Am i too old for med school?

[CookDeRosa]

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I think there might be a difference here in that you are NOT a career stay at home mom (clearly with going to med school that would eliminate that).

Remember I'm one of 5 and that youngest to oldest we are 14 years apart. My mom was in her mid-50s by the time I turned 18 (I'm the youngest). Also, she doesn't have a college degree so starting from scratch in your mid-50s to pursue medicine is pretty unrealistic.

If the OP were to have a kid now she'd be almost 50 (and that's a big IF) when her kid turned 18.

I FULLY AGREE with you when you say do either BUT DO IT WELL. In the long run what's most important is happiness and to live with no regrets. Do either and it will is probably the best summary.

I AM a career stay at home mom, but I'm tapering off Actually, I'm a homeschool mom- so that has required me to stay home AFTER the kids hit kindergarten. My 4 kids cover a 10 year span, so your mom and I are similar in many ways. Anyway, I earned my BA degree doing 3 classes at a time and CLEPping in hyper-mode (which is the cheapest and fastest if your school allows it) and just keepin' on keepin' on. I made it happen.

I'm not disrespecting your mom, but I've always found an abundance of rich experiences that I might have not pursued had I been working a typical job. I have 4 children, and heaven knows it's demanding, but it's not 24 hours per day.

So I think it's in the lens that you look at your life. It's NEVER too late to change your path. You should encourage your mom to try something new and exciting. Clearly you turned out very bright, so she did a good job!

 

[xunshyn]

I know my career is medicine. I'm 32 and I'm going to go for it. I have worked in a fertility clinic for 7 years and know that there are many ways to have a baby, but if I want to have one naturally without assisted reproductive intervention, I should have one before 35. So I just need to be open to the options when I'm ready. Making time for children is actually the obstacle, but it can be done. My coworkers were able to do it, so can I.

(skipped a few posts sorry. I'm replying to the original post. )

 

[teddy bear doc]

There is a flip-side to the view of motherhood that was presented. It is someone who is simply not happy as a stay at home mother. Right or wrong, one or the other "fits" with an individual once they have children, and as it was noted, you do not know who you are until you ARE a parent.

I love my children dearly, but I would make a horrible stay at home mother. I love that I can go to class and study while my children are interacting with other children their age and involved in fun activities (some of which I couldn't have thought of if trying for hours on end). I would not be happy at home full-time, and in that case my children would suffer for me being at home.

Wow. Ok, I'm late on responding to this one, but this is SOOOO me. I stayed at home with my first for 18 months. I left my job specifically because I wanted to stay home with him, because I thought it was so important and it was the "right" way to raise kids (though I'm not really sure where I got that idea, since my own EXCELLENT mom was a working mom...).

In short, I hated it. I was miserable all the time, I didn't value my time with him, I felt trapped and isolated and like I was frittering my life away day by day. Yet, I had been so convinced that I would want to be home. Now, having experienced this, I know that I need to get out there and do other things. Having a life of my own makes me realize how much I love and miss my babies. I know that there are some women who can be SAHMs and be happy and feel fulfilled in the business of constant 24/7 childrearing, and I tip my hat to them. It's just not for me. I think you can have both. But there will, of course, be compromises. It's up to you whether or not those compromises are palatable to you.

 

[student1799]

I've stayed out of this discussion so far, but I guess I can throw in my 2 cents. For those who don't know me, I'm 47 and going into my 2nd year of med school. My school is in VT, but my husband and kids (ages 11 and 14) still live in NY, about 300 miles away. This arrangement wasn't what I had in mind when I started on this journey, but I have no regrets.

I'm here now because I've always wanted to be a doctor, but I chickened out on premed early in college because I didn't think I could take the stress. I ended up deeply regretting that decision. I graduated with a lit degree, but ended up on Wall Street through a temp job, making my way from trading assistant to research analyst to portfolio manager over the course of 20 years, as well as getting an MBA. By chance, I had an opportunity to specialize in health-care stocks about halfway through my career. I enjoyed this work, but it just reminded me how much I still wanted to be a doctor. In early '06, I left the business and entered a 2-year postbacc program, and I started med school in the fall of '09.

