MD Another "Do I Quit" Post

[banana_phone]

Hi everyone. Feeling burnt out, bummed, and in need of some guidance that I'm not getting from my friends or husband.

Background: I am a 28 year old non-trad student attending school in the Midwest. I regretted my school choice almost immediately for many reasons, and wish I had chosen a school I was ultimately selected off the waitlist from, albeit too late to make it work for my husband. Out of 10 acceptances, I gravely feel I chose the wrong one almost every single day.

Now: I am 1 block into M2. I despised M1 year and had never been more depressed. I hate the school I've chosen (which uses a brand new completely flipped curriculum, and is far away from my friends and family in the NW). At the end of the year, I strongly considered dropping out, but had done average or slightly below average in every block and made it through. Took this summer completely off, got married, traveled, felt like an adult again with my life back.

I miss my family and friends all the time. One of my parents has long-standing health problems that aren't getting better. I've reached out to the only school in my home state (where i was waitlisted-->accepted) and they don't accept transfers. At this point, I don't really even believe my heart is in becoming a physician anymore. The thought of getting closer to Step 1 and entering M3 year where I won't be able to visit home regularly anymore gives me all-consuming anxiety.

I hate what I'm studying as a medical student, and I just want to care for patients. At this point, all I want to do is drop out and re-apply to a nurse practitioner program, but that feels financially reckless and I don't know that an NP program would even accept me as an MD drop out. At this point, I don't feel like I am willing to sacrifice everything to finish 2.5 more years of grueling school, away from my family, followed by 3 years of residency where I'm not even assured to get a position in the NW (there 2 peds programs....)

To make matter worse, I feel I'll be disappointing my husband if i drop out. He has made sacrificies to support us, and I had considerable student debt from undergrad, the post-bacc and medical school ($150k ish). Taking a LOA looks bad and delays everything, and I would realistically be leaving him in the Midwest to return to the NW to think things over.

What do I do? Tough it out and finish the MD? Take time off and re-evaluate? Apply to NP? Ultimately, I want to care for patients, but I'm not sure I fully weighed all of the sacrifices it would take to complete school so far from my family.

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[CyrusHabs7695]

You're almost half way there. Just keep grinding and move back out west when you finish.

 

[banana_phone]

You're almost half way there. Just keep grinding and move back out west when you finish.

I know that decision probably makes the most sense. It just scares me going into M3 and having zero free time where I can see my mom (who's health is in such bad condition now), and that the chances of matching Peds in Oregon or Washington are not good, with only 2 programs. In my current mental state, I cannot fathom how I'll get a strong enough step score to be competitive for those programs.

 

[nimbus]

2years is not a long time. 3rd year is much different than the preclinical years and 4th year is generally a breeze. You will be learning to take care of patients in a few short months. I would advise you stay. No career is perfect. If you go NP, you will find things you don’t like about that too. You are passing and P=MD.

 

[banana_phone]

2years is not a long time. 3rd year is much different than the preclinical years and 4th year is generally a breeze. You will be learning to take care of patients in a few short months. I would advise you stay. No career is perfect. If you go NP, you will find things you don’t like about that too. You are passing and P=MD.

I know on one level that you're right. My concern is that my heart isn't in it since I am constantly thinking about dropping out and that is a bad sign. M3 and the lack of flexibility literally makes my heart race. And being unable to give step the attention it deserves when I'm in such a dark place mentally is a defeating thought

Added to the lack of certainty about being able to match Peds in the northwest. It feels so overwhelming.

 

[wanderingorion]

I know on one level that you're right. My concern is that my heart isn't in it since I am constantly thinking about dropping out and that is a bad sign. M3 and the lack of flexibility literally makes my heart race. And being unable to give step the attention it deserves when I'm in such a dark place mentally is a defeating thought

Added to the lack of certainty about being able to match Peds in the northwest. It feels so overwhelming.

You can do it. Just take it one day/week at a time. All that stuff will come later. Focusing on the now will make the later better.

 

[atomi]

Tough it out. Your feelings are normal. Most people think about quitting.

 

[nimbus]

2 more points you probably already know.


