Is it possible to be a doctor and have a large family? My plan is to have at least 5 kids, but if the two aren't compatible I'm worried I'll have to rethink my career or not have as many kids.
Is Medical School For Someone Who Wants A Large Family?
- Thread starter Gardenea
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Haha. As a doctor, I am sure you will have enough money to take care of as many kids as you want, but will you have the time?
D
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I've always wanted a bunch of kids too, but the limiting factor for many people tends to be money, which will be less of a concern for you as a physician. Potentially an unpopular opinion, but for that reason, I think being a doctor is potentially good for someone who wants a large family, especially if their spouse is willing to stay home with the kids. However, still be mindful of such concerns, especially about college costs.
You'll need a detailed childcare plan. Does your spouse want to stay home? If not, ideally, in addition to daycare/nanny for babies and young children and before/after school care for school-age kids, you'll have backup to stay home with them when they're sick (daycare) or the nanny cancels. (Grandma or another relative is ideal. However, you can also try hiring someone on as an occasional nanny for such times. Hire a few people if you go that route.) More children is more space for things to go wrong. (More people to get sick and get sent home from school, etc.) However, I think these are issues for people who have kids at all. It's just more expensive and more people to bring home the flu if you have more kids.
You'll need a detailed childcare plan. Does your spouse want to stay home? If not, ideally, in addition to daycare/nanny for babies and young children and before/after school care for school-age kids, you'll have backup to stay home with them when they're sick (daycare) or the nanny cancels. (Grandma or another relative is ideal. However, you can also try hiring someone on as an occasional nanny for such times. Hire a few people if you go that route.) More children is more space for things to go wrong. (More people to get sick and get sent home from school, etc.) However, I think these are issues for people who have kids at all. It's just more expensive and more people to bring home the flu if you have more kids.
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My wife and I have friends with 4 plus kids. Its quite doable and usually requires one spouse to stay home until all are in school. My very good friend is FM and just graduated his last from college. I'll say it was a challenge and all have student loans. It is a very personal and operator dependent situation. Good luck and best wishes!
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Here’s my 2 cents. A doctor collabator of mine just had her first kid at the age of 36. She plans to have one more kid because she said she will be too old to have kids soon (she doesn’t wanna be 50 when her third kid enters middle school). I’ve seen doctors with 3-5 kids but most I’ve seen have only 2 kids.
The thing is you don’t need to wait til after you finish med school or residencies to have kids. I’ve seen a friend who had a twin during her sophomore year of college. She got her MD from northwestern last year and doing residency at Vanderbilt. What’s more impressive is that she was a single mom...
I personally want to have kids early because my dad had me at 40, and I couldn’t do anything physical with him because of his arthritis...
The thing is you don’t need to wait til after you finish med school or residencies to have kids. I’ve seen a friend who had a twin during her sophomore year of college. She got her MD from northwestern last year and doing residency at Vanderbilt. What’s more impressive is that she was a single mom...
I personally want to have kids early because my dad had me at 40, and I couldn’t do anything physical with him because of his arthritis...
The only reason why I wouldn't have kids before med school or residency is if I don't get married, and I've decided that If I don't get married by 35-40, I'll become a SMBC.
Thanks!
I'll definitely come up with a plan before I have them.
I hope I will.. I want to be as involved in their lives as possible!
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The wife of a Rabbi in my community is a doctor , (I think ENT). They have something like 10 daughters, and seem to be managing just fine. Having talked to another person about to enter residency while his wife is pregnant with his third kid, he says it's doable, but it's definitely not easy and requires sacrifice from both partners. Then again, that seems to describe most marriages I've heard of.
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All depends on spouse (and/or in-laws support in some cultures).
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No. One or two can be done, but I have seen students try what you want to do and end up either not graduating, or graduating and failing to gain residency because failed too many courses, rotations and/or Boards.
As the parent of two kids, the idea of having five makes my head spin!
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Same for me too, but marriage REQUIRES agreement between two people. I would rather finish med school before I get married (so when I’m in my mid 20’s), but my gf wants to marry like now. This is why a lot of women don’t date guys in medical school not only because they need to understand what med students are doing but also because it involves patience of Buddha. You gotta put that ring on her before it’s too late (talking to myself).
An Orthopedic Surgery fellow in my church congregation literally has 6 lol. And he finds time for extensive church service. You’ll be fine. It’s just about your priorities. My wife wants 5 too. It’ll take an extremely supportive (probably stay-at-home) spouse, but it’s certainly doable.
