Would you ever deny a top 10-15 for love?

[PicardAndRoll]

Would you ever deny an out of state top 10-15 acceptance to be around someone that you loved that couldn't move because they were going to school, and could not transfer/move for whatever reasons (i.e, can't get in anywhere else, personal circumstances, etc.) and go to a lower tier medical school anyway?

I understand medical school is medical school and a doctor is a doctor, but I'm pretty bent up on educational experiences, the different student body, and the adventures a top school could potentially offer.

The reason why I ask is because it ran through my mind. Not that I'm definite top 10-15 material, but just playing around with the thought when I apply. I might have to answer this question myself in the future.

Is it bad that I said no? I'd ditch even really intimate love for a top 10-15 faster than I can find Carbon on the periodic table?

Going to a top 10-15....happens once in a lifetime
Love......Gonna get a lot of heat for this, but I believe love can be found more than once in a lifetime


What do you think? What would you hypothetically do?

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[chizledfrmstone]

I would LOVE to go to a top 10-15 school.

 

[anarch]

No, I'd go to the top school (assuming I would've gone anyway if I weren't in a relationship). I think if your relationship is strong, it'll survive the long distance. I recently went to a wedding where the bride went to a top medical school across the country from where the groom was working. After a four-year long-distance relationship, they got married.

 

[supermintyfresh]

Totally agree. Love is ephemeral. Training goes with you for the rest of your life. One may not see this logic while in the relationship, however. But being single, I can.

 

[PicardAndRoll]

No, I'd go to the top school (assuming I would've gone anyway if I weren't in a relationship). I think if your relationship is strong, it'll survive the long distance. I recently went to a wedding where the bride went to a top medical school across the country from where the groom was working. After a four-year long-distance relationship, they got married.

I can't wait in the DPS for an hour let alone do a long distance relationship for 4 years. I'm pretty impatient. Props to the couple, but there's no way I could do that.

 

[Lucca]

Depends on whether I have a child or not.

The child/children would take priority above anything else and I would settle for a location that made it possible to keep the whole family close.

Otherwise, the relationship is probably strong enough at this point that long distance can be done.

 

[Pacna]

I would unequivocally, categorically turn down a top 10 school if it meant keeping my girlfriend.

You guys are talking about training staying with you your whole life? How about regret? F*** that s***.

 

[nothing gold can stay]

Depends on how long I've been with my hypothetical partner. In reality, with my current relationship, I would choose to stay close to her. You probably aren't in love if you'd abandon it like that, so don't worry - you aren't leaving it behind.

 

[JuanPabloCastel]

I know people who regret that one who got away 50 years ago, but I also know a 101 year old lady who found new "loves of her life" 3 times after the age of 80. Who knows?

 

[PicardAndRoll]

I know people who regret that one who got away 50 years ago, but I also know a 101 year old lady who found new "loves of her life" 3 times after the age of 80. Who knows?

WWJD?

What would Juan do?

 

[Ja3ger]

IMHO long distance relationships are not real relationships. As many of you know, it's just not the same when you can't be near someone. I think some of you are clueless to claim that an LDR will last if it's "meant to be." Not true at all.

If this is a serious relationship, and it's possible it'll turn into marriage, I would absolutely turn down a top 10. What if this person is your future wife/husband?

 

[youmed]

What the hell... do ppl who picked top 10-15 not have a girlfriend...

 

[listener23]

No.

 

[IgEdoc]

Sometimes that love can work in your favor
My girlfriend at that time was born and raised in SF, so..........after one unsuccessful application year, turned down foreign schooling (was desperate) to try one more shot to be very close to her and

 

[medic86]

If I got into a place like Harvard or JHU, and my significant other couldn't go with me, she'd still want me to go.

That's love, bros (and ladies ). You can have your cake and eat it too.

 

[274631]

Depends on where in the relationship we were. If we'd been together a while and knew it was headed towards marriage then yes I'd turn down a top school for my relationship. At the end of the day, I would still be getting an MD. As someone who has done a long distance relationship before, it's not something I would want to do again. Although I know there are many that can and do last.

 

[Narmerguy]

Would you ever deny an out of state top 10-15 acceptance to be around someone that you loved that couldn't move because they were going to school, and could not transfer/move for whatever reasons (i.e, can't get in anywhere else, personal circumstances, etc.) and go to a lower tier medical school anyway?

