- Joined
- Jul 22, 2002
- Messages
- 2,155
- Reaction score
- 13
Sham -
I didn't apply to Yale - am I missing something?
I didn't apply to Yale - am I missing something?
Design your own rejection letter
- Thread starter Desdemona
- Start date
S
shamthis
No Adcadet. Yale's a hell of a school, and that was little more than a shoddy attempt at irony.
PS It harder to write poorly, believably, than to write good...er, well.
PS It harder to write poorly, believably, than to write good...er, well.
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2002
- Messages
- 919
- Reaction score
- 0
Dear Ms. Bear,
Thank you for your application to our school. Unfortunately, we are unable to offer you an interview for our entering class.
We recieved far too many applications from qualified applicants.
We would, however, like to inform you that you are part of a selected group chosen to attend the "Rejected Students First-and-Last Look Weekend." Since you showed a willingness to pay $100 to complete our secondary, knowing that there was no chance at all that you would ever be admitted, we would like to extend you the offer to pay to come and visit our school, although it has now been officially confirmed that no, you will never be admitted here.
We offer a deluxe weekend package, including the chance to stay in a nearby rat-infested Travelodge, complimentary continental breakfast (for a suggestion donation of $20 per day), and tours of the campus led by custodial workers. You will also get the chance to meet other uninteresting rejects from our institution! The registration fee is only $399 (travel costs not included), so please respond quickly as spots are filling up fast.
We hope that you will take advantage of this opportunity!
Sincerely,
Director of Admissions
Greedy Long Shot Medical School
Thank you for your application to our school. Unfortunately, we are unable to offer you an interview for our entering class.
We recieved far too many applications from qualified applicants.
We would, however, like to inform you that you are part of a selected group chosen to attend the "Rejected Students First-and-Last Look Weekend." Since you showed a willingness to pay $100 to complete our secondary, knowing that there was no chance at all that you would ever be admitted, we would like to extend you the offer to pay to come and visit our school, although it has now been officially confirmed that no, you will never be admitted here.
We offer a deluxe weekend package, including the chance to stay in a nearby rat-infested Travelodge, complimentary continental breakfast (for a suggestion donation of $20 per day), and tours of the campus led by custodial workers. You will also get the chance to meet other uninteresting rejects from our institution! The registration fee is only $399 (travel costs not included), so please respond quickly as spots are filling up fast.
We hope that you will take advantage of this opportunity!
Sincerely,
Director of Admissions
Greedy Long Shot Medical School
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2003
- Messages
- 173
- Reaction score
- 0
March 4, 2003
CCHieb?s
001 Bitter Blvd
Mental Hospital, CA
00001
To Whom It May Concern: (form letter)
First, we would like to thank you for you attempt to apply to our prestigious university (See handout for more information on how great we are). We realize that every aspiring medical student wants to attend our university, and thus our decisions this year have been difficult.
We, at the university of ?the amazing people?, understand that your supplemental information has been completed since September. Because we are inept at making decisions, we have decided to have you pick a number between 1 and 10. Please send your number, along with a self-addressed, stamped envelope, and a check for $1,000,000. If you number is correct, we will then place you in a preferred pile, which may or may not be re-reviewed.
Sincerely,
Office assistant
(with no involvement in the admissions committee)
CCHieb?s
001 Bitter Blvd
Mental Hospital, CA
00001
To Whom It May Concern: (form letter)
First, we would like to thank you for you attempt to apply to our prestigious university (See handout for more information on how great we are). We realize that every aspiring medical student wants to attend our university, and thus our decisions this year have been difficult.
We, at the university of ?the amazing people?, understand that your supplemental information has been completed since September. Because we are inept at making decisions, we have decided to have you pick a number between 1 and 10. Please send your number, along with a self-addressed, stamped envelope, and a check for $1,000,000. If you number is correct, we will then place you in a preferred pile, which may or may not be re-reviewed.
Sincerely,
Office assistant
(with no involvement in the admissions committee)
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2002
- Messages
- 10,750
- Reaction score
- 12
You guys are great, my sides hurt from laughing!
Shamthis, that was brilliant!
Someone set up us the bomb!
T
Shamthis, that was brilliant!
Someone set up us the bomb!
T
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2002
- Messages
- 33
- Reaction score
- 1
Ydid U. Apply
XXXX Medical School
Dear Nooreen,
I am writing to inform you that XXX Medical School received and reviewed your application. We received thousands of applictions this year, and many had to be thrown away. Handwriting analysis on the envelope containing your application and determined that you could fit in at XXX.
However, a close review of your file indicated that you stapled your photograph to the application! The instructions clearly stated that you should "Use tape to affix a passport-style photograph here." Such subordinance cannot be tolerated at XXX or at any medical school. Indeed, your poor judgement cause a great deal of physical and mental distress in our Admissions Office. Fortunately, your $100 application fee covered the cost of repairing our staff member's broken fingernail.
