Hi Keko, I'm sorry that you are feeling so. I can relate. This process has helped me to understand my limitations as far as what I brought to the table as an interview candidate. I have low face-face hours, which I now know automatically eliminated me from even being a viable candidate to more than half the sites I applied. I also did not tailor my essays to the sites. I feel now that this would have made a difference, even though everything I have read previously says don't tailor the essays. I also did not understand how important it is to network. I did not publish or teach, both of which I have wanted to do since the beginning of my doctoral degree. I thought my 15 year employment history in psych would have made up for the deficits in these areas. It did not.
The candidates that we are competing against are steller, they are the best of the best and I just did not realize how great they are until participating in this forum. They have raised the bar for me and I feel honored to know that these incredibly intelligent people are my peers. I have spent too much energy working (job) and not enough energy focused on my academic work in preparation to compete with my peers. As an example I have been working with the government for the last 5 years, I have dedicated so much of my time to my work that it shows, as I have been promoted 4 times in such a short space of time and doubled my salary in that time too.
It is very clear on this forum that people have prepared adequately and are disappointed with the outcome of their interview applications. However, that is a different issue and does not change the fact that I did not bring to the table what I should have. For me, this is an opportunity to self reflect and shift gears. I still think this process requires many changes, however, that does not change the fact that I need to do things differently also.
Even though I have 1 interview, I am already working my Plan B, which is to let go and embrace what needs to happen next, that is increasing my face-face hours, publishing, teaching, networking and changing jobs so I no longer compromise everything I have worked for with this degree. In addition I will not apply next year. I will take my time and make sure what I do, I do well. I am also extreemly burnt out from burning the candles at both ends with work and school. I be will a psychologist for the rest my life, this is just a stepping stone on that journey.