Back to living in one bedroom, after living in a full apartment... (advice/encouragement)

[Gauss44]

Time to downsize. For the last few years, I've lived in a large apartment by myself, with a full kitchen, full bathroom (two sinks and a tub), several closets, living room, bedroom area, etc. It was a real home.

Now, since I'm applying to medical school, it's time for me to downsize. Downsizing from this full apartment, back to living in one bedroom, will save me a lot of money on rent, and make my budget do-able.

Problems are, 1. psychological adjustment to this (giving up so many belongings), 2. what to do with all of the stuff I'm not going to keep, 3. there are probably more that I have yet to identify.

I am looking for encouragement, advice, and supportive thoughts from those who have done this before me. So far, I'm trying to think of getting rid of all this stuff as more of a TRADE for a better future and financial stability while in school than as just a LOSS. While I know I shouldn't feel this way, I also feel like people are going to judge me for having less stuff, like I'm a "loser" for having practically nothing (to which I might answer that I traded it in to go back to school and not waste a fortune on renting space for stuff I don't need). It's also difficult to get rid of stuff with sentimental value. My partial solution is to scan in cards, etc. and make digital copies of meaningful letters rather than carrying piles and boxes along with me. The "wasting" issue, I've thought of trying to put everything in a room or corner and having people come and get what they want, or calling over the Goodwill van, but the quickest/least complicated way is the trash can. I find myself putting things in the give/throw away pile and then taking them out, over and over.

Wise supportive words are welcome.

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[trev5150]

Clean the windows, get all new curtains and paint. That more than anything makes a place yours and makes it feel like home.

Always let in as much natural light as possible. FI there are any flourescent lights, get rid of them or don't use them. They are depressing. Natural color LEDs are much better.

Go through all your stuff. If you haven't used it or worn it in the last 365 days, it's crap you don't need, get rid of it. And none of that well I might need this ________. Nope. Cut out all the clutter. Clean rooms and closets are less depressing.

Don't spend a lot of time there in the beginning. Stay at the library, work, volunteering, extra cirricular whatever.

Full size couch? Get rid of it and get smaller stuff. Couches just suck up productivity and creativity anyway.

You control your frame of mind every minute of every day by controlling your environment attitude and outlook.

 

[Spydra]

I've always thought of downsizing as having less stuff to clean and maintain. Cleaning and maintenance sucks up my free time and it's already so sparse lol. As for what to do with your extra stuff? Sell whatever you can, then donate the rest to a charity you appreciate. For sentimental stuff, maybe have a crafty friend turn all those letters/photos/cards into scrapbooks. Then they are mementos and decorative so your new place will feel homey already.

 

[trev5150]

It's also difficult to get rid of stuff with sentimental value.

This is actually not true. Let memories come and go as they please. You don't need knick-knacks, tchotchkies and other bits of of flotsam and jetsam to prove to yourself that those memories had value. Gather up all that stuff and pick out the top five to keep and chuck to the rest. It may not be a lot of stuff now, but watch Hoarders once or twice and see what that habit can turn into. It's extreme but that show is clearly not without subject material to work with.

A house full of mugs and half used pencils and holy crap I should take a picture of my garage. I can't wait for it to get warm again so I can start throwing stuff out.

The ejection of crap should become an annual thing.

 

[esob]

I've never been single but the idea of having any space entirely to myself is like some kind of fantasy

 

[timephone]

I used to live in an apartment in Seoul, South Korea that was less than 150sqft total size (including bathroom).

There's a whole social movement dedicated to removing the excess things in life: http://www.theminimalists.com/

De-cluttering as mindfulness meditation: http://zenhabits.net/zen-clutter/

All of the above comments are great pieces of advice.

• Get used to studying and working in cafes, libraries, parks, etc. It's hard for most people to use the same spaces for both domestic and professional purposes, so use it as an excuse to get out and discover the best spots for hunkering down with a book and laptop
• Fill your apartment with plants and light. Plants are a great alternative to pets and they infuse your space with a feeling of life
• Use the opportunity to get creative and store things in unique ways, using all the available vertical space on your walls or even the ceiling. There will always be space to store the things you absolutely need

Storage units can be pretty cheap as well, maybe $25/month? For anything you cannot possibly part with.

