Anyone here have a significant other who isn't too supportive?

[Maybe.a.dentist]

Well, my fiancé won't say it but I just feel she would rather I do something else. I'm close to graduating college and won't be getting in the 2016 cycle so that means applying again. I know my fiancé isn't wanting to move far if at all since all her family, most of her friends, and all the professional contacts she's making in graduate school are right here in a small part of the state we live in. She really wants me to apply to our only state school but she really doesn't want to go anywhere else. The schools in the adjacent states are all public and are extremely harsh on OOS, so this means if I did get in to another states school we will be 7+ hours from home. She won't directly come out and say it, but I know she wants me to throw in the towel if I don't get in this upcoming cycle. Anyone else in this situation? What would you do?

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[JLT223]

Please don't give up on your dreams.

 

[kholley25]

I'm married and luckily got into a state school, but I personally would have had to do some serious convincing if I wanted to leave the state. Once you're in a committed relationship, you have to make career plans together and make sacrifices to ensure the best future for the both of you. That being said, if I had to leave the state to attend an OOS school that would give me job security, then it's worth the risk, IMO.

If your situation comes to that, you're going to have to communicate to your SO that your education and future financial stability is one of (if no the most) important factors in keeping your relationship healthy.

If you don't have kids, your wife doesn't have a career job, and your family isn't having a health crisis, I think you should go OOS if you get the opportunity. There is plenty of time post-dental school to establish yourself in your hometown. And if you delay the start of your education you're just going to run into a different set of tough life and relationship problems.

 

[TheBigN89]

Everybody has different priorities when it comes to marriage commitments, so you are going to get perspectives that may or may not align with yours. Just realize that at the end of the day YOUR happiness is what matters, and if dental school in another state fulfills you, that anybody at your side should do the right thing and support that. If that doesn't bother you and you can view yourself as happy either way, do whatever you feel is more important.

Just don't be a statistic. Critical junctions in your life are critical for a reason. Don't be someone who regrets later, because of someone else, that you didn't fulfill your career goal.

 

[Jbrowndds]

Hmm..I'd say that's something to think about before committing to marriage. In this industry you may have to move. If not for dental school, for a residency, job, practice, etc. You guys have to find a common ground and she has to understand that she needs to prepare to move if she wants a better life for you guys. I come from a military base so I'm used to women having to move away from family with only months notice. They do it because they know it's part of the job. Good luck!!

 

[DokterMom]

So she only wants you to reach your dreams if it's convenient for her? Otherwise, never mind. Go sell insurance or something? I can see why she'd be much happier if all the geography works out the way she wants it to -- nothing wrong with that. But if she wants the financial benefits that go along with being a dentist's wife, she needs to be willing to share some of the sacrifices as well.

 

[Saddleshoes]

....

 

[pab-l0]

Some good things have been said here! However, I'd like to be the first to suggest the importance of TALKING to one another. Don't start your relationship (in respect to the long run I mean) by thinking, or even worse assuming you "know" what she thinks/wants you to do. You don't really "know" until you talk about it and she says just that. The moment you start to guess what your partner is thinking (in a stressful situation no less), your chances of going downhill soon after go up exponentially. Don't leave it up to assuming that's what they think. The only way to go forward and make wise decisions as a couple is to talk. Talk about how you feel... what you're thinking, etc. Then ask her to share her views and thoughts outright. Even though you may already know what they are, ask that she say what's on her mind. Make sure while she's sharing them that you LISTEN. Don't immediately shut down stuff you don't like hearing. Let her get all her worries out and you do the same... then take each one by one and make your decisions together.

In regards to the comment above that says YOUR happiness is what matters... I'd say that I agree. Just remember that you're choosing to do life with someone else now too... not just yourself. Make sure the next couple years aren't a time where both of you are stressed and unhappy (you with school and her with being away from wherever she wants to be). You're going to need someone to support you, and if she can't do that when you need it most right now in the beginning of your relationship, your setting yourself up for bigger issues later. You may pick going OOS because you think you'll be happy later... but it could cause a whole bunch of problems now before you even get there. Maybe I'm complicating it more than it is... but I've seen it happen more than once.

Just my 0.02.

 

[Incis0r]

What would you do?

What happens if you give up your chance to go to dental school for her, and then she leaves you in a year or two for some other reason? What happens then? You've just lost time that you could've spent building your career.

 

[fellowstudent92]

hoes will come and go ...
being a dentist will find u a new hoe

 

[akog]

Practically speaking, financial insecurity pulls down relationships more than most things, so giving up on dentistry for your relationship could be bad for your relationship down the road in other ways---especially since healthcare prereqs are pretty useless if you don't go into healthcare.

 

[YF786]

hoes will come and go ...
being a dentist will find u a new hoe

Very disrespectful! Whenever you call someone such names, make sure you are okay with yourself or loved one being referred to like that.