I understand medical school is medical school and a doctor is a doctor, but I'm pretty bent up on educational experiences, the different student body, and the adventures a top school could potentially offer.

The reason why I ask is because it ran through my mind. Not that I'm definite top 10-15 material, but just playing around with the thought when I apply. I might have to answer this question myself in the future.

Is it bad that I said no? I'd ditch even really intimate love for a top 10-15 faster than I can find Carbon on the periodic table?

Going to a top 10-15....happens once in a lifetime
Love......Gonna get a lot of heat for this, but I believe love can be found more than once in a lifetime


What do you think? What would you hypothetically do?

Well, senior prom happens once in a lifetime too and that doesn't exactly make it important in the long term. In reality, you'll find that there's no shortage of "prestige" opportunities that seem once in a lifetime. Today it's top 10-15 medical schools, but yesterday it was top 10-15 undergraduate schools, later it'll be some top 10-15 residency program, then it'll be some top 10-15 fellowship, then it'll be some top 10-15 job, then some elite promotion, etc etc. As someone who has seen a lot of people chase and achieve the "top"...at some point you draw the line. It doesn't make you as happy as you'd think, and ultimately the glimmer behind these things fades as you normalize your expectations to your new surroundings.

I think most relationships at your age aren't actual "love", so for most people not making relationship sacrifices probably makes sense. However, if you are with the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with you don't leave that so you can go to a school with better prestige. This makes even less sense in medicine compared to other fields where going not going to a top school can have significant long term impact on your career.

 

[MedWonk]

Would you ever deny an out of state top 10-15 acceptance to be around someone that you loved that couldn't move because they were going to school, and could not transfer/move for whatever reasons (i.e, can't get in anywhere else, personal circumstances, etc.) and go to a lower tier medical school anyway?

I understand medical school is medical school and a doctor is a doctor, but I'm pretty bent up on educational experiences, the different student body, and the adventures a top school could potentially offer.

The reason why I ask is because it ran through my mind. Not that I'm definite top 10-15 material, but just playing around with the thought when I apply. I might have to answer this question myself in the future.

Is it bad that I said no? I'd ditch even really intimate love for a top 10-15 faster than I can find Carbon on the periodic table?

Going to a top 10-15....happens once in a lifetime
Love......Gonna get a lot of heat for this, but I believe love can be found more than once in a lifetime


What do you think? What would you hypothetically do?

 

[xnfs93hy]

No, my education is more imporant.

 

[ponyo]

I think it really depends on the couple and the relative strengths of the options.

Back in the 90s my parents maintained an 8ish year LDR, because my mother really wanted to do her PhD abroad as my home country/region was a dead end for her, and my father was pursuing his dream career in a different part of the country. They couldn't afford to call each other often so they hand wrote massive numbers of letters. For holidays, they would send each other recipes to feel a bit more like they were cooking for each other. I am sure it was painful, but neither of them regrets it at all and my mother thinks that had they stayed together, she would have become resentful at squandering her potential. They are in their fifties now and still flirt every day and do everything together as though they've just met a month ago.

Of course, my parents' decisions were between having a real shot at a life they are passionate about and being trapped in the same dead-end and unstable life that my relatives now have, and I think that decision is fairly common among immigrants. I don't think choosing between a "top" vs a "second tier" medical school is quite the same, but some people might perceive it that way and if that's how they feel, I think it's valid to evaluate based on that personally attributed worth.

 

[tmorga13]

Nope.
And if the person didn't understand - it's pretty clear you probably shouldn't be with them anyway.

 

[Vans42]

Depends on the situation 100%. I took my fiance into consideration not only applying to schools, but when I was deciding where I wanted to go. Fortunately, he is very mobile and has a job that is in high demand almost everywhere as long as it is a city-type environment. I was lucky enough to get into a school I really fell in love with but it is also in a great location that works for both of us.

If he didn't have mobile opportunities it probably wouldn't have worked. I think it's important to have a real discussion about priorities and goals early on in a relationship (when things get more serious) so that no one is dragging anyone else along and then yelling "surprise!". He knew what my plans were, accepted them, and we are rolling with them. If he wasn't okay with this, we wouldn't be together, and I would still be heading to the same school this August.

