Design your own rejection letter

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Desdemona

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I think we should have a contest to see who can write the best rejection letter. I'll start, with Harvard, since they kindly opted not to interview me.


Dear Desdemona,

Thank you for the application fee to Harvard Medical School.

Is your mother a physician? NO
Is your father a physician? NO
Did your mother attend Harvard Medical School? NO
Did your father attend Harvard Medical School? NO
Did your mother complete residency training at Harvard? NO
Did your father complete residency training at Harvard? NO
Does your mother teach at Harvard Medical School? NO
Does your father teach at Harvard Medical School? NO



















Will Desdemona attend Harvard Medical School? NO

Sincerely,
Ima Pricke, M.D.
Associate Dean of Rejections

Members don't see this ad.
 
April 1, 2003


Dear Shamthis,

Thank you for applying to Washington University. After a careful review of your preliminary application, we have decided to bypass the interview stage and accept you. This a a big a risk on our behalf and a huge accomplishment on yours. Congratulations on becoming a part of the Washington University School of Medicine.

APRIL FOOLS


Good luck in the real world, asswipe.


Sincerely,


Karl Sagan
Associate Dean of Student Affairs and Financial Aid
 
Members don't see this ad :)
November 29, 2002
The Big University Medical Center
Office of Admissions
123 Main Street
City, State, 12345

Dear Office of Admissions,


Thank you for your interest in me as an applicant. I have now completed a thorough review your admissions material. I am sorry to inform you that I am unable to consider your school further for my undergraduate medical education. Please be assured that your institution has been given personal attention. Most of the schools I am considering this year are well-qualified and are likely to provide an excellent education, but with over 100 accredited allopathic medical schools I need to be extremely selective in the process. While I recognize that this decision may be disappointing, I wish to express my appreciation to you for considering me and this decision in no way reflects on your ability to educate physicians. I wish you the best in your educational pursuits.

I want to thank you, Big University, for your interest. I acknowledge and respect your accomplishments in the areas of medical education and research, and realize that my inability to attend your medical school is a loss for me. I extend my best wishes to you as you pursue your goals.
Sincerely,


Adcadet


Ad/lmao
 
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That's awesome Acadet! I'm tempted to send that to all the schools I'm withdrawing from!
 
Dear Constance,
After reading a couple of your emails and realizing that you do not attend Harvard, Yale, or any other institution charging over
30,000$ a year, we have decided that you don't qualify for the EAP program. You could fill out an application, but I wouldn't bother if I were you.
Sincerely,
Director of Admissions
 
Adcadet, your post reminded me so much of a very funny old Car Talk I listened to, I had to dig up a copy off their site. It is a recruitment letter from MIT and the guy's reply to it. Here it is:

Gentlemen:

Given your recent reading of the college application essay and your ties to that other (lesser) institution in Cambridge, I thought you might enjoy this.

Yours sincerely,
Stan McGee.

MIT certainly has a reputation to be proud of, but its admissions department went a little over-board, I think. The first letter is an honest-to-goodness mailing from MIT, the second is one prospective student's reply:



April 18, 1994

Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567

Dear John:

You've got the grades. You've certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you've got a letter from MIT. Maybe you're surprised. Most students would be.

But you're not most students. And that's exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.

The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!

Engineering's not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to brain and cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program in the country) to writing.

What? Of course, you don't want to be bored. Who does? Life here *is* tough *and* demanding, but it's also *fun*. MIT students are imaginative and creative?inside and outside the classroom.

You're interested in athletics? Great! MIT has more varsity teams?39?than almost any other university, and a tremendous intramural program so everybody can participate.

You think we're too expensive? Don't be too sure. We've got surprises for you there, too.

Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out more about this unique institution? Why not do it right now?

Sincerely,
Michael C. Benhke
Director of Admissions

P.S. If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, "Insight," just check the appropriate box on the form.



May 5, 1994

Michael C. Behnke
MIT Director of Admissions
Office of Admissions, Room 3-108
Cambridge MA 02139-4307

Dear Michael:

You've got the reputation. You've certainly got the pomposity. And now you've got a letter from John Mongan. Maybe you're surprised. Most universities would be.

