almost 30

[Gabroo]

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Hey guys,
I have not felt so lost before. I think the reason why I am freaking out is because I am going to be 30 in June, and I am no where near my personal goal of being married. Also, being Indian, I am about 4 years past when I should have been married anyways. my parents aren't putting pressure on me, but i feel like a failure. I have been trying hard to marry someone (anyone to be honest) and I have had 3 disastrous relationships in the past ~3 years with 2 guys. I broke up with one after I found out he cheated on me. I quickly rebounded with my ex-boyfriend who i think is autistic in terms of relationship issues. I know that n=2 is a damn small sample, but I feel like I have run out of time and I don't know what to do. I put up with a lot to stay with these guys as long as I did, and that is a mistake in some ways too, but I don't know how to change.
I know the vibe of desperation that I must be give off is not helping, but i am at my wit's end. i don't know how to feel normal again. i feel as though i have no hope. this is the first day that i didn't go to work for 1/2 the day b/c i was crying.
Any advice or support would be great.
g

 

[sparkygalore]

I'm sure you have or will think of all the normal reassuring thoughts -- there are people out there for you who will love and appreciate you, when the time is right you will find someone, etc, etc, etc. Here's a totally non-warm-and-fuzzy-yet-totally-true possibility -- you've finally hit the age for 2nd timers.

Just think of it -- guys who got caught up in imperfect long term relationships (married or not) in their 20s are finally getting out of them in their 30s. They're older, wiser, and little more understanding. They're less likely to fall for a quick easy fix (or, um, big boobs and nothing else) and more likely to want someone they really connect with. Oh, and instead of thinking they can get away with screwing around or not appreciating their women, they've realized it's time to think about settling down and starting a family. So hang in there, and keep an eye out for the market opening up again, full of men who realized the errors of their 20s and are looking to doing things right for a change.

p.s. I'm sure you've thought of this as well, but maybe counseling would help too? I mean, it can't hurt, right?

 

[xanthines]

Well, first off I would like to assure you (as well reassure myself! 🙂) that 30 is NOT OLD!

I think sparky is pretty much right on, in that guys your age now will probably be better companions because they have grown up. I'm not sure if that applies to residents as they've been in school all their lives, though (no offense!). I don't know what the policies are in your hospital, but if you find a cute, older med student go hit on him. Someone who's been in the working world and then gone back to school tend to be pretty level-headed and mature. Maybe... I don't know! Seems like everyone in medicine is a little crazy...

Apologies to anyone I've offended. I'm just trying to help!

-X

 

[Laker]

ttiwwp

 

[Gabroo]

thanks for all the comments. not quite sure what the last one means, but i do appreciate them.

 

[xanthines]

I hope things work out for you!

TTIWWP means "This Thread Is Worthless Without Pictures." A completely useless comment in this thread... 🙄

-X

thanks for all the comments. not quite sure what the last one means, but i do appreciate them.

 

[UnderdogMD]

Lower your expectations.

 

[spo01]

there are so many flaws in your thinking i dont even know where to start.

I think the reason why I am freaking out is because I am going to be 30 in June, and I am no where near my personal goal of being married.

30 is NOT old! as a matter a fact i will NOT get married until i'm ATLEAST 30. there are many reasons for this including maturity level, time to 'live' single, etc. second, you can't set goals on love. love is not a 'thing' you can go looking for (which you are obviousely doing).

Also, being Indian, I am about 4 years past when I should have been married anyways. my parents aren't putting pressure on me, but i feel like a failure.

i realize we come from different backgrounds and this will probably go in one ear and out the other, but seriousely, quit trying to live up to your parents expectations. whether or not you say they are pressuring you, there is a strong indirect pressure which is really getting to you.

I have been trying hard to marry someone (anyone to be honest)

right there is by far your biggest problem.

I know that n=2 is a damn small sample, but I feel like I have run out of time and I don't know what to do.

yes, a very small number. out of time? what?! get out there.

