Asian parents...[Asian students only]

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If you have Asian parents, did you have a choice of not going to college? Did you have your choice of major? Americans say things like "It is your life. Choose wisely. Only you will be dealing with the consequences of the decisions you make. You have no one to blame but yourself." I feel like I couldn't choose not to go to college and I had to pick a major that my Asian mom approved of. I felt it was not worth it to endure the emotional abuse of disobeying her. I had moved out at age 19 without giving her notice, but she came to my place of employment with the intent of getting me to move back in with her, which I did. I regret that. I feel immature and dependent for letting my mom make my decisions for me. Is it my fault that I'm immature and dependent? Is it my fault that I have no control over my life? Given that we would endure emotional abuse if we don't obey our Asian parents, do we really have a choice?
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I'm not one to judge people. If I'm stereotyping than I guess sociologists stereotype too. Sociologists write in textbooks about how Americans value independence and individuality while Asians value harmony. Is that wrong? The information on Asian culture can be found at http://www.happierabroad.com/Asian_Mentality.htm.

I think I'm implying something true when I imply that how Asians parent is different from how Americans parent. That is due to cultural differences.
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quit stereotyping Asians, my white parents would only pay for my education if it's a science / math major.
on the other hand, my Asian friend is now a drummer in a punk band.
 
Granted I'm not full Asian (only half), but my Mom came from Japan.

She's very strict and expects the best out of me 24/7, but she loves me. She is this way because she wants to see me succeed in life in such a trying economical time. Nothing would bring her greater joy than watching me walk on graduation day with a fat degree that says "Bachelor's of Science in Neurobiology, Physiology and Behavior."

I did have a choice of going to college, but both my parents helped me see that it was very, very necessary for me to attend college. I did not want to go to trade school; I wanted to do something academic with my life. My parents were very strict in this regard, but after all of the stress and exhaustive pain of having ultra-high standards, I look back on it and thank them because in reality, my parents were looking out for me.

It might not seem like that way for the authoritarianism that Asian parents set on their children. There's more to it, something that we won't truly realize until it's too late or when we have children of our own.
 
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I'm given free reign with strong suggestions as to what I need to do. Most of the time I do what they want simply because I know everything I have has been exchanged by their blood sweat and tears.

I owe it to them and myself to do well. Other than that I have no obligations. I've messed up plenty of times before I found the correct path and became "mature."

I appreciate the structure and discipline my parents have instilled in me and my siblings. This year my brother got into medical school and I was accepted to pharmacy school. I'm 4 years older. But they are proud of me nonetheless.

In summary I see the whole "Asian" thing as stern but supportive. No parent will abandon their child for whatever reason. And for completeness I am Vietnamese and Chinese mixed. 50/50
 
bitch said:
quit stereotyping Asians, my white parents would only pay for my education if it's a science / math major.
on the other hand, my Asian friend is now a drummer in a punk band.
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I agree. I have plenty of black and white friends whose parents are similar. The stereotype is just that, a stereotype.
 
Moderators need to shut this down
 
Obviously this would depend on your parents... but here's my experience and hope it helps.

I remember going through the same thing. I graduated high school and being young, I didn't really have a clue what I wanted to become. I picked the major biochemistry because I figured that would be something my parents would approve. They approved it and 4 years later, I was struggling because it was such a difficult major. I was mad at my parents because I felt like my struggle was brought because I had to pick a major they would approve. Do you know what my dad said? "We never told you to pick biochem. We thought maybe it would be too difficult but you were so adamant about it we thought you really wanted to do it." Um... yeah... lol. And then he explained that he didn't necessarily want me to pick a certain major but he simply wanted me to have some kind of plan that is well thought out and feasible. Obviously he wanted me to go into a field with a bright future, where there would be an abundance of jobs because no parent wants to see their kids struggle.

I graduated after taking another year and after a year of soul searching, I decided I want to get into pharmacy. Looking back, I am happy with the choice of major I made even though I picked it only because I felt like my parents were pushing it on me. I hope that when you get a bit older, you will be happy with your life like I am regardless of why you made your decisions.

As for dealing with your mom, I think you should have talked to her instead of simply moving out. She worked hard and made her sacrifices to raise you and I'm sure she felt almost betrayed that you moved out without consulting her. Yes, you are finding yourself but you should've talked to her more in my opinion just to let her know. I don't think you were being immature and dependent to move back in with your mom. We want to see our parents happy and I don't think that's something to be ashamed of. If you want to make choices that you don't think your mom would approve, I think you should do your research. Come up with a plan. Research the hell out of it. What the field is like, what the future for the field looks like, what schools you want to go to, how would you get there etc. And if you don't know quite yet, I think your mom would be okay with you saying "hey mom, I want to do some soul searching right now. I'd like to take a job and think about what I want to do for a year." Remember to include a time frame so she's not worried that you're going to be soul searching for 10 years. Give her regular updates so she's not so worried you're just wasting time.

I think the difficult part might be communication really. A lot of Asian (sorry for the stereotype lol) parents are very stingy on compliments and praises because they fear it'll make us weak or arrogant. (yay acceptance and abandonment issues). I think the best way to keep you and your mom happy is to talk to her and involve her in your decision. Like, "hey mom I was thinking this field would be great. What do you think?" or "hey mom, what do you think I should be and why?"