 

[Kochanie]

I'd hope the love of my life would be willing to move with me, if not I'd have to rethink our love...

 

[jayoh]

I'm amazed at how many people are saying they would drop their significant other to go to a better school.

I guess it's the non-trad in me, but my wife is about a billion times more important to me than which school I go to. Or maybe I'm a romantic.

This is, of course, assuming it's a real relationship we're talking about and not some teen drama.

 

[Boolean]

Beat me to it.

 

[Zelda840]

I would be a hot mess without her. I can't imagine the name of my school meaning more than waking up beside her. They're not even comparable.

 

[Espadaleader]

I'm amazed at how many people are saying they would drop their significant other to go to a better school.

I guess it's the non-trad in me, but my wife is about a billion times more important to me than which school I go to. Or maybe I'm a romantic.

This is, of course, assuming it's a real relationship we're talking about and not some teen drama.

You have a wife. That speaks for itself. That's a whole different ball game.

 

[Espadaleader]

If I got into a place like Harvard or JHU, and my significant other couldn't go with me, she'd still want me to go.

That's love, bros (and ladies ). You can have your cake and eat it too.

This 100%. Your sig. other would want you to go to where you wanted to go.

 

[alpinism]

I'm amazed at how many people are saying they would drop their significant other to go to a better school.

I guess it's the non-trad in me, but my wife is about a billion times more important to me than which school I go to. Or maybe I'm a romantic.

This is, of course, assuming it's a real relationship we're talking about and not some teen drama.

Agreed. And I'm not even married.

 

[Mad Jack]

It's a tough call. I really don't much care what school I go to. The school doesn't determine how good of a doctor you will become, that is entirely on you and your abilities. If it were top 15 MD vs DO and keep the girl, if you aren't married and don't have kids, I'd say just go to the top 15 and ditch her. Few relationships last, the chances that the one you are with now will be the one you end up with are slim, so keep your career options open. If it were a high ranked MD school vs a low ranked MD school and the girl, I'd go with the low ranked school if you had a really strong feeling about the girl and marriage, but if you were kind of "I don't know where this is going but I like her," go with the high ranked and move on. I'm all cold and dead inside though, so I'm probably not the best person to be giving advice in the matter.

 

[Espadaleader]

FYI. Usually people that get into top tier schools have a top tier option near home/sig other.

 

[studentp0x]

No, I'd go to the top school (assuming I would've gone anyway if I weren't in a relationship). I think if your relationship is strong, it'll survive the long distance. I recently went to a wedding where the bride went to a top medical school across the country from where the groom was working. After a four-year long-distance relationship, they got married.

The odds of cheating skyrocket when distance is involved. It's not all about the relationship surviving....

 

[swolebrah]

lol nope, these b$@## aint loyal

 

[487806]

FYI. Usually people that get into top tier schools have a top tier option near home/sig other.

Unless OP is referring to the mountain zone region or Alaska and Hawaii...

 

[mimelim]

I declined multiple top 10 to stay with my then fiance when she couldn't end up in the same city. Married 5 years now. At my first choice residency program in the specialty I wanted. That was probably one of the smartest decisions I have made in my life. I will go further and do more good in this world with her than I ever could have going to a top 10 for the sake of going to a top ten.

 

[chillaxbro]

tfw no gf
tfw no acceptances

 

[Psai]

You ever heard of turkey drop? People fall out of relationships left and right by thanksgiving. Go to the good school.

 

[mrh125]

nah, i'd skip the love and head to a top 20 school. besides i probably could get loving that's in my top 20 experiences there.

Well all know that love biz may not last, and when it comes to love or improving my own life i'll always choose the latter.

 

[Espadaleader]

I declined multiple top 10 to stay with my then fiance when she couldn't end up in the same city. Married 5 years now. At my first choice residency program in the specialty I wanted. That was probably one of the smartest decisions I have made in my life. I will go further and do more good in this world with her than I ever could have going to a top 10 for the sake of going to a top ten.

There is also a big difference in declining Harvard for a great non top ten school like Mayo/Cleveland Clinic or Rochester vs. Medical College of Wisconsin.