My family, including my kids, has been totally behind me during this process. I have always worked full-time (I took 3 months' maternity leave for the first child and 5 months for the second), and they accept without question the idea that mothers have careers too. They were interested and curious about my original career, but they have been really captivated by science and medicine ever since I went back to school. When I was in postbacc, I spent countless hours sitting in the living room trying to do my homework, while fielding constant questions: Mom, why is blood red? Why do your earlobes bounce back when you bend them? What is muscular dystrophy? What's a black hole?

We spent a really long time talking about how scientists and doctors work, what they do and why it's important. How to think about a problem and plan an experiment to find the answer. How to look up something you don't know, and how to tell quality sources from bad ones. They've also learned by watching me that if you want to go into a demanding and worthwhile field, you have to buckle down and really devote yourself to your studies. (The family that does homework together... ) And of course, they've heard many stories from my days in the hospital: some cool/interesting/unusual, many funny, a few sad. No matter what else happens, I think I've been able to give my kids quite an education just by going back to school.

The med school application process was an emotional rollercoaster, but the family was always there for me when things got tough. When it became clear that I wasn't going to get into a school close to home, we had a family council about what to do. After reflecting on it for a while, they decided (as I suspected would happen) that they'd rather stay put and have me move, so they wouldn't have to turn their entire lives upside down. But they never suggested that I shouldn't go to med school. They understood that this was a lifelong dream for which I'd worked so hard, and they were proud of what I'd achieved.

We got through the first year with periodic weekend visits (generally every 2-3 weeks), and nightly sessions on Skype. Although there were some moments where we really missed each other, for the most part everyone has been just fine. And now that I'm actually in med school, I'm just thrilled with all the incredible stuff I get to learn and do. Yes, it's a huge amount of work, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

So, to all the other women out there, I would say that it's not necessarily impossible to have both a fulfilling career and a family. Yes, you have to make some compromises, but that's true everywhere in life. And you may well find that your children's lives are enriched by the fact that you work, rather than being diminished as many people assume.

I'm not saying that every person would be happy with the same choices I made, but there are many different options for each individual. You just have to decide what really matters to you and move forward with hope and courage.

 

[shauna]

Go to med school now. If you don't you may regret it and it will come back to haunt you when you are older. You will look wistfully at doctors and wish you had pursued it "when you were younger."

If you really want the exciting career of physician it should be started early so you will have enough time to enjoy the practice. The schooling is similar to other high powered careers, and many high powered execs have kids. Perhaps you can find a caregiver to assist (nannies, grandparents, daycare). I know one woman who got married and had a child in M1-M2, enabled by her devoted husband, for example. When your child is old enough to understand and communicate, you will already have your med degree under your belt and better able to support it.

Another option is to freeze your eggs, for which your age is perfect. Med school is a great investment. Time goes by quickly, and you can never get these years back. I know, cause I was you at 28.

 

[jl lin]

Cook I hear you. Parents that haven't put all their energies into educating their kids DO NOT get it. They tell you this kind of parenting isn't beyond a Full time tough butt job. Whatever. If you haven't done it...and for more than a year or two w/ multiple kids you will not have a clue.


Parents don't teach their kids anymore...they let someone else do it...it's a shame...it is a privilege. I went to great public school, but my mom and particularly my dad taught us and took it seriously. So you don't have to homeschool to really teach your kids. Thing is, homeschooling is a ton of work on top of everything else. I will never regret it...even w/ all the work and stress.

>>


That's unfortunate that your mother would say that out-loud. However, raising children instead of having a career is very fulfilling for many people- I think it's reasonable to have hobbies/jobs/volunteer work/etc too. Being a stay at home mom doesn't mean you have to stay AT HOME LOL. Besides, when the kids start school- there isn't any reason to sit and twiddle your thumbs for 7 hours. I'm a stay at home mom, but I've continued to work 1 day per week in my field the whole time in addition to doing a lot of volunteer work, you certainly don't have to be sitting on the floor playing blocks and cleaning toilets all day. I'm a driven person, so that's just my personality, but I always felt that it was worth it. (it is/was)

I have to ask though, why, when one's children turn 18, is it time to pack away our lives and plop down into a rocker under an afghan? In my case, when my children are 18 and all grown up, I'm going to med school I'm turning 40 this month, and my life is FAR from over- I have at least another 25 years before I can even qualify for retirement!?!?