1. The better you do on step 1, the better your chances for matching in the program of your choice. It is in times like this when you are feeling burnt out, unmotivated and full of doubt that you need to adopt a warrior mindset, that you will prevail no matter what. Flip the switch and crush your classes. You are clearly capable of attaining your goals. Do this for yourself.

2. 4th year is very flexible at most medical schools. You can probably arrange at least 2-4 months of electives in the PNW. If you act normal, it may even help you match there.

 

[nimbus]

Tough it out. Your feelings are normal. Most people think about quitting.

Not me. Even in medical school I knew I was a one trick pony

 

[banana_phone]

2 more points you probably already know.


1. The better you do on step 1, the better your chances for matching in the program of your choice. Perhaps you can turn this around in your head and use it to motivate yourself to prepare for the exam. Change your mindset. Flip the switch and crush your classes. You are clearly capable of attaining your goals. Do this for yourself.

2. 4th year is very flexible at most medical schools. You can probably arrange at least 2-4 months of electives in the PNW. If you act normal, it may even help you match there.

Definitely trying to do this and very much appreciate that advice and perspective.

I think some actual depression setting in may be getting in the way of this in particular, and I'll likely be reaching out for some help in this regard. I just can't stop looking at NP programs in Oregon and thinking about how I could just do that. Primary care was always the goal, and being an NP still lets me do that. But quitting feels so defeating too, especially after spending 3 years of post-bacc/MCAT getting to where I am now after leaving my first career choice, and grinding through first year without failing anything.

Between a rock and a hard place. And our school has given us ZERO info on what third year will look like, or if I'll be able at all to spend time with my sick mom in Oregon.

 

[nimbus]

Definitely trying to do this. I think some actual depression setting in may be getting in the way of this in particular, and I'll likely be reaching out for some help in this regard. I just can't stop looking at NP programs in Oregon and thinking about how I could just do that. Primary care was always the goal, and being an NP still lets me do that. But quitting feels so defeating too, especially after spending 3 years of post-bacc/MCAT getting to where I am now after leaving my first career choice, and grinding through first year without failing anything.

Between a rock and a hard place. And our school has given us ZERO info on what third year will look like, or if I'll be able at all to spend time with my sick mom in Oregon.

Yes it is easier said than done. Definitely find support for mental health issues which are very common in medical school. Again you’ve already come a long way. You are more than capable of doing this. At this point it is a matter of will.

The best place to get info about 3rd year are the current 3rd and 4th years.

 

[NicMouse64]

OP--I feel your pain. Although dropping out has not come to mind yet, one of my main motivations that keeps me going everyday is that the knowledge may one day be useful for my sick parent. When I get down, I think about that and am able to push through that next two hour pomodoro timer. I am still humbled by the complexities and depth of knowledge that we are learning.

I'm not an optimistic person, but I do still try to use positive aspects of my situation to dampen the negatives. Say yes this sucks, but at least my husband is here. At least I can one day use this knowledge to positively impact the lives of my patients and maybe my family members.

 

[curbsideconsult]

What do I do? Tough it out and finish the MD? Take time off and re-evaluate? Apply to NP? Ultimately, I want to care for patients, but I'm not sure I fully weighed all of the sacrifices it would take to complete school so far from my family.

I say do your best to tough it out this year while also looking for ways to do a "research" year in which you can a) fly back and forth between family/friends and husband, b) take time to prepare for Step, and c) re-evaluate.

If you're itching to care for patients, just wait a few more months. You likely won't get to do a whole lot the first few months on third year rotations, but at least you'll be in the thick of it and out in the trenches and not PBL-ing your life away.

Look back at your old SDN posts so you can remember what it was like to be a hungry pre-med and think what past you would say to you now.

Added to the lack of certainty about being able to match Peds in the northwest. It feels so overwhelming.

Primary care was always the goal,

If primary care was always the goal, do you have to go into peds? After third year rotations, you might not even like peds. You can also look into FM and psych programs if you're looking for primary care practice. There are plenty of those programs in the PNW.

My concern is that my heart isn't in it since I am constantly thinking about dropping out and that is a bad sign.

As mentioned previously, this is pretty normal and will be even more normal when it comes time to studying for Step. There was many a day during Step study I wanted to go back in time and slap my old self silly for putting me through this. I would argue that it would be a bad sign if you felt like you were breezing through medical school and life was just hunky dory right now. I would seriously question your judgment.