It is our sincere hope that you will consider a janitorial position at XXX, as you will never become a medical doctor.
Sincerely,
Ydid U. Apply
XXXX Medical School
Dear Nooreen,
I am writing to inform you that XXX Medical School received and reviewed your application. We received thousands of applictions this year, and many had to be thrown away. Handwriting analysis on the envelope containing your application and determined that you could fit in at XXX.
However, a close review of your file indicated that you stapled your photograph to the application! The instructions clearly stated that you should "Use tape to affix a passport-style photograph here." Such subordinance cannot be tolerated at XXX or at any medical school. Indeed, your poor judgement cause a great deal of physical and mental distress in our Admissions Office. Fortunately, your $100 application fee covered the cost of repairing our staff member's broken fingernail.
It is our sincere hope that you will consider a janitorial position at XXX, as you will never become a medical doctor.
Sincerely,
Ydid U. Apply
M
moops
Dear moop,
I'm just a caveman. When the the little box you call a "phone" talks, I think, "are there little men in there talking?" I do not know, moops. I just... do now know.
I do know, however, that you are not accepted. Learn to fly a kite.
Caveman Counselor, MD.
Dean of Admissions
I'm just a caveman. When the the little box you call a "phone" talks, I think, "are there little men in there talking?" I do not know, moops. I just... do now know.
I do know, however, that you are not accepted. Learn to fly a kite.
Caveman Counselor, MD.
Dean of Admissions
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 586
- Reaction score
- 3
Oh my god, I almost fell out of my chair.
awesome.
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2000
- Messages
- 50
- Reaction score
- 0
Dear Joe:
Nope. Not here anyways. Maybe somewhere else in the U.S., but not likely. In fact, Mexico will probably be a stretch as well.
We?d like to say that we considered your application carefully. Unfortunately for you, we never even opened it. Obviously you weren?t confident in the strength of the lick-seal on the envelope in which you sent your secondary. You added so much damn scotch tape that our mail opener, Cindy, broke her nail trying to open it. Good work, knucklehead. She had a date that night too. If you hurt someone this much just applying, imagine what damage you could do when allowed to actually touch people.
We know that you probably sacrificed many nights of partying in college studying for pre-med classes. That?s a shame. Because had you been out, Cindy might have given you head, I mean a head?s up about how to send the envelope.
Good luck, sicko.
Dubleay Emcee, M.D.
Director of Omissions
Nope. Not here anyways. Maybe somewhere else in the U.S., but not likely. In fact, Mexico will probably be a stretch as well.
We?d like to say that we considered your application carefully. Unfortunately for you, we never even opened it. Obviously you weren?t confident in the strength of the lick-seal on the envelope in which you sent your secondary. You added so much damn scotch tape that our mail opener, Cindy, broke her nail trying to open it. Good work, knucklehead. She had a date that night too. If you hurt someone this much just applying, imagine what damage you could do when allowed to actually touch people.
We know that you probably sacrificed many nights of partying in college studying for pre-med classes. That?s a shame. Because had you been out, Cindy might have given you head, I mean a head?s up about how to send the envelope.
Good luck, sicko.
Dubleay Emcee, M.D.
Director of Omissions
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2002
- Messages
- 177
- Reaction score
- 1
Yadah Yadah University
School of Medicine
Podunck, USA
Dear tms,
Thank you for interest and your recent application to the Yadah Yadah University School of Medicine Class of 2007. Although we received a rather small number of applications compared to other more prestigious institutions during this cycle, an observation you undoubtedly made from our previously posted US NEWS applicant numbers and decided to take advantage of (In fact, we received only enough applications to fill this entering class, plus one. Yes...that is you.); we will NOT be offering you a seat in this year's class.
After reviewing your application, however, we realize that you are quite underqualified for our institution. In fact, we believe you to be underqualifed for any US medical instution. We have taken the liberty of contacting AMCAS to have your application withdrawn from consideration at any of our country's fine institutions. Additionally, your undergraduate diploma will be revoked in thirty days.
Thank you for your time and application fee. Good luck applying in the Mexico.
Hasta luego,
XXXXX
Dean of a School You Will NEVER Attend
School of Medicine
Podunck, USA
Dear tms,
Thank you for interest and your recent application to the Yadah Yadah University School of Medicine Class of 2007. Although we received a rather small number of applications compared to other more prestigious institutions during this cycle, an observation you undoubtedly made from our previously posted US NEWS applicant numbers and decided to take advantage of (In fact, we received only enough applications to fill this entering class, plus one. Yes...that is you.); we will NOT be offering you a seat in this year's class.
After reviewing your application, however, we realize that you are quite underqualified for our institution. In fact, we believe you to be underqualifed for any US medical instution. We have taken the liberty of contacting AMCAS to have your application withdrawn from consideration at any of our country's fine institutions. Additionally, your undergraduate diploma will be revoked in thirty days.
