Anyone else depressed?

[catdoc]

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I remember reading a thread about this a while back, but wanted to get some new thoughts as now I find myself in this situation.

I have always been a pretty happy person and always saw the glass as half full. However, now I am a second year vet student and for the last couple months have just been not myself. Not much makes me happy anymore, I cry for no reason (sometimes a lot), would be quite content not leaving my house ever and the thought of going back to school terrifies me (even though I am doing quite fine). I thought it might just be the stress of the end of the semester, but now having been off from school for 3 weeks and not feeling any better (actually getting worse), I know something else must be going on. I have scheduled an appointment with a counselor at my school. I have talked to a lot of my classmates about it but they do not seem to get what I am talking about. They tell me it is just stress and not to worry. A lot of my friends are also married and have a built in support at home where I have no one and that makes things a bit rough at times. So I guess I just wanted to see if anyone else out there (vet student or not) has gone through or is going through such a time in their lives and how things turned out/are going for them.

Thanks for any input!

 

[JustCats]

Catdoc,

It sounds like you are depressed and not just stressed. There are many types of depression; I suffered in high school from what I now realize was chronic depression. Back then, unfortunately for me and many others, depression was not so well understood and mine went untreated. Then one day I woke up and felt fine--two years later. The medical profession has a much better understanding of depression now so you won't have to suffer like I did.

I'm glad you have an appointment with a counselor. Please make sure to keep it, no matter what. You need to get diagnosed, get treated, and get on with studying for your very bright future.

Mayo Clinic self-assessment

WebMD depression center

 

[VeganChick]

Hey catdoc-

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have been suffering from clinical depression for years and it is awful. With what you describe, it does sound as if you are depressed. And you are right, people who aren't depressed don't understand it.

You are doing the right thing in planning to visit a counselor. Serious depression is not something you can get through by yourself. One thing I might suggest in the meantime is to get yourself involved in something until you go back to school. I always have especially bad periods when school ends and all of a sudden I have all this free time. You might have to make yourself do something, but do it. One of my many therapists once said to me during one of my very worst periods (I basically sat on my couch for an entire summer) that you think, "I'll do X when I feel better," but your thinking has to be, "I'll do X in order to feel better." That might help a little while you are home.

If you want to talk more or anything, feel free to PM me. Hang in there, you'll make it through this.

 

[littlelisa]

Your words sound so familiar to me. This was the way I felt in high school and no one but my mom seemed to understand what I was going through. Fortunately, my mom did understand, she went through the exact same thing and I was following in her footsteps. I can't stress enough how important it is to see a counselor/therapist just for the sake of having someone to talk to. Even then you will probably feel better. But if you continue to feel depressed, go again and again if you need to. I was put on anti-depressants and I feel like I entered a new life. I was still the same person but I was able to talk to more people and make more friends, and I was able to focus and decide how I wanted to come across to other people. Before that point I think I came across as bitchy and unapproachable simply because I wasn't happy and not really able to open up to people. This is another reason why I'm so thankful for my diagnosis. For me this was easier for my therapist to diagnose and prescribe medication because I had a family history, but I actually said to her that I wanted to try medication because I had felt this way for so long. She told me to think about it for a week and then we would go ahead with it.

Anyways, sorry for the rambling, but I'm not usually all about treating everything with drugs, but for depression I think it is many times essential. In my case, I couldn't live without it. Vet school would have never been in my future without treatment.

Do not give up until you feel good and like yourself again. It's not fair for you to feel sad and wanting to cry all the time when you should be fulfilling your dream right now. Let me know if you want to talk about anything. Good luck.

 

[chris03333]

I remember reading a thread about this a while back, but wanted to get some new thoughts as now I find myself in this situation.

I have always been a pretty happy person and always saw the glass as half full. However, now I am a second year vet student and for the last couple months have just been not myself. Not much makes me happy anymore, I cry for no reason (sometimes a lot), would be quite content not leaving my house ever and the thought of going back to school terrifies me (even though I am doing quite fine). I thought it might just be the stress of the end of the semester, but now having been off from school for 3 weeks and not feeling any better (actually getting worse), I know something else must be going on. I have scheduled an appointment with a counselor at my school. I have talked to a lot of my classmates about it but they do not seem to get what I am talking about. They tell me it is just stress and not to worry. A lot of my friends are also married and have a built in support at home where I have no one and that makes things a bit rough at times. So I guess I just wanted to see if anyone else out there (vet student or not) has gone through or is going through such a time in their lives and how things turned out/are going for them.

Thanks for any input!

You are not alone. LOTS of people go through depression similar to what you are describing in vet school. Second year is actually the worst. It is much harder being without support. It is good that you have identified this correctly as depression and not "just stress". The best thing you can do for yourself now is to build your support. The school counselor is a very good first step. Keep moving in the direction to make yourself feel better!

 

[flyhi]

Some people also have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and feel most depressed this time of year. It is important that you get a proper diagnosis and treatment. It sounds like there are a lot of people here already that have been through or are going through something similar.

