My spouse is unsupportive of my desire to attend medical school.

[Harry J. Potter]

Hello,

My wife and I have a newborn child and she is unsupportive of my desire to attend medical school.

Has anyone else had this issue and if so, what should I do?

Thank you in advance,

Mr. Potter

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[chunkyfilms]

You're a wizard, Harry.

 

[Goro]

Hello,

My wife and I have a newborn child and she is unsupportive of my desire to attend medical school.

Has anyone else had this issue and if so, what should I do?

Thank you in advance,

Mr. Potter

Write to Dear Abby

Here's how to write a Dear Abby letter requesting trusted and compassionate advice.

www.uexpress.com

 

[907914]

The schools will still be there in 5 years. Wait until your kid is school aged. That is what I have done (granted, I am only 24 and do not know your personal circumstances).

 

[deleted888443]

Hello,

My wife and I have a newborn child and she is unsupportive of my desire to attend medical school.

Has anyone else had this issue and if so, what should I do?

Thank you in advance,

Mr. Potter

Theres always the imperius curse to make your wife agree

 

[dr_kateb]

Fetus deletus

 

[907914]

You're a wizard, Harry.

Write to Dear Abby

Here's how to write a Dear Abby letter requesting trusted and compassionate advice.

www.uexpress.com

Theres always the imperius curse to make your wife agree

Fetus deletus

So, dude has a potentially serious issue - anyone care to help them...?

 

[deleted972488]

Hello,

My wife and I have a newborn child and she is unsupportive of my desire to attend medical school.

Has anyone else had this issue and if so, what should I do?

Thank you in advance,

Mr. Potter

Assure Ginny that medical school is the right choice for you, that you will maintain a healthy work-life balance and help support her through her pregnancy, and you will help raise your child.

 

[Medic741]

What are her concerns exactly with you’re attending medical school?

 

[Dr. Anonymouss]

The schools will still be there in 5 years. Wait until your kid is school aged. That is what I have done (granted, I am only 24 and do not know your personal circumstances).

I always thought you were like 40 memelord

 

[907914]

I always thought you were like 40 memelord

Nah, just lived my life young!

 

[deleted480308]

Don’t go if they aren’t ok with it

 

[HopefulPilot]

Honest truth, 100% guarantee you will not make thru and stay together if they are not on board.

 

[caterwaiter]

Have an honest and open conversation with your partner. Both your child and your relationship with your wife are as much yours to care for as they are hers. If medicine is the only thing you can see yourself being happy in, make a case for it. I'm sure there are ways to make it work, but I'm sure they take an enormous mental/emotional contribution. The time of a medical student is so severely limited by studying that I imagine she may feel as though she will need to carry the majority of the child-rearing responsibilities...perhaps that is not what she had in mind. Just talk!

 

[deleted804295]

If you look at non trad posts from women that have similar issues with spouses and compare it to this thread completely different answers!

I like how @sb247 stays consistent. Some people really have double standards for women!

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

+3 on not going if you don’t have the support. You can just say fork it and go, but it will be a bad time. And no career is worth your marriage and seeing your kids. If you really want to go to medical school, you need to 1) decide if that is more important than your family, and 2) have a serious convo with your wife and lay down why you want to go and see if she can be persuaded. More than one student at my school has gotten divorced because of med school. They say happy wife, happy life which is true. But the opposite is also true. Unhappy spouse, unhappy house. Med school and being married are hard enough.

 

[Mad Jack]

Fetus deletus

 

[Mad Jack]

Hello,

My wife and I have a newborn child and she is unsupportive of my desire to attend medical school.

Has anyone else had this issue and if so, what should I do?

Thank you in advance,

Mr. Potter

So you're married and have a child. That means that without support from your wife, you will probably have an ex and child support, and child support can functionally make it damn near impossible to go through med school. What are your wife's objections? Much of medical training isn't as bad as she might think, so it is possible you could try to discuss things and change her mind, depending on what her concerns are.