Thank you for your time and application fee. Good luck applying in the Mexico.
Hasta luego,
XXXXX
Dean of a School You Will NEVER Attend
- Joined
- Oct 14, 2002
- Messages
- 355
- Reaction score
- 1
University of Youwannagohere
1200 Dreamin Ave.
Impossible, CA 11111-1111
Dear hopeless applicant,
Congratulations we are happy to inform you that (you're probably thinking you are accepted, well get a life!) not only are you not qualified to attend our school but that we have sold your contact info to all major credit card companies, podiatry schools, trucking schools, and Al Qaeda. We hope that you look forward to sifting through piles of junk mail for as long as you live at your current residence. When you move please inform us as to your new address so we can reconsider you and sell your contact info again, therby making more money that we will give as grants to those medical students admitted to our school. We are not liable for any papercuts, mental distress, etc. caused by this junk mail. Please apply to our school for the class of 2004 so we can cash your check and sell your information again. Good luck in podiatry school in Algeria. Peace out!!!!!
Sincerely, Dr. Doolittle, pre-K grad, Elemenatry grad, High school grad, B.S., M.S., M.P.H., D.O., Ph.D., M.D., J.D., and AA member!!!!
1200 Dreamin Ave.
Impossible, CA 11111-1111
Dear hopeless applicant,
Congratulations we are happy to inform you that (you're probably thinking you are accepted, well get a life!) not only are you not qualified to attend our school but that we have sold your contact info to all major credit card companies, podiatry schools, trucking schools, and Al Qaeda. We hope that you look forward to sifting through piles of junk mail for as long as you live at your current residence. When you move please inform us as to your new address so we can reconsider you and sell your contact info again, therby making more money that we will give as grants to those medical students admitted to our school. We are not liable for any papercuts, mental distress, etc. caused by this junk mail. Please apply to our school for the class of 2004 so we can cash your check and sell your information again. Good luck in podiatry school in Algeria. Peace out!!!!!
Sincerely, Dr. Doolittle, pre-K grad, Elemenatry grad, High school grad, B.S., M.S., M.P.H., D.O., Ph.D., M.D., J.D., and AA member!!!!
- Joined
- Feb 26, 2003
- Messages
- 82
- Reaction score
- 0
I always knew the system was arbitrary!
The sad thing is, I can almost see this happening.
Here's one that was posted in my research lab:
Dear Director of Admissions,
Thank you for your letter on April 16th. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an admit at your institution. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite your university's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Sincerely,
********
Dear Director of Admissions,
Thank you for your letter on April 16th. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an admit at your institution. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite your university's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Sincerely,
********
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2003
- Messages
- 325
- Reaction score
- 0
Upcoming Decision University
147? Undecided Street, 27? This Way?
Indecisionville, PA? or PR?
Dear Lab-Rat21,
The Committee on Admissions has completed reviewing your application. We have decided (is that right everyone?),...OK we have decided to place your application in a special "Hold Corner" until we finish interviewing about 5000 better qualified candidates. If they leave us stranded, I mean withdraw from our school like five days before class, your application will be in a highly select group of corners in our office where we can find you (is that right everyone?).
If we decide to make another decision, like this one, we will contact you as soon as we decide to do so. Please do not call our office to ask about your status; our "Hold Corners" are clearly marked, so we can more easily decide to make decisions on your application. Thank you for wasting your time reading this decision of "Hold" on your application. We know you thought your interview went well, but that's what everyone thinks isn't it? Again, thank you for allowing us this opportunity to waste your time. This decision on your application will hopefully make clear to you that a real decision on your application will not be made until right before school and you will not have a summer and be by the phone waiting desperately for us to decide on what to do with your application.
We wish you luck getting a clear decision from us or any medical school you have applied to. I can't decide on an appropriate closure for this letter so
Enigma Questtionson, MD(?)
Assistant or Associate(?) Dean of Admissions (or keeper of the special "Hold Corner" for short (???)
147? Undecided Street, 27? This Way?
Indecisionville, PA? or PR?
Dear Lab-Rat21,
The Committee on Admissions has completed reviewing your application. We have decided (is that right everyone?),...OK we have decided to place your application in a special "Hold Corner" until we finish interviewing about 5000 better qualified candidates. If they leave us stranded, I mean withdraw from our school like five days before class, your application will be in a highly select group of corners in our office where we can find you (is that right everyone?).
If we decide to make another decision, like this one, we will contact you as soon as we decide to do so. Please do not call our office to ask about your status; our "Hold Corners" are clearly marked, so we can more easily decide to make decisions on your application. Thank you for wasting your time reading this decision of "Hold" on your application. We know you thought your interview went well, but that's what everyone thinks isn't it? Again, thank you for allowing us this opportunity to waste your time. This decision on your application will hopefully make clear to you that a real decision on your application will not be made until right before school and you will not have a summer and be by the phone waiting desperately for us to decide on what to do with your application.