But you're not most universities. And that's exactly why I urge you to carefully consider one of the most selective students in America, so selective that he will choose only *one* of the thousands of accredited universities in the country.

The level of pomposity and lack of tact reflected in your letter is a powerful indicator that your august institution might well be a possibility for John Mongan's future education. It certainly got my attention!

Don't want Bio-Chem students? No problem. It may surprise you to learn that my interests cover over 400 fields of study, from semantics to limnology, from object-oriented programming (perhaps one of the youngest professionals in the country) to classical piano.

What? Of course you don't want egotistical jerks. Who does? I *am* self-indulgent *and* over confident, but I'm also amusing. John Mongan is funny and amusing?whether you're laughing with him or at him.

You're interested in athletes? Great! John Mongan has played more sports?47?than almost any other student, including oddball favorites such as Orienteering.

You think I can pay for your school? Don't be too sure. I've got surprises for you there, too.

Why not send a guaranteed admission and full scholarship to increase your chance of being selected by John Mongan? Why not do it right now?

Sincerely,
John Mongan

P.S. If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, "John Mongan: What a Guy!" just ask.
 
heh heh! :laugh:

At least yours are honest and to the point! Which is a lot more than I can say for some schools *cough-UTMB*
 
That would be pretty cool if we had a database of all the rejection letters so we could personally tailor withdraw letters like the posts above. If anybody wants to withdraw from UCSF, i can hook you up. or U of Michigan, ucsd, oklahoma university, UVA, and the list goes on.............
 
Originally posted by JlazyMD

...

What? Of course, you don't want to be bored. Who does? Life here *is* tough *and* demanding, but it's also *fun*. MIT students are imaginative and creative?inside and outside the classroom.

...

You think we're too expensive? Don't be too sure. We've got surprises for you there, too.

I realize that is not an MIT thread, but I have to interject something just on the off chance there are any high schools kids listening.

I know MIT. I attended MIT. This is NOT MIT. It is a hellish nightmare beyond comparison. Is is called an Institution for a very good reason.

They are correct that students are creative and imaginative outside the classroom. We daydreamed for hours on ways to repay the torture inflicted on us by the dictatorial nazis professors, and tried to think of ways of extracting at least five minutes of sleep somewhere in the next 24 hours.

The only day I ever had any fun at MIT, was the day I packed my bags and took my last final and never set foot in those dreary oppresive nightmarish halls again.

Stay away. Stay far away.

The best day of my life is any day that I am NOT at MIT.
 
damn some of you guys are funny :)

Dear Street Philosopher,

We have completed our review of the entering class of 2003 for XXXX University School of Medicine. Based on experience, we realize that persons of your extraordinary aptitude are few and far between. Unfortunately, experience also tells us that these applicants invariably reject us in favor of schools of greater repute. It is our deep regret to inform you that we, in order to save face, cannot offer you a place in the entering class of 2003. We wish you all the best in what will undoubtedly be a Nobel-worthy career, and hope that you will be our physician in case we ever need world-class care.

Sincerely,

The Admissions Staff
 
Naphtali Smith
101 W. Center St.
Anytown, USA 12345

Dear Mr. Smith,

We here at Xyz College of Medicine have reviewed your application. We have decided to reject you. We didn't need to review it fully, since a cursory look told us that we wouldn't be letting you attend our hallowed institution. C'mon, be honest: did you actually think you had a chance of getting in?

For one thing, you're obviously not one of the good old boys. Your family has no connections here. (Why did you even bother applying here?) You're also not a minority, so we can't let you in as part of our token effort at "diversity." Also, you went to a state school. Although we realize it's very possible to get a quality education at a public institution, we pretend that private universities are better. Why? Well, it allows us to exclude the non-wealthy without getting sued. Ha ha... it works!

We would have rejected you before you even filled out a secondary, but we wanted your application fee.

Have a nice life, loser.

