Write your own rejection letter

swifteagle43 said:

Dear Swifteagle43,

You are the kind of minority that we don't want at our school. Clearly there are too many of your 7-11 dark mother f**kers at our Medical School. In fact, we think there are too many of you. Good luck in dentistry you turban-wearing-spear chucking-spice-selling Apu.

-Your Dream Medical School

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swifteagle43 said:

Dear Swifteagle43,

You are the kind of minority that we don't want at our school. Clearly there are too many of your 7-11 dark mother f**kers at our Medical School. In fact, we think there are too many of you. Good luck in dentistry you turban-wearing-spear chucking-spice-selling Apu.

-Your Dream Medical School

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Aw... Swifteagle, you will be my dentist then.

Dear gdbaby,

Rejecting you is the easiest decision we have had to make this year. At one point we were all sitting around perplexed as to what topping to put on our pizza and Jeff piped up "thank God deciding on gdbaby's application wasn't this hard." Give us some slack: it is hard trying to get toppings that please everybody. Knowing you would not be admitted to our school was a rare moment where, indeed, you could please all the people all the time.

As a matter of fact, thank you for submitting your application. There were no debates, no one standing in your corner, no more than 3 minutes spent on it (2 of those minutes in laughter, which was also very nice, thanks again!). Please submit next year. The day of your rejection was the happiest day of our lives.

All the best in your futile endeavors,

Your state school admissions committee.

gdbaby said:

Dear gdbaby,

Rejecting you is the easiest decision we have had to make this year. At one point we were all sitting around perplexed as to what topping to put on our pizza and Jeff piped up "thank God deciding on gdbaby's application wasn't this hard." Give us some slack: it is hard trying to get toppings that please everybody. Knowing you would not be admitted to our school was a rare moment where, indeed, you could please all the people all the time.

As a matter of fact, thank you for submitting your application. There were no debates, no one standing in your corner, no more than 3 minutes spent on it (2 of those minutes in laughter, which was also very nice, thanks again!). Please submit next year. The day of your rejection was the happiest day of our lives.

All the best in your futile endeavors,

Your state school admissions committee.

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hahahaha! Seriously, you could quit your day job cuz you're freakin hilarious!

swifteagle43 said:

Everyone give this a try. It is quite stress alleviating.
Dear Swifteagle43,

You are the kind of minority that we don't want at our school. Clearly there are too many of your 7-11 dark mother f**kers at our Medical School. In fact, we think there are too many of you. Good luck in dentistry you turban-wearing-spear chucking-spice-selling Apu.

-Your Dream Medical School

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It doesn't matter if your black, brown, white or any other color/religion etc.. your comments are insulting, even to non-indians. Have some self-respect.

Dear MrBurns10,
We would like to take this opportunity to express our gratitude to you for applying to the University of Your State. Although we cannot offer you an interview at this time (or ever, for that matter), we assure you that your application was put to good use. When the admissions office ran out of toilet paper one hot September day, it was your AMCAS that saved us. For that, we thank you.

We realize that being on continuous hold since August must have been frustrating, but it was entertaining holding an office pool to see when you would finally snap and charge into the admissions office in an expletive-filled rant; it is my greatest disappointment this rejection letter finds you before you found us.

We wish you luck with your future endeavors, and we are REALLY looking forward to receiving your residency application.

Yours Truly,
Your State School Office of Admissions

VIA E-MAIL

nimotsu-san!

We're sorry to inform you that you've been rejected from X University. Because the USPS elevated stamp prices two cents, we are sending this via e-mail. Please know that your secondary application funds and saved postage are being donated to the Class of 2010 Stethoscope fund. Please reapply next year... it's suckers like you that help pay for the clothes on our incompetent admissions staff's back.

Cheers,

Dean of Admission

nimotsu said:

VIA E-MAIL

nimotsu-san!

We're sorry to inform you that you've been rejected from X University. Because the USPS elevated stamp prices two cents, we are sending this via e-mail. Please know that your secondary application funds and saved postage are being donated to the Class of 2010 Stethoscope fund. Please reapply next year... it's suckers like you that help pay for the clothes on our incompetent admissions staff's back.

Cheers,

Dean of Admission

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You guys are hilarious

My boss told me to write the form letter for the applicants who wanted my old job and were rejected, so I used lines from my med school rejection letters! Who'd have thought that I would actually get something useful from all that money I spent on AMCAS and secondaries?