We wish you luck getting a clear decision from us or any medical school you have applied to. I can't decide on an appropriate closure for this letter so
Enigma Questtionson, MD(?)
Assistant or Associate(?) Dean of Admissions (or keeper of the special "Hold Corner" for short (???)
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2002
- Messages
- 56
- Reaction score
- 0
Mediocre School of Medicine
123 Average Blvd.
Nowheresville, NY 78910
Dear Serenity,
I regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a position in this year's entering medical school class of 2003. You are truly an applicant with the drive and determination needed in today's medical profession.
Thus, we have made arrangements to ensure that you have the opportunity to join the profession in the near future. Although we at Mediocre Medical do not have any space for you, we have negotiated with Harvard, Yale, and Stanford to rectify the situation. Each school is holding a place for you, we just ask you to contact the school of your choice with your acceptance of their offer.
Good luck to you in the future, and please remember us when you become a graduate of one of the top medical schools in the nation.
Most Humbly,
The Admissions Committee
123 Average Blvd.
Nowheresville, NY 78910
Dear Serenity,
I regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a position in this year's entering medical school class of 2003. You are truly an applicant with the drive and determination needed in today's medical profession.
Thus, we have made arrangements to ensure that you have the opportunity to join the profession in the near future. Although we at Mediocre Medical do not have any space for you, we have negotiated with Harvard, Yale, and Stanford to rectify the situation. Each school is holding a place for you, we just ask you to contact the school of your choice with your acceptance of their offer.
Good luck to you in the future, and please remember us when you become a graduate of one of the top medical schools in the nation.
Most Humbly,
The Admissions Committee
1
14931
.
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2002
- Messages
- 170
- Reaction score
- 0
LOL Isidella!!! (If only because I wore the same PLUM suit to both the PhD and MD parts of my interviews as well...)
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2002
- Messages
- 322
- Reaction score
- 0
Dear tedstriker:
We are sorry to inform you that, due to our having swilled too much beer at the Admissions Office's St. Patrick's Day Party, we got a little carried away and poured green-colored brew all over your application. As a result, we cannot offer you admission to our School, since your application is now unreadable.
In our drunken haze, though, we managed to compose a limerick to convey our deepest regret at this very difficult decision:
Tedstriker wants to be a doc-
To him this will come as a shock;
He will be denied,
hey at least he tried.
But himself he can go and f**k.
Sincerely,
Shamrock O. McDocraghan, M.D.
We are sorry to inform you that, due to our having swilled too much beer at the Admissions Office's St. Patrick's Day Party, we got a little carried away and poured green-colored brew all over your application. As a result, we cannot offer you admission to our School, since your application is now unreadable.
In our drunken haze, though, we managed to compose a limerick to convey our deepest regret at this very difficult decision:
Tedstriker wants to be a doc-
To him this will come as a shock;
He will be denied,
hey at least he tried.
But himself he can go and f**k.
Sincerely,
Shamrock O. McDocraghan, M.D.
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2002
- Messages
- 1,896
- Reaction score
- 0
Dear Asclepius,
Upon precursory review of your application, it is apparent that you are ill-qualified to walk the hallowed halls of our revered institution. We have decided, moreover, to instruct the students fortunate enough to attend this glorious medical school to refuse you any medical care. In so doing, we hope to enrich the pool of future medical school applicants by removing you and your offspring from it.
The reply letter:
Dear admissions officer,
This isn't dandruff.
love,
Asclepius
(I kid, I kid!)
Upon precursory review of your application, it is apparent that you are ill-qualified to walk the hallowed halls of our revered institution. We have decided, moreover, to instruct the students fortunate enough to attend this glorious medical school to refuse you any medical care. In so doing, we hope to enrich the pool of future medical school applicants by removing you and your offspring from it.
The reply letter:
Dear admissions officer,
This isn't dandruff.
love,
Asclepius
(I kid, I kid!)
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2003
- Messages
- 627
- Reaction score
- 0
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2003
- Messages
- 891
- Reaction score
- 3
Dear Mr.Phar,
Thank for your continued interest in our XXX school of medicine. After making a careful consideration, we are happy to confirm your rejection letter dated on 4/11/2003. Your conduct during the interview was unwarranted due to your endless farts and your inability to conciliate with our anti-sociopath interviewers. Based on your rejection letter, we have decided to fire all those anti-sociopath interviewers and grant you an acceptance. However, we strongly suggest that you work on your farting skills prior to matriculation.
Most Sociably,
The new admissions committee
Thank for your continued interest in our XXX school of medicine. After making a careful consideration, we are happy to confirm your rejection letter dated on 4/11/2003. Your conduct during the interview was unwarranted due to your endless farts and your inability to conciliate with our anti-sociopath interviewers. Based on your rejection letter, we have decided to fire all those anti-sociopath interviewers and grant you an acceptance. However, we strongly suggest that you work on your farting skills prior to matriculation.