 

[Dances with Wolves]

My significant other wasn't supportive. I wanted to move closer to school and he bought a house no where near the school I'm applying to. Needless to say things didn't work out. Now I'm preparing to apply next year and move away alone! Lol.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile app

 

[schmoob]

Dental school is temporary. Moving away for 4 years does not mean moving forever.
Another thing, her family may be where you are now, but after marriage, YOU are her family. Spouse comes first. This works on both sides. She knew you've been working on becoming a dentist for some time now I assume, so this should come as no surprise.
After dental school, things will be MUCH easier to coordinate in terms of deciding where to live and practice.
You're at a crossroads my friend. My opinion is to have a long, serious talk with her. If she forces you to decide between her or your dream, you are going to have to make a very difficult decision.
Personally, I would choose dentistry. If she puts you in a tough spot like this once, who's to say that she won't do it again later on? Besides, there would be ALOT of resentment; you would bring it up during arguments. And then there is a possibility that you end up with no DDS, and no fiance.
Ultimately the choice us yours to make, just food for thought. Best of luck to you.

 

[PocketRocket]

The second you let her become the main influence behind a huge life decision like this, the second she will start losing attraction for you as a man. At least that is if she is a quality girl. I don't know you, or her, but most people get into relationships out of convenience. Which is kinda sad if you ask me because situations like this arise as a result. You have to take a really hard look at yourself. You are too young to make sacrifices in your dreams for the sake of a romantic relationship. Don't let Hollywood mess up your life.

 

[pulltheleverkronk]

The second you let her become the main influence behind a huge life decision like this, the second she will start losing attraction for you as a man. At least that is if she is a quality girl. I don't know you, or her, but most people get into relationships out of convenience. Which is kinda sad if you ask me because situations like this arise as a result. You have to take a really hard look at yourself. You are too young to make sacrifices in your dreams for the sake of a romantic relationship. Don't let Hollywood mess up your life.

well, that's a little sexist

 

[LaughingGas]

Realistically speaking....
If she gives you the vibe to stay at your home State and she is being hesitant to relocate for you, do you think she will understand why you won't have free time for her when you are stuck 12+ hours a day in school?
We don't know how she is in person, so it is something you should consider for both of your futures.

 

[PocketRocket]

Lol I'd say the same thing to a girl in the same situation. My B for sounding sexist

 

[darklordzzz]

OP,

It seems like you are preparing to apply to dental school this June. Remember this, apply to all school OOS, far away from home, in order to secure your place in dental school. this sounds like all honest/naive/sacrifice for love type of guy experience. and it is a good thing. but, as you may know, committed and long term relationship crashes in as short as a few months, some even crash right even before the wedding. there is nothing guaranteed in a relationship, heck even marriage is not a guarantee.however, your career is a guarantee thing.

keep your mind and your logical thinking sharp and clear.

if she does not want to give up anything for you (in this case, try to improvise that you should go OOS and visit her 2-3 times a year), you should not give up anything for her either (trying to get into state school by applying to only one school).

The second you let her become the main influence behind a huge life decision like this, the second she will start losing attraction for you as a man. At least that is if she is a quality girl. I don't know you, or her, but most people get into relationships out of convenience. Which is kinda sad if you ask me because situations like this arise as a result. You have to take a really hard look at yourself. You are too young to make sacrifices in your dreams for the sake of a romantic relationship. Don't let Hollywood mess up your life.

no wonder why my ex-girlfriends call me a ladyboy upon breaking up. I just lose my attraction.

 

[Mascota]

Here's a question, if you did give up your dreams of dental school would that actually fix this situation? I see that as a short term fix to a long term problem.

For example: Like most of us, your undergrad degree is probably pretty worthless (maybe not) as far as a good paying careers goes, so you're probably going to need to do a master's degree - what if that program is out of state? Same situation as now. Let's say you can get a master's at the school you're at now, but the only good job offer is in another state? Same situation. What if you have a major life event that requires you to move out out state for whatever reason? Same situation.

Also, I don't know her situation so I may be wrong here, but many master's degrees are a dime a dozen these days, your DDS would more than likely end up being the vast majority of your guys' future income and therefore quality of life. So even if you look at it from a purely numbers perspective it's still a bad idea to forego dental school.

There's something deeper here which is going to require a serious sit down and candid discussion.

 

[DJI]

My fiance is completely aware and supportive of me moving away for 4 years to follow this path. We are both planning on visiting each other whenever we can, and of course there will be more time in the summer and on breaks. She's also in school so we'll both be busy in the meantime, but honestly I wouldn't give up on dentistry. You don't have children and you're not even married yet. If the two of you can make it through 4 years apart at school, you'll know you have an amazing and rare relationship. If not, well, at least you're a dentist.

