Another "quitting fellowship" thread

[feif11]

I'm 2 years into a peds fellowship - and increasingly miserable as the days go by. Fifteen months to go before I'm done. I miss primary care terribly and when I finish, I will likely not practice much in my chosen (very depressing and frustrating) subspecialty. Also: the fellowship itself is absurd and rather malignant, I'm taught nothing, essentially treated like an intern by my attendings, etc.

The reason to stay on would be to take on extra consulting work and maybe make a slightly better living with the subspecialty training. However... having daily near-unbearable anxiety and the next year-plus-two-months looking very grim.

Thoughts? I did sign my contract for the upcoming academic year, but I don't quite know what that means. Also I'm the only fellow in my program so the program would essentially die with me (good riddance). Dreaming of just returning to good old primary care peds.

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[22031 Alum]

I did child psych consults, which was basically all child abuse cases, as part of my Psych clerkship. I have never been so depressed, before or since. Props to you for even having the desire to work in such a tough field.

Do you see a counselor or therapist of any kind? Exploring some coping mechanisms might help. Other than that, it may be best to start talking to your director about leaving. It doesn't sound like you would end up functioning too well as a pediatrician if you kept going.

 

[feif11]

Thank you so much. The desire to "do noble work" was once there... but honestly in retrospect I do not think I thought it out well before going into the fellowship to start with.

I know in my heart, gut, etc that I do not feel right doing this work. Not right now, anyway. And yes, I do go to therapy, lately it has been all about "Should I stay or should I go...?"

I have lots of people telling me, though, that just sticking it out ONE MORE YEAR will look so good for future employment, bla bla. One year is a hell of a long time to be filled with depression and anxiety...

 

[22031 Alum]

You have to ask yourself if it will be good for your future employment if you burn out and are turned off from practicing at all. You're in a better position than someone having a similar crisis with incomplete training. Not that you should be burning bridges, but you don't necessarily need to sacrifice your mental health for the sake of job prospects.

 

[gutonc]

Bail now. You hate the work, hate the program, don't want to do it ever again. Why stick it out? You'll have no problem finding a gen peds job just because you left a fellowship. That's a really easy thing to explain away. Not saying you'll have an easy time finding a Gen Peds job (I have no idea what the market is like), but quitting this fellowship won't be the reason for it if you do.

 

[cabinbuilder]

You have already finished residency. If you hate it that much just get out now.