Oh medschool...

A possibly stupid question:

I'll be 28 in a month and I'm into my 5th week of medschool. I found that I don't fit whatsoever with my classmates (I live with my husband in the apartments/dorms)..Has anybody of the non-trads found it difficult to establish some sort of relationship with your fellow classmates? For me it's like a wall that I can't break down. I basically don't talk to anybody (just the essential "Hey, How are ya?"), don't have a study group nor go out with the "group" of 1st years. And I have tried, honestly I have. Man I feel sooo lame writing this but it bothers me a bit. I thought that once I got to medschool things would be different in the sense that I would be sharing all of these experiences (class, whatever else) with people with the same interests and goals as mine, but it's not working that way. I am starting to think that it's because I'm foreign j/k . I mean, I'm likeable and lovable lol, what is wrong with me?

PS: just needed to vent a bit cause I'm finding the social thing so much more difficult than the academic stuff 🙂

I wouldn't get down too quickly - you are only in your 5th week and it may just be taking students some time to realize what you have to offer. Keep your head up and my advice is to keep on tryin'...

You and your husband should host a potluck. It's a great way to meet people - everyone needs food! Just put up signs in your building or tell your classmates to come by and then when they do, tell them how happy you are that they came. You'll be "in" with them in no time!

Tristy said:

...I found that I don't fit whatsoever with my classmates...I'm finding the social thing so much more difficult than the academic stuff ...

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Part of the reason i chose my current school is because it looked like a great place to be accepeted by the student body. I'm 42. I made it a priority to meet as many students as I could when I visted the campus and I saw a very diverse group. Tonight while I was studying, a couple of first years (age 23 and 25) IM'd me to see if I wanted to go out for a while. It was 11:30 PM. I just got home, and it's 3:30 AM now. I met a bunch of 2nd years that I didn't know yet at this bar and we had a great time. Guess what? Not every body was drinking either. They all just wanted to get together and have a good time-- people of all ages from 21 to 51.

I went to interviews at a few other schools where it seemed like there were two students cloned 75 times each. They were all 22 years old, got nothing but A's in college, and couldn't hold an intelligent conversation with anyone over the age of 30. A big part of choosing your school, but one that is so often left out of the equation, is how well you will fit in as aa student. i think that the PBL curriculum really helps because it forces you to interact with others of all ages, sexes, races and religions. We just decided tonight that our PBL group (eight students) will be going out to a comedy club together in a few weeks in Tampa. Spouses and boy/girl friends are all invited. Someone has already put together a Halloween trip to Orlando and three buses are going in October. The school had a ton of clubs and I've joined three already. There are just so many events going on that I don't have the time to join any more.

I guess the big point that I wanted to make is that those who are reading this thread and about to pick a school should probably take your own experience into consideration. You need to think about this before you chose. In your case, though, you need to find another way. Invite some people to your house for dinner and a study session. In my experience so far, med students will rarely turn down a free meal. Make friends with the people who sit on both sides of you. Ask for their phone number and give them a call sometime-- even if you really don't have a reason to call them. Make one up. Go to the cafeteria at lunch and make it a point to sit beside somebody you don't know. Introduce yourself and ask them for help on something. Join a club or two and make sure to be a part of a committee. Volunteer to help out at the fundraiser.

Hopefully, your spouse is an understanding person, because you need to spend some extra time with your classmates. They are your lifeline. Good Luck!

Tristy said:

A possibly stupid question:

I'll be 28 in a month and I'm into my 5th week of medschool. I found that I don't fit whatsoever with my classmates (I live with my husband in the apartments/dorms)..Has anybody of the non-trads found it difficult to establish some sort of relationship with your fellow classmates? For me it's like a wall that I can't break down. I basically don't talk to anybody (just the essential "Hey, How are ya?"), don't have a study group nor go out with the "group" of 1st years. And I have tried, honestly I have. Man I feel sooo lame writing this but it bothers me a bit. I thought that once I got to medschool things would be different in the sense that I would be sharing all of these experiences (class, whatever else) with people with the same interests and goals as mine, but it's not working that way. I am starting to think that it's because I'm foreign j/k . I mean, I'm likeable and lovable lol, what is wrong with me?


PS: just needed to vent a bit cause I'm finding the social thing so much more difficult than the academic stuff 🙂

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The primary means of socializaiton in the early weeks of medical school is the study group. Outside of that, there actually isn't much else. You primary job is to nail down your academics and the rest will fall into place.

Most people are in the adjustment period at five weeks. They are just getting the work done and perhaps, letting off a little steam (usually in the bar or on the basketball court). If this isn't your scene, don't worry about it.

You can join a specialty interest group or participate in an organization if you find that you have the time but an occasional "hi there" is about par for most medical students at this point.

Chill out, keep getting your studiies done and your colleagual relatonships will establish themselves.

njbmd said:

The primary means of socializaiton in the early weeks of medical school is the study group. Outside of that, there actually isn't much else. You primary job is to nail down your academics and the rest will fall into place.

Most people are in the adjustment period at five weeks. They are just getting the work done and perhaps, letting off a little steam (usually in the bar or on the basketball court). If this isn't your scene, don't worry about it.

You can join a specialty interest group or participate in an organization if you find that you have the time but an occasional "hi there" is about par for most medical students at this point.

Chill out, keep getting your studiies done and your colleagual relatonships will establish themselves.