 

[fellowstudent92]

Very disrespectful! Whenever you call someone such names, make sure you are okay with yourself or loved one being referred to like that.

I am...she my hoe

 

[The Happy Tooth]

The second you let her become the main influence behind a huge life decision like this, the second she will start losing attraction for you as a man. At least that is if she is a quality girl. I don't know you, or her, but most people get into relationships out of convenience. Which is kinda sad if you ask me because situations like this arise as a result. You have to take a really hard look at yourself. You are too young to make sacrifices in your dreams for the sake of a romantic relationship. Don't let Hollywood mess up your life.

@PocketRocket , I 100% agree with you. Don't listen to the SJWs quoted below. What you said isn't sexist at all. It's the harsh reality. You have nothing to apologize for.

well, that's a little sexist

Lol wtf

 

[DokterMom]

hoes will come and go ...
being a dentist will find u a new hoe

I understand what you're trying to say -- and there's some value in it. But your needlessly misogynistic and unprofessional tone tends to bury your point beneath an offensive layer of swagger.

The second you let her become the main influence behind a huge life decision like this, the second she will start losing attraction for you as a man. At least that is if she is a quality girl. I don't know you, or her, but most people get into relationships out of convenience. Which is kinda sad if you ask me because situations like this arise as a result. You have to take a really hard look at yourself. You are too young to make sacrifices in your dreams for the sake of a romantic relationship. Don't let Hollywood mess up your life.

@PocketRocket , I 100% agree with you. Don't listen to the SJWs quoted below. What you said isn't sexist at all. It's the harsh reality. You have nothing to apologize for.

Again, there are more professional and respectful ways to convey your messages that don't denigrate anyone. @PocketRocket - You're trying to say that behaving like a doormat costs you respect within a relationship, right? Why not just say that? That's a message almost everybody can see the truth in, and one that happens to be as true for women as it is for men. Another case of misogynistic tone weakening and obscuring what would otherwise be a valuable contribution to the thread.

 

[The Happy Tooth]

I'm going let my man Kanye speak for me regarding what I think OP's girlfriend is:

 

[DokterMom]

And he doubles down...

 

[The Happy Tooth]

And he doubles down...

Me? It's Kanye who is talking. You should contact his PR agent and get your grievances addressed.

 

[NAVY DDS 2010]

Well, my fiancé won't say it but I just feel she would rather I do something else. I'm close to graduating college and won't be getting in the 2016 cycle so that means applying again. I know my fiancé isn't wanting to move far if at all since all her family, most of her friends, and all the professional contacts she's making in graduate school are right here in a small part of the state we live in. She really wants me to apply to our only state school but she really doesn't want to go anywhere else. The schools in the adjacent states are all public and are extremely harsh on OOS, so this means if I did get in to another states school we will be 7+ hours from home. She won't directly come out and say it, but I know she wants me to throw in the towel if I don't get in this upcoming cycle. Anyone else in this situation? What would you do?

I've seen enough of this situation both from school and from time in the military. First and foremost, your happiness has to be priority number 1. If you're not happy, those around you won't be happy. That said, being in a career you enjoy day in and day out is huge. If elect to bypass dschool, you still have no idea of the future. You and your fiance may not work. What happens then. If your fiance really loves you, she will allow you to follow your dreams and support you. It is not like your aspersions are to be a professional snow globe maker. You are trying to become a member of a well respected profession who will be able provide a well balanced lifestyle for his family. Now, if you were already married and kids were involved, then other considerations would need to be made. But since that is not the case, follow your dreams. Otherwise, you might regret it in the end.

 

[sjk20]

My significant other was only supportive when it came to the idea of going to dental school nearby. He also gave me a hard time when I had to hold off plans to study during undergrad, I could only imagine how he'd act when I was in dental school. Becoming a dentist is stressful enough, consider how much more stress your S.O. might add to it. You NEED someone who is supportive or it will make those 4 years miserable.

As much as I loved him, those were just some non-negotiables for me; so I ended things. My goals and my hapiness are more important than satisfying someone else's desires. I'm too young to compromise my decisions for a relationship.

I know my response is extremely harsh and I try to be one of those "non-cynical" people on SDN but you deserve to pursue your goals however you need to. Your fiancé also has the right to NOT completely support your decision, but if that's the case maybe she shouldn't be your fiancé. Of course, I could be completely reaching here- after a good, truthful conversation your fiancé might have a change of heart, but if that's not the case then maybe some changes regarding your relationship should be made. Be honest with yourself about your priorities in life.

