Advice for couples entering med school :)

[snowbear]

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Hi everyone!

My boyfriend and I currently live and work in San Francisco. I'm going to USC in the fall for med school and he's coming with me. It's kinda hard on him because he is very close with his family and his entire extended family all live in the bay area. He is also leaving a job (luckily, one he doesn't like very much) and planning on finding another one. Another yucky thing is that he is not very into LA.

Anywho, that's my story. I was hoping that people in current couples with either both or just one in med school could give us future med school couples some advice. I am little worried just because I know he's making so many sacrifices for me and our relationship and I just want to do everything possible to keep our relationship strong. I hear that the statistics are not in our favor 🙁

Thanks,
Snowbear

 

[dsblaha]

I am in the same boat as you. I am pretty much going to let my wife pick out whichever house she wants to live in (assuming it is in our price range) for all of the sacrifices she is making. Luckily she is making them willingly. Just be sure to show your s.o. attention and listen when they talk about problems they are having.

 

[lovemydrhubby]

Snowbear-

You two can make it work- if he's willing to make all of those sacrifices and support you it sounds like you have great communication and a foundation to build on! I wish you two lots of luck! USC is a great school and I hope he starts to like LA alot more soon! It can be very scary to move to a new city regardless of what it is- but it's also fun sometimes to start over.

I sometimes also get paranoid about being able to spend enough time to keep our relationship up, but it has not been a huge problem thus far (it's very tough though I admit- mostly because we're both busy with our own aspects of our life together and it's hard to keep up with each other at times!)

Will he be going to school or working? Get involved in his life too- I try to meet DH's classmates and invite them to dinner or something- just so we can try to blend our two very different lifestyles together!

 

[doglover]

I think a very important thing is for him to know that you truly appreciate the sacrifices he is making for you. Sometimes I feel as if I have put my life on hold for my husband who is in medical school and it is frustrating but he always makes it known to me that he understands and appreciates it. I really want to go back to school and get my master's, which is not very feasible right now, but we have agreed that my doing that is a priority to us as he applies for residencies next year. Knowing you are appreciated is a great feeling and can go a long way in an uncomfortable situation. Good luck.

 

[snowbear]

Thanks everyone for the responses and the support!

He's gonna be looking for a job and I am trying to be involved in the process. Yeah, he's really a great guy, I just worry that this is really difficult on him right now because he's struggling to find himself and I don't think it helps that he has to uproot right now and go in a direction because I am going in that direction.

It has really helped me to read threads on SDN about relationships. I realized some things that I hadn't thought about. I am going to make sure that he knows that he is very important to me and to be very attentive to his feelings.

Best of luck to everyone and their relationships! Lets curb that high percentage of relationship failure for health professionals.

 

[twinklz]

My current state of coupledom is making my decision of where to go very hard. I essentially feel like I'm having to choose between my boyfriend and money (a difference of about $70,000 over four years). We've been together for over 3 and a half years, but we're not ready yet to say "I do". We've both agreed that we're too young (22). The schools are only an hour and a half apart, so we could see each other every weekend. I just don't know if I should expend that much more money to be with my guy every day (but, I do like the more expensive school better). He's got a nice job and he'll most likely be entering grad school next year at the same institution, so he's sorta stuck too. I guess either way being in a relationship will be rough at times, it would just get much rougher if we're an hour apart.

 

[dsblaha]

From my experience you will NEVER feel like you have enough money. I wouldn't give up something I thought was great (relationship-wise) for any amount of money. By the time you are a physician you will be able to get by.

If you don't think the distance will affect your relationship then you might be able to save money. I have sacrificed summers to live near my girlfriend in the past, and now that we are married she is willing to move across country for me and be supportive.

Also, if you like the school better, go where you will be happier. When I was an undergrad I chose an expensive private school over the public and I have had no problem making my monthly loan payment since graduating. I am really happy I chose the school I did.