Write your own rejection letter

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themadchemist said:
Dear themadchemist,

The most difficult duty of any Admissions Committee is to reject applicants from a very competitive pool. Most of our applicants this year would make outstanding members of our entering class. Most have excelled academically, socially, and intellectually. Most of our applicants are true scholars with hearts of gold. It is with a heavy heart that we deny admission to these applicants, but we know that they will certainly succeed in their future endeavors. But each time we reject these applications, we sigh a sad sigh and feel afresh the burden of the mission with which we have been charged.

But every now and then, an applicant comes along who shows us again the nobility, the honor, the sheer necessity of rejection. You, themadchemist, are such an applicant. Your legendary incapacity for human feeling coupled with your almost mythical failure to comprehend simple ideas makes you one of the least qualified individuals ever to submit an application to our medical school. You failed to request disadvantaged status, but AMCAS provided it anyway: Surely, no person could be so utterly underwhelming without great personal suffering.

Nevertheless, even with this special consideration, we were unable to grant you admission to our institution. Viewing your application filled one committee member with such open grief that he rushed home to weep softly beneath his covers. A researcher in our pathology department collected his tears and found that they induced cancer in cells of the HEK293 cell line. Another committee member prepared and burned effigies of you in her office: Your application showed not only that you were an unacceptable applicant, but an unacceptable human being, as well. What's more, your application shook several committee members' faith in humanity and made them question their own commitment to protecting human life. When I read your application, I was left with the immortal words of Alexander Graham Bell: "What hath God wrought."

Indeed, some of us have speculated that far from being touched by the hand of God, you may be the harbinger of the world's end. The most convincing piece of evidence in your defense though is your demonstrable record of incompetence--No leader of Armageddon could be so hapless and bumbling.

In short, it is difficult to say that we regret to inform you that we cannot extend an invitation to join the Class of 2010. Indeed, it is with great relief--and even great joy--that we reject you from our institution today. We also hope with every fiber of our collective being that no other university makes the grave error of accepting you. For the sake of medicine, indeed, for the sake of humanity, we hope and pray that you never become a physician.

We wish you continued failure in all your endeavors. We would expect no more from an individual of your caliber.

Disrespectfully,
Dean XYZ
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: This is hysterical... you're gonna get me caught surfing sdn at work b/c I'm laughing so hard.
 
Dear RayhanS,

We are very pleased by your interest in X Medical School. However, you are not the only one applying so, don't get your hopes up. We have received your money, your "secondary pplication" and let's be honest we have your AMCAS, like we need to reiterate what classes you ttok, it's a cover to get money, son.

At any rate, we have made you agonizingly wait for the standard 4 months, yeah that's right...you can be super early and we'll make you wait that much longer. We could have told you before but where's the fun in that? Your application has been "reviewed" (we looked at it, tossed it in the "never" pile and sent you a secondary, again to get the money). Our adcoms periodically referred to your application to get a good laugh... I, mean SNL really sucks now.

At anyhoo, this letter is to inform you that you've been considered for acceptance into X Medical School.

PSYCH...son, you've been punked. Muahahahahaha

Toodles,
Loser

P.S. We got your money.
 
Dear Thundrstorm,

We regret to inform you that you have not been selected for enrollment in the entering class of 2006. Although we did invite you for an interview, and, in fact, spent the entire day building up false confidence, we never had any intention of accepting you. You see, we only accept the applicants with the top 20 GPAs and MCAT scores. We then put all of the other applicants’ names in a hat, pull out 30 more and invite them to interviews to flesh out the interview pool. However, you never really had a chance. In order to increase our believability, we instructed your first faculty interviewer to compliment you on your writing style and essays. We asked your second interviewer to wax poetic about your extracurricular activities and tell you how much we valued a well-rounded applicant. Your clinical interviewer was told to utter the sentence, “At this stage, you’ve already proven yourself academically; I just want to convince you to come here and tell you about the school.” Obviously, each interviewer was instructed to ask only easy questions about your research and to feign comprehension so that you would be duped into thinking that you had explained yourself well. Of course, as director, I have to do my part as well, so I contributed by announcing that every applicant in the room would most definitely be accepted into a top MSTP program, by virtue of the fact that I chose to interview you. If all went according to plan, you fell in the love with the school and are absolutely crushed to have received this letter of rejection. My bad.