 

[QofQuimica]

I actually admire people who have reached an understanding of what it means to have "enough," and especially those who have managed to unshackle themselves from a life of upper middle class consumerism slavery altogether. Even as an attending, I'm in a 1BR apartment myself, and I aspire to reach the point where I can fit into an RV. Haven't gotten there yet though.

I know you're busy with school and work, but if you have the time and inclination, you might find this book enlightening and helpful: http://tidyingup.com/books/the-life-changing-magic-of-tidying-up-hc I also really like the Mr. Money Mustache and Early Retirement Extreme blogs for, among other things, their perspectives on not devoting your life and wealth to accumulating stuff.

 

[Gauss44]

Thanks for all the great responses and I hope they keep coming. I'm trying to remind myself that I will save at least $200, and probably $400 or better every month by getting rid of stuff. That will more than pay for these things I'm throwing out. It makes sense, but is just so hard for me to do for some reason...

 

[QofQuimica]

Thanks for all the great responses and I hope they keep coming. I'm trying to remind myself that I will save at least $200, and probably $400 or better every month by getting rid of stuff. That will more than pay for these things I'm throwing out. It makes sense, but is just so hard for me to do for some reason...

I would guess that part of your problem is that you worry too much about what other people think. Whereas, I don't mind people thinking I'm eccentric. It's true that I am eccentric, and why should I find it insulting for people to acknowledge what's true? And that's "future millionaire next door eccentric" to you! ("The Millionnaire Next Door" is another great book about how "average" people truly become wealthy if you haven't read it yet, btw.)

 

[68PGunner]

Screw downgrading my lifestyle. I'm taking out loans to maintain my luxurious quality of life. My debt will be bailed out or forgiven by the generations after me. I'm just following the American dream script that has been played by my forefathers.

 

[esob]

I would guess that part of your problem is that you worry too much about what other people think. Whereas, I don't mind people thinking I'm eccentric. It's true that I am eccentric, and why should I find it insulting for people to acknowledge what's true? And that's "future millionaire next door eccentric" to you! ("The Millionnaire Next Door" is another great book about how "average" people truly become wealthy if you haven't read it yet, btw.)

I used to embrace eccentric too; I figured it was part of what made me unique and interesting. So you can imagine my horror as I was reading through @Goro 's most recommend book, Med School RX, and came across the following: "The natural order of the universe is such that few people over 40 decide to stop what they are doing and become doctors. Those who do lend themselves to one of two unfair stereotypes: either they are the most self-resourced, wise, inspiration, feel-good story of the year or they are eccentric, "one-brick-shy-of-a-full-load" dreamers with no real sense of what they are doing."

Granted the author acknowledged that both were unfair and stereotypical, but lets be honest, most people apply stereotyping to one degree or another on a regular basis. I'm just not so sure there is such a clear separation between an "eccentric dreamer" and a "wise and inspirational" person. Anyway, that statement has on more than one occasion caused me to rethink something I might have otherwise routinely done and do something different. Whatever it takes I guess, I'll just go back to being eccentric after I get into med school

 

[gyngyn]

The less I have, the more free I feel .

 

[QofQuimica]

I used to embrace eccentric too; I figured it was part of what made me unique and interesting. So you can imagine my horror as I was reading through @Goro 's most recommend book, Med School RX, and came across the following: "The natural order of the universe is such that few people over 40 decide to stop what they are doing and become doctors. Those who do lend themselves to one of two unfair stereotypes: either they are the most self-resourced, wise, inspiration, feel-good story of the year or they are eccentric, "one-brick-shy-of-a-full-load" dreamers with no real sense of what they are doing."