I know the vibe of desperation that I must be give off is not helping, but i am at my wit's end.

YES! and let me tell you, this is probably the main reason things arent working out. if you lack confidence and personal security you will not get any guy. one poster mentioned something about posting pictures of yourself. this maybe true seeing how we are a society obsessed with looks, but i can easily say that confidence and personal security are more important.

PM me and i will send you this link to a book i feel could help you a ton if you are really wanting a 'change' for the better.

 

[konkan]

Hey guys,
I have not felt so lost before. I think the reason why I am freaking out is because I am going to be 30 in June, and I am no where near my personal goal of being married. Also, being Indian, I am about 4 years past when I should have been married anyways. my parents aren't putting pressure on me, but i feel like a failure. I have been trying hard to marry someone (anyone to be honest) and I have had 3 disastrous relationships in the past ~3 years with 2 guys. I broke up with one after I found out he cheated on me. I quickly rebounded with my ex-boyfriend who i think is autistic in terms of relationship issues. I know that n=2 is a damn small sample, but I feel like I have run out of time and I don't know what to do. I put up with a lot to stay with these guys as long as I did, and that is a mistake in some ways too, but I don't know how to change.
I know the vibe of desperation that I must be give off is not helping, but i am at my wit's end. i don't know how to feel normal again. i feel as though i have no hope. this is the first day that i didn't go to work for 1/2 the day b/c i was crying.
Any advice or support would be great.
g

i am not indian, but i know for sure, if you go to india you could get like a thousand guys (literally) that would marry u right away. so if u r really up for anybody - there's no problem here.

 

[SgtDoc]

What about an arranged marriage? I mean if being married is your main goal...

 

[dnl425]

I think there's a website called indianmarriages.com where you can look online for someone who's also thinking about marriage. But please don't get married just to please your parents or you think you should be married by now. You're still young and people always say love happens when you least expect it or have given up looking.

 

[medgator]

Keep yourself busy socially ---- you never know who you'll meet, and where you will meet them 🙂 I'm also indian (a guy though) and managed to meet my wife at a drug rep dinner! 😍

It was quite a random meeting, but I got her phone number, we started dating, and 2 years later, we tied the knot (she's indian too and her parents were pressuring her for some time prior to our meeting, because she was 2 yrs past the "marriageable" age of 26). She's quite happy with me and glad she waited instead of getting arranged. I will end this by saying that NEITHER of us was really looking, so it seemed to find us when we least expected it.

My advice would be to keep your social life busy, and keep yourself involved with stuff like NetIP (Network of Indian Professionals --- many chapters around the country) and AAPI. Keep a positive outlook and you never know what will happen with each new day.

 

[physics junkie]

The non-Indian responses in this thread are amusing. It seems that this a common concern of Indian girls entering medical school too and the reason why a few Indian girls I know of chose dental school instead. Have you thought of trying an online dating site to see if you could find someone who matches your interests? There's really no shame in it. Don't throw yourself at the first guy who is willing though...take your time and make your pick--otherwise you will end up unhappy in the long term anyways.

A good place to start is making yourself happy with your life as-is before you try to add someone else into the mix. If you're trying so hard to attach yourself to someone else you're sort of bound to get an *******. I try to approach all relationships without needing something out of the other person...you know, just trying to enjoy them for who they are. When you need something out of someone it complicates things. I've been in a few relationships where the girl relied on me to provide her happiness and it became all too stressful.

 

[sunny1]

The non-Indian responses in this thread are amusing. It seems that this a common concern of Indian girls entering medical school too and the reason why a few Indian girls I know of chose dental school instead. Have you thought of trying an online dating site to see if you could find someone who matches your interests? There's really no shame in it. Don't throw yourself at the first guy who is willing though...take your time and make your pick--otherwise you will end up unhappy in the long term anyways.

