Choose a focused theme for your personal statement, connect it to your experience, and avoid generic essay approaches that sound like other applicants.
Secondary essays are a critical part of your application that ensure your picking the right schools and prepare you for the interview process.
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Everything depends on the prompt, but my first impression:
1) I would be more interested in a challenge you faced, not one where you were helping someone else face their challenge. Your answer makes me think you are unable to self-assess and problem-solve.
2) I don't know how to follow the adversity comment. Just answer the prompt and simplify your answer. Sports injury ending your career is fine.