Writing personal statement

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rockwell

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So I am trying to write my personal statement and I have a few quick questions:
1) Is there some sample ones I can view somewhere?
2) Do you mention osteopathic medicine specifically in the personal statement?

Thanks

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Personally, I just answered the question "Why medicine" for my personal statement when I applied last year. I didn't mention osteopathic medicine until my secondaries, which I felt was the right decision. From last year, some of the secondary question I was given were:

Touro:
Describe your exposure to and understanding of Osteopathic Medicine.

Western:
While shadowing a physician, what did the experience do to solidify your desire/ambition to become an osteopathic physician?

CCOM
Why do you believe CCOM would provide you with the type of osteopathic medical education you are seeking?
 
Here is a personal statement I helped with about 4 years ago for someone I was mentoring. I write mine so it's like a novella exerpt:

Alaska, a land of mystery and popularity, romanticized on cable through "the deadliest catch" and "ice road truckers", "the Alaska experiment" and most recently "Alaska state troopers"; A place where the yearly elderly pilgrimage happens for that final trip of a lifetime. Trapped in a racist town a world away, my need for culture and something different I found myself trekking across the US in an endless quest for continuous adventure. Knowing my chances for travel were limited before graduate school and needing a change, I told myself, "why not?" loaded my car and drove 5500 miles from the East coast, up the Alcan highway companioned by pets and arrived in Fairbanks - a far cry from Hollywood's projection.
I quickly fell in tune with the students at UAF and found myself becoming increasingly involved with the pre-med society. Far removed from the Lower 48, the students here are exceptionally resourceful when it comes to providing opportunities other schools take for granted. Having a knack for fundraising and financially savvy, my contribution to the club is to provide guest speakers from medical schools a trip to Alaska so students here, so desperate for pre-med advising, get the information they need. It was my pleasure to have the dean from Johns Hopkins speak with our group at no cost to him, filling that much needed information gap.
My sense of community involvement stems back to the town I fled. I have an inherent need to assist the public and lift up those less fortunate. I spend time at the local homeless shelter – the Fairbanks Rescue Mission – a haven for men down on their luck. I participated in a bone marrow registry drive and hope to be the match for a little girl with Hodgkin's lymphoma. I'm passionate about AIDS awareness and donate monthly to children's international. The need to serve is deeply ingrained, a product of personal experience, an unknown chronic illness that mysteriously afflicted me, baffled doctors, and left me as quietly as it came. Having been on the patient side of medicine, I am intrigued by the complexity of the human condition and how difficult it can be to find a solution. Excited by the challenges medicine offers yet realistic to the poor choices many patients make, the reality of the uninsured and the toll this takes on already over worked ER staff members and a governmental system that doesn't listen to doctors on the front lines.
I cannot change the face of healthcare in America but can willingly choose to be a part of it. No career choice is perfect and despite the long hours witnessed in the ER with intoxicated patients dragged in by the police and drug addicts looking for the next fix, the frailty of the human being still fascinates me. Medicine affords the opportunity to travel across the country and the world filling a need where doctors are scarce. I envision myself as a locum tenens taking month long assignments all over the country or staking a claim in rural America serving Native Americans and working people who made this country what it is. It is an opportunity to support relief effort in Africa where AIDS has left millions of children parentless and warring factions create more orphans daily.
Living in Alaska is nothing like television, neither is medicine. I think physicians today are a special group who still strive to provide basic health care in a system that is mostly unaffordable and unobtainable for a huge portion of our society. Compelled by an inherent need to serve, I'm jumping in with both feet, eyes wide open, hoping to make some inkling of change one patient at a time.

wow
that is so good...
flows nicely, like a story - while giving information

make the PS im editing/writing right now look like a grade school's
 
I'm pretty sure when I wrote mine, I included mentioned Osteopathic at least a few times.

I don't see it hurting.

I think the biggest thing is to make it read like you yourself talking. I'm sarcastic, rarely serious. I mangled that in with a couple of rather boring life experiences and came out with (what I considered) gold.

I'd post it, but it's somewhere on a busted laptop 2 computers ago.
 
Thank you. It's one of my favorites that I have done. Like I say make your journey a story, make them remember you.

I found that statement to come across very egotistical. The person speaks of Alaska as if he owns it or no one else has a clue about it. Not to mention it does not really say anything else about him/her.
 
I found that statement to come across very egotistical. The person speaks of Alaska as if he owns it or no one else has a clue about it. Not to mention it does not really say anything else about him/her.

Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Like I say my writing style is my own and I would never presume to say that mine are how they should be. Just giving my own perspective to make the PS more fun to read and stand out amongst others.
 
I talked about "why DO" citing a specific experience I had while shadowing. I think it helped, and it took up a large chunk of the 4500 character limit.

Your secondaries will ask, though, and I did end up repeating myself (although not word for word)
 
That PS above comes off as way too contrived for my taste and yes, even arrogant at times.
 
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