A good place to start is making yourself happy with your life as-is before you try to add someone else into the mix. If you're trying so hard to attach yourself to someone else you're sort of bound to get an *******. I try to approach all relationships without needing something out of the other person...you know, just trying to enjoy them for who they are. When you need something out of someone it complicates things. I've been in a few relationships where the girl relied on me to provide her happiness and it became all too stressful.

physics junkie has good advice for you. I was thinking of suggesting online dating services too. This way you can learn about the person first and then meet them in a public space for a quick coffee or something. Friends of mine (30-40 years old) have had a lot of success this way. I mean, of course they met some duds too, but that's a possibility in "real life" too. My boss married her attractive husband last year - and guess where they both met 😉.

 

[Iquitos]

I'm sure you have or will think of all the normal reassuring thoughts -- there are people out there for you who will love and appreciate you, when the time is right you will find someone, etc, etc, etc. Here's a totally non-warm-and-fuzzy-yet-totally-true possibility -- you've finally hit the age for 2nd timers.

Just think of it -- guys who got caught up in imperfect long term relationships (married or not) in their 20s are finally getting out of them in their 30s. They're older, wiser, and little more understanding. They're less likely to fall for a quick easy fix (or, um, big boobs and nothing else) and more likely to want someone they really connect with. Oh, and instead of thinking they can get away with screwing around or not appreciating their women, they've realized it's time to think about settling down and starting a family. So hang in there, and keep an eye out for the market opening up again, full of men who realized the errors of their 20s and are looking to doing things right for a change.

p.s. I'm sure you've thought of this as well, but maybe counseling would help too? I mean, it can't hurt, right?

This is a good potential market, but be careful because remember, you can't teach an old dog new tricks😱

 

[JoeNamaMD]

Hey guys,
I have not felt so lost before. I think the reason why I am freaking out is because I am going to be 30 in June, and I am no where near my personal goal of being married. Also, being Indian, I am about 4 years past when I should have been married anyways. my parents aren't putting pressure on me, but i feel like a failure. I have been trying hard to marry someone (anyone to be honest) and I have had 3 disastrous relationships in the past ~3 years with 2 guys. I broke up with one after I found out he cheated on me. I quickly rebounded with my ex-boyfriend who i think is autistic in terms of relationship issues. I know that n=2 is a damn small sample, but I feel like I have run out of time and I don't know what to do. I put up with a lot to stay with these guys as long as I did, and that is a mistake in some ways too, but I don't know how to change.
I know the vibe of desperation that I must be give off is not helping, but i am at my wit's end. i don't know how to feel normal again. i feel as though i have no hope. this is the first day that i didn't go to work for 1/2 the day b/c i was crying.
Any advice or support would be great.
g

Marry Borat, he will love you!!!

 

[t33sg1rl]

Try online dating. Guys' profiles will be marked whether or not they're looking to get married, so you can meet someone knowing from the get go you have the same long term goals-hence, you don't have to talk about it until you've had a chance to get to know each other.

 

[xanthines]

I read this somewhere but I can't remember...

If a guy doesn't put his picture up or is unwilling to send one to you, it's a red flag. There are a few other things, but I don't remember any more specifics seeing as how I'm not really in the market. Also, make sure to meet in public places the first few times and don't give out too much personal info in the beginning (you know, things like where you work, live, etc). Just in case he's craaaazy!

-X

Try online dating. Guys' profiles will be marked whether or not they're looking to get married, so you can meet someone knowing from the get go you have the same long term goals-hence, you don't have to talk about it until you've had a chance to get to know each other.

 

[roc]

i am indian guy about to turn 27 and will be starting medical school.

i guess i am doomed for being single . my life is over before it even started..

 

[medgator]

i am indian guy about to turn 27 and will be starting medical school.

i guess i am doomed for being single . my life is over before it even started..

med school is a great place to meet chics, especially indian ones 😀

 

[natesgirl]

30 isn't old at all! seriously i just turned 30 and I have never felt more confident and comfortable in my own skin, I am married but that's beside the point, 5-10 years ago, I was just really forming who is was if that makes sense... I don't know it all now and I certainly have a lot to learn but 30's aren't old...
don't rush it, you are not a failure. do NOT settle... it will happen in time 😍

 

[LADoc00]

Dunno, 30 isnt that old for a woman who is a professional. Seriously...