Disdainfully yours,
Milton J. Buttwipe III, M.D.
Director of Admissions
Xyz College of Medicine
 
Dear Applicant,

We have made a decision regarding your application for admission to out institution. Please send $100.00 and a self addressed stamped envelope to the above address, so that we may inform you of our rejection, I mean decision, immediatley. Thank you.

Jebediah A. Buttmunch, MD
Director of Admissions
 
Members don't see this ad :)
Hey guys, how about a twist:

Office of Admissions
University of _____ School of Medicine
1234 Main St.
Earth Capital, Earth


Dear Dean _____:

I have yet to recieve any word from the Admissions office regarding my application to the 2003 entering class. I can only assume this to mean that my acceptance is ensured, as no reasonable human could possible find it acceptable to delay word of a rejection for months on end.

I am writing to confirm my acceptance of the impending offer of admission. I want to thank you and the helpful admissions staff for all your help during the stressful and emotional application process. I look forward to joining my fellow classmates this fall. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,
TroutBum


Ha! Be careful though--I actually knew somebody who sent a bunch of letters like this out after he didn't hear back from job interviews after a recruiting week on campus. It was rumored that one of the companies was so angry that they stopped recruiting at our school completely. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
Dear Slinkie,
We regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a place in our fall of 2003 incoming class. We have received over 5,000 applications, and yours was the only hand-written one, you freak. Couldn't you at least show some respect for the hallowed institution of secondary application by typing it up and having it proofread three times before setting it down rather than scribble something by hand during your lunch break at work and not even give it a second thought?! Out of the goodness of our hearts, despite your pathetic attempt at filling out the secondary, we nontheless decided to invite you to an interview. The last straw was the off-white shirt you wore. Geez, what were you thinking?? Off-white with a gray suit? We just pray that fashion police finds you soon and arrests you for the travesty that is your understanding of style.
We wish you good luck in continuing your education.

Sincerely,

........
 
Originally posted by shamthis
April 1, 2003


Dear Shamthis,

Thank you for applying to Washington University. After a careful review of your preliminary application, we have decided to bypass the interview stage and accept you. This a a big a risk on our behalf and a huge accomplishment on yours. Congratulations on becoming a part of the Washington University School of Medicine.

APRIL FOOLS


Good luck in the real world, asswipe.


Sincerely,


Karl Sagan
Associate Dean of Student Affairs and Financial Aid



That is frigan high comedy LOL I am still laughing. Thats a goodie, you should get into comedy
 
To whom it may concern,

We are happy to inform you that you can never be a doctor. Any further applications to medical school will infer a $1,000 fine and a minimum of 30 days in a federal prison. We are happy you can move on with your life and are sure you will be just fine. We will reset your life at the end of this message and the letter will destroy itself and you will no longer consider mediscine your calling. It will be retail sales. Your life will reset in 3 2 1 BLAM!
 
February 28, 2003

Chronic MD
420 Diggity Lane
Ballertown, CA

Dear Chronic,

After a ten minute review of your application, we have decided that you are not worthy of matriculation at XXX Medical School. We would apologize for the fact that it took 10 months to send this to you, but that would be unnecessary, as you have been rejected, thereby warranting no need for quick and friendly communication between us. Although your track record may be viewed as exceptional in the eyes of some, we felt that your GPA (not a 4.0), MCAT (not a 40), extracurriculars, and research are indicative of the fact that you are destined to become a crap doctor in a city unknown. In addition, we feel that your undergraduate training was complete nonsense, as a degree in liberal arts is not only fruitless, but also insignificant. We hope that you have considered an alternative career to pursue and wish you the best of luck in its determination. By the way, thank you for your $100 and good day...

Dean Jones

**reply letter**

February 28, 2003

Dean Jones
XXX Medical School
PO Box ****
Podunk, USA

Dean Jones,

Thank you for stealing money from my depleted wallet. Just to inform you, I have been accepted at a medical school much higher on my list, so I am not all saddened by your rejection. In fact, I would probably have never attended your medical school even if I had been accepted, as it was merely a backup plan for me. In addition, I have enclosed your rejection letter with my response. Please ignore the brown streak down the middle and the truly rank smell being emitted. I ran out of toilet paper, since I am currently broke and hungry due to the medical school application process. Take care and best of luck in finding 100 unsocial students who will do nothing but spend 24 hours a day in the library reading Harrison.