And our school has given us ZERO info on what third year will look like, or if I'll be able at all to spend time with my sick mom in Oregon.

Again, as mentioned previously, try to talk to current 3rd and 4th years about what clinical years are like at your school. Also try to find current 4th years who are doing away rotations in the PNW and talk to them.

I'm not sure I fully weighed all of the sacrifices it would take to complete school so far from my family.

I'm not sure any of us knows the true weight of the sacrifices of medical school prior to matriculation. Yes, we tell people we understand and we know it's hard work, yada, yada, yada, but no one really knows until they get there. It's like having kids (or so I've been told). Prior to med school, we're blinded by our seemingly bright futures once we get that one acceptance in our hands. During med school, we're equally blinded, but this time by the deep black hole created by the weight of the massive amount of work we have to do. In either case, it's hard to evaluate your life from an objective standpoint when you can't see anything.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure you're doing it for you and not because others (SDNers or IRL) are pressuring you. Whether a good thing or a bad thing, there's no right answer in situations like this. It just is what it is and you just have to make do with what you have. Good luck.

 

[Newyawk]

Im rooting for you OP. Stop looking at NP programs. It would be a poor choice all around. Wishing you the best.

 

[banana_phone]

Thank you all who have responded..... I hadn't even considered taking a "research" year so to speak. That sounds like something that could work for me. Or take a year to get an MPH, which is something I had always wanted to do at some point anyway. Either that or research (which my application currently completely lacks) could boost my application and allow me to spend some important time with my mom - hopefully after finishing this year/Step 1.

But, I'm not sure if anybody knows how program directors look at this.....I feel like I have a pretty good reason to explain why I took the time off (sick parent with limited support network at home in Oregon), and if it were a productive year with research/another degree..would that help?

Also not sure if my school allows this. Sounds like I should talk to someone. First, a mental health professional, and someone at my school.

 

[MedicineN'Jazz]

Thank you all who have responded..... I hadn't even considered taking a "research" year so to speak. That sounds like something that could work for me. Or take a year to get an MPH, which is something I had always wanted to do at some point anyway. Either that or research (which my application currently completely lacks) could boost my application and allow me to spend some important time with my mom - hopefully after finishing this year/Step 1.

But, I'm not sure if anybody knows how program directors look at this.....I feel like I have a pretty good reason to explain why I took the time off (sick parent with limited support network at home in Oregon), and if it were a productive year with research/another degree..would that help?

Also not sure if my school allows this. Sounds like I should talk to someone. First, a mental health professional, and someone at my school.

I dont think i know a single school that doesn’t allow for students to take a gap year or a year to complete their MPH. Definitely bring the concerns up with your office of learning and teaching though. Wishing you the best of luck!

 

[chizledfrmstone]

Definitely trying to do this and very much appreciate that advice and perspective.

I think some actual depression setting in may be getting in the way of this in particular, and I'll likely be reaching out for some help in this regard. I just can't stop looking at NP programs in Oregon and thinking about how I could just do that. Primary care was always the goal, and being an NP still lets me do that. But quitting feels so defeating too, especially after spending 3 years of post-bacc/MCAT getting to where I am now after leaving my first career choice, and grinding through first year without failing anything.

Between a rock and a hard place. And our school has given us ZERO info on what third year will look like, or if I'll be able at all to spend time with my sick mom in Oregon.

You need to see a medical professional. SDN is not the best place for advice regarding this.

 

[Planes2Doc]

I think a lot of your peers feel this way, but put up a fake front. I think that only makes things worse. I was in your position. I completely blocked out my MS-1 year like it had never happened, and it got progressively better from there. I often frequent the pre-medical board, and tell pre-meds that this is only a part of the journey with a far more important end-goal in mind, being a physician. Although medical school seems like the end goal as a pre-med, it isn't. So let me say this...