Granted the author acknowledged that both were unfair and stereotypical, but lets be honest, most people apply stereotyping to one degree or another on a regular basis. I'm just not so sure there is such a clear separation between an "eccentric dreamer" and a "wise and inspirational" person. Anyway, that statement has on more than one occasion caused me to rethink something I might have otherwise routinely done and do something different. Whatever it takes I guess, I'll just go back to being eccentric after I get into med school

I was going to say, I don't see those two characterizations as being mutually exclusive. Nor do I see either of them as being derogatory. I mean, do we really want our med schools 100% full of practical, conventional types? Don't get me wrong: medicine is not an easy field for the maverick. Probably we need 99.9% of the docs to more or less follow the guidelines. But if it weren't for a few people occasionally jumping off the intellectual deep end, how would we ever advance our practice, let alone advance philosophically as a society?

 

[empresarose]

I have rented a room before and yes it can feel humiliating. What I did to make it more comfortable was that I painted my walls a light blue and decorated it with bright and positive things. Also I kept telling myself that this is temporary. Adjusting will take some time and you will feel better! Also I went out to study. I barely studied at home.

 

[empresarose]

Also I felt so much better when I got rid of the unnecessary stuff. Now that I have my own home I still live less than most regular homes.

 

[empresarose]

Could you do a yard sale?

 

[GreenDuck12]

I second, third, and fourth this!

I actually admire people who have reached an understanding of what it means to have "enough," and especially those who have managed to unshackle themselves from a life of upper middle class consumerism slavery altogether. Even as an attending, I'm in a 1BR apartment myself, and I aspire to reach the point where I can fit into an RV. Haven't gotten there yet though.

I know you're busy with school and work, but if you have the time and inclination, you might find this book enlightening and helpful: http://tidyingup.com/books/the-life-changing-magic-of-tidying-up-hc I also really like the Mr. Money Mustache and Early Retirement Extreme blogs for, among other things, their perspectives on not devoting your life and wealth to accumulating stuff.

 

[wagonwheel23]

Marie Kondo is a goddess. Definitely take @QofQuimica 's advice and read her book!!

 

[Gauss44]

Could you do a yard sale?

There is no yard. (This is an expensive, overpopulated, urban area.) And I don't drive which limits my ability to donate. (Instead, I use the subway system.) I don't have enough space to put everything I want to get rid of in a corner. It just has to go.

I would love to keep everything, my kitchen supplies, my bathroom supplies, etc. But I can either do that and continue to pay lots of rent just to house my STUFF, or I can get rid of all of it, except just what will fit in a bedroom. If I do the later, I will find a place to live easier, have more money, and probably be in a better position to build my career. The later is the better choice, but it's so hard!

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I've had to do this a few times, but I'm pretty flexible with living arrangements, so I don't really have experience with the psychological aspect. I am about to homeport shift from Pearl Harbor to San Diego. After my wife and daughters move to San Diego, I will move from a 3 bedroom house to living on the ship in a room with 88 other people where my only personal space is a half-size school locker, a few square feet under my bed, and the 6x2x1.5 coffin rack I have to sleep in. Oh, and there are 4 toilets and 3 showers for all 88 of us. Granted, I've lived on the ship before (when I first joined, when I PCS'd, and on deployment), but it's still a bit of an adjustment.

You can do it. You'll be saving money, shedding some unneeded stuff, and giving yourself less to deal with. No one will be judging you. No one cares. Everyone has their own stuff, and the busy bodies that might judge are people whose opinions you shouldn't care about anyway. If you have some stuff you don't want to get rid of but can't keep in the downsize, you can always look into storage (either a unit or with friends/family).

 

[Eccesignum]

I actually admire people who have reached an understanding of what it means to have "enough," and especially those who have managed to unshackle themselves from a life of upper middle class consumerism slavery altogether. Even as an attending, I'm in a 1BR apartment myself, and I aspire to reach the point where I can fit into an RV. Haven't gotten there yet though.

Interesting you say that. I spent all of my twenties in a field that required I move constantly. Almost all my apartments were located by my employers and already furnished, so the only belongings I was moving around were a few suitcases of clothes/random items. Most of the folks I worked with were the same way, so I never really registered there being anything wrong with that. When I got a more geographically-settled job in my thirties, many of the people I met in this new sphere (who had big houses, car leases, closets full of clothes, four TVs, etc) told me that now I'd finally have to "grow up".