Dear Zahque:

***** please.

Love,
The Admissions Committee

Triple post!

party foul!

zahque said:

Dear Zahque:

***** please.

Love,
The Admissions Committee

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ouch, it hurts! I should stretch before reading these threads ...
oh, and businessguy? :gasps for air, puts on serious face: lighten the f*ck up! oh, wait, you got my seat in med school ... :returns to insane laughter:

Dear Big_Smiles,
Thank you for your application to our MD-PhD program. Although we realize that we are your dream school and how much you want to go here, we have decided that it would be agony for you to stay eternally on the hold list. Therefore we did not decide that you should be on pre-interview hold at all and to end the process right now. It's been six months, and we are sick of reviewing your application, so you're done.

Thank you for your dedication to this school. We realize that you have done research for us for 2 years, being involved in two summer scholars programs at our University. We asked to keep your poster at a recent poster session, not to give you false hope about the school, but so we can throw darts at it. The over-sized blood cells on your poster serve as great targets, and we have had pleasure at recent faculty meetings.

We have seen you on our campus with your boyfriend. Yes, he is a good enough student to attend our University, but for you - no love. Hopefully our plans does not disrupt your personal life in the ways that we intend.

Feel free to apply to us next year. We could use an extra $130 dollars. If you want to donate another one of your posters, feel free. They come in handy to de-stress. We just black out the name so we will have no recollection of you.

Best of luck at Burger King! You have no need to be TAing and volunteer work. Your application is good dude, really gone.

Sincerely yours,
Medical school of your dreams

I just was downright rejected from the med school of my dreams today. I thought this letter was more appropriate than my email notification.

zahque said:

Dear Zahque:

***** please.

Love,
The Admissions Committee

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best one, hillarious

Dear Diosa428,

This is not really a rejection letter. We're just writing to tell you that you're not good enough for us to want to interview you, but not bad enough to throw in the trash, so we're just going to string you along until March, when we will inevitably be out of interview slots. Best of luck waiting... forever.

Sincerely,
Every medical school that you applied to.

Dear miller13,

We can tell that you color your hair. What else are you hiding? On that note, we cannot and will not admit a student with such a dubious background. We recommend that you be more forthright in future endeavors or, if you insist on continuing said deception, be more relentless in maintaining your roots.

Sincerely,

Dear Zargos,

We're sorry but your princess is in another castle.


Love,
Dean Toad

Dear Moosepilot,

You were not accepted to Acme Med school because of (check one):

GPA
MCAT
ECs
PS
Interview
Other __________

Good luck elsewhere.

John Smith, M.D.
Dean of Admissions, Acme School of Medicine

Wow thanks swifteagle, great idea!

zahque said:

Dear Zahque:

***** please.

Love,
The Admissions Committee

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You guys are SO cute!!!!

When you get to the residency rejection stage you get....



nothing. I forgot how bad those premed letters were.

Good luck everyone, and zahque, that was HILARIOUS!!!

Dear prana:

Thank you for your interest in our medical school. We have received many applications for a select number of spots. We said that we valued diversity and fostered creativity among our medical students. We lied. We meant that you should be 22 years old, with a 4.0/40 and have several patents in your name.

We also bugged your home via our secondary application. We know that sometimes, when the green bin gets too full and you are too lazy to empty it, you don't recycle. We know that you bite your nails. (This is very unhygenic, so we are rejecting you from our public health program as well.) We know you say bad words. Lots of them. We know that on 11/9/2005, at exactly 6:42 pm, you inhaled. You know what we mean. Stop spending so much time on SDN and start running; you could stand to lose about thirty pounds.

Thank you again for your interest. We wish you the best of luck in your endeavors, and if that doesn't work out, listed below is the intake number for our psychiatric hospital. It's highly ranked in US News & World Report, just like us.

Sincerely,

Your local medical school

LOL, I liked that one Prana!!!

Good luck at the local med school !

Dear .:Buddros:.

Welcome to rejectionville....

population you.


Love,

Med school

Dear Sir,

We have already decided to ignore your secondary application and to reject you, but first, we want your money. Please send your cash so we can proceed.

Mayo Medical School.

Zargos said:

Dear Zargos,

We're sorry but your princess is in another castle.


Love,
Dean Toad

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*Awesome*!! I love this thread!

I'm still far away from applying but I still have a funny one

Dear Dominion,

Would everyone who is accepted this year please step forward? Ah ah ah, not so fast dominion.

