A dose of realism for my relationship...help?

[lemurlover]

Hi all,
I'm wondering how to give my girlfriend an accurate picture of what my life will be like in med school so that she can decide whether or not to move with me. Yikes! She is worried that she will be moving for nothing cuz i won't have much time and energy outside of school. We've been together for a year and a half and i love her a lot and want her to be happy...and i know i won't have a lot of energy to spare if things are unhappy for us both. And i want to dive into studying and learning how to help my future patients without a whole lot of encumberance.
The two of us are going to get counseling and hopefully that will make things clearer. I would very much appreciate advice from folks who are in med school, done, or have a clear picture of the schedule. I'll be at TUCOM, so if anyone can offer some insight into the amount of hours to study per day, that would be great. Thanks!

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[guitarguy09]

I'm in a similar situation and I also could use this advice. My relationship hasn't been quite as long but we love eachother and want to make it work. The only problem is that there is another variable to the equation in my case: distance. She is talking about transferring colleges to be closer to my med school. This is a tough decision that is constantly on my mind. We want to stay together and I we will definitely try to, but it's just a difficult situation. Thanks in advance for any advice.

 

[wook]

Dudes:

I'm not sure how to answer your questions without actually knowing all involved parties. I will say that you will be devoting a SIGNIFICANT amount of energy to studying. You will also be under significant stress because you will have so much information tossed at you. It CAN be done as there are plenty of people who were married prior to starting school and got through it. You significant other (SO) does need to understand that you will be pretty busy. If you have a pretty good relationship, you WILL get through it.

I know nothing about TUCOM, so I will defer to other posters.

Wook

 

[eldarion3141]

Medical school has been described to me as trying to drink from a fire hydrant. It's not the level of information that is challenging, it is the sheer volume

That said, i know that me and my girlfriend are also facing the same situation, but i knwo that we both understand the level of commitment that each of us to have going into the situation (she is going for her PHd).

We both understand that we have put a lot of time into the situation, and that we both need to place our priorities first, for us it is
1. God
2. Family
3. School

But we also understand that we haven't spent four years of our lives in undergrad for nothing. For example, let's say that we haven't seen each other in a month and that she has a free weekend coming up, but i have a major exam coming on the monday after that weekend, i probably won't be seeing her even though i want to. But, we wil set weekends where i know that neither of us have a big test or a big project due, and then we will get to see each other.
But if there was some type of emergency, and she needed me up there, test or not i would be there for her.

It's also about the schedule that we set during the day, i have heard that if you are studious during the day and get stuff done (by not "studying" for 5 hours @ barnes and nobles ie- looking at the newest edition of better homes and gardens) then there will be a few hours of downtime at the end of the day. We work by that principle now, so i don't piss around and play PS2 for 4 hours, I will get my stuff done so i can actually relax at the end of the day and maybe play PS2 for an hour and talk to her for another hour or so.

All of that aside, i do know that we are a bit apprehensive about the distance factor, because that is the biggest variable. Are we going to be able to handle being apart from each other? I don't know, and neither will you till you go through it. But just make sure that you both have the ground rules set pretty firm, that is if one or both of you get jealous easily, clear it up. If one or both of you are really clingy and have to be around each other all of the time, then realize that you might not have that for a while.
The biggest thing about a LDR is communication, and trust.

I am no expert on relationships, i jsut had a post where i aksed if being in a LDR for 8-10 years (which is the situation i am facing with my significant other) was feasbile. So i totally understand your doubts, your fears and your concerns at this point, it's natural. Just be sure that you and your SO trust each other and love each other, and you will be fine.

 

[DORoe]

Hi all,
I'm wondering how to give my girlfriend an accurate picture of what my life will be like in med school so that she can decide whether or not to move with me. Yikes! She is worried that she will be moving for nothing cuz i won't have much time and energy outside of school. We've been together for a year and a half and i love her a lot and want her to be happy...and i know i won't have a lot of energy to spare if things are unhappy for us both. And i want to dive into studying and learning how to help my future patients without a whole lot of encumberance.
The two of us are going to get counseling and hopefully that will make things clearer. I would very much appreciate advice from folks who are in med school, done, or have a clear picture of the schedule. I'll be at TUCOM, so if anyone can offer some insight into the amount of hours to study per day, that would be great. Thanks!

yes this is always a tough one. My fiancee didn't really understand the commitment it takes (and neither did I for that matter) until she moved down here with me. You can make it work though. We both joined a gym and are working out with one another and then each night we eat dinner together. These are things that need to be done anyway and it gives us a chance to see one another. I have a great women and she is very supportive and understanding, but even she gets a little fed up at times. I can't speak about TUCOM, but on average I spend about 4 hours on MWF, about 6-8hrs on TTH, and about 7 hours on each day of the weekend. Often on Saturday evenings or mornings we go out and do something together. It might be something as benign as going grocery shopping, but it helps a lot. Also we try to at least spend an hour together before bed. It is just a matter of finding the time to slip in some QT here in there. So the thing you should take from my post is that it can and does work.

 

[Stripes]

Hi Guys:

I'm facing the same situation that you all are, but I guess it's a little bit different. My boyfriend and I have been in a very long relationship already ( 4 yrs together, 2 yrs broken up, then back together for 2+ yrs). Of that, 5 years have been long distance, even though it was only 90miles. Again, I'll be moving for med school and he's graduating from undergrad with the hopes of possibly teaching english in China, Japan, or France. So, we're definitely facing a big change in our relationship from LD, to really LD. But the part of our relationship that was LD, was definitely all about trust and communication. We do talk every night, even though it might be only 5 minutes to just check in and say good night. And like eldarion said, just time management and working schedules out is pretty important. It's also important to fill in the SO on what's happening in your life and eventually meeting all the friends that you've made so that they feel included in your life as separate as it may seem. I find that this has worked for me the past few years and hopefully for the next 7 years or so. But if both of those invovled in the relationship want it to work, then it will. It will just take a lot more effort from both parties to get through it. - Stripes

 

[Dreamer]

You can overcome everything, if you trust each other and most importnat communicate with each other, at least that works for my family, i.e. wife and kid