Burnt out and lonely

[pillowsnice]

6 months into intern year at a 3 year EM program and I am filled with anxiety and stress before every shift with absolutely no motivation to continue. I feel like I haven't learned anything since July and I almost can't see myself ever being a successful attending. I want things to get better, but I just don't know what to do. I want to continue, but I just feel so depressed, unwanted, and isolated from my program. I think part of this feeling is because I'm at a program that wasn't the best fit for me and I hate that I'm still "grieving" since match day. Everyone I know is in another state. My co-residents are not really my friends. I have no one to get through this with. Friends at other programs seem to be having a relatively better time. I'm coming off a vacation and I just hate that this is my life and my job. Does it truly get better after intern year?

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[smq123]

6 months into intern year at a 3 year EM program and I am filled with anxiety and stress before every shift with absolutely no motivation to continue. I feel like I haven't learned anything since July and I almost can't see myself ever being a successful attending. I want things to get better, but I just don't know what to do. I want to continue, but I just feel so depressed, unwanted, and isolated from my program. I think part of this feeling is because I'm at a program that wasn't the best fit for me and I hate that I'm still "grieving" since match day. Everyone I know is in another state. My co-residents are not really my friends. I have no one to get through this with. Friends at other programs seem to be having a relatively better time. I'm coming off a vacation and I just hate that this is my life and my job. Does it truly get better after intern year?

It sounds like it's the program that's making you miserable. Any chance that you can transfer?

 

[baileyfal]

Residency goes by quick. Focus on being a good resident/doctor. When you are finished, you will have more control over your life

 

[Apollyon]

It's also 5 or so days after the shortest day of the year. The darkness of winter is a real thing. It's not the only problem, but, it is a part.

 

[pillowsnice]

It sounds like it's the program that's making you miserable. Any chance that you can transfer?

I wish it would be that easy. I thought about it, but not that many spots are open and too much hassle and paperwork to actually do the switch

 

[hallowmann]

6 months into intern year at a 3 year EM program and I am filled with anxiety and stress before every shift with absolutely no motivation to continue. I feel like I haven't learned anything since July and I almost can't see myself ever being a successful attending. I want things to get better, but I just don't know what to do. I want to continue, but I just feel so depressed, unwanted, and isolated from my program. I think part of this feeling is because I'm at a program that wasn't the best fit for me and I hate that I'm still "grieving" since match day. Everyone I know is in another state. My co-residents are not really my friends. I have no one to get through this with. Friends at other programs seem to be having a relatively better time. I'm coming off a vacation and I just hate that this is my life and my job. Does it truly get better after intern year?

Try to branch out and do things with people in other programs if there are a few at your institution. If you don't feel like you're getting along well with other EM residents, try some FM ones, they tend to be nice and welcoming. Talk to some OBs, see if the Peds interns will invite you to their parties and you guys can bond over Peds ED, etc. This really helped a lot of people I knew that struggled to find closer friendships in their respective programs. The pool of residents isn't huge, but it's certainly bigger (and likely less high stakes) than hanging out with and opening up to people just in your program.

Also, congratulations! You are 1/6th of the way through residency. Pretty soon you'll be thinking about moving and finding that attending job. The days are long, but the years are short.

 

[TeddyBoomBoom]

You are probably literally in the toughest part of the schedule. At 6mo in you don’t have the excuse anymore of being brand new, but you still don’t know THAT much about being a resident.

It’s not universal that people feel this way, but it is normal. You’re halfway through what is possibly the most difficult year of many people’s adult life. Without knowing more, I would advise against trying to transfer, but would instead recommend just sucking it up and finishing the year. I’m not being dismissive but I promise you many people have been in the situation and for most people it does get better.

I’m a first year EM attending, and would be happy to talk to you further if I can answer questions or give advice. Feel free to pm.

 

[GassYous]

I was miserable during the winter of my intern year (medicine). The hours were long, didn't really get along that well with most of my fellow interns and I really wanted to quit. But by the end of the year I was doing so much better that I actually considered staying in medicine instead of doing anesthesiology. I'm very glad I pushed through and now the security I feel from a much larger paycheck is worth it. I'm not sure I could be doing anything else where I would be making even close to the money I do more and I am reasonably happy.

 

[j4pac]

If you’re depressed…get help. Many programs have mental health resources

 

[Saddleshoes]

Try to branch out and do things with people in other programs if there are a few at your institution. If you don't feel like you're getting along well with other EM residents, try some FM ones, they tend to be nice and welcoming. Talk to some OBs, see if the Peds interns will invite you to their parties and you guys can bond over Peds ED, etc. This really helped a lot of people I knew that struggled to find closer friendships in their respective programs. The pool of residents isn't huge, but it's certainly bigger (and likely less high stakes) than hanging out with and opening up to people just in your program.

Also, congratulations! You are 1/6th of the way through residency. Pretty soon you'll be thinking about moving and finding that attending job. The days are long, but the years are short.

