Not from an A&E this time, I'm not a medical person but have thoroughly enjoyed this thread - my own stupidity here, though I at least had the good sense to just clean it and stop whining afterwards, instead of rolling into hospital. But I think this at least comes close to the standard of ridiculous behaviour present in this thread...
When you've had a bad day, there's nothing per se wrong with deciding you want a drink. Upon discovering that the only alcohol in the house is an unopened bottle of wine, you might think things are looking up - that's until you discover that you bought a corked bottle by accident, and don't have a corkscrew. Since the shops are shut, the obvious solution is of course to dig the cork out with your swiss army knife.
After about half an hour of work, feel free to forget that swiss army knives are hinged, and snap the blade shut with your finger between it and the body of the knife. Once you've managed to open the knife again and get your finger out, revealing the 1cm gash directly into the tip of your dominant index finger, which has split your fingernail cleanly in two, the appropriate response is "**** it, I haven't embedded a knife into my fingertip just to end up without a drink".
It is only twenty minutes later, when you've succeeded in doing exactly the same thing again, this time to your dominant thumb, that you should head over to Google and discover that all you ever had to do to get the cork out was pour hot water over the neck of the bottle. What with the two bisected fingertips, you won't even feel the scald.