ADCOMS! Please tell us your opinion on this PS example

[907906]

Hey everyone!
So I found this website that gives you tips on how to write a compelling med school personal statement. They show you two ways to write one; a traditional boring way and a more compelling way. I'm not sure how to feel about this website since the compelling way seems to be exactly what adcoms here on SDN hate lol! When I was reading the compelling one, I couldn't stop thinking of the legendary Panda Bear essay...

Will you please tell your opinion on these two essays? I'll attach only the intro paragraphs. Also, if you feel like an angel today, could you write a paragraph that you think would be the best way to tell this specific story?

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

ROUTINE:
One of my most eye-opening experiences came when I volunteered with Habitat for Humanity in New Orleans during the summer months of 2014. Up to that point, I had only heard about the destruction caused by Hurricane Katrina 9 years earlier. Although pictures and stories of the aftermath compelled me to volunteer, it was not until I observed the emotional pounding the people of New Orleans had experienced that I developed a greater sense of compassion for their plight.

COMPELLING:
New Orleans was hot and humid during the summer months of 2014–no surprise there. However, for a native Oregonian like me, waking up to 90-degree and 85%-humidity days initially seemed like too much to bear. That was until I reflected on the fact that my temporary discomfort was minute in contrast to the destruction of communities and emotional pounding experienced by the people of New Orleans during and after Hurricane Katrina 9 years earlier. Although pictures and stories of the aftermath compelled me to understand its effects on the community and volunteer, actually building homes and interacting with the locals, like 9 year-old Jermaine, who cried as I held his hand while we unveiled his rebuilt home, taught me that caring for people was as much about lifting spirits as making physical improvements.

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[deleted480308]

It’s a personal statement not a novel

 

[HomeSkool]

If the author had been accepted to med school, they wouldn't have had time to make the website.

 

[gyngyn]

Purple prose is putrefying.

 

[Goro]

Hey everyone!
So I found this website that gives you tips on how to write a compelling med school personal statement. They show you two ways to write one; a traditional boring way and a more compelling way. I'm not sure how to feel about this website since the compelling way seems to be exactly what adcoms here on SDN hate lol! When I was reading the compelling one, I couldn't stop thinking of the legendary Panda Bear essay...

Will you please tell your opinion on these two essays? I'll attach only the intro paragraphs. Also, if you feel like an angel today, could you write a paragraph that you think would be the best way to tell this specific story?

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

ROUTINE:
One of my most eye-opening experiences came when I volunteered with Habitat for Humanity in New Orleans during the summer months of 2014. Up to that point, I had only heard about the destruction caused by Hurricane Katrina 9 years earlier. Although pictures and stories of the aftermath compelled me to volunteer, it was not until I observed the emotional pounding the people of New Orleans had experienced that I developed a greater sense of compassion for their plight.

COMPELLING:
New Orleans was hot and humid during the summer months of 2014–no surprise there. However, for a native Oregonian like me, waking up to 90-degree and 85%-humidity days initially seemed like too much to bear. That was until I reflected on the fact that my temporary discomfort was minute in contrast to the destruction of communities and emotional pounding experienced by the people of New Orleans during and after Hurricane Katrina 9 years earlier. Although pictures and stories of the aftermath compelled me to understand its effects on the community and volunteer, actually building homes and interacting with the locals, like 9 year-old Jermaine, who cried as I held his hand while we unveiled his rebuilt home, taught me that caring for people was as much about lifting spirits as making physical improvements.

 

[Med Ed]

ROUTINE:
One of my most eye-opening experiences came when I volunteered with Habitat for Humanity in New Orleans during the summer months of 2014. Up to that point, I had only heard about the destruction caused by Hurricane Katrina 9 years earlier. Although pictures and stories of the aftermath compelled me to volunteer, it was not until I observed the emotional pounding the people of New Orleans had experienced that I developed a greater sense of compassion for their plight.

Could use some refining, but it's fairly clean, simple, and to-the-point.

New Orleans was hot and humid during the summer months of 2014–no surprise there. However, for a native Oregonian like me, waking up to 90-degree and 85%-humidity days initially seemed like too much to bear. That was until I reflected on the fact that my temporary discomfort was minute in contrast to the destruction of communities and emotional pounding experienced by the people of New Orleans during and after Hurricane Katrina 9 years earlier. Although pictures and stories of the aftermath compelled me to understand its effects on the community and volunteer, actually building homes and interacting with the locals, like 9 year-old Jermaine, who cried as I held his hand while we unveiled his rebuilt home, taught me that caring for people was as much about lifting spirits as making physical improvements.

This paragraph makes my eyes bleed.