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- Thread starter drwife2b
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All I am going to say is to be careful. I, too am in undergrad. I moved where my boyfriend went to dental school and we luckily decided to live apart the first year. We have been together for over 2 years and had planned on moving in together in his second year, getting engaged, etc... Boy did I get a wake up call... Being that you are still in undergrad, you will have A LOT more time on your hands then he will. Hopefully you will meet people and will be exploring the town with them. That is something he WILL NOT be able to do (at least sparingly). For me, after loving my boyfriend with all my heart for 2 years, I have realized after I moved my whole life for him that he is not the one I want to be with. It is the worst feeling in the entire world. It's like I just woke up one day and didn't have the same feelings as I did before. After going out to these new places, meeting new people I have realized that I want/need to be single and I am too young to sit around waiting for my boyfriend to get out of school. I am not trying to discourage you.. I am only telling you MY story. All I am saying is to be careful. You may want to live apart for the first year? You may not? Maybe living together could keep you together? Sometimes I think if my bf and I just lived together, things would all work out. Anyway, good luck. Just don't COMPLETELY change your life to be with this person because you might not realize it NOW, but one day you may not want to be with him. I hope this is not the case.. PM me anytime.
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If you have gotten through the long distance thing already, then i'm sure anything is possible! I am not kidding though.. I think that is what got my boyfriend and I... I moved here to go to undergrad so I would be close to him, but we were still about a 30 min. drive. Personally, and some may disagree, I think living together is the ideal situation. That way, even if he can't go out with you some nights you will always come home to him each night! Good luck.. i'm sure you'll do fine.
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I remember a peds residency program that was well, all women and a few of them got pregnant, unfortunately that led to alot for call for the rest so 2 more decided to get pregnant, then the remaining six or so were screwed doing almost twice the call so 2 more decided to get pregnant. Then 1 left and then another realizing she was totally screwed (or not screwed it seems) because she didnt even have a stable boyfriend decided to reapply in another field. Soon there was just one resident left and she went bike riding one day and broke a leg. That is a true story. Sounds funny, but true.
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I would really recommend against moving to be with your boyfriend while he is going to med school. This is still a new relationship; you've been going out since February, which is 9 months, of which 5 or 6 months have been long-distance. First of all, in my opinion, 9 months is too short a time (especially when you are still in college) to be making life decisions around another person or to be seriously considering marriage. I met my husband when we were both in college; however, we dated for three years before we even got engaged, and had been together for four and a half years before we were married. I'm glad we took the time to build a solid foundation and be sure of our compatibility before we made any permanent decisions. At 9 months, you're still in the infatuation stage and the getting-to-know you stage. Especially since you two are long-distance, and haven't had as much time to spend face-to-face getting to know each other and seeing how you get along. It's really easy to romanticize things over long-distance, because you're not seeing the other person every day. When you two are actually in the same place again, the relationship may change. Furthermore, I'd hate to see you disrupting your schoolwork and your college career in order to pick up and move to someplace where your boyfriend is, and have to start all over again in a new city, make new friends, etc...basically pack up your whole life and start over again. Plus, it may disadvantage you academically if you transfer; your grades may slip as you adjust to a new school and new surroundings, you may lose credits, you won't have your same group of "study buddies", etc. I don't know if medical schools look on transferring itself negatively, but if your grades slip or if you transfer to a college of lesser quality than the one you are attending now in order to be with your boyfriend, that could definitely hurt your medical school applications down the line. You'd be making an awful lot of sacrifices and taking an awful lot of risks for what is still a new relationship.
My own belief is that until you (I mean the general "you", not you specifically) are engaged, your decisions should be based on what is best for YOU, on your own goals and aspirations. You shouldn't be making big sacrifices for your boyfriend when you don't know what's going to happen in the future to your relationship, because if you do and it doesn't work out, you're going to regret it. I think it's a mistake (in most circumstances) to follow somebody or move for somebody unless you are engaged (or are certain you will be shortly). It can work out really badly, you can give up opportunities you will regret giving up later if things don't work out. Right now, your focus needs to be on yourself and on what's best for you. You shouldn't be in the position of making major sacrifices for your boyfriend or for the relationship until there's a solid commitment there. I don't know if moving was your idea or his, but in my opinion, your boyfriend shouldn't be asking you to make these kinds of sacrifices for him unless he's willing to give you a commitment.
I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you were asking for advice on, and if I'm out of line you can tell me to back off and mind my own business. I just believe very strongly that you shouldn't be making major sacrifices that are not in your own best interest, for the sake of the relationship, unless you're engaged or married. If you can make plans to be together that are also truly benefit both of you and are in both of your best interests, that's great. But you shouldn't be sacrificing your best interests for him now, nor should he ask you to.