Sincerely,
Admissions
Crushers of Hope and Dreams

Dear Chocolate,

We get many more applicants each year than we can interview. At the moment we cannot offer you an interview spot. However, we are very impressed by your application and have therefore decided to put you on temporary indefinite hold. We do not know if we will ever be able to interview you, and please do not call or email our office to check on your status. Do not send us any transcripts or updates. We do not have a status page or any other way for you to ascertain where you stand. If we someday decide to grant you an interview, we will take you off this indefinite hold, but that may be many years down the line.

We understand that the interview process is long. Please be patient with us throughout your temporary indefinite hold.

XXX Medical School

I'm no where near applying, but here goes (those of you familiar with the best sportscaster ever John Madden will understand this)

Dear Madden,

You tried to develop your MCAT, BCMP, and ECs and boom! You got developed.

No thank you,
Mehdeekull skewl

Dear themadchemist,

The most difficult duty of any Admissions Committee is to reject applicants from a very competitive pool. Most of our applicants this year would make outstanding members of our entering class. Most have excelled academically, socially, and intellectually. Most of our applicants are true scholars with hearts of gold. It is with a heavy heart that we deny admission to these applicants, but we know that they will certainly succeed in their future endeavors. But each time we reject these applications, we sigh a sad sigh and feel afresh the burden of the mission with which we have been charged.

But every now and then, an applicant comes along who shows us again the nobility, the honor, the sheer necessity of rejection. You, themadchemist, are such an applicant. Your legendary incapacity for human feeling coupled with your almost mythical failure to comprehend simple ideas makes you one of the least qualified individuals ever to submit an application to our medical school. You failed to request disadvantaged status, but AMCAS provided it anyway: Surely, no person could be so utterly underwhelming without great personal suffering.

Nevertheless, even with this special consideration, we were unable to grant you admission to our institution. Viewing your application filled one committee member with such open grief that he rushed home to weep softly beneath his covers. A researcher in our pathology department collected his tears and found that they induced cancer in cells of the HEK293 cell line. Another committee member prepared and burned effigies of you in her office: Your application showed not only that you were an unacceptable applicant, but an unacceptable human being, as well. What's more, your application shook several committee members' faith in humanity and made them question their own commitment to protecting human life. When I read your application, I was left with the immortal words of Alexander Graham Bell: "What hath God wrought."

Indeed, some of us have speculated that far from being touched by the hand of God, you may be the harbinger of the world's end. The most convincing piece of evidence in your defense though is your demonstrable record of incompetence--No leader of Armageddon could be so hapless and bumbling.

In short, it is difficult to say that we regret to inform you that we cannot extend an invitation to join the Class of 2010. Indeed, it is with great relief--and even great joy--that we reject you from our institution today. We also hope with every fiber of our collective being that no other university makes the grave error of accepting you. For the sake of medicine, indeed, for the sake of humanity, we hope and pray that you never become a physician.

We wish you continued failure in all your endeavors. We would expect no more from an individual of your caliber.

Disrespectfully,
Dean XYZ

femily!
I think I made the trophy wife list too. We're still in this together. Perhaps we'll be called in a few years. I hear that waitlist is longer than their pre-interview hold. Maybe I should dye my hair blonde, put on some sassy clothes, and send a picture to update my file. Might make the process go faster. By the way, invest in a pair of kick-ass cutesy shoes. You know, the ones with the fuzzy pink pom poms and 4 inch heels. However, there's a hot guy that wanted me to go to that University. Perhaps i may bypass the admissions office I think we may be better off staying at our state schools, though.
So fooey on fancy-pansy private schools. Who needs them? I think I will pick my state medical school over being a mom. Well, I could do both. There are a lot of people on this forum with established families. They get the best of both worlds *sigh*. Some people are just plain lucky that way.
In-staters going to their public state schools unite!
My heart's out to ya femily!

dear noonday,

we are writing to inform you that you have not been accepted into the 2006 incoming class. in fact, we wonder why you even applied. no, really. why did you even apply? while most members of the committee just chucked your application aside immediately, a few of us would like answers to a few questions that are keeping us awake at night. first, did you honestly think that what you do for a living is really science? i mean, it appears you have a graduate degree with "science" in it, and some strange classes we don't recognize, but really, if it doesn't involve killing mice, or have something to do with a protein or a gene, it's not science, is it? and those grades in college. i mean really. did you honestly think that we'd think that with age comes wisdom? ha! or that we'd even consider the grades you acheived in that aforementioned "science" grad degree? silly rabbit.

so, in sum, please let us know what kind of crack you were smoking when you applied, because that's some strong, good sh$t, and we'd like to know where to get it.

sincerely,
the admincom.

