now I would like you to love me and respect my decision." Trust me. If they truly and wholesomely love her, they WILL get over it. What's next? Are they going to tell her how many children to have? Are they going to tell her that she must live here or there?

You raise your children, but at some point they must fly out of the nest--looking for, at least what I believe, is their own God-given destiny.
When a person becomes an adult--if they have the ability to reason w/o then need of a guardian--they are then responsible for their own decisions. At this point, parents are still there in a sense for their grown children, but parents can't cripple them in terms of autonomy and accountability for their own lives. At this point, the relationship changes--such as you are there to give them guidance from time to time and support and love, but they are then on their own in terms of their choices, decisions, and consequences. The role changes from guardianship to judicious support and friendship. It's a letting go that has to take place both for the parents and the adult child. Loving parents, even if they may disagree with some choices that an adult child makes, will learn that their role has changed. OP. They will get over it, and so will you.

 

[jl lin]

BTW, if a mathematics professorship becomes something of interest for you, I just want to say that I for one thank God for great math and science profs. Believe it or not, those that can really teach mathematics well are not as numerous as you think. Too many people avoid studying it out of fear, and part of that fear may have to do with math educators that just weren't that great as teachers. We are more mathematically illiterate in this country compared w/ other nations. It's a shame.

 

[WedgeDawg]

@jl lin

Unfortunately, the way that OP's parents should respond to such a statement may not be the way that they actually will respond. We don't know the full extent of OP's situation, so assuming a particular rational reaction in light of evidence that OP's parents appear to act unreasonably by our standards may not be appropriate in this instance.

 

[dechristine]

It is definitely not as easy as just cutting them out of your life, especially because you know that they have sacrificed a lot for you. However, I firmly believe that you should live life with no regrets — you don't want to go down this path of medicine and look back upon your life at 70, wondering "what if?". This is your life and you will ultimately have to live with your decisions and their consequences. I think a lot of people are being overly harsh to you in this thread (I was never one for tough love). Just because cutting their parents out of their lives was easy for them, it doesn't mean it will be easy for you because everyone has different feelings and experiences. You could try starting by refusing to talk about medicine at all (whenever they try to bring it up, tell them that you're interested in math and you don't want to talk to them about it anymore). Medicine doesn't sound like it's right for you, but you're in college! Attend some club meetings, meet new people, and explore what you like and are interested in. College is a time for you to really discover and come to terms with who you are as a person. You can live the rest of your life later.