40 on the other hand is nasty. At least for a LTR. One night cougar stand maybe.

even 35 is pretty rough tho. You better be crazy crazy hot.

 

[blankguy]

While I was going to college I heard of a 76 or 78 year old applying to medical school. 👍

 

[Coastie]

Any woman can get any guy if she really wants to.

It's just not that hard.

If you want kids, 30 is definitely a milestone age, and people on this thread say it's ok, and it still is, but yeah...Don't take your time. Make yourself as attractive as you can (this isn't just about looks), and hope for the best.

Hey guys,
I have not felt so lost before. I think the reason why I am freaking out is because I am going to be 30 in June, and I am no where near my personal goal of being married. Also, being Indian, I am about 4 years past when I should have been married anyways. my parents aren't putting pressure on me, but i feel like a failure. I have been trying hard to marry someone (anyone to be honest) and I have had 3 disastrous relationships in the past ~3 years with 2 guys. I broke up with one after I found out he cheated on me. I quickly rebounded with my ex-boyfriend who i think is autistic in terms of relationship issues. I know that n=2 is a damn small sample, but I feel like I have run out of time and I don't know what to do. I put up with a lot to stay with these guys as long as I did, and that is a mistake in some ways too, but I don't know how to change.
I know the vibe of desperation that I must be give off is not helping, but i am at my wit's end. i don't know how to feel normal again. i feel as though i have no hope. this is the first day that i didn't go to work for 1/2 the day b/c i was crying.
Any advice or support would be great.
g

 

[hippocampus]

you have not met the right person yet... and who knows when you will meet him...but what is important is for you to be happy right now...

also, women can still have kids in their late 30s. look at all the celebrities.. like nicole kidman..

anyway.. it's better to be single than to marry some loser! do NOT settle!!!! i'd rather be single for the rest of my life than to be in an unhappy marriage or get a divorce!

it is not your fault that you are better than a lot of men out there! yes... i know how you feel... it is tough being better than everyone..

 

[Messerschmitts]

Hey to the OP, I empathise and feel your pain! I'm "only" 25, but I feel like I'm headed towards your direction. I'm pretty bad with girls, and I've only had 2 relationship that lasted for about a month each. The first time, she dumped me because I was her "rebound guy", and the second one turned out to be pretty insane so I had to break up with her.

Since then I've not been able to find anyone. Seeing all my classmates get engaged, married, or even welcome their first child has me in a complex mixture of jealousy, dread, and nervousness. I just can't understand how my own personal life can be such an utter failure while other people are so far along that they are actually getting married and starting families. I don't even know what it feels like to hold down such a long-lasting and stable relationship. I'm so jealous. 🙁 And I don't even know where to look. Everytime I try to chat someone up they are already taken or not interested. And it's not like I have tons of opportunity to be meeting new people. There's already not enough girls in my med school, and the few that are there are mostly engaged/married. And if they weren't when I got in, they are now that I'm in the 3rd year.

Sometimes I don't know what I'll do. I feel so helpless. Everyone is so far along on their relationships and personal lives, I still haven't left square one. When in my medical career will I have the time to make long, deep, meaningful connexions with someone? I truly think the shortage of time will be my undoing. You people who were married or in deep relationships going into med school, you don't know how lucky you are to already have that part of your life "squared away" and taken care of! You don't know how lucky you are to not have to worry about finding a girlfriend/spouse anymore, to not have squeeze out the time to go on a bunch of first dates that go nowhere. To be able to come home from classes/clinic with someone waiting for you! To have someone who's been with you for a long time already and knows you well, so that the groundwork has already been done, and thus will be able to accommodate your busy schedule. So lucky!