 

[Moko]

Which is more important to you (if you can only choose one)? Your marriage or your desire to become a physician? Your answer will tell you which to prioritize at this time.

 

[deleted688779]

Nah, just lived my life young!

Wow didn’t think I was older than you

 

[IsleyOfTheNorth]

My wife and I have a newborn child and she is unsupportive of my desire to attend medical school.

What are your reasons for wanting to go to med school?

What are her reasons for not wanting you to pursue med school?

Now, what are the REAL reasons for her not wanting you to pursue med school? Does she think you won't make it? Etc....

 

[imbesrs]

I always thought you were like 40 memelord

Hes literally posted his whole app, address, gps coordinates, and social security number on SDN how did you not know his age

 

[FISTMCLARGEHUGE]

Hes literally posted his whole app, address, gps coordinates, and social security number on SDN how did you not know his age

I didn't get on SDN for a few days and he drove at least 1k miles to knock on my door and tell me that he had eggs and toast for breakfast before giving me his II list and driving off.
I've never met this man before in my life.

 

[HomeSkool]

You're not going to get to the end of your life and say, "I'm so glad I lost my wife and had my family fall apart so I could be a doctor."

 

[FISTMCLARGEHUGE]

You're not going to get to the end of your life and say, "I'm so glad I lost my wife and had my family fall apart so I could be a doctor."

Yeah usually I hear the first half of that around 35 from most people.

 

[and 99 others]

I didn't get on SDN for a few days and he drove at least 1k miles to knock on my door and tell me that he had eggs and toast for breakfast before giving me his II list and driving off.
I've never met this man before in my life.

Oh yeah? Well I recently moved so he called my mom (internationally) and asked her to let me know that he and his wife and daughter are had a great time during their many camping trips and then asked her to get a pen and paper so he could tell her a comprehensive list of all the threads he plans to make in the next 2 weeks. How did he get her number???

 

[Detective SnowBucket]

I know plenty of people who have (not gone through medical school) but have had unsupportive spouses and been damn pleased to shed that weight, kid or without. Don't assume this is a relationship OP should keep in tact. If she doesn't support you in your goals then do you think she'll support you farther down the line?

 

[907914]

I know plenty of people who have (not gone through medical school) but have had unsupportive spouses and been damn pleased to shed that weight, kid or without. Don't assume this is a relationship OP should keep in tact. If she doesn't support you in your goals then do you think she'll support you farther down the line?

**** the kid, right?

I am not saying an unhappy marriage should stay together just for a kid, but it doesn’t sound like OP is unhappy. Having support and being with those you love is vastly more important.

 

[candbgirl]

Has med school always been a part of your life’s plan?
Did your wife know about this desire or did you just spring it on her right after she had your baby?
When are you planning to apply?
What are you doing now? School? Work?
How will finances work? Will your wife need to work full time? Who will take care of your baby?
Do you have lots of family support nearby that will jump in on a moments notice to help out?
Is your wife opposed in general or only until your baby is old enough to go to school?

 

[Detective SnowBucket]

**** the kid, right?

I am not saying an unhappy marriage should stay together just for a kid, but it doesn’t sound like OP is unhappy. Having support and being with those you love is vastly more important.

Sure sure, who said that was the case?

Also, all the people I know in this situation have fought hard to see or keep their kids. This has nothing to do with that. I don't know how many parents you know who just gave them up but it doesn't go like that.

 

[Princeton Medical Student]

You're not going to get to the end of your life and say, "I'm so glad I lost my wife and had my family fall apart so I could be a doctor."

But you will end up resenting both your wife and your kid for not enabling you to do what you want.

Plenty of people have gone into medicine with kids and done fine. There are kids of Navy vets who don't see their parent for months at a time.

 

[Detective SnowBucket]

But you will end up resenting both your wife and your kid for not enabling you to do what you want.

Plenty of people have gone into medicine with kids and done fine. There are kids of Navy vets who don't see their parent for months at a time.