Director, X School of Medicine MSTP
 
Dear gdbaby,

you will not be accepted with a house
you will not be accepted with a mouse
you will not be accepted here or there
you will not be accepted ANYWHERE
We did not like you, gdbaby
The answer's "no" not even "maybe"

we would not could not let you in
we would not could not "review again"
There is nothing that we liked in you
Go on, go on now Shoo Shoo Shoo

Sincerely,

Dr. Seuss, Dean of Admissions
 
gdbaby said:
Dear gdbaby,

you will not be accepted with a house
you will not be accepted with a mouse
you will not be accepted here or there
you will not be accepted ANYWHERE
We did not like you, gdbaby
The answer's "no" not even "maybe"

we would not could not let you in
we would not could not "review again"
There is nothing that we liked in you
Go on, go on now Shoo Shoo Shoo

Sincerely,

Dr. Seuss, Dean of Admissions
Click to expand...


:laugh:
Read to the baby yesterday, I'm guessing.
 
compilation time!

i looked through this thread, as well as the previous threads on the same subject, and put together my ten favorite self-written rejection letters.

in case you're interested! here
 
RayhanS1282 said:
:laugh:
Read to the baby yesterday, I'm guessing.
Click to expand...
Yes. I try to read to him once a week between "Bob the Builder" and "Thomas the Tank Engine" DVDs. j/k Perhaps I will start reading him this letter to prepare him well in advance for the ass kicking he will receive should he choose this career path.
 
gdbaby said:
Yes. I try to read to him once a week between "Bob the Builder" and "Thomas the Tank Engine" DVDs. j/k Perhaps I will start reading him this letter to prepare him well in advance for the ass kicking he will receive should he choose this career path.
Click to expand...

Thomas kicked ass. That little old conductor dude used to freak me out though. I haven't seen Bob and Sesame Street became too commercialized after Tickle Me Elmo came out....they had chicken-dance Elmo...the madness!!!

Quality kid's programs have been going downhill. The only decent alternatives are Dora the Explorer and Tickel U. Maybe Bob's in there but I never saw that show. Spongebob is okay but it'll warp the kid's mind if they are too young. Hell, I saw it in college and every time I hear the word "nautical", I keep thinking Spongebob.

I'm gonna dazzle my interviewer with my extensive knowledge of children's shows.
 
Mr. DU,

I write to share with you what may be discouraging news. It is with great disappointment and consternation that I must tell you that your application to the Empire State University School of Medicine has been rejected.
Please understand that a closed window sometimes opens a door. It is my great pleasure to tell you that I've been sleeping with your wife for quite some time.

Very Truly Yours,
Dean Schmultz
Associate Dean of Admissions
Empire State University
 
desiredusername said:
Mr. DU,

I write to share with you what may be discouraging news. It is with great disappointment and consternation that I must tell you that your application to the Empire State University School of Medicine has been rejected.
Please understand that a closed window sometimes opens a door. It is my great pleasure to tell you that I've been sleeping with your wife for quite some time.

Very Truly Yours,
Dean Schmultz
Associate Dean of Admissions
Empire State University
Click to expand...
Crap that's funny!
 
desiredusername said:
Mr. DU,

I write to share with you what may be discouraging news. It is with great disappointment and consternation that I must tell you that your application to the Empire State University School of Medicine has been rejected.
Please understand that a closed window sometimes opens a door. It is my great pleasure to tell you that I've been sleeping with your wife for quite some time.

Very Truly Yours,
Dean Schmultz
Associate Dean of Admissions
Empire State University
Click to expand...


I find that a closed door sometimes opens a window, like on the top floor of the Empire State Building. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. *SPLAT* 😀
 
Dear Jaider,

What you've just said [in your application/interview] is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, [no acceptance], and may God have mercy on your soul.

Principal
Knibb High School of Medicine, Billy Madison University
 
Dear applicant:

I regret to inform you that you have been rejected from the University of Pheniox Online School of Medicine. (Which by the way is a first, we don't even want your money!!!)

Phenoix School of Medicine

Dean Dollar

P.S. We have an excellent online program in podiatry, you might want to try that instead!!!
 
Dear gdbaby,

Reading your application was 10 minutes of my life that I can't get back.

Sincerely,
Some damn school that accepts everybody but you.
 
businessguy said:
👎

It doesn't matter if your black, brown, white or any other color/religion etc.. your comments are insulting, even to non-indians. Have some self-respect.
Click to expand...
Dear businessguy,

I regretfully inform you that your post was not able to be accepted this round. This does not reflect the quality of your post, but rather the competitiveness of the thousands of other excellent posts. Nevertheless, it is regretful that your post lacks a sense of humor. Perhaps you can improve the competitiveness of your post for next year and attempt a repost. Have a nice day,


Mgmnt
 
TheProwler said:
Dear businessguy,

I regretfully inform you that your post was not able to be accepted this round. This does not reflect the quality of your post, but rather the competitiveness of the thousands of other excellent posts. Nevertheless, it is regretful that your post lacks a sense of humor. Perhaps you can improve the competitiveness of your post for next year and attempt a repost. Have a nice day,


Mgmnt
Click to expand...


:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
zahque said:
compilation time!

i looked through this thread, as well as the previous threads on the same subject, and put together my ten favorite self-written rejection letters.

in case you're interested! here
Click to expand...

Niiiiiice.
 
TheProwler said:
Dear businessguy,

I regretfully inform you that your post was not able to be accepted this round. This does not reflect the quality of your post, but rather the competitiveness of the thousands of other excellent posts. Nevertheless, it is regretful that your post lacks a sense of humor. Perhaps you can improve the competitiveness of your post for next year and attempt a repost. Have a nice day,


Mgmnt
Click to expand...
Yeah it happens- there is always one.
 
Dear Chinorean,

Remember when we asked you that fun interview question, "What would you do if you couldn't become a doctor?" Please accept our sincerest wishes for your success as a rock star.

Respectfully,
The Committee on Admissions
 
Dear Applicant,

You suck, thanks for wasting our time. We're very sorry we made you write NINE essays last summer, you really didn't stand a chance.

Sincerely,
UC Davis
 
dear ms. smith,

you're going to be a doctor!!!

just as soon as another school accepts you because you just won't be getting your degree from us.

-adcom
 
Dear Applicant,

We thought you were worthy until we saw you on "Girls Gone Wild." (The video was shown for pure educational purposes.) Regardless, we regret having to inform you that your application will no longer be considered. We will also call all other schools to which you have applied to be sure you will not be admitted anywhere. (By the way, that's NOT the correct way of doing a body shot.)

Best of luck to you at another career.

Sincerely,
Admissions Committee
 
dear applicant,
we loved your application. in fact, we loved you. unfortunately, our class size is a firm 110, and you are 111 on our list. bummer.
 
February 2, 2003

Dear JayQuah,

Thankie fo you app and yo chiggity-check. Our decision is best expressed in a haiku.

Your check will be cashed
But you still won't get in here
Don't quit your job yet.

DE-NIED! (clap clap) DE-NIED! (clap clap)

Serenity,
Dr. Joe "Brickwall" O'Hoolihan
 
.....
 
I never got to the letters stage. I was basically pulled aside, unofficially, and casually told that since a) Canada was massively cutting medical school seats and b) also insisting that women, people of color etc. be better represented, mathematically speaking even if I had a perfect MCAT not to bother.

They saved me a TON of fees. I thanked them profusely.
 
Dear Mr. Lalich,

Thank you for your interest in the Hogwarts School of Medicine. As you already know, you were placed on the "favorably reviewed by the committee, but moved to a smaller pool of applicants who potentially will be invited to interview with us" list. While this may sound impressive, it is really just a ploy to make you feel like we are worth the $75 application fee.

If you are invited to interview, you will receive a mailed invitation to our medical school with information on your personal humiliation/thrashing session, which we exploit for our own personal entertainment. Applicants may be invited to interview throughout the interview season, which concludes in early February 2006. Since it is currently mid-February, you are **** out of luck.

We wish you the very worst in the rest of your application process and hope you are drawn and quartered in the near future.

Sincerely,

Greedy S. O’ Bee, M.D.
Director of Rejections
Hogwarts School of Medicine
 
Dear Mr. Schmoe,

Congratulations, you have been accepted to the 2010 class of the Ho-Bag University, School of Medicine. In order to confirm your acceptance, please send us a $100 deposit check with the remittance form by 02/31/06. We look forward to seeing you during our revisit weekend, and again, congratulations!

Sincerely,
Dean of Admissions,
Ho-Bag University

Dear kirexhana,

Unfortunately, we have run out of paper at Ho-Bag University and must utilize all of our resources at hand. Fortunately, an extra copy of someone's acceptance letter was saved from the shredder so that we may relay this messge to you. Unfortunately, we have a limited number of seats for the 2010 class of Ho-Bag University School of Medicine. Also, unfortunately, we find that your rather large ass taking up three seats all on its own is quite a waste of space. Fortunately, this experience will help you improve on things that we will not tell you how to improve on, although one thing should be obvious, LOSE SOME WEIGHT FATTY! Unfortunately, we have better things to do with out time besides insult you for a few more sentences. But again, fortunately this is the end of the rejection.

Sincerely,
Dean of Admisinos,
HBU
 
Dear tkdusb,

We love you like a brother and we just can't risk losing that. Really, it's not you, we're just going through a tough time in our history. Let's be friends okay?