Best of Luck and let us know how it goes. 😍

 

[meteredspot]

I went through something similar in high school and perpetuated through my undergraduate years. It was a much gradual process for me, to the point where I did not realize I was learning to live with my depression rather than work through it. Things started getting worse once my grades were started to get affected in college. It was completely cyclical -- I would get a lackluster result from my exams and fall deeper into depression. During my sophomore year my boyfriend put his foot down and forced me to talk with a psychologist. It is one of the best decisions I have ever made. It took two years but my therapist and I finally figured out the root of my depression as being anxiety based and other family related issues.

It's wonderful that you have made an appointment with the counselor and most importantly, that you are "nipping it in the butt." Just remember to never give up on yourself and that this too shall pass.

 

[catdoc]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments. It is a nice feeling to know I am not the only one going through this. It is so weird not to be able to control my feelings like I used to. I am hoping that talking to the counselor at school helps a bit as I definitely do not have a strong support group right now. Even though I do not know any of you, your kind words of support help a bit! I will keep everyone posted as things progress. My fear is letting this get even more out of my control and have school start to suffer. I am sure stress has played a role in maybe kicking this depression into high gear (that and the ever looming financial woes of being poor and paying OOS for all 4 years), but I am pretty sure something else is going on. Thanks again for your words of support 🙂

 

[Electrophile]

If I may add to everything, I don't think I was quite depressed first year per se, but it was not a fun time. It was really hard to keep focused on things that were actually relevant to my future career instead of all this somewhat useless BS that we have to regurgitate. What helped me was taking time to do things to remember why exactly I liked veterinary medicine, like I'd go down to where the mule barn was and just sit and pet the mules for a few minutes after class or I'd go volunteer at the shelter for an afternoon. Or lurk on VIN for a while just to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Try doing little things to keep everything in perspective and surround yourself with positive, relatively drama free people is what I'd recommend in addition to seeing a counselor. We have a PhD psychologist who does free consultations on a weekly basis and who also gives little workshops throughout the semester about stress, relationships, that sort of thing. Best of luck!

 

[DollyyLlama]

I have anxiety issues, and my diagnosis and treatment at age 18 was a turning point in my life. Mood disorders are real, and they can be disabling. Fortunately, there are treatments that do help. I would suggest that you consider medication if it is recommended; I was hesitant that I wouldn't know myself on meds, but I found that I was actually a much happier me. I tried to go off of them a year ago and went right back on. I've resolved to be grateful that I have something that works.
I have also done some work with mindfulness meditation, and though I haven't maintained a daily meditation for more than a month or two at a time, I think it's a great tool that everyone could derive some benefit from. Might be worth looking into- Jon Kabat-Zinn's books are a good place to start. Here is a good summary of the concept from the website for the U. Mass Med School Center for Mindfulness, and the link to the website:

"Mindfulness is a way of learning to relate directly to whatever is happening in your life, a way of taking charge of your life, a way of doing something for yourself that no one else can do for you — consciously and systematically working with your own stress, pain, illness, and the challenges and demands of everyday life."

http://www.umassmed.edu/Content.aspx?id=41254&linkidentifier=id&itemid=41254

 

[jaydog12]

Yeah, I can relate to depression. First of all, I have Asperger's Syndrome (a mild form of Autism). Second, depression runs through my father's side of the family. I was always teased in school for being "different" and I lived a very lonely childhood throughout mu grade school days. One time, I left my computer graphics class and when I came home, my mom found that someone wrote "SOME FREAK" on the back of my jacket (I seriously didn't even notice it when I put my coat on). I cried myself to sleep so many times and dreading to go back to school knowing the same **** would happen to me over and over again like a bottomless pit. Doing well on my academics and the encouragement of my family and few, true friends kept me going through my rough times. In college, it was a different story, the people are mature and understand you as a person better and won't ridicule you for being peculiar. Although having Asperger's Syndrome allowed me to understand animal behavior better because I tend to focus on the most specific details of my environment which most animals do as a way to think and survive. I do not know why I do this, but it is just normal for me. I one time found out one horse was so riled up and none of the vets could tell what was wrong with it until I spotted a yellow towel hanging by the rail which the horse looked at. I took it away and all of sudden, the horse was perfectly fine!!!

 

[VeganChick]

Although having Asperger's Syndrome allowed me to understand animal behavior better because I tend to focus on the most specific details of my environment which most animals do as a way to think and survive.

Have you heard of Temple Grandin? She has written some really great books on this very thing. Oliver Sacks has also profiled her in An Anthropologist on Mars (That's how Ms. Grandin says she feels). Anyway, she is a vet with autism and designs slaughter systems so that they are more humane for the animals. She is pretty incredible.

 

[VeganChick]

I have also been having an terrible time with depression lately. Last week was just awful. For the first time in my life, I had to take off a day of work because I just couldn't do it. Thankfully, I have a coworker who almost immediately knew what I was going through. She experiences depression as well and it was so nice to just talk to someone who knew what I meant when I explained how I was feeling. I found a quote the other day which captures the essence of how I feel:
Depression is a prison where you are both the suffering prisoner and the cruel jailer.