Smell you later,

Chronic
 
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Oh my God, Chronic--I fell out of my seat!
 
Why don't we take this one step further.

Dean's advice to Admission staff when dealing with applicants-

To telephone operators-When applicants call requesting information about their applications you are required to be rude to them and allowed to say any one of these phrases:

"We are not allowed to give information regarding your application out over the phone."

"You will receive notice soon (indefinite time period)"

or make static noises and hang up on them.

To Web site moniters- You are encouraged to change applicants status online to any vague status you want. For example, feel free to put them on "hold" then "on review" then on "hold" again. We enjoy confusing the applicants.

To the applicant reviewers- We have always employed the innie minnie minny moe (spelled that way for now) strategy for picking applicants for interviews. Spread the application files on the floor every morning and do this to choose the one to submit for interview. All the time you save by not actually reading the applications can be spent on playing golf.

General advice from the Dean: Keep all rejection letters vague and take a long time to send them out. That way, no applicant discovers the real reason why we rejected them. The time delay will help mask the fact that we are just lazy and slow.

Oh ya...and last but not least-give everyone a secondary so that we can get our Christmas bonus this year.
:D
 
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: You guys ROCK!!
 
Dear Allygator89,

Thank you for your continued interest in our Medical School. After a long and tedious consideration of you application, we do not think that you should even consider our school. In short, we won't sugar coat it.... you suck.

We thought that holding your application for months "under review" would have given you the hint. But obviously you wanted to hear it directly from us.

Thank you for your check. We really appreciate the money. We regret that you were unable to figure this out as quickly as we cashed your check.

Please don't reapply.

Thanks again,

Admissions
 
Dear X Medical School:

Thank you for your interest in rejecting me from your program. Though your rejection is very well-written and coveys excellent usage of the English language, it is not possible for Medical123 to accept all qualified rejections. Medical123 has received far more rejections than she desires this application cycle and some of these must be refused.

As such, Medical123 will appear on the first day of scheduled classes. Though you may find this news disappointing, rest assured that your rejection was given full consideration and this decision was not determined in a hasty manner.

Once again, thank you for attempting to take my money and give me nothing in return. I wish you success in your pursuit of rejecting other qualified applicants.

Please contact the home of Medical123 if I may be of further assistance as your pursue your goals.

Best regards,

Medical123
 
Medical123, Best One Yet. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
Dear Ms. Isidella,

The Medical Admissions and MD/PhD Selection Committees have completed a final review of your application and we regret to inform you that we cannot offer you a place in the MD/PhD class at this time. During the evaluation of your application, both committees were dissappointed to learn that you wore the same purple suit to not only the MD interview day, but for the graduate school interview as well. Don't you think once was enough? We strongly suggest that you seek acceptance to the "Barney and Friends Training Academy" affiliated with the Public Broacasting Station. We feel that with your affinity to colors of the violet persuasion, your desire to serve humanity would be better directed towards early childhood education. We are conviced that the costume would be appropriate, so it only follows to ask yourself the following questions: Can you dance? Can you sing? Do you have an affinity for prehistoric reptiles?

Once again, we hope that you continue your interest in pursuing higher education.

Sincerely,
Any Name M.D Ph.D


Reply:

It was plum, you tool.
 
Originally posted by TroutBum
Hey guys, how about a twist:

Office of Admissions
University of _____ School of Medicine
1234 Main St.
Earth Capital, Earth


Dear Dean _____:

I have yet to recieve any word from the Admissions office regarding my application to the 2003 entering class. I can only assume this to mean that my acceptance is ensured, as no reasonable human could possible find it acceptable to delay word of a rejection for months on end.