Medical school sucks. It is an absolutely awful experience for so many people. I know that it has changed me for a person, in some ways better, in some ways worse. The amount of information in MS-1 particularly was just brutal, and at many times inhumane. For anyone who tells you what a privilege it is to be in medical school, I say that it's not a privilege to be beaten down with insane amounts of material in a pressure-cooker environment. If I wanted to learn about the human body, I could go on the internet or pick up a book. There is no point in getting my ass continuously hit with a paddle and me saying, "Thank you sir, may I please have another?" No no no. You aren't here for the privilege of becoming a medical student. You are here to become a physician. I don't want to get flamed for not posting a rosy picture. I wish people would see the costs that medical school has on its students, which includes serious depression and suicide. Residency has been much kinder, even intern year is miles ahead of MS-1. Medical school =/= being a physician.

Like all terrible times in life, things do pass. If you feel that you are depressed. Please please please seek help immediately. There is absolutely no shame in seeing a psychiatrist, or a counselor. Counselors should be available free of charge at your institution.

At the end of the day, here is the most important lesson that I will leave you with: Whatever choice you make is between you, any higher power you may believe in, and family. The only person who can make the right decision is going to be you, not someone on SDN, not a friend who has no idea what medical school entails (don't get me started, this can make things worse), or other people who are not immediately near and dear to you. But there is one thing that should NOT be making this decision for you, and please make sure that it doesn't. Do not let anxiety, depression, or burn out (temporary) make the decision to put an end to something you have worked so hard for and something that so many people would wish they had. Get these factors under control, and then make the decision for yourself. If you decide to continue, good for you. If you decide to quit, that's okay too (do not worry about disappointing your family, they want what's best for you). Just make sure that it is YOU making the decision, and not something or someone else.

 

[banana_phone]

@Goro @aProgDirector @gyngyn what do you folks think? I am finding myself utterly unable to focus and the stress of all of this, I think, is starting to impact my physical health (unexplained headaches and trips to neurology to determine the cause -- all during exam week - which I now may have to defer).

I don't want to rush into an LOA or consider dropping out while I'm feeling so unstable from a mental health perspective, but don't want to damage my application chances either. If I finish out the year and then take an LOA/do some research (which I'm lacking) or get an MPH, would this be looked at unfavorably (assuming I decide I want to come back to medical school).

I'm just not sure where Step 1 falls into any of this. I'm supposed to take it this spring. If I take an LOA, I don't want it to look like I was just delaying taking Step 1....

 

[Goro]

@Goro @aProgDirector @gyngyn what do you folks think? I am finding myself utterly unable to focus and the stress of all of this, I think, is starting to impact my physical health (unexplained headaches and trips to neurology to determine the cause -- all during exam week - which I now may have to defer).

I don't want to rush into an LOA or consider dropping out while I'm feeling so unstable from a mental health perspective, but don't want to damage my application chances either. If I finish out the year and then take an LOA/do some research (which I'm lacking) or get an MPH, would this be looked at unfavorably (assuming I decide I want to come back to medical school).

I'm just not sure where Step 1 falls into any of this. I'm supposed to take it this spring. If I take an LOA, I don't want it to look like I was just delaying taking Step 1....

If you were my advisee, I would grab you by the neck and personally drag you to our school's therapy/counseling center. I'm not getting a sense from your posts that you have sought out any help from professionals.

Have you? If not, please don't be a noncompliant patient. You're going to have plenty of those on your own in your career. And if you were peeing blood right now, would you just ignore it? Or try to tough it out?

There are times when I read of enough woes from an SDNer in your shoes that I advise bailing, but I don't think that you're there yet.

My read of the PD mindset is that an LOA for health reasons is not as lethal as you think it is.

tldr:
1) Get thee to your mental health people STAT
2) Something is broken, so take a year to go heal.

 

[banana_phone]

If you were my advisee, I would grab you by the neck and personally drag you to our school's therapy/counseling center. I'm not getting a sense from your posts that you have sought out any help from professionals.

Have you?

I have started seeing a school therapist that I actually really like, about a month ago. Things just really hit the fan this week with this headache/hospital visits coinciding with exam week...I have an appointment with her on Thursday. It's just so hard to study effectively between the health and mental health stuff.

You're absolutely right about using this resource more. And I will have to strongly consider the LOA. It is just a difficult pill to swallow when I'm almost halfway done, with step on the horizon. I greatly appreciate the input, more than you know. Thank you.

