App disaster, resume gap and moving forwards

[Xz Y]

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3.9 SGPA 3.9 cGPA, 521 MCAT, ORM, T10 undergrad, graduated in 2024.
~400 hrs nonclinical volunteering in college, ~50 clinical volunteering, ~50 shadowing between primary care and surgery
~200 research (unproductive)
After college: ~1000 clinical as MA, ~100 nonclinical volunteering

Worked as MA for several months after graduating in 2024. Left job in May and have been basically only just volunteering once a week since then. I have no excuses for this--- I disliked my job, was in the process of applying to other roles and just fell off the wagon while working on my med application as well.
Extreme procrastination and overthinking with my personal statement, then secondaries led to me only applying in total to 2 state schools and receiving one II that turned into a WL.

Aware that I need to start taking things seriously if I want to get anywhere and turn this around. Planning on skipping upcoming cycle and applying next year so I can fix it all. Will be retaking MCAT as it will have expired by then. Few things i'm worried about

1. Several month gap where I basically just volunteered once a week - how to explain? Will it matter in the long run?
2. Finding a job or positions where I can accumulate meaningful experiences to actually write about in primary/secondaries. Maybe just overthinking, but a big issue I had was not having real meaningful experiences to write about in primary/secondaries, my MA role ended up being pretty mundane, not wanting to embellish anything so in the end feeling like I had nothing to write about. Have been applying to CRC/CRA roles but not much success landing anything.
3. Rec letters--- explaining to my LOR writers and keeping in touch after several years
4. Anything else to focus on? Where to go from here?

Thanks in advance.

 

[IlDestriero]

If you only applied to 2 schools it seems like you are not committed to a career in medicine. It wasn’t procrastination, it’s the little voice telling you this isn’t the way. You’re wise to delay things to figure this all out. The last thing you want is to get years in and decide it was all a big mistake.
What was plan B? What is your degree in? Pursue that for a couple of years and see how it all shakes out. Instead of worrying about how to check admissions boxes, work on yourself and look into why you’re not ready to commit.
Medicine is hard, it’s years of grinding, followed by years of grinding, followed by years of grinding. Then finally you get there, and it’s Medicaid cuts, and management companies, and overhead, tone deaf administrators who make a career out of failing up, and MAHA stupidity, and a public that doesn’t trust you because AI Dr. Google’s differential is different, and NPs and PAs wanting fake independence while hiding under your license, etc, etc. you’re right to second guess your decision.

 

[Xz Y]

If you only applied to 2 schools it seems like you are not committed to a career in medicine. It wasn’t procrastination, it’s the little voice telling you this isn’t the way. You’re wise to delay things to figure this all out. The last thing you want is to get years in and decide it was all a big mistake.
What was plan B? What is your degree in? Pursue that for a couple of years and see how it all shakes out. Instead of worrying about how to check admissions boxes, work on yourself and look into why you’re not ready to commit.
Medicine is hard, it’s years of grinding, followed by years of grinding, followed by years of grinding. Then finally you get there, and it’s Medicaid cuts, and management companies, and overhead, tone deaf administrators who make a career out of failing up, and MAHA stupidity, and a public that doesn’t trust you because AI Dr. Google’s differential is different, and NPs and PAs wanting fake independence while hiding under your license, etc, etc. you’re right to second guess your decision.

I'll be honest, there was no plan B. My degree was in Neuroscience; feels like the only options I really have are to pursue higher education (PhD or MD) and regarding the PhD path, seems like employment outcomes are dubious and I have no significant research experience to work towards pursuing one.
I put myself in this situation and maybe I should have thought about it earlier, but I'm here now and don't know where to go.

 

[LizzyM]

There is a reason why What Color is Your Parachute? has been in print for 40+ years. Well worth the money (about $20). Check it out and see what you learn about yourself.

 

[Mr.Smile12]

A waitlist can turn into an offer. But I don't know where you have decided to disregard your previous bad experiences as an MA.

If you don't have experiences that allow you to champion the value of the medical profession for your career, I wouldn't apply to medical school or waste your money. Medical schools aren't going anywhere soon.

 

[Xz Y]

A waitlist can turn into an offer. But I don't know where you have decided to disregard your previous bad experiences as an MA.

If you don't have experiences that allow you to champion the value of the medical profession for your career, I wouldn't apply to medical school or waste your money. Medical schools aren't going anywhere soon.

While I had a poor experience as an MA, I have the sense that it wasn't out of a dislike of medicine. I enjoyed the few moments of interacting with patients I got, but the clinic was poorly managed and chaotic.
Similarly, I volunteered at the hospital in college and hated sitting around doing nothing most of the time, but enjoyed when I actually got to connect with someone for a little bit.
I'm sure that I could possibly have been more proactive in these experiences to get more out of them, but I didn't come away from them hating healthcare, just having the sense that I didn't really get to engage with it meaningfully.

 

[polymerization]

It's hard, because labor needs and academic needs come into conflict. The clinic takes on the typical capitalist incentives: they want you running around doing menial task-oriented labor, but you're there to learn something and connect with patients because you know that these experiences are what you are expecting to use in order to form a professional identity and narrative around for the application.

It can be a class-coded experience. If you're there as a family friend of the physician, you're not actually expected to be explicitly responsible for doing any real work, and since nothing is expected, you are never accountable, and so it's a very easy-breezy experience that leads predictably to a glowing LOR and a lot of generally positive experiences since the leader of the medical team has chosen to prioritize your learning over the patient and the rest of the staff.

If you're working hourly, good luck. Suddenly the physician expects you to train yourself, manage all aspects of the practice, and do the work of 2 or 3 different people to the detriment of the "helpful" aspects of being an MA (hands-on patient care, taking histories, providing patient education, even actually being physically present in the room during the patient visit). When something goes wrong, it doesn't matter how many people come between you and that outcome, it is always your fault... so your job can become diffuse depending on how well you can maintain professional boundaries in view of someone keen on resisting them.

If you're unlucky enough to be in the latter group, I am genuinely not surprised that someone could be interested in medicine but intolerant of how entry-level staff are treated.

I'm no wimp, nor am I delusional about what this career requires—but some people are truly a piece of work. I had physicians I worked under that I would have nightmares about. After hopping through several specialties, you realize it is not only the personalities or the bureaucracy... there are simply roles in healthcare that are used as disposable labor by unscrupulous individuals and OP may have ended up filling those shoes until they couldn't take it anymore.

You can still be a doctor... but you do have to compartmentalize that truth from what you present on your application.

But here... yeah, I'll validate your reality. Because it is a reality. You just can't live in those feelings. You have to step out and explore what environment is tolerable to you and continue learning from the experiences you do accumulate. They won't all be winners, but there is always a body of knowledge to suffer for. Staying long enough to get it is what kept me coming back every morning, even if I knew intellectually that I was very likely not going to have a life-changing breakthrough "write an essay about it" kind of day.

 

[karaya]

Brother, you applied to 2 schools? That's like quitting at mile 25. There's really nothing to focus on except to write (prewrite) those secondaries. You gotta figure it out now because that level of procrastination is unacceptable in med school. Since you're taking a year off, and given your struggles with meaning-making, I would suggest working as a CNA in a hospital. Those are quality clinical hours. You'll need a cert.

 

[Goro]

Extreme procrastination and overthinking with my personal statement, then secondaries

You will also need to fix this self-sabotaging behavior.

Here's one place you could start, have multiple eyeballs what your writing no matter what stage they're at