People who grow up with their family just wouldn't know what to do without one. They've never had to be in a situation where they just got on by themselves and have no idea how to function without their beloved support network

 

[907914]

People who grow up with their family just wouldn't know what to do without one. They've never had to be in a situation where they just got on by themselves and have no idea how to function without their beloved support network

I grew up with my parents gone M-Sat 6Am to 7PM...having grown up without a support network and now having one....I can tell you the support network most certainly deserves its belovedness...

 

[Detective SnowBucket]

I grew up with my parents gone M-Sat 6Am to 7PM...having grown up without a support network and now having one....I can tell you the support network most certainly deserves its belovedness...

hmmm. That's still a pretty solid one. I grew up parents gone similar hours......oh yea, and 5,5000 miles from my family. Now that I'm back, I want to be alone, in a cave.




In montana.





They can all leave me alone

 

[Detective SnowBucket]

@OP, follow your dreams. If your wife doesn't want to be with your for that, then she doesn't support what you want. If your family isn't reduced to forging for food directly because you went to medical school, or they just don't wanna move to wherever you go to school, then they're being ****ing dramatic.

 

[907914]

hmmm. That's still a pretty solid one. I grew up parents gone similar hours......oh yea, and 5,5000 miles from my family. Now that I'm back, I want to be alone, in a cave.




In montana.





They can all leave me alone

But see, you’re in Montana. If I had that scenery and lack of people I would be in the same boat*

*Caveat - unless you grew up in the hell hole that is everything East if Billings. Then...I am sorry?

 

[Detective SnowBucket]

But see, you’re in Montana. If I had that scenery and lack of people I would be in the same boat*

*Caveat - unless you grew up in the hell hole that is everything East if Billings. Then...I am sorry?

No, I've actually never been to Montana hahah I just picked that place because it seems like a lovely place to be alone

 

[imbesrs]

@OP, follow your dreams. If your wife doesn't want to be with your for that, then she doesn't support what you want. If your family isn't reduced to forging for food directly because you went to medical school, or they just don't wanna move to wherever you go to school, then they're being ****ing dramatic.

Bit harsh and too plaintext to be accurate... there are so many factors in a primary caregiver going to medical school

 

[907914]

@OP, follow your dreams. If your wife doesn't want to be with your for that, then she doesn't support what you want. If your family isn't reduced to forging for food directly because you went to medical school, or they just don't wanna move to wherever you go to school, then they're being ****ing dramatic.

Agreed, however do attempt compromise and don’t be scared to delay by a few years if that is the compromise. That is what I had to do, and I am very much better off for it. By delaying 3 years, my wife and I got on the same page with our schedules, learned how to work together, were able to save to afford childcare during undergrad, my wife has even been able to go back to school with me...

As someone who was in your shoes 4 years ago (granted, again I was probably younger if that changes anything) I can say that without a doubt waiting to go back to school/waiting to apply was the best thing I could have done. Got to keep both my goals and my marriage/daughter, and almost all of it has benefited from the delay.

 

[Detective SnowBucket]

Bit harsh and too plaintext to be accurate... there are so many factors in a primary caregiver going to medical school

I'm not sure if he's primary primary. If he's working and would have to stop, that's accounted for. What's left? It's not like going to medical school would mean he has to spend more time away from home than a full time job. (residency could be different, we'll cross that bridge when we get there)

 

[Detective SnowBucket]

Agreed, however do attempt compromise and don’t be scared to delay by a few years if that is the compromise. That is what I had to do, and I am very much better off for it. By delaying 3 years, my wife and I got on the same page with our schedules, learned how to work together, were able to save to afford childcare during undergrad, my wife has even been able to go back to school with me...

As someone who was in your shoes 4 years ago (granted, again I was probably younger if that changes anything) I can say that without a doubt waiting to go back to school/waiting to apply was the best thing I could have done. Got to keep both my goals and my marriage/daughter, and almost all of it has benefited from the delay.