I am writing to confirm my acceptance of the impending offer of admission. I want to thank you and the helpful admissions staff for all your help during the stressful and emotional application process. I look forward to joining my fellow classmates this fall. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,
TroutBum


Ha! Be careful though--I actually knew somebody who sent a bunch of letters like this out after he didn't hear back from job interviews after a recruiting week on campus. It was rumored that one of the companies was so angry that they stopped recruiting at our school completely. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I want to use this letter for Harvard, Baylor, Tufts, and Vermont, Temple, and Drexel, i.e. all the schools that cashed my check and severed all lines of communication. I figure I don't have much to lose at this point.
 
To:
Meridian
Department of Blah
University of Blah
Blahcity, BL
12345

From:
Mr/Mrs. Dean
University of Blah
Blahcity, BL
12356

Dear Meridian,
After looking at your stats..... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...
Sorry, we got carried away, but you've been rejected.




(lol, i have yet to take my mcats and have a year before applying.hehe)
 
Never In a Million Years Medical School
123 Main St
FantasyLand U.S.A

Dear Ginza

After making you wait for nearly ten months, we regret to inform you that we cannot offer you a place in NIMYMedical School's class of 2007. We understand that this is disappointing news.

We appreciate receiving applications from practically over-qualified future doctors such as yourself, and are truly heart-broken over this decision. In light of the stress and financial burden our school may have caused you, we would like to reemburse your $100 application fee. You can expect a check in 7-10 days.

Additionally, we would be more than happy to compensate you for the money you spent while traveling to interview at our fine institution. Please provide us with any hotel, taxi, restaurant and other travel receipts you may have. If you no longer have these, just estimate the amount....we trust you!

Thank you again for your interest in NIMY Medical School. Good luck in the future and keep an eye out for that check!
 
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: i liked the purple suit one the best :laugh:
 
LMAO, Medical123!!! Definitely agree, I like that one the best! :clap:
 
Originally posted by carrigallen
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: i liked the purple suit one the best :laugh:

It's rare that I get love:love: Thank you!
 
not exactly a rejection letter, but I think BU's invitation to send in a secondary was pretty funny. In case you missed this one, my summary is below:

Dear Applicant,
I am writing to you because the Director of Admissions decided that he was too good for this drivel. We have received your AMCAS application and appreciate you interest in donating an application fee to Boston University School of Medicine. Enclosed, please find a crappy little brochure that was much cheaper than the nice viewbooks with color pictures produced by other medical schools. We don't use a secondary application, but we do need to following:
- letters of recommendation, preferably printed on thin white paper as this makes recycling into those crappy little brochures easier
-a check of $100
-a picture of yourself

The picture is optional.

Sincerely,
Robert A. Witzburg, M.D.
Associate Director of Admissions
 
Dear HouseHead,

We are happy to inform you that you can now look forward to another year working as a video ho, as your application clearly indicates that you will not be attending our medical school. And because your 3.65 GPA and 39Q MCAT weren't good enough for us, the bottom of the barrel of U.S. medical schools, we know that you have no hope anywhere else. Your real-life experiences only prove that we will be unable to brainwash you. You should have foregone having a real life and applied to our school before you hit drinking age like everyone else we accept.

Good luck making enough money as a video ho to donate another $100 to our Krispy Kreme fund next year.
 
Received from the same school a week later...

Dear Househead:

Enclosed is information on our accelerated Masters in Golf program. This program is useful for students interested in pursuing careers in related healthcare fields, such as medicine and dentistry. Most M.D. and D.D.S. programs only cover the basics of golf, which is becoming a more and more important part of the practices of today's healthcare professionals.
If you are interested in our accelerated M.G. program, please send us a $100 postal money order and a picture of yourself wearing plaid.
 
Originally posted by Moskeeto
That would be pretty cool if we had a database of all the rejection letters so we could personally tailor withdraw letters like the posts above. If anybody wants to withdraw from UCSF, i can hook you up. or U of Michigan, ucsd, oklahoma university, UVA, and the list goes on.............

eheheheh

I can hook you up with MANY rejection letters!!