Most Sociably,
The new admissions committee
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2003
- Messages
- 74
- Reaction score
- 0
Hey, how about rejecting a rejection.
Dear Harvard Medical School,
After careful evaluation of your rejection letter I have decided to reject the letter and will be attending Harvard med this fall. I have recieved many qualified rejections but cannot reject them all. Only the best qualified rejections can get rejected. I hope you understand and I wish you the best with your future rejections.
Harvard Amissions
Dear Harvard Medical School,
After careful evaluation of your rejection letter I have decided to reject the letter and will be attending Harvard med this fall. I have recieved many qualified rejections but cannot reject them all. Only the best qualified rejections can get rejected. I hope you understand and I wish you the best with your future rejections.
Harvard Amissions
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2003
- Messages
- 627
- Reaction score
- 0
bump
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2002
- Messages
- 2,797
- Reaction score
- 3
Dear Applicant,
This isn't your rejection letter. We're sending you a few of those later. We just wanted to settle a bet we have going here in the office... are your parents cousins?
Sincerely,
Admissions Committee
This isn't your rejection letter. We're sending you a few of those later. We just wanted to settle a bet we have going here in the office... are your parents cousins?
Sincerely,
Admissions Committee
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2003
- Messages
- 627
- Reaction score
- 0
That one really made my day! Thanks RP!
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2002
- Messages
- 5,470
- Reaction score
- 8
Dear JLee9531,
In the best interest in saving our ink catridges, let us give our joyous news to you briefly.
NO.
Sincerely,
Admissions.
P.S. We would have put "NO" in bold but due to financial stresses we were unable to. I hope you understand that the "NO" was emphatic. Good day.
In the best interest in saving our ink catridges, let us give our joyous news to you briefly.
NO.
Sincerely,
Admissions.
P.S. We would have put "NO" in bold but due to financial stresses we were unable to. I hope you understand that the "NO" was emphatic. Good day.
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2003
- Messages
- 174
- Reaction score
- 0
Dear Fritz,
After careful review of your qualifications we want to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission for the 2004 entering class at Washington University School of Medicine MD/PhD program. Your gpa and MCAT were so low that we decided not to waste time giving you an interview. We only accept MCAT 45 and gpa 4.0 from and Ivy league or any other institution where tuition is more than 30 000 a year. We don?t really care that you have volunteered to help orphan children overseas and have years of cancer research as long as you have no family ties to Washington University School of Medicine. If you would like to apply next year just send in another $50 check, and keep this rejection letter as reference, since we are not going waste the time to send in another one.
Good luck at choosing a different career since you will never get admission to any medical school in the United States.
Daniel E. Goldberg, M.D., Ph.D.
Director, Medical Scientist Training Program
After careful review of your qualifications we want to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission for the 2004 entering class at Washington University School of Medicine MD/PhD program. Your gpa and MCAT were so low that we decided not to waste time giving you an interview. We only accept MCAT 45 and gpa 4.0 from and Ivy league or any other institution where tuition is more than 30 000 a year. We don?t really care that you have volunteered to help orphan children overseas and have years of cancer research as long as you have no family ties to Washington University School of Medicine. If you would like to apply next year just send in another $50 check, and keep this rejection letter as reference, since we are not going waste the time to send in another one.
Good luck at choosing a different career since you will never get admission to any medical school in the United States.
Daniel E. Goldberg, M.D., Ph.D.
Director, Medical Scientist Training Program
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2003
- Messages
- 656
- Reaction score
- 0
Dear kwanny,
Congratulations! After a careful review of your qualifications, we are pleased to offer you a position in the 2004 entering class at Stanford University School of Medicine... PSYCH~ You thought I were serious, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU??!! Ahahahaha!! Dude, get a life. Oh no... don't shed those nasty tears on me. Your mama ain't here and I ain't got the time to sympathize, you little wannabe. Plus, crying won't help ya...Why? Cuz you SUCK! Got it? YOU SUCK! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
However, if you have any questions, please call at 1-900-REJECTED (only $2.99 per minute).
Blow me,
Call me Bond... James Bond
Dean of Admissions
Congratulations! After a careful review of your qualifications, we are pleased to offer you a position in the 2004 entering class at Stanford University School of Medicine... PSYCH~ You thought I were serious, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU??!! Ahahahaha!! Dude, get a life. Oh no... don't shed those nasty tears on me. Your mama ain't here and I ain't got the time to sympathize, you little wannabe. Plus, crying won't help ya...Why? Cuz you SUCK! Got it? YOU SUCK! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
However, if you have any questions, please call at 1-900-REJECTED (only $2.99 per minute).
Blow me,
Call me Bond... James Bond
Dean of Admissions
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2002
- Messages
- 5,470
- Reaction score
- 8
Dear All medical schools that have rejected me,
I have decided to send out a mass mail to you kind folk and would like to grace you with a response to how I feel about your kind thin envelope.