 

[gyngyn]

@Goro @aProgDirector @gyngyn what do you folks think? I am finding myself utterly unable to focus and the stress of all of this, I think, is starting to impact my physical health (unexplained headaches and trips to neurology to determine the cause -- all during exam week - which I now may have to defer).

I don't want to rush into an LOA or consider dropping out while I'm feeling so unstable from a mental health perspective, but don't want to damage my application chances either. If I finish out the year and then take an LOA/do some research (which I'm lacking) or get an MPH, would this be looked at unfavorably (assuming I decide I want to come back to medical school).

I'm just not sure where Step 1 falls into any of this. I'm supposed to take it this spring. If I take an LOA, I don't want it to look like I was just delaying taking Step 1....

This is what LoA's are for.

 

[Planes2Doc]

This is what LoA's are for.

Exactly this. Your application will take a much bigger hit if you can't do it in the first place due to failing out, than having to explain an LOA but still graduating.

 

[Ho0v-man]

Maaan I can sympathize with you OP. Maybe I missed it but is OP an RN? If not, won’t it take at least as long to become an NP if not longer?

If you want Peds or FM, etc then yeah MAYBE you won’t train exactly where you want because of residency availability in that state. But those are the most in demand fields and once you’re done training you can work anywhere. Heck after intern year you can probably moonlight for more than you’d make as an NP.

 

[NotAProgDirector]

You need to take an LOA. End of story. Continuing onward with what you're describing is doomed to problems -- you're already missing exams. Now you'll need to study for those exams, and fall behind on the new material. And remember that unlike undergrad, this is all cumulative -- at the end is S1 which tests everything, so you can't "leap frog" it (i.e. cram for an exam, pass, and then forget that material and repeat).

Take an LOA, sort out your personal problems. Figure out what's most important to you. Forget about transferring medical schools -- that's def not happening if you take an LOA. Do research if you want -- back home somewhere. I wouldn't get another degree unless 1) you really want it, or 2) you're thinking of a new career and this would help, or 3) you're independently wealthy and cost is no issue / you get a full ride.

Will an LOA be a problem if/when you apply for residency? Maybe. But many programs/fields will understand that personal issues got in the way. And if you find something productive to do with the time, that would help. But if you start failing everything, many programs / fields will NOT consider you.

 

[BidingMyTime]

OP, average life span in the US is 80 years, to finish medical school/residency, you are talking about only 3 to finish medical school, at at worse, a 3 year residency outside of the NW. This is such a small time, to have your degree and to be able to work anywhere in the NW you want to for the next ~49 years.

Maaan I can sympathize with you OP. Maybe I missed it but is OP an RN? If not, won’t it take at least as long to become an NP if not longer?

Very good point. OP, you are aware that you have to have a BSN to apply for a NP program (although there are all in 1 programs where you get both degrees?) I don't see how NP is a viable alternative given the debt you already have.

 

[mistafab]

I would definitely take an LOA like the wisened doc said above.

You gotta take time during that year and really think about it if you want to stop this train or not. If you decide to quit when the dust has settled a bit, and after getting some help/counseling, then go for it and don’t look back.

I feel like quitting while you are really deep into this dark spot makes it hard to make a good decision - whatever that may be.

 

[banana_phone]

Maaan I can sympathize with you OP. Maybe I missed it but is OP an RN? If not, won’t it take at least as long to become an NP if not longer?

If you want Peds or FM, etc then yeah MAYBE you won’t train exactly where you want because of residency availability in that state. But those are the most in demand fields and once you’re done training you can work anywhere. Heck after intern year you can probably moonlight for more than you’d make as an NP.

Not an RN. I had a brief career in a non-healthcare related field before deciding to go back and do a post-bacc. The NP route wouldn't be shorter, no. Just would allow me to go back to the place I love and be closer to the people that I love. I do still feel I want to be a physician. The road there just feels so long and unflexible at the moment.

I'm going to talk to the counseling center tomorrow. A leave (which could only be for a full year) sounds equally daunting, but pushing through in this headspace could definitely lead to disaster. All of the wise professionals here are suggesting the same thing. Would waiting to take step and then taking a break between M2 and M3 be bad (assuming I could give Step 1 my all.....) I just don't know if calling pulling the plug right is the best choice or if I should try to finish the year.


