Challenge secondary: Giving up on someone I loved?

[kitkattwix]

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[attitudeofgratitude]

IDK call me crazy but I'd be wary of bringing up that I chose to be around someone who was using, presumably, hard drugs.

If it was a parent or family that be one thing... but the choosing to date someone doing hard drugs, even though you moved on I'd just be worried it'd paint me a certain way, having poor judgement, but maybe I'm wrong...

 

[DingoPingo]

I empathize with your situation, but I suggest not writing about it, because it emphasizes negatives rather than positives.

Actually, scratch that. I'd say you can write about it, but only if you focus on what you gained out of it, and not what you've lost.

 

[ProspectiveKidd]

If it was a parent or family that be one thing... but the choosing to date someone doing hard drugs, even though you moved on I'd just be worried it'd paint me a certain way, having poor judgement, but maybe I'm wrong...

....so if my friend starts using drugs I would be now be questionable because i stayed friends and tried to help him?

Anyways she said she didn't know and when she found out she tried to help him; it didn't work and she left. Doesn't exactly sound like poor judgement by voluntarily choosing to date someone who uses hard drugs.

 

[JustAPhD]

IDK call me crazy but I'd be wary of bringing up that I chose to be around someone who was using, presumably, hard drugs.

If it was a parent or family that be one thing... but the choosing to date someone doing hard drugs, even though you moved on I'd just be worried it'd paint me a certain way, having poor judgement, but maybe I'm wrong...

OP said she didn't find out until well into the relationship. Trying to help a love one get clean certainly doesn't reflect poor judgement, that's ridiculous.

 

[attitudeofgratitude]

@ProspectiveKidd And @JustAPhD

I'm not saying it does show poor judgement, I don't think it does.

I'm saying if we treat med schools apps as a negative selective process I'd be worried some one reading the essay could see it as a red flag. Hopefully I'm being paranoid.

 

[Crayola227]

this is one of those things it's totally fine but only if you can approach it with the right bent and tone

I have had an adcom tell me not to mention domestic violence relationships because of the bias described

 

[ProspectiveKidd]

I'm saying if we treat med schools apps as a negative selective process

Also It cannot be entirely negative because people with IAs and criminal charges still get in. They may have something else that levels these things out so to speak, but that doesnt make those things any less negative. There are enough applicants without 'negatives' to fill the class; its far more holistic.

 

[Crayola227]

also, for sure you might be asked at interviews if you ever did drugs with this person

so for sure the thought will cross some adcom minds

doesn't mean you can't do it AND be successful

n=1 MD

 

[Tenk]

I'd avoid this topic and find something else. Too volatile. In theory it can be done right but you never know who is reading the statement and might develop bias against you. There is a huge stigma against drug addicts in certain sectors of medicine so this is a gamble that you really don't need to take. Personal statements and other writings rarely elevate an applicant but they most certainly can hurt one.

 

[LizzyM]

Are you planning on tying your poor grades to your ultimately unsuccessful attempt to help your friend?

 

[Lawpy]

Hmm. A split consensus on this issue. On one hand, i agree with @gonnif that this topic is a great one to write on since it can relate to a larger problem of noncompliant patients. On the other hand, this topic can sound like excuses to justify poor grades as @LizzyM softly implied... and that this topic can be controversial as @Tenk stated

I think that this topic should be approached very delicately, making it difficult to write a powerful essay on. If possible, i would try to think of another topic as an alternative to write on

 

[thrudheim]

I did something very similar in my secondaries and it turned out just fine. It was brought up in one of my interviews favorably and was a good talking point.

Edit: It might help to note that I was accepted to this school

 

[Gryffindor20]

I don't see why this would be a problem. She's not making excuses for poor grades. She's discussing a situation in which she found out that her beloved boyfriend was a drug addict, and her subsequent quandary. "Should I stay and help him get clean, or should I wash my hands of this toxic situation?" In the end, it seems like she handled the entire situation in the best way that she could. In the essay, she could touch LIGHTLY on the bad semester ("It was quite a stressful time for me, needless to say, and my grades did suffer that semester. In the end, I had to make a decision between staying in this now toxic relationship or moving on and focusing on my own goals for the future."

It doesn't have to be a whine spree ("My boyfriend turned out to be a drug addict and he ruined my life! 😢). Be matter of fact. Focus on the decision-making process, your compassion for your boyfriend, and your resolve to revive your academic and social health after the debacle. You sound like a very kind person who learned when it is time to let a situation go.