Enjoy. And thanks to the Cure for inspiring me.
I've been looking so long at these rejections from you that
I almost believe that they??re real
I??ve been living so long with my rejection from you that
I almost believe that the rejections are all I can feel
Envisioning you reviewing my app quiet in the room
as I ran to my computer to check email
and as I waited everyday till the time you close
how I always held close in my fear
Envisioning you throwing out my app during the night
you were bigger and crueler and smellier than an unwashed fro
and laughed at my attempts, smiled at the sky
and you finally found time to send a letter to let me go
Envisioning you making a big mistake
crying for me to forgive you and ask me back
You were stone white so delicate lost in the cold
Without students like us on sdn you would be so lost in the dark
Remembering how you used to be slow returning my calls
you were rude so much more every passing day
oh put me on hold for the last time then go away
quietly sing with the background music but I never again heard your annoying voice
If only I had thought of the right words
I could have held on to your pompous heart
If only I??d thought of the right words
I wouldn??t be ripping apart
All my rejections of you
Looking so long at these rejections from you
but I never matched the coldness of your heart
Looking so long for the words to be true
but always just ripping apart
my rejections from you
At first there was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more
than to attend your alleged top flight medical school
Now there was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more
than to feel the ripping apart of
all my rejections from you.
Sincerely,
jlee9531
I have decided to send out a mass mail to you kind folk and would like to grace you with a response to how I feel about your kind thin envelope.
Enjoy. And thanks to the Cure for inspiring me.
I've been looking so long at these rejections from you that
I almost believe that they??re real
I??ve been living so long with my rejection from you that
I almost believe that the rejections are all I can feel
Envisioning you reviewing my app quiet in the room
as I ran to my computer to check email
and as I waited everyday till the time you close
how I always held close in my fear
Envisioning you throwing out my app during the night
you were bigger and crueler and smellier than an unwashed fro
and laughed at my attempts, smiled at the sky
and you finally found time to send a letter to let me go
Envisioning you making a big mistake
crying for me to forgive you and ask me back
You were stone white so delicate lost in the cold
Without students like us on sdn you would be so lost in the dark
Remembering how you used to be slow returning my calls
you were rude so much more every passing day
oh put me on hold for the last time then go away
quietly sing with the background music but I never again heard your annoying voice
If only I had thought of the right words
I could have held on to your pompous heart
If only I??d thought of the right words
I wouldn??t be ripping apart
All my rejections of you
Looking so long at these rejections from you
but I never matched the coldness of your heart
Looking so long for the words to be true
but always just ripping apart
my rejections from you
At first there was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more
than to attend your alleged top flight medical school
Now there was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more
than to feel the ripping apart of
all my rejections from you.
Sincerely,
jlee9531
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2003
- Messages
- 967
- Reaction score
- 3
Dear DrLexygoat,
We are sorry to inform you that we are unable to offer you an acceptance letter into this year's 2004 class at XYZ University. Instead, we have sent you this rejection letter as a keepsake momento of XYZ. This letter, along with the other 6,000 we are sending out this week, will be the closest you will ever get to seeing your name next to XYZ's - EVER. We recommend you laminate this sheet, frame it, and cherish it forever so that you may dream of the glory days that will never come for you. Best of luck at all future endeavors as a mediocre, washed up scholar working at McDonalds because no one hires Molecular Biologists anyway.
Sincerely,
Dean of Admissions
We are sorry to inform you that we are unable to offer you an acceptance letter into this year's 2004 class at XYZ University. Instead, we have sent you this rejection letter as a keepsake momento of XYZ. This letter, along with the other 6,000 we are sending out this week, will be the closest you will ever get to seeing your name next to XYZ's - EVER. We recommend you laminate this sheet, frame it, and cherish it forever so that you may dream of the glory days that will never come for you. Best of luck at all future endeavors as a mediocre, washed up scholar working at McDonalds because no one hires Molecular Biologists anyway.
Sincerely,
Dean of Admissions
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2003
- Messages
- 47
- Reaction score
- 0
Dear applicant,
Congratulations, you MAY have already hold a coveted seat in our entering class of 2004. The competition for our school was excpetional, as we have several runner-up for Darwin Awards this year. Rest assured your application is being reviewed, and you MAY very well be on your way of becoming an excellent future physician.
Please browse through the enclosed catalog for magazines and gift ideas, and make checks payable to Publisher's Clearinghouse school of medicine
Disclaimer: increasing purchase amount MAY increase your chance of being acceptance.
Sincerely,
Ed Mcman, M.D.
Congratulations, you MAY have already hold a coveted seat in our entering class of 2004. The competition for our school was excpetional, as we have several runner-up for Darwin Awards this year. Rest assured your application is being reviewed, and you MAY very well be on your way of becoming an excellent future physician.