Missing the exam this week is medically excused and I will most likely be taking it early next week, so I won't be behind unless I fail it

 

[Ho0v-man]

I do still feel I want to be a physician.

Then you will absolutely hate being an NP. I struggled with doc vs PA a while before school. I really wish I wanted to do it because its so much easier. But think about the end game where you make less money and never really know what you’re doing.

If you can shake this and refocus then I’d push through if you can. A LOA isn’t the end of the world though, especially considering your goals. As an aside, the academic fellows at my school look ridiculously happier than they did as MS2’s this time last year. Yeah they’re still far from home, but they’re way less stressed and have time to visit family and vacation. Most said they wanted the time to just feel like a human again. Doing that and maybe cranking some research in your downtime (they have a lot of it) might actually make you more competitive and give you pseudo-break at the same time.

I really hope you figure this out. Like all things, this too shall pass. Good luck.

 

[fldoctorgirl]

Hey OP. I just wanted to share, I struggled with a lot of the same things when I started M1 this year. I too turned down an acceptance close to home where I could have stayed with my family, and when I first moved out here to the Midwest I got pretty depressed and was constantly regretting my decision. I was crying every day, couldn't focus on studying, and felt like the next 4 years were going to be the longest years of my life. Like you say, I literally felt like "how am I supposed to make it through these 4 years?". I contemplated why I had wanted this in the first place, why I hadn't stayed home, why I chose to pursue being a doctor. I would break down in the middle of my studying just thinking about how I wanted to be home, not try to understand this insane amount of information, and just quit.

I saw myself spiraling to a bad pattern where I was barely passing my first few classes and was basically miserable constantly. I too went to see the on-campus psychologist a few times, and that was super helpful. But for me, the most helpful thing was talking with my mom. I was 100% honest about how I was feeling and she reminded me that this was the best decision for me right now, that the time would pass, and that it would all be worth it. I'm sure it hurts terribly to be away from your mom, especially since she is sick, but think about this: would she want you to drop your dreams because of her? Probably not.

I picked myself up by telling myself this: I want to match back home. If I want to maximize my chances of doing that, I need to do the best that I can. So, that's what I'm trying to do, taking it one day at a time. I know right now the next 2.5 years seem like forever, but you can do it! I know it's easier said than done, so if you feel like you need some time off, I agree that taking a LOA might not be a bad idea. But, I don't think changing careers will fix your problems. Good luck!

 

[ceilingfan019]

As I read your post, I immediately thought that an LOA would be a good choice for you. Burn out is so common, and a year to pursue research, MPH, etc is a great way to recalibrate. I'm in the middle of my research year now, and it's been great! I commute to my research job now from home so I spend lots of time with my parents. I think this would be a great set up for you if you can go back to the NW and either commute from from like I'm doing or be close enough to go home often. Good luck OP.

 

[Entadus]

Hey OP. I just wanted to share, I struggled with a lot of the same things when I started M1 this year. I too turned down an acceptance close to home where I could have stayed with my family, and when I first moved out here to the Midwest I got pretty depressed and was constantly regretting my decision. I was crying every day, couldn't focus on studying, and felt like the next 4 years were going to be the longest years of my life. Like you say, I literally felt like "how am I supposed to make it through these 4 years?". I contemplated why I had wanted this in the first place, why I hadn't stayed home, why I chose to pursue being a doctor. I would break down in the middle of my studying just thinking about how I wanted to be home, not try to understand this insane amount of information, and just quit.

I saw myself spiraling to a bad pattern where I was barely passing my first few classes and was basically miserable constantly. I too went to see the on-campus psychologist a few times, and that was super helpful. But for me, the most helpful thing was talking with my mom. I was 100% honest about how I was feeling and she reminded me that this was the best decision for me right now, that the time would pass, and that it would all be worth it. I'm sure it hurts terribly to be away from your mom, especially since she is sick, but think about this: would she want you to drop your dreams because of her? Probably not.

I picked myself up by telling myself this: I want to match back home. If I want to maximize my chances of doing that, I need to do the best that I can. So, that's what I'm trying to do, taking it one day at a time. I know right now the next 2.5 years seem like forever, but you can do it! I know it's easier said than done, so if you feel like you need some time off, I agree that taking a LOA might not be a bad idea. But, I don't think changing careers will fix your problems. Good luck!