As far as you going to medical school as well...well, I'm married and both my husband and I are in medical school. I think it's wonderful to have someone who's going through the same thing and who really understands, plus we have a mutual interest in and passion for medicine which gives us lots to talk about. I don't think being married in medical school is more difficult than being single, although both spouses being in medical school or residency is a bit more challenging than, say, if one person is in medical school and the other is a housewife or works another kind of job, simply because if you're both in medical school you'll both be very busy and won't have as much time. People who are in medical school who are married to someone who isn't have the advantage that that person can pick up the slack on the housework, cooking, etc. and just generally handle life when the med student is busy. If you're both in med school, you're both really busy, and you still have to find time to do the things that keep life moving, like cooking and laundry. My husband and I are busy; no doubt about it. Sometimes we have to let certain things slide for awhile, and the dishes might not get done for a few days or we put off doing laundry until after a test. Our house isn't always the neatest, but we manage and it's not the end of the world. And we have fun too! We actually find time to go out a fair amount, see other couples, or have people over. And it's great to have a partner in everything, who really understands what you're going through. Personally, I wouldn't trade my life for anything. Two-physician families are not that uncommon and lots of people manage it. We do plan on putting of children until at least I have completed my residency; I just don't think we'd have time to raise them properly now, and I have no desire to leave an infant in daycare. I do think if you're both in medical school or residency, having children during that time could be difficult. It depends on how much help you have and how comfortable you are with putting your kids in daycare; I'm sure it can be done, but it depends on your comfort level with spending that much time away from your kids. I really think the key to having children during medical school or residency is having a supportive spouse who's more available, and if you're both in medical school/residency then obviously you don't have that. I think it would be hard. I'm sure people do it though. I think it's easier to have children once you're done with residency, though. I think it's also difficult if both people are very driven and ambitious and want to go into competitive fields with long hours. If you both want to be surgeons, it might be hard to also have a family. If he wants to be a surgeon and you want to be a pediatrician (or vice versa), that's much more manageable. Anyway, obviously I have a lot of thoughts on this subject but I'm rambling now. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Definitely don't be deterred from going to med school because you want to have a family...it is possible to do both and many, many women do!
My own belief is that until you (I mean the general "you", not you specifically) are engaged, your decisions should be based on what is best for YOU, on your own goals and aspirations. You shouldn't be making big sacrifices for your boyfriend when you don't know what's going to happen in the future to your relationship, because if you do and it doesn't work out, you're going to regret it. I think it's a mistake (in most circumstances) to follow somebody or move for somebody unless you are engaged (or are certain you will be shortly). It can work out really badly, you can give up opportunities you will regret giving up later if things don't work out. Right now, your focus needs to be on yourself and on what's best for you. You shouldn't be in the position of making major sacrifices for your boyfriend or for the relationship until there's a solid commitment there. I don't know if moving was your idea or his, but in my opinion, your boyfriend shouldn't be asking you to make these kinds of sacrifices for him unless he's willing to give you a commitment.
I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you were asking for advice on, and if I'm out of line you can tell me to back off and mind my own business. I just believe very strongly that you shouldn't be making major sacrifices that are not in your own best interest, for the sake of the relationship, unless you're engaged or married. If you can make plans to be together that are also truly benefit both of you and are in both of your best interests, that's great. But you shouldn't be sacrificing your best interests for him now, nor should he ask you to.
As far as you going to medical school as well...well, I'm married and both my husband and I are in medical school. I think it's wonderful to have someone who's going through the same thing and who really understands, plus we have a mutual interest in and passion for medicine which gives us lots to talk about. I don't think being married in medical school is more difficult than being single, although both spouses being in medical school or residency is a bit more challenging than, say, if one person is in medical school and the other is a housewife or works another kind of job, simply because if you're both in medical school you'll both be very busy and won't have as much time. People who are in medical school who are married to someone who isn't have the advantage that that person can pick up the slack on the housework, cooking, etc. and just generally handle life when the med student is busy. If you're both in med school, you're both really busy, and you still have to find time to do the things that keep life moving, like cooking and laundry. My husband and I are busy; no doubt about it. Sometimes we have to let certain things slide for awhile, and the dishes might not get done for a few days or we put off doing laundry until after a test. Our house isn't always the neatest, but we manage and it's not the end of the world. And we have fun too! We actually find time to go out a fair amount, see other couples, or have people over. And it's great to have a partner in everything, who really understands what you're going through. Personally, I wouldn't trade my life for anything. Two-physician families are not that uncommon and lots of people manage it. We do plan on putting of children until at least I have completed my residency; I just don't think we'd have time to raise them properly now, and I have no desire to leave an infant in daycare. I do think if you're both in medical school or residency, having children during that time could be difficult. It depends on how much help you have and how comfortable you are with putting your kids in daycare; I'm sure it can be done, but it depends on your comfort level with spending that much time away from your kids. I really think the key to having children during medical school or residency is having a supportive spouse who's more available, and if you're both in medical school/residency then obviously you don't have that. I think it would be hard. I'm sure people do it though. I think it's easier to have children once you're done with residency, though. I think it's also difficult if both people are very driven and ambitious and want to go into competitive fields with long hours. If you both want to be surgeons, it might be hard to also have a family. If he wants to be a surgeon and you want to be a pediatrician (or vice versa), that's much more manageable. Anyway, obviously I have a lot of thoughts on this subject but I'm rambling now. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Definitely don't be deterred from going to med school because you want to have a family...it is possible to do both and many, many women do!
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drwife2b said:
Actually that might work to bond you together. B/c it will be easier for each person to know what the other is going through. But then again not all people are like that. If you can make med school the thing b/w you too and schedule things around it, study together help each other out, stuff like that. Trust me your relationship will be much stronger. Best of luck.