I never have, though. I've accumulated some junk in six years of living in one place (my record), but my apartment is tiny and there's very little I won't be getting rid of easily. I still have no desire to own very much. I've done some personal wrestling with whether this makes me less mature than your average mid-thirties American, so it's nice to see there are some people out there that don't consider it bizarre.

 

[DokterMom]

There is no yard. (This is an expensive, overpopulated, urban area.) And I don't drive which limits my ability to donate. (Instead, I use the subway system.) I don't have enough space to put everything I want to get rid of in a corner. It just has to go.

I would love to keep everything, my kitchen supplies, my bathroom supplies, etc. But I can either do that and continue to pay lots of rent just to house my STUFF, or I can get rid of all of it, except just what will fit in a bedroom. If I do the later, I will find a place to live easier, have more money, and probably be in a better position to build my career. The later is the better choice, but it's so hard!

Many charities can and will happily pick up your stuff, so DON'T rule that out. If you can use the tax deduction, go that route.

And do consider the "invite your friends in to take what they want" idea. Turn it into a party. That approach can also go a long way toward mitigating the "feel like a loser for not having more stuff" urge. Your friends will know what happened to your stuff.

One more idea toward making your new smaller place feel like home -- Good Art. Bring your favorite pieces and rotate them every few months so you can still enjoy them. I've found that even a piece you love -- if it site in the same place forever -- becomes part of the visual background. Move it to a new wall and Wow! You see it all over again.

 

[Dullhead]

...so it's nice to see there are some people out there that don't consider it bizarre.

It's not bizarre to me either and like Q, I hope to one day minimize (my already minimal) stuff into a tiny home or something close to it. Most of my mid-20s until my mid-30s, whether I lived alone or with roommates, I never even owned a bed or mattress. Either slept on the floor or a twin-size air mattress. I've been in the same apartment 8 years now and have accumulated junk over this period. I need to do a Konmari...

 

[futuremdforme]

It's not bizarre to me either and like Q, I hope to one day minimize (my already minimal) stuff into a tiny home or something close to it. Most of my mid-20s until my mid-30s, whether I lived alone or with roommates, I never even owned a bed or mattress. Either slept on the floor or a twin-size air mattress. I've been in the same apartment 8 years now and have accumulated junk over this period. I need to do a Konmari...

How did your back survive? A good mattress is so key!

 

[Dullhead]

How did your back survive? A good mattress is so key!

Back was fine - I'm used to it. People frequently, but not always, sleep on the floor (tile) where I grew up (S Asia). And by sleeping on the floor, I really meant on the carpet, on two layers of old comforters and sheets, so not directly on concrete or tile. Kind of like a sleeping bag and camping. Come to think of it, in grad school, a sleeping bag was all I used. As for the air mattress, I inflated it extra firm and thus used to go through 4-5 a year. I do agree that an underinflated air mattress would hurt my back. That's why I inflated them to the max, causing them to spring leaks after a few months of use.

 

[QofQuimica]

Interesting you say that. I spent all of my twenties in a field that required I move constantly. Almost all my apartments were located by my employers and already furnished, so the only belongings I was moving around were a few suitcases of clothes/random items. Most of the folks I worked with were the same way, so I never really registered there being anything wrong with that. When I got a more geographically-settled job in my thirties, many of the people I met in this new sphere (who had big houses, car leases, closets full of clothes, four TVs, etc) told me that now I'd finally have to "grow up".

I never have, though. I've accumulated some junk in six years of living in one place (my record), but my apartment is tiny and there's very little I won't be getting rid of easily. I still have no desire to own very much. I've done some personal wrestling with whether this makes me less mature than your average mid-thirties American, so it's nice to see there are some people out there that don't consider it bizarre.