Dear Messerschmitts,

We don't know how to say this, but we're afraid we just can't accept you; it's not you, it's us. We love you as an applicant, but we're just not...in love with you. We hope that we can still be friends in the future and that it won't be awkward! You're such a sweet guy, we're sure you'll find another great school someday. We just don't feel ready to settle if the chemistry wasn't there. No hard feelings, right?

Best Regards,
Admissions Committee

Ha ha, or alternately,

Dear Messerschmitts,

The University of California, [blank] School of Medicine was created to serve the people of California by training its brightest to provide the best possible healthcare for the population. Unfortunately, after careful review we have determined that you are not one of those brightest. We have determined that the best way we can serve you is to train your classmates who are better than you, so that if you are in need of medical care in the future, you will be in good hands. Our spectacular hospital facilities and staff are here to serve you, and your fellow Californians! We invite you to come by anytime...as a patient. We'll take good care of you, yes we will! There there, don't you worry your pretty little head about it. Why don't you let the professionals learn the medicine and handle all that boring sciency stuff? There are other fine, far less demanding career options for a "special" person like you! We included catalogue for the University of Phoenix. We hear there's good demand for graphic designers! Good luck!

Best Regards,
the Admissions Committee from the most awesome sunshine-filled medical schools whose classrooms are you never to set foot in

Zargos said:

Dear Zargos,

We're sorry but your princess is in another castle.


Love,
Dean Toad

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Messerschmitts said:

Dear Messerschmitts,

We don't know how to say this, but we're afraid we just can't accept you; it's not you, it's us. We love you as an applicant, but we're just not...in love with you. We hope that we can still be friends in the future and that it won't be awkward! You're such a sweet guy, we're sure you'll find another great school someday. We just don't feel ready to settle if the chemistry wasn't there. No hard feelings, right?

Best Regards,
Admissions Committee

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Wow... I wanna go to med school w/fun SDNer's!!

Dear Praetorian,
Forget it you corpse hauling, dead mothaf-cka embalming sicko. We aren't admitting regardless that your GPA is rivaled only by BrettBachelor and your MCAT is higher than our fatass dean's waist size. Go back into whatever whole you morticians crawl out of and don't even think of being a doc.

On a related note, we have an opening for cadaver tech so you can work serving those we selected over you. Salt for your wound?

Disrespectfully yours,

********** School of Medicine

themadchemist said:

Dear themadchemist,

The most difficult duty of any Admissions Committee is to reject applicants from a very competitive pool. Most of our applicants this year would make outstanding members of our entering class. Most have excelled academically, socially, and intellectually. Most of our applicants are true scholars with hearts of gold. It is with a heavy heart that we deny admission to these applicants, but we know that they will certainly succeed in their future endeavors. But each time we reject these applications, we sigh a sad sigh and feel afresh the burden of the mission with which we have been charged.

But every now and then, an applicant comes along who shows us again the nobility, the honor, the sheer necessity of rejection. You, themadchemist, are such an applicant.

Disrespectfully,
Dean XYZ

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Dear pcohen,
It is with pleasure that we, the Adcom of the Best Medical School in the World (the US News knows not what they speak of dammit!), announce that after much deliberation the class of 2010 has been decided on. This year we received a record number of applications but you will be pleased to know that your application made the cut as soon as it was received. As you may have guessed, we cannot accept you this year (or even next year so please ignore the rule that says you can only apply twice—for you it’s once!) as we have over exceeded our quota of “stupid-can’t-cut-it-applicants-what-were-they-thinking-ha-ha” this year. You may have had a chance to be part of this quota were it not for the fact that the Dean of Admissions Himself, while trolling SDN, made the acquaintance with an imbecile much like yourself who was willing to pay for his seat. As you can imagine, your paltry $130 paled in comparison (that actually went into paying for the free lunches that interviewees got) to the new wing in X-Children’s Hospital or even the fat-ass pimped-up rides that every Adcom received. So you can very well understand why you were summarily rejected.

Please do not feel that this rejection reflects on you as a person. It was not your grades as people with lower stats than you got in. It’s not your race, as you checked that “other” box which lets us know that maybe with a little stretching you could be a minority (our PR ppl. can do wonders). No, it was not your essays—not a single typo to be found (see we really do read the whole application *chuckle*). It was just YOU. But we digress…everyone in the Adcom saw something in you and we cannot walk away from that. This is why, although you were rejected with due haste from our school, we realize that if there were more students like you in other medical schools, then perhaps our ranking would increase. Therefore, our Dean of Admissions Himself has pulled some strings and hooked you a late interview at School X. Acceptance is guaranteed and we hope you do not f$#& it up by being yourself. Therefore, you will receive a package of instructions which will guide you through your interview (sneak peek: say nothing).
In closing, thank you for applying to the Best Medical School in the World and doing your part to make us better by making the competition that much worse.