To the OP: your eggs, of course, will be gone one day and your children grow up no matter what you are doing. However, you have the rest of your life to be someone's employee. It is a matter of maturity when you know yourself and what YOU are capable of. Do either path, but do it well.

 

[Pons Asinorum]

Parents don't teach their kids anymore...they let someone else do it...it's a shame...

Glad to know my wife and I are sticking it to our son. Poor him...

 

[MiCasaMD]

OP,
I think you should listen to the stay at home mom with 4 kids. That way you can make 5 kids and have time to log onto SDN to give advice. It is quite obvious that having kids is more of a priority than committing to medical school. Let someone else have that valuable spot in medical school. You should stay home and make babies.

 

[QofQuimica]

Folks, I realize this topic tends to stir up people's passions on both sides of the debate. But please try to remember that there is a real person on the other end of that computer link, and be kind when you post your opinions.

 

[asnlady]

Greetings!

I'm sure hundreds of people have already asked this question, but I am still hoping to get some of your opinions on this issue.

I am 28 and just got accepted to med school for January 2011, and I am terribly scared to commit to this decision. My big concern:

- My age. Especially considering the fact that I am a girl, and will need to start a family and make many cute babies soon. If everything goes smoothly, I will be able to start practicing when I am 35-36 (don't know what exactly I would be practicing thought). If so, then when am I supposed to start procreating?... Besides, after reading how grueling med school and especially residency are (working 85 hrs/week, no time for the family etc.) I get discouraged more and more. I definitely don't want my family to be attention-deprived. How does one strike a good balance, and is it possible?

- Just came back from my family doctor. I was asking him all these questions, and really felt that his was trying to dissuade me from going to med school all together, or if I do decide to go, to choose a specialization that would allow me to have a lighter work load. What are those specializations? Anybody knows?

- My other concern is that med school might suck all life out of me, leaving me absolutely passionless, tired and with no ambitions. Will put me in the box so to speak and will make me work according to the protocol all my life, leaving no room for creativity. Should I just do an MBA? But where is the guarantee that after finishing it I will come with a revolutionary business idea and start making millions right away?... Being a physician seems to be more appropriate for a lady, who also wants to have a family, than being a business woman, it seems...

Are there lady physicians, who can share their life experience and their perspective on a situation like this? Or any opinion is highly welcomed!

Thanks!!

don't say you're too old! i'm 26 now and will be applying next year when i'm 27. which means that by the time i start, i'll be 28. i used to think about how i'm so old now and wonder about the family stuff, but if this is something you want to do, your age should not be considered as a liability but a sign of maturity (i hope that's how i come across to adcoms!).

by the way, i have to add, that only go through this if it's something you REALLY want. because your life WILL have to take a little bit of a back seat. please take what everyone is saying and really dwell on it. if this is something you're not sure you are willing to do, then be kind and let someone else take your spot.

good luck.

 

[jl lin]

Glad to know my wife and I are sticking it to our son. Poor him...

Dude I don't know if you two are or not. You missed what I said. (The person that said people here at SDN often only read 60% of what you write was dead on.) I said I WENT TO A GREAT PUBLIC SCHOOL. Guess what? My parents still took the time to teach us, a lot, all the way through college. It's a mentality--a lifestyle--a perspective on what family and parenting is about. Frankly I love the daylights out of my husband; but he just doesn't have that teaching/communicating thing that my father had. He was amazing--downright awesome. Point is, you don't have to home school to do this. It's more like being a part of a worldview and a philosophy. It's like classical education. It's about learning to be a part of the Great Conversations of Life and other such perspectives.


Don't take it in that negative extreme. The negative comment wasn't at all necessary or accurate. Like all things, it will be what you make of it.

 

[jl lin]

OP,
I think you should listen to the stay at home mom with 4 kids. That way you can make 5 kids and have time to log onto SDN to give advice. It is quite obvious that having kids is more of a priority than committing to medical school. Let someone else have that valuable spot in medical school. You should stay home and make babies.