When I read the OP, my reaction was much like hallowman's.
I would also like to suggest making connections in the community outside of the hospital.
I find that today's residents tend stay connected with their old set of friends and not develop new friends when they come to a new program/new town/new environment. (A natural development with the cell phone generation.) Then as their old set of friends move on with their lives and the old connections fade leaving the resident feeling alone, isolated and depressed.

My suggestion is to develop new connections in the community...
Go to the neighborhood church. Become a regular at the local pub. Volunteer at the community food bank. Join the local bike club. Sign up with the YMCA co-ed volley ball league. Take a “fun” class at the local community college. Participate in a local book club. Go on the local police department “ride-along” program. Spend a Saturday swinging a hammer with Habitat for Humanity. Do volunteer work at the local zoo. Be a tutor at the local college. Etc. etc. etc.

 

[pillowsnice]

Try to branch out and do things with people in other programs if there are a few at your institution. If you don't feel like you're getting along well with other EM residents, try some FM ones, they tend to be nice and welcoming. Talk to some OBs, see if the Peds interns will invite you to their parties and you guys can bond over Peds ED, etc. This really helped a lot of people I knew that struggled to find closer friendships in their respective programs. The pool of residents isn't huge, but it's certainly bigger (and likely less high stakes) than hanging out with and opening up to people just in your program.

Also, congratulations! You are 1/6th of the way through residency. Pretty soon you'll be thinking about moving and finding that attending job. The days are long, but the years are short.

I've tried...the only other large residency at my hospital is IM and we don't get to really be with them until I'm on MICU. We are a small hospital with small residencies so it makes it even harder. I've gotten along with the IM residents but not really enough time to befriend them. I will attempt harder though cause they seem like better people than the people in my actual program. Everyday my co-residents are toxic, talking behind each others backs, complaining about everyone. It's not a good culture, but I hope that it changes once those classes graduate.

 

[GassYous]

I've tried...the only other large residency at my hospital is IM and we don't get to really be with them until I'm on MICU. We are a small hospital with small residencies so it makes it even harder. I've gotten along with the IM residents but not really enough time to befriend them. I will attempt harder though cause they seem like better people than the people in my actual program. Everyday my co-residents are toxic, talking behind each others backs, complaining about everyone. It's not a good culture, but I hope that it changes once those classes graduate.

Residency is like that everywhere. Take a bunch of indebted 20 year olds that just finished 4 years of grueling schooling and keep them together for 4 years. It turns right into high school again. I knew things about people I didn't even know because of all the rumors and ****talking. But I don't even think about the lazy ****s who screwed me over and a few of them got theirs. Kicked out of residency for drug use, stealing meds from patients, broken relationships, etc

Being an attending is way better and even if it's not...well you have choices and a lot more money

 

[rokshana]

I am going to be a dissenting voice… you have to get over that you didn’t match at your number 1 and you put this program on your ROL for a reason…now you have to adapt. Sounds like there is a combination of depression and mid intern blues… seek help to learn how to cope… do this outside of your own medical system so it doesn’t come back to haunt you. Physician are terrible about seeking out mental health help… and there are legit reasons why that is the case…but you need to find some way to push through… and you will be surprised at how much you have learned in the last 6 months… and as you become more senior, hopefully there will be people that you mesh with.

As others have said… look outside your program to make friends…or look outside your hospital to find friends… but you need to be more proactive and reach out…you said you have met some of the IM people…reach out to one of them even if you haven’t gotten a chance to really know them yet…you never know.

Finally, it important that find someway to be able to enjoy being by yourself… once you are happier with yourself, you will project that outwards as well.

But it does seem like the first thing you need to do is find someone you can talk to and maybe see if medication can help.

 

[Iamnew2]

6 months into intern year at a 3 year EM program and I am filled with anxiety and stress before every shift with absolutely no motivation to continue. I feel like I haven't learned anything since July and I almost can't see myself ever being a successful attending. I want things to get better, but I just don't know what to do. I want to continue, but I just feel so depressed, unwanted, and isolated from my program. I think part of this feeling is because I'm at a program that wasn't the best fit for me and I hate that I'm still "grieving" since match day. Everyone I know is in another state. My co-residents are not really my friends. I have no one to get through this with. Friends at other programs seem to be having a relatively better time. I'm coming off a vacation and I just hate that this is my life and my job. Does it truly get better after intern year?

the good news - you are 6months in! so 2.5 years to go. good for you. unfortunately you have to deal with the fact you didn't match at the desired program - i didn't either, but got through and life is so much better now as an attending.

residency sucks - grass is not greener. most residents are unhappy to one degree or another. this mythical unicorn of the ever happy resident in the perfect program is just that - a myth.

most residents tend to be unhappy but life does get better. hang in there. try to maybe make a buddy or too that you are close to and that you can hang out with. winter if you are in a cold state also sucks - you likely get in early and it's still dark when you leave. hours suck.

but again! life DOES get better - and just think that in 2.5 years all of this will be over you will be an attending and you can control you rlife and schedule much much better.

doesn't matter where you matched - you matched. many people who didn't would give their right arm to be in your position.