best ways to support your partner?

dnl425

Junior Member
10+ Year Member
5+ Year Member
15+ Year Member
Joined
May 20, 2004
Messages
24
Reaction score
0
.

Members don't see this ad.
 
I am a spouse but I would say that what I hear the most that the student would like is more patience/understanding.

The cycle can be bad for relationships that aren't strong - med. student studies so can't spend time with S.O. so S.O. is short-tempered when they do have time together which leads med. student to study and be gone more.

Its sad......but it is not an uncommon scenario. The spouse has to be happy without the student so that they can be happier when getting time with the student. :)

Though, I hear cookies are always appreciated! LOL

With smiles,
Wifty
 
My partner is an M4. We've talked about this issue quite a bit and the things she appreciated the most in the last 3 years were...

1. I do the majority of the housework, bill-paying, shopping, cooking, etc., which means when she does have a little free time we can do something fun together instead of chores. During a couple of the less intense rotations (e.g. family practice, peds) she pitched in as much as she could.

2. I've got my own group of friends, so I'm not always waiting around for her to finish studying, so we can do something. That takes a lot of pressure off of her, and she doesn't feel guilty about neglecting me. I choose to do more active things with my friends (sports, street fairs, etc.) and save mellow activities, like going to the movies, with my partner. Of course, I think it's important to talk this out too, so you're partner realizes you still WANT to spend time with him/her, but that you are just trying to give him/her the time needed for the demands of medical school.
 
Members don't see this ad :)
How about the opposite? Anything a med student can do to make it better for your sig other? My SO is very understanding and I've been very understanding with her going to NP school. I just want to make her feel that she's still a BIG part of my life while enduring the pressures and time management of med school. Any suggestions? We have all ready discussed about making one night a week "our" night and working out together (when she doesn't work).
 
Creamfly said:
How about the opposite? Anything a med student can do to make it better for your sig other? My SO is very understanding and I've been very understanding with her going to NP school. I just want to make her feel that she's still a BIG part of my life while enduring the pressures and time management of med school. Any suggestions? We have all ready discussed about making one night a week "our" night and working out together (when she doesn't work).
My SO has explicitly forbidden me to talk about "gross medical stuff" when I'm with her. :D
 
While I completely understand a desire to avoid all of the "gross medical stuff", and actually, all scientific-related junk altogether (i'm the liberal-arts major in the relationship!), it has helped that my husband DOES share what he does with me. I still remember how ecstatic he was the first time he came home from anatomy lab. It sounded (and SMELLED) disgusting, but looking at the enthusiasm in his eyes helped me to know that we had made the right decision, that our sacrifices were worth it. As he studied for various tests/the USMLE, etc.. I helped him study with flashcards. Now that he is on rotations, we discuss some of his more interesting/troubling cases. You get the idea.
Essentially, while it may bore me silly sometimes (and often gross me out), it makes me feel like a true part of this process.
 
I think the best way to support your spouse is through sex and food. Ladies, remember to always have dinner ready for your hard working hubby when he gets home. Remember, he is lord and king of the house.
 
Understand when he/she doesn't have time for cleaning, etc. It's good to have your own life, but don't forget to plan stuff with just him/her. Just be there.
 
I am the gf of an MIII. Here are some ideas on how to show your s.o. that you're grateful for putting up with you (hehe) through the stress of preparing for such daunting experiences like the USMLE Step 1:

1. Use cell phones and e-mail to communicate everyday.
2. Buy a bunch of 99 cent cards and mailing stamps. Write in a card when you get a chance and drop it in the mail. It'll show him/her you're thinking of him/her even during your breaks from a busy day of studying or rotations.
3. Try to include him/her in your volunteer/community work (such as the health fairs your school holds); this way, you can engage in something positive together, he/she can feel involved in your activities, and you can continue growing (as well as continue adding to your resume--although this should not be the reason someone volunteers!)
4. Send an e-card. Hallmark has great FREE ones on their site.
5. Say "I love you" if you feel it.

The following are BIG ONES:

If you're stressed and tired (from studying/rotations), your first inclination may be to throw your s.o. on the bed and have sex. That is GREAT. SEX ROCKS. However, keep in mind that your s.o. who hardly gets to see you probably wants a little bit of closeness before you throw them on the bed. So... don't forget to talk first!! Joke around!! Laugh!! And from the perspective of a female s.o., foreplay is important...

There's one more... but I gotta go!

D.
 
My wife likes foot rubs, 4 hours of cutting in the gross anot. lab is hard on the feet.

P.S. I hate feet, but I do it anyway.
 
I'm new to the forum, but I'm a M1 wife. My husband found this site and thought it lovely that I join it. :rolleyes: Already we're trying to figure out ways to be together when possible. I enjoy jogging/walking, so we go together, he walks, I jog, and I call out questions/memorizations while we walk/jog. So far it's worked out great and we both get exercise out of it! :clap:
 
littleroo said:
Grrrrr. Okay that sounds sexist, but it's not too far off the mark. If your SO (that's husband or wife) has a schedule that is much more demanding, the best thing to do is cheerfully pick up as much slack as you can. When I was in school, my husband worked to support us and did most of the chores. Now that I'm out and he's in school, I upped my share and try to be super-supportive. And I do try to have sex with him whenever he wants it. Sex makes him feel loved, or so he says. :laugh:

Exactly! The way I phrase it, "From each his ability, to each his need."
 
also a s/o - i agree on the patience and understanding most of all. Just knowing that it takes a lot out of them and that they still care and love you... but they will be distracted for a while. :) Keep lines of communication open... both ways.

and yes, the sex helps... for both parties! :horns:
 
Top