Great joke.
But, terrible argument. Even the example you give works against your argument.
It doesn't.
The USPS is far, far cheaper than FedEx and UPS. Additionally, USPS has been offering tracking for a long time now. In my experience, you can get the most reliable form of delivery with USPS even cheaper than what you can find at Fedex and UPS. I don't know about you, but I almost always use USPS... a habit from residency days I suppose: unlike you, Mr. Money Bags, I know I can send stuff dirt cheap through the post office. Ain't no private company going to let me mail anything for 32 cents...
The joke you made is based on out of date information, and also a result of the sheer amount of mail the USPS was dealing with before tracking technology came/improved.
That joke is very new. Freshly posted meme on an app that I have. The joke itself is even about the differences in tracking between shipping services. Apparently, your argument is rather out of date, as stamps stopped being 32 cents a long time ago. In addition, you know damn well that we're not talking about stamps-and-envelopes, so your equivocation (which follows your ad-hominem of "Mr. Moneybags") doesn't hold up. I even mention the word "package" three times in the joke. Sure, USPS is cheap. But as anyone who regularly sends/receives packages will tell you - there's a clear difference in terms of service and quality. Hence; the joke is funny because (like all jokes that are good), it contains a small kernel of truth. I will tell you firsthand that the joke is also accurate, as Mrs. RustedFox generally refuses to go to the mall or most brick-and-mortar retail stores in the real world. Where we live; I can't blame her - but that's a whole 'nother thread.
Additionally, and perhaps more importantly, one of the best models--at least in my opinion--is the one where the government provides a ground floor but private industry can offer higher options for those who wish to pay a premium. In the case of healthcare, there are several advanced countries that offer universal coverage with a public option; wealthier clientele can opt for premium coverage through a private company.
Here you argue *for* my statement that "private enterprise is better than federally funded anything."
It's the public option that prevents the private industry from fleecing its consumers. If the post office goes away, then Fedex and UPS will start working to establish a monopoly and also price rig with each other. You want to see how that works? Look at your cable company, i.e. Time Warner, Comcast, etc. You like dealing with Comcast? Guess what... If a public option came along--i.e. public wifi--these companies wouldn't be allowed to get away with their outlandish prices and practices, as well as horrible customer service.
Its the public option that almost invariably sucks. I'd rather willingly spend my money on services that I know will get the job done in a timely and satisfactory fashion, rather than waste it involuntarily on an inferior service/product. If the cost is prohibitive or I decide that I have a better way to spend my money, then I won't use that service. The difference being; the choice is mine to make, not some politician's who doesn't have to live with the consequences of their own decisions (as in healthcare). I've had Xfinity for 3 years now, and their product and service are actually pretty awesome.
Also, if the USPS goes away, it's quite possible--and I'm not sure if it's already the case now--that private companies like UPS and FedEx will simply not ship to certain underserved parts of the country. Whereas the government's role is to provide services to all of its citizens, a private company's job is to make money.
Refuse to ship to certain underserved parts of the country? If you say so, but I doubt this is at all true - as it would hurt the company's overall footprint. After all, you can have Amazon ship to your hotel room or car now; and they've shipped items to me way out at the trail's end on some of my travels.
Lastly, there are numerous industries in which the government's presence is beneficial, and I can name them if you'd like. Watch from 2:57 and see how your question is easily answered:
There was no question in my post.