Please browse through the enclosed catalog for magazines and gift ideas, and make checks payable to Publisher's Clearinghouse school of medicine
Disclaimer: increasing purchase amount MAY increase your chance of being acceptance.
Sincerely,
Ed Mcman, M.D.
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2002
- Messages
- 10,750
- Reaction score
- 12
OMG, I better hurry up and max out my credit cards with orders!!!- Joined
- Sep 2, 2003
- Messages
- 564
- Reaction score
- 0
Dear applicant:
After careful review of your application, we are unable to offer you a place in our Class of 2008.
Your scores and activities are among the best we have seen in years. Your letters of recommendation are stellar. Nobody in our history has ever shown as much compassion and motivation as you. If it were not for one thing, you would make the perfect doctor.
What was that one thing? Unfortunately, your signature on your supplemental application was far too legible. This shows us that you can never be a doctor. We suggest you work on making your signature impossible to read if you want to be accepted by any medical school.
Best of luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
@#$%^&^% #&*$#%$#%&, MD
(This is what your signature should have looked like.)
After careful review of your application, we are unable to offer you a place in our Class of 2008.
Your scores and activities are among the best we have seen in years. Your letters of recommendation are stellar. Nobody in our history has ever shown as much compassion and motivation as you. If it were not for one thing, you would make the perfect doctor.
What was that one thing? Unfortunately, your signature on your supplemental application was far too legible. This shows us that you can never be a doctor. We suggest you work on making your signature impossible to read if you want to be accepted by any medical school.
Best of luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
@#$%^&^% #&*$#%$#%&, MD
(This is what your signature should have looked like.)
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2003
- Messages
- 181
- Reaction score
- 1
Dear Applicant,
The admissions committee has carelessly reviewed your application to Overrated State University School of Medicine. I regret to inform you that you are not a unique candidate and there were five people that submitted a personal statement pretty much identical to yours.
Of these five applicants, three had an identical GPA to yours, and one had an identical GPA and MCAT score. To resolve this problem, we flipped a coin, with heads representing a favorable decision for your application.
The coin came up tails.
We wish you good luck throughout the rest of this highly scientific process. Sincerely,
Craven Morehead
Director of Admissions
The admissions committee has carelessly reviewed your application to Overrated State University School of Medicine. I regret to inform you that you are not a unique candidate and there were five people that submitted a personal statement pretty much identical to yours.
Of these five applicants, three had an identical GPA to yours, and one had an identical GPA and MCAT score. To resolve this problem, we flipped a coin, with heads representing a favorable decision for your application.
The coin came up tails.
We wish you good luck throughout the rest of this highly scientific process. Sincerely,
Craven Morehead
Director of Admissions
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2002
- Messages
- 5,582
- Reaction score
- 13
bump....
...too funny...
Dear MR. Northerner,
How's it going these days? Yeah, me too. How is ::insert extracurricular here:: going this semester? Cool, cool. Well, I was just rifling through the application files and I finally got it! Your joke I mean. What joke? Why, your application of course! We at the Admissions Office like a good joke, and just thought we'd drop you a note saying thanks for the larf. However, we have indeed noticed that you continue to send updates to the office, more and more applications materials. Don't you think this joke of yours is worn out by now? The most recent receipt was a letter of recommendation that must have been written by a third grader, or something, perhaps your brother or cousin? But seriously, let's not beat the joke to death. Stop sending us applications materials, and we PROMISE we won't let you in, because apparently that's what you want to hear with the information you have provided us. Mission accomplished.
"Sincerely",
Some Guy
...too funny...
Dear MR. Northerner,
How's it going these days? Yeah, me too. How is ::insert extracurricular here:: going this semester? Cool, cool. Well, I was just rifling through the application files and I finally got it! Your joke I mean. What joke? Why, your application of course! We at the Admissions Office like a good joke, and just thought we'd drop you a note saying thanks for the larf. However, we have indeed noticed that you continue to send updates to the office, more and more applications materials. Don't you think this joke of yours is worn out by now? The most recent receipt was a letter of recommendation that must have been written by a third grader, or something, perhaps your brother or cousin? But seriously, let's not beat the joke to death. Stop sending us applications materials, and we PROMISE we won't let you in, because apparently that's what you want to hear with the information you have provided us. Mission accomplished.
"Sincerely",
Some Guy
- Joined
- Jul 2, 2003
- Messages
- 512
- Reaction score
- 1
Hey you,
FU
State U
FU
State U
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2003
- Messages
- 688
- Reaction score
- 0
Dear Mr. Gun Nerr
It is with great joy and pleasure that we'd like to welcome to our incoming class of 2004. We reviewed your academic and personal attributes, and we were very impressed with your qualifications, and think you'll be an asset to our student body.
Please find attached an acceptance letter. We ask that you sign and complete this no later than December 1, 2003. We also offer a number of merit based scholarships which will require completion of the attached FAFSA application form. We have enclosed a copy for your convenience.
