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SwizzleStudent

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What are the best quotes you've ever heard from attendings, residents, interns, nurses, front desk staff, and of course.. Patients ??
 

Arcan57

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What are the best quotes you've ever heard from attendings, residents, interns, nurses, front desk staff, and of course.. Patients ??
It's customary to start these types of threads off with your own favorite.
 
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argle_bargle

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By no means the best but heard this one today and chuckled.

ER patient: "I can't stop coughing, my doctor said I have ammonia in my lungs." (Mispronouncing pneumonia)

Nurse: "Oh yeah? Did you huff it straight from the bottle?"


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blastoise

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Mother talking about her misbehaving teenage daughter, both present:

"She doesn't understand, she gets so easily attached to any guy who says something nice to her, she doesn't realize that guys only want one thing. Look at you (points at me), you're a male, thats probably all you're thinking about even right now, so you understand. Tell her im right."

...i almost burst out laughing
 
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argle_bargle

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Mother talking about her misbehaving teenage daughter, both present:

"She doesn't understand, she gets so easily attached to any guy who says something nice to her, she doesn't realize that guys only want one thing. Look at you (points at me), you're a male, thats probably all you're thinking about even right now, so you understand. Tell her im right."

...i almost burst out laughing


That's when you bust out the, "So...what're you doing later?"


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chicagochildpsych

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While I was a psych intern rotating through the ER and sewing up a laceration:

Patient: "why does your badge say psychiatry?"

Attending supervising my repair of the lac :
"because your insurance card says Medicaid"


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NontradICUdoc

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Daughter: "yeah, my father was on an incubator once, but he was able to get the tube out"
me: with an initial look of confusion then, "oh, you mean ventilator. Incubators are for babies."

Patient: "let me see, I take lisinopril and Metropol for my pressure"

nephew of patient (just about to be declared brain dead): "can't you guys do a brain transplant to get her back? You do it for a bad heart.."

while I was a med student doing an ER Rotation: patient: "I know something about the heart. I do EKGs at the nursing home and I am pretty sure I have been having some PVCs, I am just not sure if it is coming from the atria or ventricle". My attending to me: "she is just using really big words but has no freaking clue what they mean"
 

QofQuimica

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Exasperated patient whose five kids were visiting her in the hospital (one of whom was a teenage girl glued to her cell phone): Doctor, can you prescribe some kind of medicine for my daughter that will give her an attitude adjustment?

Me: ma'am, if you ever discover a medicine that does that, I want to be the first to invest in it. And I have a bunch of other people I'd like to give it to also.
 

Bacchus

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While I was a psych intern rotating through the ER and sewing up a laceration:

Patient: "why does your badge say psychiatry?"

Attending supervising my repair of the lac :
"because your insurance card says Medicaid"


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile app
Priceless. :lol: :rofl:
 

yeasports

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Patient: Doc, I think my main problem is that I suffer from non-compliance.
Me: You what?
Patient: I suffer from it soo bad!
 
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HLxDrummer

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ED nurse saying this completely normally/straight faced: What is your pain on a scale of 1-10, 10 being mauled by a bear while burning alive.
 
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