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We were married as med students, and did not have children until I was an attending and my wife a 3rd yr resident. We were older parents, but not too old. My wife was like 31 with our first. Its doable with a medical career, but requires both participants to be equal partners. If one of you is home, do the things that need to be done. Laundry, feeding kids, activities, baths, etc.. Both need to be interchangeable, but with medicine, one will be home more often, unless other family steps up to help. It takes a very strong commitment to be together and make it all work.
benlikeslizards
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My 2 cents, I talked to an MD/PhD starting his family during his second year, and he mentioned an MD/PhD with 4 kids going into his 7th year and doing really well with both school and research. I was also worried about it, and talked to several successful doctors who had kids in medical school, and they say it's totally doable, it's just not at all easy. A distant relative also had kids during medical school, and eventually successfully completed neurosurgery residency. His wife started an at home day-care business which helped pay bills to make things work and now they happily have 6 kids and his career is better than ever. It was hard for both of them, they needed good support groups which they found at their particular residency, but they also were able to do everything without direct family to help nearby.
I'm sure there are plenty of stories about how it doesn't go down well, but if you are determined and have a vision of how to succeed, I think you'll be fine.
I'm sure there are plenty of stories about how it doesn't go down well, but if you are determined and have a vision of how to succeed, I think you'll be fine.
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Don't ask!
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I was the token gentile in my residency class and it took me 3 yrs to figure out Imglick,(sp), was not yiddish for Angus!
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If you are a women, pregnancy is very very hard with the combination of exhausting school/residency hours and exhaustion of pregnancy. THis then gets combines with likelihood of the potential need to need and take extra time to complete commitments, resentment from peers who need to cover for when you are gone, and double duty from cover-payback when you come back to work.
Men have it much easier.
Support from the ‘village’ post pregnancy is super important whether there is a stay at home parent or not.
Men have it much easier.
Support from the ‘village’ post pregnancy is super important whether there is a stay at home parent or not.
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LOTS of support from community and family. Also paid household help for cleaning and cooking.
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It is really going to depend on your spouse and how supportive and/or financially sound they are. Having multiple children during medical school and residency would be a nightmare, so if you run straight through you can start in your last year of residency to avoid disrupting your training much. If you've got a spouse that is successful, you can take more time off from the job to care for the kids, or if you've got a supportive spouse you can keep working while they care for them. If you're both working full time though, five kids is going to be untenable without a lot of family support, unless you're fine with ditching your kids with babysitters
Nope. I want to be there for my kids as much as I can and at most, the only people babysitting my kids would be family.
That's what I'm worried about.. Right now I have probably 3 options, have less kids, switch careers or become a SAHM.
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It's too dependent on partner/specialty/support system/age. There are plenty of doctors with 3+ kids, but also many with none. I only know a handful of people who had a child during medical school. It mostly happens in/after residency.
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So the question is are you willing to wait to have kids and are you comfortable not having a physician's income if you do have this many kids? Because realistically, unless you marry another physician (thus letting you stay at home and still have a good income) or a stay at home husband (thus allowing you to keep your income but not see your kids as much) then that is your only option.
oldster
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I'm new here, but I can offer a bit of perspective. My wife is a doctor and I'm a college professor. We have three children and would have liked more, but we started too late. There is a lot of discussion upthread about the logistics. It is true that children require a lot of time. It is true that a stay-at-home spouse will make having multiple children much easier. We do okay because of the tremendous amount of flexibility I have. My time is my own to schedule whatever I need to do, except when I'm in the classroom.
I think much of this discussion is putting the cart before the horse. You and your partner will be able to figure out the logistics. First you need to find your partner, one who also wants a large family. If you and your partner want a large family you need to start that family earlier than most of your peers. I think the OP is a woman. Remember that female fertility begins declining at 30 and the decline accelerates after 35. Don't count on having any children after 35. Yes, it happens all the time, but if you count on it there is a good chance you'll be disappointed. Fertility treatments are extremely expensive and have no guarantee of success.
The most important thing is you need to understand what you really want and make decisions in accordance with that. If you want a large family, then dating just for fun is not a good strategy. You need to be focusing on finding a partner who shares your goals.
I think much of this discussion is putting the cart before the horse. You and your partner will be able to figure out the logistics. First you need to find your partner, one who also wants a large family. If you and your partner want a large family you need to start that family earlier than most of your peers. I think the OP is a woman. Remember that female fertility begins declining at 30 and the decline accelerates after 35. Don't count on having any children after 35. Yes, it happens all the time, but if you count on it there is a good chance you'll be disappointed. Fertility treatments are extremely expensive and have no guarantee of success.
The most important thing is you need to understand what you really want and make decisions in accordance with that. If you want a large family, then dating just for fun is not a good strategy. You need to be focusing on finding a partner who shares your goals.