 

[pab-l0]

I know my response is extremely harsh and I try to be one of those "non-cynical" people on SDN but you deserve to pursue your goals however you need to. Your fiancé also has the right to NOT completely support your decision, but if that's the case maybe she shouldn't be your fiancé. Of course, I could be completely reaching here- after a good, truthful conversation your fiancé might have a change of heart, but if that's not the case then maybe some changes regarding your relationship should be made. Be honest with yourself about your priorities in life.

I signed in just to second this.

 

[fogorvostan]

I was "engaged to be engaged" with this guy and we were so in love with each other. Everything was perfect. He knew that I was planning on applying to dental school but where we lived didn't have one close by. He refused to move because he was established in his career in our area. I ended up agreeing with him and didn't apply because I wanted to save our relationship. Long story short, we ended up breaking up over something else anyway. I am now starting dental school in the fall and moving 2200mi away. I wish I would have just applied when I wanted to a couple of years ago. Don't sacrifice your happiness for someone else.

 

[schmoob]

Especially if they are unwilling to sacrifice their happiness for yours.

 

[cacajuate]

Especially if they are unwilling to sacrifice their happiness for yours.

Let's go ask that significant other and see if she is wanting him to sacrifice his happiness for her career path.


Most of yall are so high and mighty thinking everyone needs to give up want they want because dentistry is the best job ever. Yall need a reality check.

OP talk to your fiancé and find out.

 

[schmoob]

Let's go ask that significant other and see if she is wanting him to sacrifice his happiness for her career path.


Most of yall are so high and mighty thinking everyone needs to give up want they want because dentistry is the best job ever. Yall need a reality check.

OP talk to your fiancé and find out.

Nothing to do with high and mighty, or dentistry. I've had the the talk with my wife. They are early enough in the relationship that these decisions can be made. Of one person sacrifices their goals for the other it creates resentment and a recipe for disaster.
Like I said in my earlier post, only they can make that choice.

 

[Jbrowndds]

Let's go ask that significant other and see if she is wanting him to sacrifice his happiness for her career path.


Most of yall are so high and mighty thinking everyone needs to give up want they want because dentistry is the best job ever. Yall need a reality check.

OP talk to your fiancé and find out.

While I do agree with talking to your fiance, I don't agree with anyone of us thinking we are 'high and mighty'. This is a huge investment in both time and energy. If you have an understanding SO then you are okay. However, if you are holding each other back from goals then you may need to rethink getting married. If there is no compromise while in college, what's life going to be like in dental school? Practice? etc? Don't be stupid and get caught up and now she takes half down the road. Be with someone who isn't afraid to grow with you and vice versa. Be equally yoked.

 

[NAVY DDS 2010]

I agree with schmoob. This has nothing to with any of us being high and mighty. This is about living life. Successful marriages succeed because of compromises. The OP is not even married yet. If his fiancé is not willing to allow him to go where he needs to go for a few years so he can achieve his dreams, how can you expect she will be will to concede to any of his other desires in life. For me, I could never have been married to someone who wasn't willing to be supportive in my career goals. Once I was married, my wife had equal say in how I achieved my goal, but I already knew by that point she would be willing to do what was necessary. When it came to deciding on going back into the military, she had equal say. If she had expressed concern, I would have reconsidered coming back to the military. Had I not been married only engaged, it may have been different.

In college, I was engaged to a gal with twin sons. I loved them dearly. In all, we were engaged for 3 years because we couldn't afford to get married while in college. I could have applied to med school, my desire back then, a year before. I chose not to because we were engaged and she didn't want me to leave her and the kids. Had I applied that year, I'd be a physician today, and still would be married to her probably since she was a clingy person. So, I waited a year. During that time I changed my mind at the last minute and applied to dschool because it was better for family life. We still broke up. I went to dschool and dropped out because I had no passion for it as family life was my motivation for choosing dentistry.

The whole purpose for this post is to say that when you are married you made vows and joined hearts. Decisions need to be made together if you want to live up to the vows - sometimes you get what you want and other times you don't. But when you are engaged, life is different. There is still plenty of time to see how life could be. If you find yourself having to be the one to give up on dreams and happiness to appease the other, then you need to rethink the relationship. Your happiness is necessary if a relationship is to be successful. Unhappy people tend to resent others for having to give up on aspirations. It is selfish of the OP'S fiance if she is unwilling to make a sacrifice for a few years so the OP can pursue his dreams which would allow him to provide financially for film without sacrificing time from the family.

Let's go ask that significant other and see if she is wanting him to sacrifice his happiness for her career path.


Most of yall are so high and mighty thinking everyone needs to give up want they want because dentistry is the best job ever. Yall need a reality check.

OP talk to your fiancé and find out.

 

[Bucks783]

as the great Swizz Beatz and Jay-Z say: on to the next one

 

[schmoob]

as the great Swizz Beatz and Jay-Z say: on to the next one

@NAVY DDS 2010 said it way classier