A common experience for a midwest transplant (says a guy who matched close to home)

Although being a resident is infinitely better than being an M1 anyway, so the location isn't nearly as big a deal!

 

[HKSZYU]

Also jumping on the LOA train. You clearly want this and I think you'd regret dropping in the long-term. Give yourself the time you need to get yourself back in order and then get back in the fight. I'm rooting for you OP.

 

[Frogger27]

LOA but if not just finish and apply to family medicine programs in your area. You’ll still be able to see kids. I don’t see the point of dropping out and pursuing another NP type career.

 

[banana_phone]

Just wanted to give everyone an update, and a thank you for all of your kind words this fall.

I ultimately passed the block I was struggling in, and sought the help I needed. I am seeing a therapist and have been started on an anti-depressant which has seriously changed my life in 8 weeks. I am feeling motivated and determined and will not be taking an LOA after all. Hearing that taking a leave would have been okay, and letting myself consider those options, got me to the point where I felt comfortable talking to somebody, and taking ownership of my mental health. I even got a 97% on my most recent midterm, which is SO MUCH BETTER than my previous efforts in medical school.

All this to say, hooray for modern medicine! And I'm very grateful for the kindness displayed in this community.

 

[Premed2295]

Maybe take a year out to be with your mom, and then go back a year behind schedule once she passes?

The last thing you ever want is to regret the time you didn’t see her

 

[MedicineN'Jazz]

Maybe take a year out to be with your mom, and then go back a year behind schedule once she passes?

The last thing you ever want is to regret the time you didn’t see her

What was the point of this post exactly?

 

[AsianPersuasion]

Maybe take a year out to be with your mom, and then go back a year behind schedule once she passes?

The last thing you ever want is to regret the time you didn’t see her

Who da fug says these type of things?

OP, we've all been there. M1 and M2 is as rough as it gets (for me that is). But if you love patient care like I do, third and fourth year will be much much more enjoyable as you're not constantly studying and are actually putting some of the knowledge you learn toward patient care. As cliche as it sounds, reflect back on why you started this journey...take it one day / one week or one month at a time. One foot in front of the other.

 

[Psai]

If it's MD vs NP I would finish out the MD instead of spending the rest of your life wondering "what if" and telling everyone that you're "basically a doctor" when deep down inside you know that you're not.

 

[Doctor of Democracy]

Hi everyone. Feeling burnt out, bummed, and in need of some guidance that I'm not getting from my friends or husband.

Background: I am a 28 year old non-trad student attending school in the Midwest. I regretted my school choice almost immediately for many reasons, and wish I had chosen a school I was ultimately selected off the waitlist from, albeit too late to make it work for my husband. Out of 10 acceptances, I gravely feel I chose the wrong one almost every single day.

Now: I am 1 block into M2. I despised M1 year and had never been more depressed. I hate the school I've chosen (which uses a brand new completely flipped curriculum, and is far away from my friends and family in the NW). At the end of the year, I strongly considered dropping out, but had done average or slightly below average in every block and made it through. Took this summer completely off, got married, traveled, felt like an adult again with my life back.

I miss my family and friends all the time. One of my parents has long-standing health problems that aren't getting better. I've reached out to the only school in my home state (where i was waitlisted-->accepted) and they don't accept transfers. At this point, I don't really even believe my heart is in becoming a physician anymore. The thought of getting closer to Step 1 and entering M3 year where I won't be able to visit home regularly anymore gives me all-consuming anxiety.

I hate what I'm studying as a medical student, and I just want to care for patients. At this point, all I want to do is drop out and re-apply to a nurse practitioner program, but that feels financially reckless and I don't know that an NP program would even accept me as an MD drop out. At this point, I don't feel like I am willing to sacrifice everything to finish 2.5 more years of grueling school, away from my family, followed by 3 years of residency where I'm not even assured to get a position in the NW (there 2 peds programs....)

To make matter worse, I feel I'll be disappointing my husband if i drop out. He has made sacrificies to support us, and I had considerable student debt from undergrad, the post-bacc and medical school ($150k ish). Taking a LOA looks bad and delays everything, and I would realistically be leaving him in the Midwest to return to the NW to think things over.