Sincerely,

The Medical School of Your Dreams

xoxoxoxo
platonic hugs and kisses!
xoxoxoxo
 
Dear Em1,

Despite the fact that your numbers kick our students' numbers' asses, we reviewed the rest of your application and decided we wouldn't be able to put up with you for four years.

Yes, we're turning down the bump to our averages that your numbers would provide, but we feel it is worth it to not have to ever encounter you in person. It's rough, but this is a sacrifice we're willing to make.

Love,
XYZ Medical School
 
These letters are absolutely hilarious. I've been there, done that many, many years ago, but I still have a vivid memory of one of my rejection letters. It was from Columbia (I think it was a post-secondary rejection.) It started out with the same generic rejection crap but then said, and I kid you not, "we cannot inform you of the reasons why you have been rejected as it was due to subjective reasons on the part of some of the members of the admissions committee." At least they were honest. 😡
 
The Apprentice Med School
Wall St
NY, NY

Dear rup47,

You're Fired

-Sincerely,

Donald Trump, MD
 
rup47 said:
The Apprentice Med School
Wall St
NY, NY

Dear rup47,

You're Fired

-Sincerely,

Donald Trump, MD
Click to expand...

!!! It seems they accidentally mailed you Shredder's rejection letter. :laugh:
 
Dear Wertt,

It is with regret that I inform you that you have not been accepted for the entering class of 2006 at American Private University School of Medicine. We have received an unprecedented number of applications this year, making the process of choosing who is a fit for our school more difficult than ever. In fact, we have so many applications to look over that the committee has begun meeting over the weekend to discuss applicants via Instant Messenger. One happy result of this is that I have included the transcript of our discussion of your application, so you may see how we came to our final decision:

January 15/2005

DoctorNo: Wut iz up. Who b our next file?

Rejeculation: "Wertt" :laugh:

DaMeanDean: Dudes, did u see this statement? 😴

DoctorNo: OMGWTF - dude has misspelled 'matriculation'

Rejeculation: LOL

DaMeanDean: And mad formatting issuez all in the text 👎

Rejeculation: brb - EasyMac is ready

DaMeanDean: How do u eat that shizznit? :barf:

DoctorNo: Seriously, how difficult is it to make normal KD lol.

DoctorNo: This dude volunteered for 80 hours at a kitchen? Maybe he means worked at McDonaldz.

DaMeanDean: lol ya.

Rejeculation: Man I luv the McD's allwhite nuggitz.

DoctorNo: OMG you are so wrong in your food preferencez.

DaMeanDean: lol ya.

DoctorNo: OK wut b the verdict? Desperate Housewives in t-minus eight dawgs. Let's get this done.

DaMeanDean: Verdict 👎

Rejeculation: Verdict 👎

DoctorNo: LOL you dudes are harsh. OK back to Mickey D's for "WART"

Rejeculation: LOL ok ttyl

DaMeanDean: L8Z.


Sincerely,

Samuel "DoctorNo" Henckle
Chair of the Admissions Committee
American Private University School of Medicine
 
Wertt, that is inspired comedy.
 
chicagomel said:
:laugh:

so original!!! BEST. ONE. EVER.
Click to expand...

You don't want to know how long that took me to write 😳
 
definitely the best one wertt... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I must get back 2 work now... :laugh: :laugh: still laughing...
 
zahque said:
Dear Zahque:

***** please.

Love,
The Admissions Committee
Click to expand...
Looking at the other threads and how down all the posters were, I thought I'd bump this old thread with one of my favorites.
 
zahque said:
Dear Zahque:

***** please.

Love,
The Admissions Committee
Click to expand...

rofl... best one i've seen
 
This thread is too good to be missed. I think our class (2011!) should start writing them as well. We already have a hall of shame up, why not this?
 
CERTIFICATE OF PARTICIPATION

This certifies that Depakote did participate in the 2006 Medical School Admissions Process.
His/Her academic achievements are hereby noted and recognized.
An invitation to participate in future Medical School Admissions cycles is formally extended.

Congratulations.

The Admissions Committee
 
I'm waiting for this letter from my reach/dream school...

Dear Seminole,
Exactly what were you thinking when you added us to your AMCAS application? Do you even own a copy of the MSAR?

Sincerely,
School I'll Never Attend
 
Dear Anastasis,

We regret to inform you that we cannot extend you a position in our 2007 entering class at Sucky Med U. We noticed in your personal statement that you missed a comma in the third line of your PS. Also you seem to have 10 Bs on your transcript and we have a strict limit of 8 Bs. Also your complete lack of research experience and publications has us very disturbed.

What were you thinking?
Sincerely,
Dean Premed_machine

PS - See, we read SDN too to demystify this whole Adcom thing.
PPS - Vin Diesel is gay.
 
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