:)
 
Originally posted by Adcadet
not exactly a rejection letter, but I think BU's invitation to send in a secondary was pretty funny. In case you missed this one, my summary is below:

Dear Applicant,
I am writing to you because the Director of Admissions decided that he was too good for this drivel. We have received your AMCAS application and appreciate you interest in donating an application fee to Boston University School of Medicine. Enclosed, please find a crappy little brochure that was much cheaper than the nice viewbooks with color pictures produced by other medical schools. We don't use a secondary application, but we do need to following:
- letters of recommendation, preferably printed on thin white paper as this makes recycling into those crappy little brochures easier
-a check of $100
-a picture of yourself

The picture is optional.

Sincerely,
Robert A. Witzburg, M.D.
Associate Director of Admissions

Yeah! What is that all about! They charge the most of all schools, and send the crappiest information. I'm such an idiot!!! Why did I apply there 2 years in a row?

This thread has really cheered me up! I'm sitting here with a beer, feeling sorry for myself. It helps to know that other people are going through this same stuff. At least we can still laugh. They haven't gotten the best of us yet!
 
Originally posted by showeeeeeeeee
Yeah! What is that all about! They charge the most of all schools, and send the crappiest information. I'm such an idiot!!! Why did I apply there 2 years in a row?
:laugh: lordie, i'm making a mental list of schools I NO WAY will apply to if I have to do it a second time, and BU is @ the top of the list. Sorry to hear they didn't even give you a break the second time.
 
Doubleday University
Director of Admissions




Dear Sam,


We understand your high frustration.
But we don't like your application.

Gleefully we cashed your check.
Bad of us, But what the heck.

We do not like you here or there.
We will not take you. We don't care.

Your faxes, phone calls, begging letters.
Makes us hate you young go-getters.

Not THIS med-school! Can't you see?
Now go away, Sam, let us be!


Sincerely,

Doctor Seuss
 
Originally posted by Street Philosopher
damn some of you guys are funny :)

Dear Street Philosopher,

We have completed our review of the entering class of 2003 for XXXX University School of Medicine. Based on experience, we realize that persons of your extraordinary aptitude are few and far between. Unfortunately, experience also tells us that these applicants invariably reject us in favor of schools of greater repute. It is our deep regret to inform you that we, in order to save face, cannot offer you a place in the entering class of 2003. We wish you all the best in what will undoubtedly be a Nobel-worthy career, and hope that you will be our physician in case we ever need world-class care.

Sincerely,

The Admissions Staff

LOL!
 
bump... this is priceless
 
Dear Hot-Shot Medical School,

Thank you for your interest in me. In order for your offer to receive further consideration, please complete the enclosed secondary application, and forward a picture of your medical campus, 300 letters of recommendation from past students (at least 153 with bio degrees, 200 with chemistry degrees, 3 with English degrees and one with a combined physics, bio and pyrotechnics degree), and a $100,000 application fee.

Please return this information in 2 days. My people will contact you once a final decision has been made regarding further negotiations. Please do not call or email me; my office is incredibly busy screening offers from other medical schools and your co-operation in this area will only better facilitate the process.

Sincerely,

Chieka.
 
Originally posted by Chieka
Dear Hot-Shot Medical School,

Thank you for your interest in me. In order for your offer to receive further consideration, please complete the enclosed secondary application, and forward a picture of your medical campus, 300 letters of recommendation from past students (at least 153 with bio degrees, 200 with chemistry degrees, 3 with English degrees and one with a combined physics, bio and pyrotechnics degree), and a $100,000 application fee.

Please return this information in 2 days. My people will contact you once a final decision has been made regarding further negotiations. Please do not call or email me; my office is incredibly busy screening offers from other medical schools and your co-operation in this area will only better facilitate the process.

Sincerely,

Chieka.