 

[asebasp]

my gf and I decided we would break up with med school on my horizon and zero chance of me wanting to stay at my alma mater. I think there could have been serious potential if we were in the same city but both of us just agreed long distance wouldn't realistically work for us. tough conversations but I'm happy we could be mature about it and not set unrealistic expectations. I'm not spending every precious second of free time during 4 years of med school on skype and I'm certainly not going into more debt to be able to travel to see her all the time. May be cold but at least it was mutually agreed upon.

 

[Goro]

A close friend of mine once said "Love makes me deaf, dumb, blind and stupid".

But I turned down an NIH post-doc to work in a rinky-dink little lab at a tiny school to woo my then girlfriend, who is now the lovely Mrs Dr goro, so, it was worth it.

One can get a decent medical training at any medical school...Harvard or Rosy Franklin.

Would you ever deny an out of state top 10-15 acceptance to be around someone that you loved that couldn't move because they were going to school, and could not transfer/move for whatever reasons (i.e, can't get in anywhere else, personal circumstances, etc.) and go to a lower tier medical school anyway?

I understand medical school is medical school and a doctor is a doctor, but I'm pretty bent up on educational experiences, the different student body, and the adventures a top school could potentially offer.

The reason why I ask is because it ran through my mind. Not that I'm definite top 10-15 material, but just playing around with the thought when I apply. I might have to answer this question myself in the future.

Is it bad that I said no? I'd ditch even really intimate love for a top 10-15 faster than I can find Carbon on the periodic table?

Going to a top 10-15....happens once in a lifetime
Love......Gonna get a lot of heat for this, but I believe love can be found more than once in a lifetime


What do you think? What would you hypothetically do?

 

[Psai]

on a scale from 1 to 10 how lovely would you say mrs goro is

 

[Goro]

Warning: Observer bias in action: 9.

on a scale from 1 to 10 how lovely would you say mrs goro is

 

[trino]

FYI. Usually people that get into top tier schools have a top tier option near home/sig other.

Not true at all. If you are in the northeast, then yes. But outside of that and California, top tiers are few and far between (geographically). I personally will be moving from the south to go to a top tier. Luckily my SO is coming with me

The closest acceptance (Nevermind top tier) I had was 4 hours away from home. Most of the country is really geographically dispersed. For people from these parts, getting into that one med school close to home is as much a dream as Harvard

 

[fayevalentine]

I'd hope the love of my life would be willing to move with me, if not I'd have to rethink our love...

What if your SO has a job they can't leave? For example, my SO is part owner of a company that requires him to stay in the state we currently live in. He can't exactly demand his partners to uproot.

 

[Brownshorts]

Seeing as how many people on this forum would eat a poop hotdog for a top 15 acceptance I'm gonna go ahead and say no....

 

[Kochanie]

What if your SO has a job they can't leave? For example, my SO is part owner of a company that requires him to stay in the state we currently live in. He can't exactly demand his partners to uproot.

Then I would clearly have more options than him and I would probably stay. Honestly, it does depend as I am only guessing what I would do if I was in that situation. I just know I couldn't be away if it was my true love.

 

[listener23]

A close friend of mine once said "Love makes me deaf, dumb, blind and stupid".

But I turned down an NIH post-doc to work in a rinky-dink little lab at a tiny school to woo my then girlfriend, who is now the lovely Mrs Dr goro, so, it was worth it.

One can get a decent medical training at any medical school...Harvard or Rosy Franklin.

Ouch.... They get put on probation once (twice) and now they are put on the other end of the prestige extreme... I see how it is

 

[487806]

I declined multiple top 10 to stay with my then fiance when she couldn't end up in the same city. Married 5 years now. At my first choice residency program in the specialty I wanted. That was probably one of the smartest decisions I have made in my life. I will go further and do more good in this world with her than I ever could have going to a top 10 for the sake of going to a top ten.

Well, this post changed my perspective and sealed the thread entirely...

 

[fayevalentine]

Then I would clearly have more options than him and I would probably stay. Honestly, it does depend as I am only guessing what I would do if I was in that situation. I just know I couldn't be away if it was my true love.

Agreed, it totally depends on the situation. As ridiculously corny as it sounds, you really do know when it is true love, and if it's not, there is no point in giving up a good opportunity. If it IS, though, I know I couldn't be away for the entire duration of dental school - and we don't even have to do residencies like you med students do!