Wow.

 

[TOLDUSO]

I'll be 28 when applying next year. I certainly hope that I have the opportunity to be accepted and I hope even more that if not, someone like yourself steps down so that I can move into that spot.

That may sound Dog-eat-dog, but being accepted to practically any US Medical school is an honor. I don't see it as something you do just to see whether or not you can get in. If you had any real passion for wanting to become a physician, it wouldn't even be a question of whether or not you were going to follow through with an acceptance.

That said, I am a male, already have kids, but do have a bit of compassion for you wanting to start a family before the inherent risks increase along with your age. Everyone here is going to have a slightly different opinion about what you should do but, at the end of the day, you have to do what is most important to you while considering where you want yourself to be in a decade, or even two.

Good luck.

 

[glamqueen]

OP - you said your acceptance was for Jan 2011. The only schools I know that do that timeframe of start dates are in the Caribb.

I do hope you've done your research on this, because you mentioned options and picking specialties with lighter work loads. I suppose you mean the ROAD specialties? As in the ROAD to happiness?

Rads, Optho, Anesth, Derm

You will not have as many opportunities to land those coming from the Caribbean. In fact, you'll be grateful to land pretty much anything. It's getting harder and harder to land a residency period coming from there.

I would decline that Caribbean acceptance if I were you, and I would soul-search on whether or not you should go to medical school more. THEN, if you really decide you want this - do what it takes to be competitive to apply to a US MD or DO school. THEN you WILL have the chance to land some of the more competitive residencies that are known for having cush hours and great family time (comparatively speaking).

Just my two cents...

 

[Studebug]

Greetings!

I'm sure hundreds of people have already asked this question, but I am still hoping to get some of your opinions on this issue.

I am 28 and just got accepted to med school for January 2011, and I am terribly scared to commit to this decision. My big concern:

- My age. Especially considering the fact that I am a girl, and will need to start a family and make many cute babies soon. If everything goes smoothly, I will be able to start practicing when I am 35-36 (don't know what exactly I would be practicing thought). If so, then when am I supposed to start procreating?... Besides, after reading how grueling med school and especially residency are (working 85 hrs/week, no time for the family etc.) I get discouraged more and more. I definitely don't want my family to be attention-deprived. How does one strike a good balance, and is it possible?

- Just came back from my family doctor. I was asking him all these questions, and really felt that his was trying to dissuade me from going to med school all together, or if I do decide to go, to choose a specialization that would allow me to have a lighter work load. What are those specializations? Anybody knows?

- My other concern is that med school might suck all life out of me, leaving me absolutely passionless, tired and with no ambitions. Will put me in the box so to speak and will make me work according to the protocol all my life, leaving no room for creativity. Should I just do an MBA? But where is the guarantee that after finishing it I will come with a revolutionary business idea and start making millions right away?... Being a physician seems to be more appropriate for a lady, who also wants to have a family, than being a business woman, it seems...

Are there lady physicians, who can share their life experience and their perspective on a situation like this? Or any opinion is highly welcomed!

Thanks!!

I can only share my road and offer suggestions. I am a MS2 at age 39 with 4 kids- 13, 11, 9, and 7. Life is perfectly fine. I go to school and eat lunch with the kids most weeks. Most of my classes have optional attendance. That will change the 3rd year- yes I realize that. I worked as a chemical engineer before. I completely understand the REAL world.
My thought is choose a field you can work part-time in. I know 2 family docs that work 1 day a week and homeschool their 4 children. I know multiple pediatricians that work part-time. It is a personal opinion. For me the best balance was working 2 days a week (as an engineer) and then I stayed home while they were little. I tried everything including staying home completely for 4 years. I have a pediatrician friend with 3 kids, 5 and under. She works 2-3 days per week. She had her first one in residency and did say that it was very difficult for her emotionally to focus on her job. Just keep that in mind in the timing. I hear the fourth year is pretty laid back and that is a good time to have a child but you will be gone for a lot of the toddler years.
Your age- not an issue. I am not even the oldest person in my class. There is an MS1 at my school that is 48.
Best of luck with your decisions. I applaud your forward thinking.