 

[Goro]

You're being paranoid. The subject is excellent material for the prompt.

@ProspectiveKidd And @JustAPhD

I'm not saying it does show poor judgement, I don't think it does.

I'm saying if we treat med schools apps as a negative selective process I'd be worried some one reading the essay could see it as a red flag. Hopefully I'm being paranoid.

 

[Law2Doc]

Are you planning on tying your poor grades to your ultimately unsuccessful attempt to help your friend?

Yeah this is where I think it flew off the rails into very dangerous territory. The sentence "unfortunately I got multiple Cs during the semester of this happening" sounds like it's your attempt at an excuse for your GPA and Adcoms will not look at this favorably. Lots of premeds face hardships even closer to home AND still manage to do well, so you don't get a bye for this. Writing about helping a friend is fine. Passing the buck on bad grades isn't.

 

[Law2Doc]

... She's not making excuses for poor grades...

Actually a fair reading of the sentence "unfortunately I got multiple Cs during the semester this was happening" sure sounds to some of us like excuses are being made...

 

[kitkattwix]

Thanks for the feedback everyone 🙂

As for the grades, it was never my intention to make an excuse. If I were to write on the topic, I would probably just mention which years of my undergrad it occurred and maybe the adcoms can put the two together? Or should I not mention that at all?

Also, some schools ask to explain any fluctuations in grades or if there is anything I'd like them to know. Would this topic be okay for those questions as well?

Are you planning on tying your poor grades to your ultimately unsuccessful attempt to help your friend?

Yeah this is where I think it flew off the rails into very dangerous territory. The sentence "unfortunately I got multiple Cs during the semester of this happening" sounds like it's your attempt at an excuse for your GPA and Adcoms will not look at this favorably. Lots of premeds face hardships even closer to home AND still manage to do well, so you don't get a bye for this. Writing about helping a friend is fine. Passing the buck on bad grades isn't.

Actually a fair reading of the sentence "unfortunately I got multiple Cs during the semester this was happening" sure sounds to some of us like excuses are being made...

 

[Crayola227]

just don't mention

one semester of C's doesn't warrant explanation to the point that you bring it up in your PS (where you should avoid bringing up weakness unless it's such a huge glaring red flag on your app that it's a last ditch effort to save your app from the trash heap assuming it's getting read to begin with), and it definitely doesn't warrant you bringing it up in a way that will seem like making excuses

the connection between real life struggles and a bad semester is best made in person, *if* you are asked/it comes up from an interviewer, IMHO
there's just more empathy flowing in a real life interaction, where you might otherwise come off as sympathetic in person you can come off as making excuses in black and white

I had *one* term in my whole career that went poorly for personal reasons, and honestly, I think most adcom if they see 18 terms of straight A's and B's with everything else they like to see, and there's *one* outlier term, probably assume something was up that is not scholastic ability anyway, in which case, again, you don't have to go out of your way at this stage to explain

in any case, I didn't mention that term in my PS which did address personal struggles, and that one term came up maybe 2 in my interviews and the way it was asked it was clearly a box-checking question on the part of the interviewer, in fact many when they asked made the assumption for me, "so I see here you have this one term, I'm guessing that was because...." and I said, "yup." That was it.

 

[Prilozack]

Hi, just wondering if this is an appropriate topic to talk about during the adversity/challenge secondaries. Please do not quote.

I was in a long-term relationship with someone who was self-destructive and addicted to illegal substances. I didn't know until way into the relationship, and when I found out, I really REALLY tried my best to support him and turn his life around. Eventually, it became too much to handle. I realized he didn't want to change, and there is no point trying to save someone who didn't want it. After much internal conflict, I ended up wishing him the best and leaving him. It was really hard on me and I felt so guilty afterwards, but my friends and family told me I made the right decision and I was able to move on. Unfortunately, I got multiple C's during the semester of this happening. Does this make me seem weak and/or pessimistic? I feel like it can relate to doctors. Sometimes, your patient can't be helped, all you can do is try your best and move on.

I think it's valid.

 

[Goro]

No matter how people try to do this, it always comes off as excuse making. If prompted, just state the facts. Save explanations for interviews.

As for the grades, it was never my intention to make an excuse. If I were to write on the topic, I would probably just mention which years of my undergrad it occurred and maybe the adcoms can put the two together? Or should I not mention that at all?

Also, some schools ask to explain any fluctuations in grades or if there is anything I'd like them to know. Would this topic be okay for those questions as well?