Anyway, I understand how lonely depression can be. I just got new insurance so I am looking for a new doc. I am on meds, but they say the worst thing is to be on meds and not have a therapist as well, so this is why I think I am still suffering. So, catdoc, if you are prescribed meds, make sure you continue with talk therapy. I don't think I would have been able to get through last week if my coworker didn't let me cry and just talk.

 

[jaydog12]

Indeed I have heard of Temple Grandin. I actually read a book of hers called Animals in Translation and I find the book to be very inspiring. I actually talked about her and this book during my interview with Missouri.

 

[Electrophile]

Have you heard of Temple Grandin? She has written some really great books on this very thing. Oliver Sacks has also profiled her in An Anthropologist on Mars (That's how Ms. Grandin says she feels). Anyway, she is a vet with autism and designs slaughter systems so that they are more humane for the animals. She is pretty incredible.

She's actually a PhD animal science professor at Colorado State, but she's still very respected in the vet med world. 🙂

 

[RockStarKDub]

Count me in as a depression sufferer. catdoc, I know how much more a lack of support system compounds it. I moved 1000 miles away from everyone I know and love to go to vet school, and let's face it, even if you meet great people, it's hard to open up to new people in your life (esp face to face) about what goes on in your head! So also count me in as someone who you can PM if you ever need to 🙂

 

[twelvetigers]

My husband has had and continues to have issues with depression, though his is certainly clinical and not a reaction to his surroundings and circumstances. He's doing well lately, but when he goes down into a funk, he goes way down. If he were to remain that way for a length of time, I would definitely make him see a doctor about it. As it were, he took Lexapro for anxiety issues for about a year and found that it helped him out a lot. Sometimes medicines can really help, and they aren't the easy way out - they just work. Not always. But if it gets bad enough, it's worth looking into rather than just being miserable.

I, on the other hand, am perpetually, inexplicably, undeniably cheerful. It certainly gets on people's nerves sometimes, as you can imagine. But, if you (anyone really) needs a dose of look-on-the-bright-side, feel free to PM me. Haha. 🙂

(As a side effect of this attitude, I have a really hard time taking things seriously. Hopefully you can see how that would make things like... grades, jobs, relationships etc. a bit harder to maintain... and, everyone has their bad days, including myself. Just a side-note psych analysis, sorry!)

 

[bakaduin]

Count me in as a depression sufferer. catdoc, I know how much more a lack of support system compounds it. I moved 1000 miles away from everyone I know and love to go to vet school, and let's face it, even if you meet great people, it's hard to open up to new people in your life (esp face to face) about what goes on in your head! So also count me in as someone who you can PM if you ever need to 🙂

WTF I thought we had a connection!

 

[RockStarKDub]

WTF I thought we had a connection!

LOL. While I do rearrange my schedule to make sure we can discuss awesome TV appropriately the very next day, I don't think I'm ready to call you crying at 2am! 😛

 

[Catnapper]

I'm having a hard time myself. I have been treated for depression for years, and I'd have to say I've been increasingly miserable throughout the vet application process--maybe it's all of the exhausting work followed by lots of rejection!
I do have to wonder if I would feel better if I weren't alone--as in single--and handling all of this by myself. But then, from the relationships I observe around me, that would just add to the stress and depression! 😉

Good luck with the counseling, and I'll hope there's a silver lining for you somewhere!

 

[catdoc]

Just a little update. I have been seeing my counselor for a few weeks now and it is helping a tiny bit. She seems to think I fit all the classic symptoms of depression and I will be meeting with a doctor soon to talk about going on meds. At first I was so opposed to that thought, but now I am very open minded for whatever might help me feel better. School is proving to be very challenging while dealing with this as I cannot concentrate for more than like 5 minutes at a time. I thank all of you for your encouraging words and stories, and I will keep you updated as things progress, for good or bad!

 

[littlecaitling]

I'm glad you're feeling a little better, and considering possible medications! When I started high school I fell into a deep depression, that I now recognize as clinical depression brought on by the accutane that I was prescribed. Back then I couldn't see that at all; for some reason I just suddenly felt hopeless, apathetic and alone. When I finally suspected that it might be the meds about 2/3 through treatment (I was on a year-long regimen), I was afraid to say anything because I didn't want to be taken off the medication, and I just felt like no one from my (very stoic) family would understand anyway. I was fairly well liked in school and doing well, but I still felt a crushing loneliness and anxiety about going to school. Pathetic as it may sound (but give me a break, I was 12! 😛), I felt like the only support I had was my dog, who was always there to kiss away the tears and love me without judgment. Honestly, I feel like she was the only reason I was able to make it through that year. Needless to say, I finished the treatment and suddenly I became a much happier, outgoing person!

The way you described your situation in your first post sounds very much how I was then; random bouts of crying, not wanting to leave the house, and getting anxious about going to school for no real identifiable reason. I'm clearly no physician, but if your depression is chemically based like mine was, you might find that antidepressants make a world of difference. Good luck, and remember all us SDN'ers when you feel alone and need support! 🙂

 

[YungJoc87]

I would go on a vacation to combat depression. Go somewhere far away and enjoy it, make work your last priority.