 

[overseas]

hi i am a 30 year dental postgraduate male...u neednt be so upset that u are single--when the right timee cmes, u will get a guy my frnd..may be the time isnt right for u now.. try to be more socialite.. go to clubs, weekend parties.. im usre that if u are in the US , u will get plenty of such oppurtunities.. i m based at india.. even my frds all got mariied, are either fther/mother.. i feel so lonely when i meet them once in a while. they are all with their families and now a days i give sme excuse in not attendi their parties..🙁 feels deprssed upon see the husbans/wifes/kids...my mom tells as my elder bro syet to get maried, i shld wait!! due to tat, i lost my only lover 2 years abck as she cdnt wait much long..😳 So ths month s her weddi --si i feel depressed sometimes. but wat to do.. here in india, u are bound to lstn by our parents stance , especialy if we are dependent on them !!😡 tats the sad part........
i sometimes feel like if i was outside india, i wld hve made it apoint that both me and my ex wld hve been happily settled now..
i thnk everyone has such prblms.... i dnt feel like marryi now at all ..i thnk i will remain single thrght out my life which is better..

 

[Miss Wallabunny]

I think most women nearing the age of 30 feel the pressure to get married. I did, and almost married the wrong guy!!! Fortunately, I woke up and realized it was better to be single and 30, than to marry Mr. Wrong. Shortly after calling off the engagement, I joined a dating service for young professionals. They got it perfect with the third guy (currently a third year resident). We became engaged 8 month later! Believe me, he was worth the wait, even if I did get married shortly before turning 32. His schedule is difficult, and I'm still learning about the joys and challenges of being married to someone in the medical profession, but I would never want anyone else by my side. Hang in there. He's worth it, and most importantly you're worth it.

 

[HoboCommander]

Online dating is really bad advice. It's so much easier to meet people in real life. Just go to the shopping mall, see some guy you like, and introduce yourself. Simple.

Also you must evaluate yourself. You're already 30 years old and still single. Something is probably wrong with you, or you're doing something wrong and just don't know it. All the girls I know get hit on at least 4 times a day, and they could hook up with any of them if they wanted to. So it's difficult to understand why you're in this situation.

 

[herpes]

haha

 

[generationX]

Hey guys,
I have not felt so lost before. I think the reason why I am freaking out is because I am going to be 30 in June, and I am no where near my personal goal of being married. Also, being Indian, I am about 4 years past when I should have been married anyways. my parents aren't putting pressure on me, but i feel like a failure. I have been trying hard to marry someone (anyone to be honest) and I have had 3 disastrous relationships in the past ~3 years with 2 guys. I broke up with one after I found out he cheated on me. I quickly rebounded with my ex-boyfriend who i think is autistic in terms of relationship issues. I know that n=2 is a damn small sample, but I feel like I have run out of time and I don't know what to do. I put up with a lot to stay with these guys as long as I did, and that is a mistake in some ways too, but I don't know how to change.
I know the vibe of desperation that I must be give off is not helping, but i am at my wit's end. i don't know how to feel normal again. i feel as though i have no hope. this is the first day that i didn't go to work for 1/2 the day b/c i was crying.
Any advice or support would be great.
g

Well I exactly know what you mean. From a male point of view though. I will be 30 next year, and it is kinda weighing heavy on me too. But you cant be serious about being in relationship with just about anyone. I think you haven't got your priorities straight. If being married is that important, take a trip to India. There is no dearth of Indian guys. It is true that at this age the proportion of eligible bachelors has exponentially declined. But I am pretty sure there are guys out there, who doesnt get married because they are not happy with their career, and they do not want to complicate things by getting married. Obviously 27+ and well settled guys are likely to be married. So what you wanna do is look for guys who are underdogs and unmarried, to them its a prospect of marriage and a better career; two in one. For you, it is a traditional marriage and end of worries.

BTW if you still want to fool around, hit me with a PM 😛 just kidding.