We look forward to your reply and are hopeful of an acceptance.
Thank you
Sincerely
Larry Jones, Ph.D
Dean of Admissions
UYT School of Medicine
PS: Just kidding you bastard
It is with great joy and pleasure that we'd like to welcome to our incoming class of 2004. We reviewed your academic and personal attributes, and we were very impressed with your qualifications, and think you'll be an asset to our student body.
Please find attached an acceptance letter. We ask that you sign and complete this no later than December 1, 2003. We also offer a number of merit based scholarships which will require completion of the attached FAFSA application form. We have enclosed a copy for your convenience.
We look forward to your reply and are hopeful of an acceptance.
Thank you
Sincerely
Larry Jones, Ph.D
Dean of Admissions
UYT School of Medicine
PS: Just kidding you bastard
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2003
- Messages
- 688
- Reaction score
- 0
Dear Mr Smith
You have awesome credentials. A 42T MCAT, 3.95 GPA, 5 years of volunteering experience and great LORs from a couple of Nobel laureates. All in all, you seemed like a shoo-in.
That is, until we interviewed you. Unfortunately there's no other way to put it. YOU SO UGLY
All the best for your future endeavours. I've enclosed links to a couple of plastic surgeons and head transplantation specalists that you should consult.
Regards
Dean Jones
You have awesome credentials. A 42T MCAT, 3.95 GPA, 5 years of volunteering experience and great LORs from a couple of Nobel laureates. All in all, you seemed like a shoo-in.
That is, until we interviewed you. Unfortunately there's no other way to put it. YOU SO UGLY
All the best for your future endeavours. I've enclosed links to a couple of plastic surgeons and head transplantation specalists that you should consult.
Regards
Dean Jones
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2003
- Messages
- 349
- Reaction score
- 0
Dear MDmiracle,
We are happy to inform you that this has all been a joke. You were randomly selected from the list of rejected applicants to recieve an interview. Of course this was just some fun that we like to have here at XXX, giving applicants hope and then dashing it in a letter, rather like this one. You really had no shot we were just having a laugh at your expense. However, the admissions committee has been kind enough to offer some advice on possible name changes: MDhehe, and my personal favorite, McDmiracle. In short:
NO!!!
Enclosed is a picture of the vacation that I purchased with your fee.
Get Lost,
Dean IBJ myself
We are happy to inform you that this has all been a joke. You were randomly selected from the list of rejected applicants to recieve an interview. Of course this was just some fun that we like to have here at XXX, giving applicants hope and then dashing it in a letter, rather like this one. You really had no shot we were just having a laugh at your expense. However, the admissions committee has been kind enough to offer some advice on possible name changes: MDhehe, and my personal favorite, McDmiracle. In short:
NO!!!
Enclosed is a picture of the vacation that I purchased with your fee.
Get Lost,
Dean IBJ myself
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2003
- Messages
- 74
- Reaction score
- 0
Reading this thread is probably one of the most therapeutic activities I have done to relieve stress surrounding the craziness of the application process! Thank you to you all who are witty enough to brighten the rest of our days!!!
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2003
- Messages
- 313
- Reaction score
- 1
Dear PhillyEaglesB*tch,
Nah, b*tch. You got some volunteer experience in the nenonatal unit, but we really looking for a mofo with some experience in the G-g-g-g Unit.
I don't know what you heard about me,
Curtis Jackson, MD/MBA
Nah, b*tch. You got some volunteer experience in the nenonatal unit, but we really looking for a mofo with some experience in the G-g-g-g Unit.
I don't know what you heard about me,
Curtis Jackson, MD/MBA
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2003
- Messages
- 26
- Reaction score
- 1
Dear Mr. Joe Schmoe :random sort serial (AMCAS) #:
After careful review of your application, we applaud you effort from your extensive involvement in research (2 publications this year), to your extreme dedication and compassion to serve others (volunteering in South Africa). Our admission committee at **COM has decided that you are simply not what we are looking for in an medical school applicant. However, we have forwarded your application to our school of nursing, where you may find success in gaining admissions. Please realize that this noticification does not signify your incompetence in any way. We the adcom at ***COM just feel you will be able to make significant contributions to the field of nursing. Good Luck.
Sincerely,
Dr. WhatwereYou Thinking
Director of Admissions at ***COM
After careful review of your application, we applaud you effort from your extensive involvement in research (2 publications this year), to your extreme dedication and compassion to serve others (volunteering in South Africa). Our admission committee at **COM has decided that you are simply not what we are looking for in an medical school applicant. However, we have forwarded your application to our school of nursing, where you may find success in gaining admissions. Please realize that this noticification does not signify your incompetence in any way. We the adcom at ***COM just feel you will be able to make significant contributions to the field of nursing. Good Luck.
Sincerely,
Dr. WhatwereYou Thinking
Director of Admissions at ***COM