What do I do? Tough it out and finish the MD? Take time off and re-evaluate? Apply to NP? Ultimately, I want to care for patients, but I'm not sure I fully weighed all of the sacrifices it would take to complete school so far from my family.

You've came this far, why would you even consider withdrawal from MD to become a NP. You have to stick it out. The worst part is almost over, it does get better. You need to find a way to get through. One day at a time. You'll regret not finishing for the rest of your life as will your financial situation.

 

[MedicineN'Jazz]

You've came this far, why would you even consider withdrawal from MD to become a NP. You have to stick it out. The worst part is almost over, it does get better. You need to find a way to get through. One day at a time. You'll regret not finishing for the rest of your life as will your financial situation.

Whichever mod revoked this user’s membership, thank you. That’s it

 

[Horners]

Hi everyone. Feeling burnt out, bummed, and in need of some guidance that I'm not getting from my friends or husband.

Background: I am a 28 year old non-trad student attending school in the Midwest. I regretted my school choice almost immediately for many reasons, and wish I had chosen a school I was ultimately selected off the waitlist from, albeit too late to make it work for my husband. Out of 10 acceptances, I gravely feel I chose the wrong one almost every single day.

Now: I am 1 block into M2. I despised M1 year and had never been more depressed. I hate the school I've chosen (which uses a brand new completely flipped curriculum, and is far away from my friends and family in the NW). At the end of the year, I strongly considered dropping out, but had done average or slightly below average in every block and made it through. Took this summer completely off, got married, traveled, felt like an adult again with my life back.

I miss my family and friends all the time. One of my parents has long-standing health problems that aren't getting better. I've reached out to the only school in my home state (where i was waitlisted-->accepted) and they don't accept transfers. At this point, I don't really even believe my heart is in becoming a physician anymore. The thought of getting closer to Step 1 and entering M3 year where I won't be able to visit home regularly anymore gives me all-consuming anxiety.

I hate what I'm studying as a medical student, and I just want to care for patients. At this point, all I want to do is drop out and re-apply to a nurse practitioner program, but that feels financially reckless and I don't know that an NP program would even accept me as an MD drop out. At this point, I don't feel like I am willing to sacrifice everything to finish 2.5 more years of grueling school, away from my family, followed by 3 years of residency where I'm not even assured to get a position in the NW (there 2 peds programs....)

To make matter worse, I feel I'll be disappointing my husband if i drop out. He has made sacrificies to support us, and I had considerable student debt from undergrad, the post-bacc and medical school ($150k ish). Taking a LOA looks bad and delays everything, and I would realistically be leaving him in the Midwest to return to the NW to think things over.

What do I do? Tough it out and finish the MD? Take time off and re-evaluate? Apply to NP? Ultimately, I want to care for patients, but I'm not sure I fully weighed all of the sacrifices it would take to complete school so far from my family.

I definitely think knowing that you had other options aside from this school is really what’s messing with your head.

The first two years of Medical school were absolute hell for me personally. My way to cope was blaming our school administration everyday. Everyday I said “these people are the most incompetent idiots on the face of the planet.” And frankly, they kind of were. New curriculum, super disorganized, pointless mandatory lectures.

Now most medical students who read that are probably like “I wonder if Horners went to MY school??” And that’s because everyone feels this way about their administration. I realized this when I talked to friends in other Med schools.

Ask yourself, would you be filled with as much sadness if you DIDN’T have other options? Probably not. I think regardless of which school you went to, this feeling would have occurred, because you were bound to struggle anyway (not saying you are dumb, I am saying M1/M2 sucks for almost everyone).

Would another school have been less painful to go to than this one? Maybe.

How can we go back in time and change your decision? We can’t.

I’m not being mean. I just think you have to accept this decision and move forward. You’re in a US school, you will most likely match and you will most likely put this all behind you one day. Don’t let the circumstance crush you, adapt and own it.

I would advise maybe going to therapy and attaining strategies for better coping skills, if you’d be interested.

There is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel and I think you are strong enough to reach it.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

What the **** is wrong with you?

Pre-med

 

[PursuingHappy]

The OP has made an update to the original post. She is doing better.