Hope my answer helps. I wish the very best for you. Since I don't know your mom personally, maybe my suggestions won't help... but I hope it gives you some ideas. I know sometimes it's hard to believe that your mom loves you, but you have to believe she does. Because she does care. (otherwise she wouldn't care what decision you make)
 
I've got Asian parents. I dont come on here to complain about my limitaion of choices due to my race...because there are none.
 
I'm not Asian either, but I just want to tell you that I feel this topic is that of parenting, not ethnicity. There are parent's much stricter than yours and they are not necessarily Asian, but very authoritative and emotionless parents. There are different parenting styles. I believe that this is the issue, not ethnicity.
 
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Racist. So you are saying that Asians can't be Americans?
 
Interesting thread. I am an Asian parent and my daughter is a freshman in college. When she was growing up, I talked to her a lot about science, read science stories to her and took her to science museums as I sincerely believe that you can't go wrong with a solid foundation in the sciences (math, physics, chemistry). Although she appreciates all that, she just decided to major in business. I am *not* disappointed. It's her life, and she'll have to live with her choice. And yes, I am paying for her college costs.

As for me, many many moons ago, my own parents told me to get into the medical field (sounds familiar, huh?). I left the house when I was 17 and had no contact with them for several years. I ended up majoring in engineering, and later got an MBA.

Currently - my daughter and I go to the same university, as I decided to go back to do a DPT. She told me "Daddy, if I see you on campus I'll pretend I don't know you!" 🙂

Having been both a child and a parent, I think it boils down to this: do not let your parents dictate what you will study. However, be aware that job opportunities are generally better in the STEM fields, esp. in poor economic times. Now, if you absolutely hate all the STEM professions, do yourself a favor and major in something you like. No amount of money is worth the stress and the impact on your health.
 
jblil said:
Interesting thread. I am an Asian parent and my daughter is a freshman in college. When she was growing up, I talked to her a lot about science, read science stories to her and took her to science museums as I sincerely believe that you can't go wrong with a solid foundation in the sciences (math, physics, chemistry). Although she appreciates all that, she just decided to major in business. I am *not* disappointed. It's her life, and she'll have to live with her choice. And yes, I am paying for her college costs.

As for me, many many moons ago, my own parents told me to get into the medical field (sounds familiar, huh?). I left the house when I was 17 and had no contact with them for several years. I ended up majoring in engineering, and later got an MBA.

Currently - my daughter and I go to the same university, as I decided to go back to do a DPT. She told me "Daddy, if I see you on campus I'll pretend I don't know you!" 🙂

Having been both a child and a parent, I think it boils down to this: do not let your parents dictate what you will study. However, be aware that job opportunities are generally better in the STEM fields, esp. in poor economic times. Now, if you absolutely hate all the STEM professions, do yourself a favor and major in something you like. No amount of money is worth the stress and the impact on your health.
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Great advice! Thanks for the input! 🙂
 
Look at the bright side, at least your parents aren't crack cocaine addicts and give more than a cursory **** about your future. Imagine if your parents pawned all of your **** all the time, rarely supervised you, you lived in a run down house with no drywall and occasionally running water, and the only way out was the military during the middle of a damned war, becoming a criminal like them, or somehow getting a scholarship after years of not having school being stressed as anything approaching important (yeah right).

Oh, waaahhh, my parents really want me to succeed in a field I don't want to get into. How ****ing dare they. And if I don't do what they say, I WON'T GET MY COLLEGE PAID FOR FOR FREE!

Gimme a damn break.
 
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WVUPharm2007 said:
Look at the bright side, at least your parents aren't crack cocaine addicts and give more than a cursory **** about your future. Imagine if your parents pawned all of your **** all the time, rarely supervised you, you lived in a run down house with no drywall and occasionally running water, and the only way out was the military during the middle of a damned war, becoming a criminal like them, or somehow getting a scholarship after years of not having school being stressed as anything approaching important (yeah right).

Oh, waaahhh, my parents really want me to succeed in a field I don't want to get into. How ****ing dare they. And if I don't do what they say, I WON'T GET MY COLLEGE PAID FOR FOR FREE!

Gimme a damn break.
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QFT.

Or growing up in a ghetto where street gangs roamed around strapped and the helicopter circled the neighborhood on a regular basis....not to mention the regular race riots at your high school where kids got the **** beat out of them. Then there were the cholos who would randomly walk up and take your **** and there wasn't a damn thing to do about it.

Aaaah yes. The wonderful education system where your high school class mates yelled, played music, and threw **** around during spanish class because the teacher was too afraid to do anything. Or your math teacher being dragged out of school never to be seen again because she regularly brought a water bottle full of vodka to school and got caught after falling down the stairs in a drunken stupor.

:meanie:
 
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WVUPharm2007 said:
Look at the bright side, at least your parents aren't crack cocaine addicts and give more than a cursory **** about your future. Imagine if your parents pawned all of your **** all the time, rarely supervised you, you lived in a run down house with no drywall and occasionally running water, and the only way out was the military during the middle of a damned war, becoming a criminal like them, or somehow getting a scholarship after years of not having school being stressed as anything approaching important (yeah right).
.
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Holy ****, you just described my life journey so far lol....except I joined the military 6 months before the war started.
 
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