@Harry J. Potter I wholly agree with memePatrick here. If there is a legit reason to not go, what about pushing it off

 

[907914]

I'm not sure if he's primary primary. If he's working and would have to stop, that's accounted for. What's left? It's not like going to medical school would mean he has to spend more time away from home than a full time job. (residency could be different, we'll cross that bridge when we get there)

This is what I have told my wife - M1, 2 = full time job, maybe some extra in the evenings. M3, intern year = will see you when I see you, we gotta be in sync. M4 = you will have too damn much of me. The rest of residency beyond intern year = it gets better each year, no different than full time job that has to stay a couple hours late each night (makes sense to her because this is what her parents did growing up and they were just fine.)

In reality, MED school and residency is bad - but it is not THAT bad. Everyone complains because for most residents it is their first full time job....it is worse than a full time job (and is actually as bad as everyone says if you choose something like NSG or the like...) but if you go into something with the intent of family in mind, you will be fine.

Edit********* All if this is second hand advice coming to me from many doctors, MED students, and residents. It is secondhand information and YMMV. Sources - UW and WSU M1-M4s, 2 rural PCPs, 6 Urologists, and 5 IM residents ranging from intern to PGY4. Again, second hand - YMMV

 

[Detective SnowBucket]

This is what I have told my wife - M1, 2 = full time job, maybe some extra in the evenings. M3, intern year = will see you when I see you, we gotta be in sync. M4 = you will have too damn much of me. The rest of residency beyond intern year = it gets better each year, no different than full time job that has to stay a couple hours late each night (makes sense to her because this is what her parents did growing up and they were just fine.)

In reality, MED school and residency is bad - but it is not THAT bad. Everyone complains because for most residents it is their first full time job....it is worse than a full time job (and is actually as bad as everyone says if you choose something like NSG or the like...) but if you go into something with the intent of family in mind, you will be fine.

Wait, I didn't know you were a resident. What field?

 

[FISTMCLARGEHUGE]

As an unmarried man without kids that has no understanding of your specific situation with regards to finances and other variables... I too have an opinion.

You have a newborn. Those little parasites are information sponges. Think of the possibilities. Toss that little squirt in class with you. They'll become a doctor as well. This is SDN so naturally, that is the most important thing a person could ever hope to do with their life. Problemo solvedo.
Okay, so the wife issue. Look this is going to be a little "ethically ambigious" but when has that stopped anyone? I'm assuming she sleeps (most people I have met do). When she goes to sleep, slip a VR headset on her head. Assuming you've been prepping for this situation (seriously who hasnt been since VR has been released?) you should have the software pre-loaded to simulate her ideal life. As long as you keep power running you'll be free to do whatever you want.

Edit: Girlfriend read this and I am now being spoken at aggressively at in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish so I'll just assume its supportive and a go-ahead to do this plan.

 

[907914]

Wait, I didn't know you were a resident. What field?

I am not a resident, let me add a hearsay comment.

 

[Detective SnowBucket]

I am not a resident, let me add a hearsay comment.

duh I shoulda just read your signature lol

 

[Hopeful101]

Do yourself a favor and don't go. Be there for your kid, hangout with your wife. Medical school can take over your entire life, and you'll end up without time for them. Unless you want to go so badly that your willing to risk your relationship and miss out on your kid growing up (in which case, you've got other problems....), take our advice and just don't..Because It is so. not. worth.

 

[Dr. Anonymouss]

Am I the only one that thinks it is selfish of his wife to try to dictate what he should do with his life. She should be supportive of his decisions and love him unconditionally through good times and bad, aren't those the vows you take when you stand next to the alter?

 

[gyngyn]

Hello,

My wife and I have a newborn child and she is unsupportive of my desire to attend medical school.

Has anyone else had this issue and if so, what should I do?

Thank you in advance,

Mr. Potter

A miserable medical student has a poisonous effect on an entire class.
Don't do it to yourself or them.

 

[gyngyn]

Am I the only one that thinks it is selfish of his wife to try to dictate what he should do with his life. She should be supportive of his decisions and love him unconditionally through good times and bad, aren't those the vows you take when you stand next to the alter?

He made the same vows.