LOLOL
 
Originally posted by Adcadet
not exactly a rejection letter, but I think BU's invitation to send in a secondary was pretty funny. In case you missed this one, my summary is below:

Dear Applicant,
I am writing to you because the Director of Admissions decided that he was too good for this drivel. We have received your AMCAS application and appreciate you interest in donating an application fee to Boston University School of Medicine. Enclosed, please find a crappy little brochure that was much cheaper than the nice viewbooks with color pictures produced by other medical schools. We don't use a secondary application, but we do need to following:
- letters of recommendation, preferably printed on thin white paper as this makes recycling into those crappy little brochures easier
-a check of $100
-a picture of yourself

The picture is optional.

Sincerely,
Robert A. Witzburg, M.D.
Associate Director of Admissions

Too true! And here is the letter I received after foolishly sending them $100:

Dear peace_puff,

The Admissions Committee's trained monkey has completed its review of your application. Upon completing the review, he turned around three times and scratched his head. Unfortunately, these cryptic behaviors mean that we are unable to offer you an interview.

It is the bane of our existence that we receive 5 million applicants for every seat in the class, forcing us to deny many exceptional people; however, it's quite lucky for us that you are not among the exceptional, so your rejection does not plague our collective conscience.

Good luck ever becoming more than a second-rate substitute secretary.

You suck.

Sincerely,
Robert A. Witzberg, MD
Director of Admissions and Official Caretaker of Chimpy McChimp, MD

P.S. Thanks for the hundred bucks. We put it into the Save Chimpy Fund and finally were able to buy Dr. McChimp a custom set of golf clubs. He is exceptionally grateful.

~~~~~~~

Anyway, a big thanks to all of you for cheering me up and helping me realize I'm not the only one going through this. You're all hilarious!!
 
Originally posted by peace_puff
It is the bane of our existence that we receive 5 million applicants for every seat in the class, forcing us to deny many exceptional people; however, it's quite lucky for us that you are not among the exceptional, so your rejection does not plague our collective conscience.

I love that part about "luckily for us you're not exceptional!"
 
Dear Gullible Pre-Med Student,

We are writing to inform you that we are not even going to bother giving you an interview, and also to point out the fact that you just paid $100 for this piece of paper.

The main reason we cannot accept you is that although you are a California resident you go to school out of state, not at an Ivy, and therefore you are considered second-rate and will not be admitted to the institutions of our great state. Not only do you not act as a Californian should, you also do not look like a Californian. This should have become painfully clear to you when you got your driver's license and we had to change your skin color to make you look darker like you had a tan. Notice the several shades of darkness we had to add to your picture. You are also asian, and there are far too many asians in California already.

I will now proceed to sign this letter, and handwrite "MD" after my name, just to rub in the fact that I am an MD and you will not be an MD at this medical school.

*handwritten* Dean Blahblahblah, MD

:D
 
Originally posted by peace_puff
Dear peace_puff,

The Admissions Committee's trained monkey has completed its review of your application. Upon completing the review, he turned around three times and scratched his head. Unfortunately, these cryptic behaviors mean that we are unable to offer you an interview.

This one tops 'em all guys!
 
Aww...thanks for the love, you guys! :love:

I can't wait to see what I come up with after a post-interview rejection. And I know I'll start getting my share of those any time now...
 
Yale University School of Medicines
Office Acceptable
302 Cedar St
New Haven, CT 90210

January 20, 2003

To Whatever it may concerns,

I am sorry so late writing this letter to you. I was so late last night to take the taxi I forgot about writing this letter to you. It's seven twenty o'clock now but tomorrow you might get this letter. Cats! I am sorry it is so late.

Your application is broken. Let me help you to overcome sorry with my letter. The committee didn't make a fault in decision. I recommend you to take a long vacation! I've got many homeworks to do with nearly 5,000 applications more to deliberate. There are more than 4 millions medical school applicants! It is unfair to do such many things in one day; I am afraid this is the dirty mean to success.

I would give you some advices before you depart for your next interview? No so sorry I'm busy though. I can say one thing:

You need clarifies your writing. The grammars are bad and your determines is uncertain. Think about what has happened detailly. Do not feel embarrassing; I am sorry to have kept you waited.

All your base are belong to us.

Warmest Regards,
Zannzibar Danes, CSW
King of Goo
 
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