Good luck in your career
The ADCOM

P.S: do not even think of applying at any of our affiliates for residency.

Dear Army,
You have got to be kidding. Your stupidy is disgusting. Go do something else.


Dean X

Oh, and good luck.

I haven't received one yet, but I'll give it a try, just to keep procrastinating from my physics homework:


Dear Baylormed:

After reviewing hundreds of applications of greatly qualified applicants, the Admissions Committee has come to the conclusion that you must have sent your application here by mistake. No, seriously, what were you thinking?? You didn't think you really had a chance, did you?....Oh, you did. Sorry.

Please rest assured that our decision was not made lightly, as we regret having to even read your application. Thankfully, your application fee helped cover the Pepto Bismol for the indigestion that reading your personal statement caused on all of us, and your application papers saved our lives when we ran out of toilet paper.

We ask you not to ever apply to our school again, as we already have enough to do without reading applications such as yours. Please know that we will know if you ever attempt the slightest contact again, and you shall remain forever in our black list.

Sincerely,
Your Dream School.

Man, these are good...

Dear Conqueror,

Thank you for your interest in Snooty University School of Medicine. The Admissions Committee has reviewed your application, and we regret to inform you that we cannot offer you continued consideration for the class of 2010. Competition was very keen this year, and we received many well-qualified applications.

Of course, when we use terms like "keen" and "well-qualified", we are not specifically referring to you. In fact, it would be unfair or insulting to others to even call you an "applicant", as this term implies some sort of academic potential for medical study. You mental faculties are clearly subpar, not only when compared to your peers but also when compared to many household items or domestic animals. You have a talent for academic failure which is seemingly matched only by the monumental scale of our school's ego. Additionally, as far as extracurriculars go, you might as well have been president of the Ku Klux Klan. We were not impressed by your record of service; selfless doctors are generally poor alumni donors, and that simply won't do.

We do appreciate your payment of our exorbitant secondary fee; without the unmerited applications of hapless fools like yourself, our director of admissions would be unable to make his Lexus payments. We used the account number on your check to call your bank and verify that your balance is indeed too low for inclusion in the Snooty University community. Of course this step only confirmed our expectations; anyone from your sector of Appalachia is most likely inbred and poor. Your transcript and disadvantaged status reflect this prejudicial assessment. We note also that you are a caucasian, male Jew. Yeah right, like we need more of those in medicine.

In conclusion, we hope you do not construe this letter as a poor assessment of your potential for a career in medicine. That interpretation would be too narrow; we intend it to be a poor assessment of your potential for a career in any field. You should save yourself the trouble of future humiliation and drink a quart of Drano at your earliest convenience.

With deep contempt,

Snooty University School of Medicine

.:Buddros:. said:

Dear .:Buddros:.

Welcome to rejectionville....

population you.


Love,

Med school

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This is Awesome!!! Better go back to selling State of Kansas jello molds!

This thread rocks! Start rating it 5 stars!

dear zahque:

the admissions committee has recently completed a careful review of your application and supporting credentials. at this point, it is our sad duty to report that we are unable to extend to you an offer of admission for the incoming class of 2006.

the admissions committee comparitively evaluates each applicant's prior academic performance, particularly in the sciences; completion of the courses required for admission; depth and breadth of the course work; letters of recommendation; mcat scores; and motivation for the pursuit of medicine.

decisions regarding admission are very difficult in a setting where many qualified applicants compete for a limited number of spaces. unfortunately, we must disappoint a large number of prospective students. we appreciate your interest in our medical school and wish you the very best in your future endeavors.

sincerely,
universidad autonoma de guadalajara
escuela de la medicina

They did a similar thread last year. Some of the responses were quite good.
Design Your Own Rejection Letter (from 2003)

Med schools have renamed me Marvin K. Mooney.


Dear Med School Applicant:

The time has come,
The time is now,
Just go. Go. GO!
I don't care how.
You can go by foot.
You can go by cow.
Ms. Med School Applicant,
Will you please go NOW!
We said GO and GO we meant.
The time has come.
SO Into the trash can your application went.

Sincerely,

Dr. Med School Dean

Dear WholeLottaGame,

It is with great pleasure that we write to inform you that we just saved a bunch of money by switching to Geico.

Sincerely,
The Medical School Admissions Committee

P.S. We rejected you weeks ago.