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Exactly. I sympathize with the OP, I say that we're here to be students first. I just started (2 weeks) and I feel lost compared to the rest of the kids who are making friends all over the place. But then again, this is not a popularity contest.

Study groups are important - You need to be able to gauge your level of knowledge against your classmates. My first study group was earlier this week and I found out that I'm not doing enough studying. OP, just keep asking around enough times and someone will take you up on an offer to study.

Tristy said:

A possibly stupid question:

I'll be 28 in a month and I'm into my 5th week of medschool. I found that I don't fit whatsoever with my classmates (I live with my husband in the apartments/dorms)..Has anybody of the non-trads found it difficult to establish some sort of relationship with your fellow classmates? For me it's like a wall that I can't break down. I basically don't talk to anybody (just the essential "Hey, How are ya?"), don't have a study group nor go out with the "group" of 1st years. And I have tried, honestly I have. Man I feel sooo lame writing this but it bothers me a bit. I thought that once I got to medschool things would be different in the sense that I would be sharing all of these experiences (class, whatever else) with people with the same interests and goals as mine, but it's not working that way. I am starting to think that it's because I'm foreign j/k . I mean, I'm likeable and lovable lol, what is wrong with me?

PS: just needed to vent a bit cause I'm finding the social thing so much more difficult than the academic stuff 🙂

Click to expand...

Are there other married couples in your class? You might try focusing on getting to know them first, especially if your spouses get along also and they can support each other while you guys are in school. I'd also second whoever said to join an interest club or find a study partner. It's ok if you don't have an entire study GROUP. Finally, I'd suggest looking outside your class for people to hang out with too. One of my good friends here is two years ahead of me, and another is someone I met over the summer while I was doing research. There's no law saying that you must only socialize with the other M1s. 🙂

I would STRONGLY encourage you to do whatever you can to break into at least SOME "clique" or social group. Trying to get this material down is much much easier with the help of fellow students. I guess I am lucky - here at Loyola, SO much is done during orientation to make sure that nobody is left solo. Good luck!

Guys, I truly appreciate your responses 🙂 I am letting all this to sink in while I prepare for another anatomy torture 😉
I know that medschool is not a popularity contest, and I guess that for now I just won't "worry" about it (it's an added stress). But I will try your suggestions in the near future 👍 Thanks!!

I feel the same way, but it's only been 2 weeks. I'm just keeping focussed on learning a lot, but it'd sure be nice to hang out with folks.

I am actually a person who JUMPS to a conversation. I really never sit there and expect somoene to go and talk to me. Life is short! In any school you need somoene to get together with. A study session or simply a HEY. Without these social things you won't be happy. Try to jump on to somoene and ask some questions. Where they dorm at. How old are they. Tell them how you feel about the barrier you have with you and the younger crowd. Be open and be spontaneous! It doesn't hurt to talk. Just be yourself!🙂

Tristy said:

A possibly stupid question:

I'll be 28 in a month and I'm into my 5th week of medschool. I found that I don't fit whatsoever with my classmates (I live with my husband in the apartments/dorms)..Has anybody of the non-trads found it difficult to establish some sort of relationship with your fellow classmates? For me it's like a wall that I can't break down. I basically don't talk to anybody (just the essential "Hey, How are ya?"), don't have a study group nor go out with the "group" of 1st years. And I have tried, honestly I have. Man I feel sooo lame writing this but it bothers me a bit. I thought that once I got to medschool things would be different in the sense that I would be sharing all of these experiences (class, whatever else) with people with the same interests and goals as mine, but it's not working that way. I am starting to think that it's because I'm foreign j/k . I mean, I'm likeable and lovable lol, what is wrong with me?

PS: just needed to vent a bit cause I'm finding the social thing so much more difficult than the academic stuff 🙂

Click to expand...

It's pretty common to think everyone else must be having a better social scene than you, but often the grass only looks greener. You are married and so likely already have more daily social interaction outside of class than many of your classmates. Plus you don't have the added stress of needing to find time to meet that perfect someone, one of the biggest driving factors of the bar social scene for the younger set. Study groups work for some, and fail dismally for many more others, so it's just as likely you wouldn't be in a study group by now even if you had had started with one. As others have suggested, if you host a dinner or something and invite people, they will likely come and some will even reciprocate.

I'm not in medical school yet (hopefully next year) but as a married non-trad with children I share your concerns. At my last interview, most people looked young and nervous to be there. So I just walked up to everyone and introduced myself, started some conversations. You might be surprised to find that some of the younger applicants may just be intimidated by non-trads, many of whom are already financially established and have extra health care, education, and life expriences.

Tristy said:

Guys, I truly appreciate your responses 🙂 I am letting all this to sink in while I prepare for another anatomy torture 😉
I know that medschool is not a popularity contest, and I guess that for now I just won't "worry" about it (it's an added stress). But I will try your suggestions in the near future 👍 Thanks!!

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A third of my class is 20 years old (I'm 30). I feel your pain. However, just let it happen. My school makes you join a bunch of academic groups, from lab groups to discussion groups, etc.., which is a good starting point to determine who you'd like to be friends with. The friendships I've formed so far have been largely accidental aka fortuitous, but it's been great. Study groups are indeed key - join one if you can, or start one. Clubs are also good.

Let your home life be your comfort, see your non-med school friends when you can, and if all else fails treat it like a job - you wouldn't care if your coworkers weren't falling all over themselves to have lunch with you, right? Sure, it can feel like highschool if you let it, but it can also feel like a really long, intense seminar series if you know how to work it. 🙂