One thing I have noticed while going through the medical training process is this: the more you earn, the more social pressure you will feel to spend. Feel free to resist it as you like, but be aware that other people may well find your behavior "bizarre." My staff are amazed that I choose to walk to work rather than drive, for example. I live less than a mile away from the hospital. As I pointed out to them, it doesn't make much sense to live within walking distance of work and then not walk! If it rains, I carry an umbrella. If it snows....oh wait, this is Florida. It doesn't snow here. But when I was up north training, I wore a jacket and snow boots in the winter so I could walk in the snow.

I also don't generally get takeout or go out to eat, which many find odd. The one exception I have is the occasional sushi run. I really need to learn how to make my own....it's on my bucket list.

My folks talked me into getting a TV; they're both addicted to watching it. I got it essentially for free using CC reward points, but I'm kind of annoyed with myself that I gave in and got one. I never watch it myself; it only gets used when they come to visit, which is a couple of times per year at most. Sigh.

 

[petyr_baelish]

One thing I have noticed while going through the medical training process is this: the more you earn, the more social pressure you will feel to spend. Feel free to resist it as you like, but be aware that other people may well find your behavior "bizarre." My staff are amazed that I choose to walk to work rather than drive, for example. I live less than a mile away from the hospital. As I pointed out to them, it doesn't make much sense to live within walking distance of work and then not walk! If it rains, I carry an umbrella. If it snows....oh wait, this is Florida. It doesn't snow here. But when I was up north training, I wore a jacket and snow boots in the winter so I could walk in the snow.

I also don't generally get takeout or go out to eat, which many find odd. The one exception I have is the occasional sushi run. I really need to learn how to make my own....it's on my bucket list.

My folks talked me into getting a TV; they're both addicted to watching it. I got it essentially for free using CC reward points, but I'm kind of annoyed with myself that I gave in and got one. I never watch it myself; it only gets used when they come to visit, which is a couple of times per year at most. Sigh.

Sushi is very easy to make provided you have the right tools and more delicious than supermarket sushi if you don't forgo the rice vinager/sugar dressing. I learned how to make it using youtube!

Also the TV may be useless to you but your parents comfort when they visit twice a year is still a great perk. You may find their visits more relaxing if they aren't completely bored while you work or do other stuff.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

One thing I have noticed while going through the medical training process is this: the more you earn, the more social pressure you will feel to spend. Feel free to resist it as you like, but be aware that other people may well find your behavior "bizarre." My staff are amazed that I choose to walk to work rather than drive, for example. I live less than a mile away from the hospital. As I pointed out to them, it doesn't make much sense to live within walking distance of work and then not walk! If it rains, I carry an umbrella. If it snows....oh wait, this is Florida. It doesn't snow here. But when I was up north training, I wore a jacket and snow boots in the winter so I could walk in the snow.

I also don't generally get takeout or go out to eat, which many find odd. The one exception I have is the occasional sushi run. I really need to learn how to make my own....it's on my bucket list.

My folks talked me into getting a TV; they're both addicted to watching it. I got it essentially for free using CC reward points, but I'm kind of annoyed with myself that I gave in and got one. I never watch it myself; it only gets used when they come to visit, which is a couple of times per year at most. Sigh.

My wife and I are the same way. We don't eat out very often, nor do we often get take out. We don't go out really at all except to go hiking, CrossFit, to the beach by our house. We don't drink, and we try to walk as much as we can rather than drive (much easier in San Diego than Oahu). In San Diego, none of those things are too crazy, but I always have people at work commenting on it (unfortunately, it seems like much of the 18-22 age group thinks that eating healthy and avoiding alcohol/smoking is for losers--at least in the Navy).

That lifestyle paid dividends when we found out we had to move to Oahu without any help from the government, get a house, a car, and live off of one salary with two kids for 6 months.

 

[Optimist Prime]

I'll give you some encouragement. A family member of mine dropped out of high school, and got their GED years later. They had to sleep in a tent through undergrad because they couldn't afford an apartment and school. Fast forward to today this person is now a doctor making over 600k a year. Having too much stuff to fit in an apartment could easily be considered a blessing